by Robyn Carr
Then one night she was startled to wake up on the front porch. She was sitting on the porch swing and saw that someone had put a small Christmas tree in the corner of the porch. It had twinkling lights and silver ornaments. And there, leaning a hip on the porch rail, was Meredith. She wore her royal-blue robe, the one with the stiff, arched collar. It was such a beautiful robe, Kaylee had kept it.
“Mama,” she said in a breath. “Oh, Mama!” Even though she wanted to run to her and embrace her, she couldn’t seem to move.
“My darling girl,” Meredith said.
“You’re here!”
“Not entirely, but I did tell you I’d never be far away. I think we should talk.”
“Yes!” Kaylee said. “We should talk! Did you bring the tree?”
“It’s Christmastime,” she said. “You don’t have to bake a plum pudding or roast a goose, but the whole world is honoring Christmas. You remember what the spirit of Christmas does, don’t you, Kaylee? The least you can do is put out an ornament or two. It’s all right if it brings a little emotion to your day, but try to remember, it’s not all about you. And if you can’t bring yourself to celebrate Christmas, consider letting Christmas celebrate you. Think about the people you know who deserve some happiness. Have you done anything special for your boyfriend? He seems so loving and sweet.”
“He is,” she said. “Am I dreaming you?”
Meredith shrugged. “Are you cold?”
Kaylee looked around. There was snow on the porch and her feet were bare yet she was not at all cold. “Even if you’re only a dream, I’ll take it...”
“You’ve dreamed of me many times and usually it makes you happy. I know you feel cheated, Kaylee; I know you feel that you’re the only one who feels loss and sadness. And I know that you know that’s not true. I’m not suggesting you ignore your grief—grief is personal and runs on its own calendar. But remember. There are lots of people feeling lost and alone. It’s time for you to take stock of what you have, not of what you may have lost.”
“I can’t help it. I miss you so much.”
“I’m here. We may not get to talk too often, but you know where to find me. You know where I will live until we have each other again. Remember the spirit heals. Remember that the spirit of Christmas is about giving. Turn your heart to the needs of others—it will help you get through the days that seem too long and the nights that feel too lonely. You know what to do because you’ve done it before. And remember that I’m very proud of you. Of your strength and your resilience. I so love your abundant joy. If you need me, just whisper. I will hear you.”
“Please don’t go,” she said, tears gathering in her eyes.
“There are things you can do. Don’t forget all the things we talked about. There is an antidote to sadness—it is gratitude. There’s a great trick to escaping the pain of loss, and that is giving. You may still cry at 11:04 a.m. on Christmas Day. But then you should be grateful for all we had. We had so much. We were so rich, figuratively and literally. Accept the gifts that heal.”
“Stay!” she said. “Please! Just for a few more minutes!”
“I love you so much,” Meredith said.
“I love you more!” Kaylee said.
Suddenly she felt cold. Her feet were like ice, her hands were stiff and frozen. Even so, she didn’t move for a few minutes, willing her mother to come back. This was not like other dreams. This was so real.
“Kaylee?” Landry said, turning over and sitting up in bed. “What in God’s name...?”
She was in the bedroom, sitting on her heels in the bed, shivering and weeping. “She was here,” Kaylee whispered. “She was on the porch and she brought me a Christmas tree!”
Landry grabbed her hands and rubbed them. “Have you been outside? You’re freezing!”
She nodded. “She wanted to talk to me and while we talked I wasn’t cold. But then when she left I could hardly stand the cold. She was here. On the porch. I sat on the swing and we talked. I’ve dreamed of my mother a hundred times, but this time was different. This time it was so real. She reminded me of things we talked about. It wasn’t just her talking and me listening. We agreed on so many things. One of the things was that being kind was a sure cure for loneliness.”
He was rubbing her hands briskly. “Kaylee, how long have you been outside?” he asked.
“She brought me a tree,” she said. “It’s on the porch.”
He jumped out of bed. He wore only a T-shirt and boxers but he went to the porch and looked out. Then he closed the door and came back to the bed. “There’s no tree,” he said. “And there are no footprints. And there’s no impression in the snow from someone sitting on the swing.”
Her eyes grew round. “What?” she asked. Then she jumped up and ran to the front door. She looked out and saw for herself that there was no tree. And the snow hadn’t been disturbed on the swing or the porch rail. Then she started to cry in earnest.
Landry led her to the bed, got her under the covers and pulled her close, warming her with his body. “It’s all right, love. It was just a dream. Just a very nice dream.”
“It was so real,” she said. She turned her face into Landry’s chest and cried. But it wasn’t very long before she slept.
When she woke the sun was high in the sky; her bedroom was bright. Landry was not beside her. She grabbed her robe and went into the other room and he was sitting on the couch, having his coffee. He looked over the rim of his mug and smiled at her.
“How did you sleep?” he asked.
She sat on the couch beside him. “You know how I slept,” she said. “You must think I’m a lunatic by now.”
“Go look on the porch,” he said, throwing a glance over his shoulder.
