by Robyn Carr
She left Jack’s after lunch and stopped by one of her favorite roadside produce stands. It was a little lean, but she bought a pumpkin. She did buy some gourds and dried cornstalks and glass gem corn to decorate her porch for fall. She drove to Clear River and bought some chicken strips and the makings for a Caesar salad. She got a candle for her pumpkin. Why she was doing this was a mystery—Landry’s two houses were at the end of a long drive. It’s not as though people lived close enough or even drove by; there would not be trick-or-treaters. But it had always been important to her mother to keep their surroundings beautiful, to change up and improve things regularly and decorate for special occasions. Kaylee had inherited a little of that. And she wanted to please her mother, even though she was gone now.
When she got back home, Laura’s car was gone. She had probably headed to Grace Valley to spend her time in Landry’s booth. Adorning his booth. He must obviously want to spend every available moment with her. She was so breathtaking.
Kaylee carved her pumpkin when she should’ve been writing. And she took a nap. And ate her solitary dinner. She couldn’t quite define if she was a little disappointed or actually heartbroken. She missed Landry at dinnertime but she also had a shot of guilt—he shouldn’t be spending so much time with her if he had a wife. Should he? Of all the complications that could impede a growing relationship, he’s married ran at the top of the list.
It was after nine and she was in her pajamas, lost in writing a tale about Caroline and Landon, when there was a knock on her door. Oddly, she wondered if it was Laura. If maybe she needed help with a burned-out light bulb or something. Then she opened her door to see Landry standing there.
“I saw your light was on,” he said.
“It’s not exactly late,” she said. “Though, I guess for you, it is.”
“If you’re not heading to bed, can you talk a minute?” He looked her up and down. She was wearing her pajamas, of course. “I apologize for the interruption. I can see you’re ready for—”
“It’s all right, but what about your wife?”
“She’s gone back to San Francisco. She won’t be coming back here.”
“I have a feeling this really has nothing to do with me.”
“It doesn’t, except that I think I unintentionally misled you and I’d like to straighten it out. Unless you’re too tired.”
“For this explanation? Oh hell no! I can’t wait. Would you like something to drink?”
“Anything,” he said. “As long as it has alcohol in it.”
“Talk about a signal that it’s going to be a doozy...”
She went to her refrigerator and pulled out a cold beer, the kind he liked, the kind he always brought along with him when he came to her porch. She’d bought it this afternoon even though she had no way of knowing if or when she might see him again. A part of her had been preparing for the wife to stay, take over, maybe invite her to dinner with the two or them or something. Ack. That thought almost made her gag.
“You drink this?” he asked her, surprised.
“Sure. All the time.” Then she pulled one out for herself, though she didn’t want it. “Sit down,” she said. “Try not to sit on the kitty, I mean, Tux.”
He examined the chair before sitting. “Okay, so I didn’t mean to mislead you. Laura and I have been separated for ten years. We were married eleven years ago, so it wasn’t a long marriage. She had what she thought was a breakthrough acting opportunity, went for what she thought would be an interview and audition. She said she’d be gone for a few days and never really came back. She visited. We stayed in touch by phone. It dissolved. But I never filed for divorce. It seemed to be an unnecessary bother, not to mention expense. I honestly thought the day would come that she would want to be free and she’d initiate the divorce proceedings, but it didn’t. And I don’t know why I didn’t.”
“It didn’t look like it was freedom she was here for.”
“Okay, now that’s the complication. After all this time she’s decided she’d like to be married after all. She’s had it with an acting career that’s going nowhere. The joke’s on me; I can blame no one but myself. And I promise you I never saw it coming.”
“Well, you said you were married and it didn’t work out,” she reminded him.
“That was true. We merely kept in touch. I know divorced couples who have closer relationships than that.”
“And I know divorced couples who hate each other and fantasize about their death...”
“There are those,” he said. “I wish her nothing but the best, but—”
“You looked almost angry for a moment, when she showed up in your booth.”
“I was angry,” he said. “I’d told her it wasn’t a good time for her to visit, that I was all tied up with the fairs. I see her two or three times a year. If it fits into her schedule. If she needs something.”
“And if you were to divorce, would you continue to have these visits with your wife?” She lifted one brow and smoothed her hair over one ear. “Asking for a friend...”
He grinned at her. “You’re very funny, Kaylee. I like Laura,” he said. “She’s entertaining, smart and we have history. I’ve known her a long time by now. I was angry for a while. I was really pissed, actually. But when my dad died, that was the last thing to worry about.”
“It would be pretty convenient and not terribly troublesome, having an affair with someone you’re married to...”
“No, no, no,” he said, shaking his head. “We don’t sleep together; there is no affair. The first thing I noticed was that she wasn’t that interested and I suspected she might have...you know...”
“Other relationships?” she asked.
