by Reilly, Cora
Luca sat back in his chair, watching me with his annoying scrutiny. “All right. You realize that while we take the baby off your hands, Aria and I can’t spare you the pregnancy. That’s for you and Gianna to handle, and it comes with responsibility.”
Was he trying to piss me off on purpose? “We know that, don’t worry.”
“No alcohol, no sushi, less caffeine…”
“I get it, Luca. And trust me, Gianna gets it too.”
Luca shrugged. “You don’t want your lives to change but they will, at least in the next eight months. After that, you can have your old life back and Aria and I will take over.”
“Can we talk about business now? The more you talk the more I feel like skinning someone, and I have a feeling a few fuckers from Tartarus might just be the balm for my bloodthirst.”
Luca sighed but he nodded. “Aria invited Gianna and you over for dinner tonight. Your wife agreed, so be there at six.”
I stifled a groan.
When I returned home in the late afternoon, Gianna was already downstairs, perching on a barstool at the kitchen counter. She drank coffee and was reading a yoga magazine. In her tight black jean shorts and black wife beater she looked like the Gianna I knew. Tough and hot as hell. She slanted me a look. Her makeup covered up the last traces of yesterday’s tears. My eyes darted down to her flat belly. It seemed unreal that she was really pregnant, that something as monumental as a baby in her belly wasn’t yet visible for the eye.
She raised her cup. “Decaf, in case you’re wondering.”
“Did Luca give you a lecture of all the things you’re prohibited from consuming and doing?” I asked wryly as I strolled over to her and kissed her full lips.
She grimaced. “No. But Aria bridged the subject in a subtle but unmistakable way. As if I’d just keep drinking alcohol and espressos. I’ll make sure it’s safe until it’s in their hands.” She shook her head.
“Do you want to cancel the dinner with them?”
Gianna considered that. “No, I’m really grateful for what they’re doing.”
“Me too,” I said. “How was yoga today?”
“Great. I could blank out everything for a little while. Luckily I can keep working out during the pregnancy. I just need to tone it down slightly.”
I squeezed her hip. “See. This pregnancy will be over before you know it and then we can party the night away again.”
“Yeah,” Gianna said with a sigh. Her voice mirrored a deep longing I felt as well. Problem was, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was longing for.
Liliana and Romero had agreed to watch Marcella and Amo while we had dinner. Luca and Aria obviously didn’t want their kids to overhear anything about the new addition to their family, which was probably for the best.
We were halfway through dinner, when Aria spoke up, “Oh, I made an appointment with my OB/GYN next week for a checkup. You’ll be in your seventh week then so she should be able to see the heart beating.”
Gianna didn’t look surprised, so they must have discussed the matter before. I was stunned. “You’ll have an ultrasound?”
“I suppose so?” Gianna said, turning to Aria who nodded.
“That’s good,” I said. “You’ll accompany Gianna?”
“Yes,” Aria said hesitantly. “If that’s okay for you?”
“Of course.”
It wasn’t that I was keen on going to the appointment but the knowledge that any step of the kid’s development wasn’t really my business felt strange.
“We need to discuss the matter of hiding the pregnancy,” Luca said unceremoniously. “The child doesn’t need to grow up surrounded by nasty rumors. We need to make the public believe it’s Aria’s and mine.”
“You are right,” Gianna said. “When did you show?”
Aria pursed her lips. “At twenty weeks it was difficult to hide with Amo. But that’s because it was my second pregnancy. You’ll be pregnant in winter so coats and sweaters can cover up a lot. But your workout clothes won’t be able to hide a bump.”
Gianna nodded. “That’s what I thought.”
Aria exchanged a look with Luca. “How about we take it as we go? You keep on giving yoga and Pilates lessons for as long as loose shirts hide the bump, and wear loose clothes as much as possible. I’ll start doing the same. I can’t really wear a tight dress to our Christmas party when you are in your fifth or sixth month then, and would show.”