She got a wide-eyed and suspicious look and dashed to the front door. She opened the door and looked outside to see a very small decorated tree on the front porch, right in the corner where she’d dreamed it was the night before.
“Did you do that?” she asked.
He shook his head. “No. And I didn’t hear a car. And what’s more astonishing, Otis didn’t hear a car. Is it like the one in your dream?”
She stepped out onto the snowy deck, freezing her poor feet. She got a little closer. “I’m not sure. Very similar. But last night I was more focused on my mother. I’m not crazy, I know she’s dead. But Landry, I think she paid me a visit last night. Really.”
“I’ve heard of stranger things,” he said, walking toward her. “All I know for sure is there was no tree there last night, there’s a tree there now, and you had quite a meltdown.”
“I’m sorry about that, but it was overwhelming. It was so good to see her. She wasn’t like the last time I saw her. Her cheeks were plump and rosy and her hair was thick and dark. She looked healthy. Restored. And she had things on her mind. She said, ‘I think we should talk.’ That’s what she always said when she thought I needed advice. And when she was a little unhappy with me or when she thought I’d better get a grip.”
“What did she say?”
She thought for a moment, trying to remember everything. It was pretty clear, not like usually trying to remember a dream, which wasn’t always easy. But yes, she remembered everything her mother had said. “I need a little time to sort it out. Let me get a cup of coffee.”
“By all means. Then when you’re ready, how about some breakfast?”
She filled her cup. “You and Otis didn’t hear a car, huh.”
He shook his head. “Maybe angels don’t drive.”
13
KAYLEE TOOK HER laptop to Jack’s almost out of habit. She’d finished her book, had sent it to her publisher, and the deadline was gone. But she wanted to be there, and Jack had good Wi-Fi so she could at least check and answer her mail. She fully expected her editor to call or write and ask her to do more work on the book. She was convinced it was finis
hed, but not good enough.
“Sorry, Kaylee, the Wi-Fi is out,” Jack said.
“Oh no! How are you getting by?”
“Me?” he asked, then laughed. “I’m just barely off the clipboard. I gotta say, I’m not that crazy about computers. I’m getting along fine as long as I have Preacher to help me out if I get myself in trouble, but I am no geek. To me, it’s a tool, like a hammer. I am not romantically involved with my computer.”
“Well, that’s good to know,” she said, laughing. “What’s going on around here?”
“We’re in full holiday mode,” he said. “We’re doing more food baskets if you’re interested in helping out. There are a few needs a little beyond food—children in need of a visit from Santa, some more than others. The volunteer fire department is taking on some of that. Mel and Paige and a few other women are making a run on the big box stores over in Eureka.”
“Oh, if I’d known, I would have volunteered to help! I finished my book and I’m ready to do more volunteer work.”
“That’s sweet, Kaylee,” he said. “Congratulations on the book. Did you celebrate?”
“I called a couple of friends and drank a toast with Landry, but then I forgot about it and it never occurred to me I could be useful in town. I should have called Mel. She’s probably not calling me to help because she thinks I’m bogged down with work.”
“She’s due back in an hour. Why do you have your computer with you if you’re done?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “Because I never go anywhere without it? Because I feel so vulnerable if I’m not writing a book? Because I can always read something on the computer if I have no one to talk to?”
“Here? No one to talk to?” He threw back his head and laughed. “I don’t think you wrote a single sentence in this bar. No one would let you work. That’s not how they roll.”
“You noticed that?”
“Kaylee, they won’t let me work! I can be counting bottles and someone will say, ‘Yo, Jack, you hear about that eight-point buck sighted out on Cummins Pass?’ And then we have to talk about it a while even though it’s pretty clear I’m counting bottles.” But as he finished, he grinned. “Congratulations, Kaylee. You going straight back to the south? Where is it? Newport?”
“Newport Beach,” she said. “Not straightaway. I rented out my house for the rest of the year. I haven’t talked to them lately, but as of a couple of months ago they were planning to move out right after New Year’s. Like, maybe the third. Or fourth. I told them to give me a couple weeks’ notice.”
“What are you going to do with Landry? Because if you’ll forgive me for having eyes in my head, the two of you hit it off.”
She couldn’t help but laugh at him. “We’ve been talking about how we can arrange to visit each other. Often. But we haven’t made any real plans yet. Landry was a great surprise. I wasn’t expecting to meet someone like him. Well, as you know, I was expecting to stay in the Templetons’ house through Christmas...”
“Yeah, that’s right. And look what happened. You ended up with a guy, a kitten, some puppies, and God knows what all...”
“All I really wanted was to avoid Christmas...”
“You mentioned that early on. I can’t quite remember why. Did you tell me why?” he asked.
“I lost my mom to cancer last year. She passed on Christmas Day. I don’t think I told you. I did tell Mel...”
“She never tells anything,” he said. “And I’d have remembered something like that. I’m so sorry, Kaylee.”
“It’s not a secret, it’s just one of those things. I couldn’t quite bring myself to plan a celebration, you know? It’s hard to even think about it.” You may still cry at 11:04...
“I can imagine,” he said. “It’s gotta be hard. But there’s a forty-foot tree decorated to the hilt right outside. That’s gonna serve as a reminder. Kind of hard to avoid Christmas with that tree right out there...”