“I guess. So at some point after she’d been living in LA for a couple of years and came to San Francisco for a weekend, I told her I was starting to feel like a booty call and we were over. I told her I was going home to Virgin River and promised her she would hate it, but she was welcome to visit me here. It was a very smooth transition. She told me she loved me but we’re probably better as friends.”
“Sounds so grown-up,” she said.
“It is. I follow her career. I used to follow with resentment and then with curiosity and eventually I hoped her wish would come true. It stopped being about me a long time ago. Frankly, I think she’s a good actress. I’ve seen her in a lot of things and it’s not unusual for me to think she should’ve been the lead. The star. But I’m not in a relationship with her anymore. I haven’t been for a very long time. I think you were shocked and startled. I’m sorry about that.”
“Why?” she asked. “Why does how I feel or what I think matter?”
“We’re becoming good friends,” he said. “I look forward to sitting on the porch after a long day. I like it when we have dinner. I’ve had several tenants in this house—a few days, a few months. I’ve never had what I’d call a close friendship with any of them before. It’s a bad start to a nice friendship when you get caught lying.”
“But you weren’t lying.” She took a pull on her beer and made a face. “You just didn’t explain properly. Or thoroughly.”
“You lied about the beer,” he said, grinning. “You don’t drink that beer.”
“It’s awful. I bought it in case you came over. Want the rest of this?”
“You didn’t spit in it, did you?” he asked with a laugh, reaching for it.
She made a face and handed it to him. She went to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. The bottle was open, after all. She went back to the couch and curled up in the corner. “I just don’t want to be a complication. This thing you have to work out is with your wife. I’m just a tenant.”
“It’s not a complication and it’s not about you, except for one thing,” he said. “I want to sit on the porch, have dinner, enjoy life. I don’t have any expectations beyond that right now. But I think w
e have potential. I think we like each other enough to have potential.”
“No expectations,” she said. “Me, either.” It was a total lie. She’d been having expectations like mad in the form of Caroline and Landon. They were morphing into a nearly perfect couple. The story was growing lush and sexy. She realized she wanted to become lush and sexy with Landry.
“I did have a thought on my drive home. We’re ill suited, me and Laura. Opposites. We thought we had a lot in common, given that we’re both artists of a sort. But I live a quiet life; I like being alone. I don’t like crowds or busy places but Laura craves people. We want different things—she’d like the adoration of millions while I’d rather go unnoticed. I’m not really shy, I don’t think. I just prefer smaller groups or maybe just one person at a time. While she wants restaurants and parties, I’d rather train the dogs or go for a walk. I married a woman like my mother. I believe it’s true. I was a toddler when my mother left Virgin River to go back to the city. She divorced my father. He was too quiet and solitary for her. She died a few years later. A car accident. Virgin River isn’t for everyone.”
“I find it much more to my tastes than I thought I would,” she said. “Your dog went on my walk with me today.”
By his expression, he was shocked. “Was he polite?”
“Very. And I wasn’t afraid. I had a moment, you know... But Otis waited for me to invite him. Of course he followed me, but then he waited.”
“What a good guy,” Landry said. “He has no ulterior motives, he just wants to be a good friend. That’s what I love about dogs. They bond and nothing can break the bond. He’s always good, but I think he likes you.”
“You shouldn’t bother with the locks on the doors,” she said. “Apparently he comes and goes as he pleases.”
“I know,” he said. “It worries me sometimes. I don’t want him to wander too far or get himself in trouble, like if he runs into some challenging wildlife. Or some hunter mistakes him for a deer.”
“A black, brown and white deer? That would be a very stupid hunter.”
“How about dinner tomorrow night? We can share the prep.”
“It’s getting pretty chilly when the sun goes down,” she said. “How do you feel about your house and a fire in the fireplace?”
“I feel good about that.”
* * *
Kaylee went to Jack’s at lunchtime, planning on a sandwich and salad, but she had a double treat when she found Mel there with an adorable little girl. They were sitting at a table rather than the bar and Mel waved her over.
“Kaylee, this is my friend, Mallory. Would you like to join us for lunch?”
“Absolutely! Is this a special occasion?” she asked, sitting down.
“Mallory’s mom had an appointment today and there’s no school for teachers’ planning sessions, so we’re hanging out.”
“My mom’s having her medicine,” Mallory said. “Her chemo medicine.”
That hit Kaylee right in the gut. “Oh dear, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Mallory said. “It’s going to make her better.”
“That’s what we’re hoping for, aren’t we?” Mel said. “Mallory, tell Kaylee what your favorite subject is.”
“Reading. Not math very much, but I read all the time.”
“And you will never guess what Kaylee does for her work. She writes books!” Mel said.
“You do?” Mallory said. “Whole books?”
“Whole books.” Kaylee laughed. “Do you read whole books?”
“I love books. They’re not long like the ones my mom reads, but they’re for my age, which is ten. I read my first one when I was six. Before that I read my magazines and books with pictures from the library. We go to the library every Saturday. Unless my mom doesn’t feel good. Do you ever write books with a mystery? Or like a surprise ending?”