“I’d have never thought pregnancy means so much logistics,” I joked.
“It usually doesn’t,” Luca muttered.
“Well, Aria has experience hiding a pregnancy so I have faith we can keep it a secret,” I said, not able to hold back the jibe.
Luca’s eyes flashed, remembering the difficult beginning of Aria’s pregnancy with Marcella.
Aria sent Luca a warning look while Gianna did the same with me.
“We’ll get through this together as a family,” Aria said firmly.
“When should we tell Lily and Romero?” Gianna asked to change the topic. Clever girl.
“That’s really up to you. You could wait until you both are past the first twelve weeks…”
“Yeah. I hope she won’t be disappointed we didn’t confide in her before,” Gianna said.
“She’ll understand,” Aria assured her.
“Will we tell anyone else?”
Luca shook his head. “I don’t see why. Every person we involve is a risk.”
A risk to the biggest secret of all of our lives.
Gianna
The first ultrasound showed that the baby’s heart was beating. It was strange to see the pulsating thing on the screen. I was relieved that there wasn’t much more to see yet. There wasn’t a baby to speak of yet. I’d worried a little person would stare right back at me. It made things easier. As long as the kid looked like an undistinguishable black-and-white blob in the ultrasound and I didn’t feel it, I could pretend I wasn’t really pregnant—except for the few amendments to my lifestyle.
In the week following my appointment, Lily surprised me when she showed up in the Famiglia women gym. She hadn’t worked out these last four weeks, probably because of the pregnancy. She’d mentioned something about some light bleeding. Like me she wore yoga tights and a loose-fitting yoga tank, not that either of us showed yet. It was actually quite informative to see her since she was a week ahead of me, and always gave me a glimpse of what lay ahead. Her dark blond hair was piled atop her head in a messy bun just like mine.
“Hey stranger,” I called across the yoga room as Lily slid her wool socks off and padded toward me barefoot. We hugged before we both sank down on the round yoga pillows. The yoga lesson wasn’t about to begin for another fifteen minutes, but I was always early to prepare everything.
“How are you?” I asked.
“Great,” Lily said, brushing her palm across her belly. It was something I’d often seen with pregnant women, especially if you asked them about their well-being. As if they always answered for two.
“Are you going to do yoga today?”
She nodded with a smile. “My doc cleared me for exercise. I want to keep doing something for my health.”
Lily had been a constant presence in my yoga classes from the very first day. Aria had been in the beginning but she preferred my Pilates classes so she switched to them later. “Perfect,” I said with a smile. Lily and I didn’t see each other as often as Aria and I did so I’d missed our weekly yoga sessions and chats afterward.
“But I might not be able to do everything. I have to be mindful of what my pregnancy allows. I’ll read up on it so I’ll know what I can’t do.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll give you alternative yoga exercises in case it’s necessary or you don’t feel comfortable,” I said, touching her leg.
Uncertainty crossed Lily’s face. “Are you sure you want to do that?”
It sounded like “are you sure you can do it?” to me, but I pushed my annoyance down. “Pregnancy adapted workouts
were part of my training. Trust me, I can make sure you and your kid are safe.” It wasn’t even a lie. Knowing that many mob wives popped out one baby after the other, I’d made sure to be versed in the special needs of pregnant women or women recovering from birth. I didn’t mention that I’d read up on the matter again to make sure I kept the secret passenger in my belly safe until its delivery to Aria and Luca. For a moment, I considered telling Lily. But Lily, far more than Aria, had completely lost herself in being a mom. Sometimes it seemed there was hardly any room for anything else anymore. It was something that I’d always considered the most deterrent thing about becoming a mother—losing yourself and everything you used to be, as if by giving birth you lost every right to still have your own needs and interests.
Lily beamed at me. “Thank you!” Then her expression turned sheepish. “I’m sorry if I’m being annoying. I’m just so excited about my pregnancy. I can’t wait for Sara to have siblings.”