“True. Hey, you didn’t by any chance put a little decorated Christmas tree on my front porch, did you?”
He shook his head. “Is there a note or a card?”
“Nothing. It wasn’t there at two in the morning. I...ah...just happened to look outside then. It was there when I got up. Landry said he never heard a car, and what’s more mysterious is that Otis never heard a car. Otis would have made some noise. I just wish I knew who—”
“People around here surprise me all the time. There was a decorated tree above the highway in Fortuna for years. No one ever took credit for it and in January it would disappear. A couple of years ago it stopped appearing. We all went into mourning, wondering if the tree fairy passed. I bet someone was trying to make sure you have a nice holiday, knowing you’re by yourself even if they don’t know the circumstances.”
“I’m really not so all alone anymore, Jack,” she said. “I spend most of my time with Landry. We’ve become very close.”
Jack’s smile was broad. “Was bound to happen,” was all he said.
Kaylee started thinking about what her mother had said to her, about the antidote to sadness. As she recalled from growing up as Meredith’s only child, there were countless discussions about how to dispel self-pity and a feeling of hopelessness.
That night, after having a nice long talk with Landry and filling him in on all the goings-on in town, Kaylee called Mel. “I stopped by the bar today and Jack told me you have a lot happening.”
“It’s my busy season,” Mel said. “And I heard the book is done. You must be thrilled. And bored senseless.”
Kaylee laughed. “I haven’t had time to get bored yet. I did call to say I can help with some of your projects. You’re doing food baskets again, right? I could help with that.”
“That would be great! I’ll take you up on that offer.”
“And I wanted to know how Mallory is doing.”
“Pretty well, considering. She’s coping very well, getting a lot of support from her best friend’s family—that’s the neighbor she’s been staying with. Accommodations are a little tight. She has to share a bed, but they’re kids, they’ve done it before. There just isn’t room for her things, that’s all. But Jack and I will bring her to our house. It’ll be a full house—one of his sisters is coming with kids and grandkids. But we’ll manage.”
“Well, I was thinking about that. Do you think Mallory likes puppies?”
* * *
Mel brought Mallory over the next afternoon. “Mel said you wanted me to see something,” the little girl said.
“First of all, I’m sorry to hear about your mother,” Kaylee said, giving her a hug. “Did Mel tell you we have that in common? I lost my mother last year. I think I know how you’re feeling.”
“How I’m feeling is not that good,” she said. “But I’m taking it slow. My mom said, just take it slow because you can’t hurry your feelings. I don’t know what that means, but I’m doing it the best I can.”
“You’re doing fine,” Kaylee said. “Mallory, I was out for a walk and I found a mama dog. She was tied up to a tree and had four puppies with her. Someone left her there, abandoned her. So I brought her back here. I thought maybe you might want to see them?”
“Yes! Were they hurt?”
“No, just hungry. Landry has them in his kennel. I’ll show you,” she said, taking Mallory’s hand.
“I have a few phone calls to return,” Mel said. “Can I stay here and do that while you see the puppies?”
“Of course. But we might be a while.” She pulled Mallory along to Landry’s house and then through the house to the back door. Otis came out of Landry’s shop and greeted them. “Mallory, have you met Landry?”
“Yes, I’m pretty sure,” she said. “What are you doing in there?”
“Making pots and statues and wind chimes and all sorts of artsy things,” he said. “I bet you’re here to see the puppi
es. When you’re done I’ll show you everything if you’re interested.”
“I’d like to see it, if Mel says it’s okay.”
They found Lady in the backyard, sniffing around. “Lady,” Kaylee called, and the dog pranced right over. “This is Lady, Mallory. When I found her she was nearly starving but she’s looking so good now.”
“Why was she starving?”
“I don’t know because I don’t know what happened to her. I suspect her owners neglected her, didn’t feed her, didn’t take care of her. But she’s very well taken care of now. Let’s look at the puppies.”
Mallory gasped with pleasure when she saw the puppy pile inside the kennel. She immediately got down on her knees and reached into the space to touch a puppy. Then she pulled a hand back and looked at Kaylee. “There’s a cat in here,” she said, shocked.
“I know,” Kaylee said with a laugh. “That’s Tux. I found him, too. He was so young when I found him and when Lady and the puppies came here to stay, he crawled in and never wanted to leave. The puppies are going to outsize him pretty soon. He thinks he’s one of them.”
Lady joined them and got into the dog bed, lying down for the puppies to nurse. “I don’t think they’re going to be nursing much longer. They’re getting big and they need real food. Landry has started feeing them puppy kibble once a day. Lady will decide when she’s done nursing and just quit on them. Then we’ll have to try to find homes for them.”
Mallory picked up a puppy and cuddled him. “I guess that’s going to happen to me, too.”
“Are you worried about that, honey?”
“A little bit. I’d kind of like to just stay with Ali’s family. I know them, they’re nice, they like me, but...” She shrugged. “There’s a lot of kids. I don’t think there’s room. Maybe not enough food or something.”