“It turns out that’s my specialty.”
“Could I read one of them, do you think?”
“I think you have to be just slightly older. You’re smart enough to read one, but unfortunately I use too many swear words for your age group.”
“I could not look at them or pretend I didn’t see them,” she suggested. “My mom reads books like that, I think. She says I can’t read her books because they’re too adult, and I think that means dirty words.”
“There are plenty of books to read while you’re getting to the right age,” Kaylee said. “Tell me about your favorite books.”
Mallory talked nonstop all through lunch and it turned out to be one of Kaylee’s most fun days. When they were finished with lunch, Mallory thanked Kaylee and promised to read some of her books, “When I’m older. Maybe next year.”
* * *
Landry texted Laura and asked her when she would be free for lunch. He had another fair on the weekend, but any other time he would drive down to San Francisco. The following Monday he left at the crack of dawn for what would be at least a four-hour drive.
Of course she had chosen The Oak Room, one of those fancy restaurants they had loved when they were a couple. They could hardly ever afford it when they were younger, but they did manage to have dinner there with a few guests on their wedding day. She probably chose it for the nostalgia.
And there was an undeniably warm feeling that came over him when he thought about that day. There were just a few people—his father, her mother, two couples who were friends. And it was one of the happiest days of his life. He had no way of knowing that barely a year later everything would change.
He parked and took the trolley to the restaurant and was not surprised that she made it ahead of him. Her eagerness to resolve things was showing. “I had the waitstaff find us a quiet table in the corner where we can talk.”
The rich dark wood and mirrors of the restaurant were not comforting. He had always appreciated the exquisite decor and yet never felt as though he belonged there. He was more comfortable at Jack’s. Landry waited for the wine and intended to wait until they ordered lunch before telling Laura how he felt, but she tripped him up. She raised her glass and said, “Here’s to new beginnings.”
He put down his glass. “It will be a new beginning, Laura, but not the kind you think. I can’t give our marriage a second chance. It just doesn’t feel right. It took me long enough to get beyond the disappointment before. I’ve built a different kind of life now, one I’m comfortable with. I’m really sorry your career didn’t work out the way you wanted, but it’s too late for us.”
“No, you’re not sorry about my career,” she said, putting her own glass down. “You wanted me to fail.”
“That’s not true. I wanted you to be with me, not fail. I was always your biggest fan. I just didn’t want us to have separate lives. You do realize how little time we spent together, don’t you?”
“I was working,” she said. “You were working! There was no other way. The only other way was for me to give up my career and it was just getting off the ground when we got married.”
“I’m sorry, Laura. It just isn’t going to work. The cold truth is, I don’t feel the same way anymore. I can remember having those feelings but...”
“You pretend that girl has nothing to do with this, but she must. You’ve never been like this before.”
“I don’t know if things might have been different if you’d decided to come back to me five years ago, but honestly, I don’t think so. I think our relationship died a long time ago. We just didn’t get around to burying it.”
“It almost sounds as if you never loved me at all,” she said.
“Oh-ho, I had such passion for you it made me light-headed. And there was no question in my mind, you shared that passion. I was thinking about it on the drive down here—we had so many dreams. When we married, they were compatible dreams. It never came down to your career or mine. I was excited about your acting, but
that first year we were married, you only took jobs that were nearby. And I can’t even say that you leaving for work ruined everything. Traveling for work isn’t a weird state for most couples. In fact, I think it’s common.” He looked at her for a long moment. “But you didn’t come back.”
“I came back!”
“Months later you came back for a weekend. Within a year, nothing of yours was left in our apartment. We still had the paperwork that said we were married, but we didn’t have any of the investment. Laura, the longest we’ve been together in ten years was two weeks last year and that’s because you needed a rest after a grueling movie—and you stayed in my rental house next door. We just don’t have enough emotion to build a real marriage on.”
“I always felt I could come to you... You shouldn’t have let me go on thinking I could come back to you.”
“And I don’t know how you could have thought so. I’m sure you have friends you’re much closer to. I don’t even know your friends.”
“Is that important? Because I don’t know yours, either. I’m sure you have friends in that little town. I’m sure you’ve had women...”
He shook his head. “I haven’t. I haven’t been involved with anyone else.”
“Not even friends? No social life with women? Not even casual relationships that had potential if you weren’t married?”
“Laura, I haven’t thought of myself as married in a very long time. But I didn’t have any other relationships. If I had, I would have probably taken the next step and filed for divorce. I’m going to do that now. This is as unfair to you as it is to me. It’s good that you brought us to this crossroads. We either have to end it or try to breathe new life into it. I’m for ending it like two people who respect each other. If anyone can do it with class, you can.”
She just looked away and silently sipped her wine for a long moment. It was at least a full minute before she looked back at him. “I guess if you don’t love me anymore...”