My eyes widened. “Siblings? Are you preggers with more than one?”
“Oh no.” Lily giggled, again caressing her flat belly. For some reason the motion made me unreasonably angry, which was completely irrational. “But Romero and I want at least three kids.”
I nodded, smiling tightly. I’d never minded Lily’s exuberance when it came to being a mom but for some reason, I had trouble being around it now that I was pregnant myself. Yet, I was determined not to vent my irrational feelings on Lily. She had every right to be happy and I wouldn’t ruin it.
Matteo and I sat at the bar in our kitchen, drinking coffee and chatting about Matteo’s plans to head out with Growl today to seek out a hiding place of the MC giving them trouble.
“Do you really have to join Growl?” I asked.
Matteo’s eyebrows rose. I wasn’t someone who clucked. I was more like the mother hen who kicked her eggs out of her nest. With Matteo I’d grown used to his thrill-seeking ways. “Are you worried?”
I was, and more than that, I was terrified. Matteo’s life was dangerous and while I’d worried in the past as well, I’d usually kept my feelings to myself, knowing that he could handle things.
I glared in response. Matteo grinned and wrapped an arm around my hip, dragging me closer so he could kiss me. “All these hormones are turning you into a softy.”
It was the first time we’d mentioned the pregnancy since my doctor’s appointment in my seventh week, which was more than four weeks ago. And even on that day our conversation about the pregnancy had only consisted of “Everything okay?” from Matteo and a curt nod from me. We’d kept living our life, minus the club visits and drunk escapades.
“Just be careful,” I pressed out. Matteo searched my eyes as he did so often recently, then nodded. “You know me.”
“I do, which is why I want you to be careful. Don’t leave me alone to deal with this mess.”
Matteo smiled, but there was something dark behind it. “Luca and Aria will deal with the mess, babe.”
I didn’t get the chance to ask what that was supposed to mean because our bell rang. “Aria,” I said, because vigilance had taken over Matteo’s face. “She made another appointment with her OB/GYN today.”
Matteo stood and allowed her to take the elevator up to the penthouse. Aria probably knew the code from Luca but unlike him, she always rang the bell like any decent human being would.
Matteo waited for her with his back to me. Aria smiled hesitantly as she stepped in. “Ready?”
“Sure,” I said. I’d tried to avoid another examination for as long as possible, but Aria had insisted it was time for another checkup now that I was twelve weeks along.
I kissed Matteo and he stroked my back in an almost lingering way. Then I pulled back and followed Aria.
At first, I considered not looking at the ultrasound screen but then curiosity got the better of me. The moment my eyes registered the small baby on the screen, I wished I hadn’t given in. This wasn’t a mere blob anymore. The doc explained what we saw and marked the feet, head, hands… a complete human being in my belly.
I looked away. Aria met my gaze, her eyes alight with joy then slowly she sobered. She reached for my hand and squeezed. I was glad she didn’t say anything. I stared at the painting on the wall, some kind of abstract art, because Aria’s expression tightened my chest. The doc kept blabbering about how things looked good. I tried to block her out but it was impossible.
I practically leaped off the examination table when she was done and got dressed, desperate to leave as soon as possible. When I left the changing area, the doc held out a string of photos. Ultrasound photos of the baby. I stared at them. Aria gingerly took them from the doc before she touched my arm and led me outside. We didn’t talk until we were in the elevator. “Do you want to have them?”
I shook my head. “You and Luca should have them.”
Aria slid them into her purse. “Are you still okay with Luca and me adopting the baby?”
“Of course,” I said. “That’s not it… I just want to pretend nothing changed, that I’m not pregnant, but days like today make that really hard.”
Aria gave me an understanding look. “Maybe try to make peace with it. See it as an exercise you need to get through. It won’t be long until it’ll be even harder to pretend you aren’t pregnant.”
“My belly’s still flat, hallelujah,” I muttered, trying to resort to my usual sarcasm that seemed out of reach so often recently.
“It’s not just your growing belly,” Aria said quietly as we approached the car with our bodyguards. “You’ll feel the baby eventually.”
I couldn’t imagine feeling something inside of me like that. Weren’t there women who didn’t realize they were pregnant until labor started and a baby plopped out of them? They couldn’t have felt the baby inside of them, so maybe I would be lucky too.
Matteo
I wiped blood off my knife while Luca leaned against the wall, watching me.
“While I appreciate your talents with your knife, you realize we’ll run out of MC assholes for you to torture to release some tension eventually. Maybe you should ask your wife for some yoga mantras. A few oms might help you relax.”
I slanted him a dark look. “Says the man who slaughtered an entire chapter to release tension. And stop reading shit into my actions. I always loved to torture.”
Luca’s phone rang and considering his softer expression, it could only be Aria. “That’s good. When’s the next appointment?”
I knew at once that they were talking about Gianna and the baby. Shoving my knife back into the holster at my chest, I approached my brother. He hung up.
“So what did your wife say?”
Luca narrowed his eyes at me. “Everything’s fine. The ultrasound showed a healthy baby.”
I gave a terse nod. “See, Gianna’s taking care of your kid.”
Luca didn’t say anything for a while. “It’s not our kid yet. It can still be yours.”
I considered that, becoming a dad, having responsibility for a small human being. Gianna and I loved staying up late and doing whatever we felt like. We loved traveling too—as much as me being a mobster allowed. I loved seeing the joy on Gianna’s face whenever she managed to wrangle a bit more freedom out of the mafia life. A kid would take away plenty of her freedom, even more so than mine.
“No, you and Aria should adopt it like we agreed.”
When I returned late in the afternoon, Gianna was browsing travel pictures on her laptop. She didn’t mention her examination, nor did I. Instead she pointed at a lush green forest and then white beaches and blue water. “Costa Rica.”
I kissed her and sank down beside her. “You want to play name a country?”
She rolled her eyes. “I want to flee the cold this winter. Why don’t we spend a few weeks in Costa Rica in November? New York is always so depressing in winter.”
“Can you fly?”
She frowned. “Of course.”
I gestured at her flat belly. “I mean because of
the kid.”
“I know what you mean, but it’s not a problem.”
“Then we should fly to Costa Rica for a bit of adventure.”
Her entire face transformed. Relief and happiness shone in her eyes. This was the Gianna I wanted to keep seeing, and this Gianna needed her freedom.
Maybe for the first time since we’d agreed to giving Luca and Aria our child, I felt a sense of certainty and acceptance. Some people weren’t meant to be parents, and we were among them.
When I told Luca about our travel plans, expecting to be met with resistance, I was surprised when he nodded. “That’s actually a good plan. Maybe you’ll be more chilled afterward.”
I stifled a comment, but his words proved to be correct. Gianna and I really enjoyed the two weeks away from everything. The only thing that occasionally dimmed our joy was when people congratulated Gianna on her pregnancy. In her sixth month, the bump was now visible when Gianna wore only a bikini. Apart from that, this vacation was like all of our vacations before, except we couldn’t drink or dive, but Gianna was still fit and eager to do as many activities as possible.
One evening as we watched the sunset in the hammock in front of our beach villa, Gianna leaned her head on my shoulder, whispering, “I wish we could stay in this moment forever. I’m scared of returning to New York.”
Gianna admitting to being afraid was a rare event and immediately fired up my protectiveness. I pulled her closer against me. “There’s nothing for you to be scared of. You have me.”
She looked at me. “I do, don’t I?”
I frowned. “Of course.”
“Things will get tough. Pretending this pregnancy isn’t there is impossible with my belly, and it’ll be hard hiding from the public to keep it hidden.”
“You’ll spend plenty of time in the Hamptons with Aria and Liliana.”
Gianna cringed. “I still have to tell Lily. I can’t postpone it anymore. It’s not fair.”