by Reilly, Cora
“Fat, immobile, and about to burst.”
“It’s not long now.”
“That’s what you said a week before the due date. Now we’re two days past the official eviction date and it’s still in there.”
“The last few days seem to drag on forever, I know,” Aria said with a compassionate smile. “And eventually it’ll be over. Look at Lily, she’s already nine days over.”
I grimaced. “I just hope that’s not my fate as well. I don’t know how she can be so calm about it, especially with the whole home birthing thing. I’d freak-out.”
“It helps that it’s her second child. She knows what to expect.”
“I thought every pregnancy and birth was unique.”
Aria laughed. “Well, yeah, but still you feel slightly more prepared going into labor the second time around.”
I doubted I’d ever feel prepared for this whole baby producing scenario, and I would definitely never find out if a second pregnancy or birth would be easier, even if Aria insisted that I might change my mind about the whole thing once the baby was there.
“How about we move the party into the dining room so pregnant lady can get something to eat. She almost got me to pull into an Arby’s drive-in on the way here because she was about to eat my arm,” Matteo said with a grin.
I tried to punch his shoulder but my movements were slow and he was as agile as ever. “You’re dead,” I mouthed. But he only sent me a kiss.
“I thought fast food is bad for your body?” Marcella asked.
I waddled into the dining room, trying to ignore the sensation of my belly dragging me to the floor. “It is. Matteo is exaggerating. I’d eat him before I’d consume any fast food with doubtful ingredients.”
“Considering what Matteo’s consumed over the years, I doubt his ingredients are much better,” Luca said.
I sank down on the chair that Matteo had pulled out for me then tried to help him as he heaved me closer to the table. Eventually my belly touched the edge. I sighed.
“Marianna has prepared your favorite lamb roast and grilled asparagus and cauliflower mash,” Aria said, obviously hoping to lift my mood.
I smiled and sank back against the backrest. “That sounds fabulous.”
My belly became hard, pain radiating all the way to my back. I’d been having these Braxton-Hicks-contractions for many weeks now but they’d become more painful and frequent in recent days, giving me false hope that Peanut would actually evict the premises before the due date.
Marianna entered the dining room in that moment, carrying a massive roast lamb leg surrounded by fingerling potatoes and brussels sprouts. Usually the sight had my belly doing excited summersaults but apart from the tension in my lower back and belly, I hardly felt hunger.
Still, I loaded my plate and pushed the occasional morsel of food into my mouth. Aria eyed me from across the table.
“Are you okay?” she asked quietly.
Matteo slanted me a worried look, ceasing his conversation with Luca.
“I’m fine. I just can’t eat as fast anymore. The baby is taking up too much room in my belly.”
“Tell that to the two veggie-burgers plus sweet potato fries you wolfed down for dinner yesterday,” Matteo joked.
I kicked his calf under the table, causing his grin to widen. Unfortunately, the movement hurt me more than him as it sent a twinge through my back.
Marcella tilted her head curiously. “I don’t know why you don’t want to know if it’s a boy or girl. I’d die from curiosity. And you can’t even buy anything pink!”
“Not every girl likes pink,” I said.
Marcella pursed her lips. “You’re the only girl I know that prefers black.”
“Your aunt is a special snowflake,” Matteo said with a wink.
Marcella laughed.
“I hope it’s a boy,” Amo said. “Girls are trouble.”
“I wish I’d learned that lesson at your age,” Matteo sighed.
This time I only sent him a glare instead of a kick.
Of course, it didn’t have any effect. Matteo even high-fived Amo across the table much to Aria’s disapproval.
I pressed my palm against my belly, wondering when the tension would leave it.
The pressure got even worse before I could decide if I was going into labor, something warm trickled out of me. I froze, clutching the fork in my hand. This definitely wasn’t pee. My bladder was empty.
“Why are you making a face like you’re pooping, Aunt Gianna?” Amo asked.
I didn’t even have it in me to give the little monster hell for calling me “aunt” again.
“Gianna?” Aria said softly.
“Gianna, your expression worries me,” Matteo said. He touched my thigh, my wet pants, and slowly pulled his hand back, his eyes widening. “Fuck.”
“Matteo said ‘fuck’ at the table,” Amo said, looking at Aria.
“What’s wrong with you?” Marcella asked curiously.
Why couldn’t they all stop talking?
“I think my water just broke,” I got out.
“Ewww,” Marcella said, that gorgeous face scrunching up.
Amo put down his fork. “You peed your pants? Can I see?”
I clutched Matteo’s hand. I couldn’t believe we were going to get one of these small monsters ourselves.
Luca rose, his expression stern. “Marcella, Amo, up to your room.”
“But Dad,” Marcella whined.
Luca shook his head. “Now.”
Finally, the two went upstairs but not without a considerable amount of protesting. For all I cared they could watch. I doubted there was a better way of contraception than having someone watch a kid being squeezed out of a vagina.
My belly cramped and I gasped at the sharp pain that seemed to last forever. I clutched Matteo’s hand so tightly, his fingers turned white but he didn’t make a sound. Only regarded me with blatant worry.
I was torn between wanting to clutch him and push him away, because somehow this was his fault.
Aria appeared beside me, touching my arm. “Come on. Let’s get you into our car.” She turned to Luca. “Can you get it?”
Luca nodded and disappeared.
“You have to stand up, Gianna.”
I forced myself into an upright position, waiting for the next wave of pain but the contractions still seemed a few minutes apart.
Matteo hovered beside Aria and me.
“You should help her walk.” He wrapped an arm around my back and Aria walked on my other side as we made our way toward the front door. The distance seemed so much longer than ever before.
Another wave crashed through me, making me jerk to a stop and clutch my belly. “I changed my mind. This baby can stay inside forever,” I grunted.
Aria tugged at my hand. “Come on. Everything will be fine.”
Gritting my teeth, I stumbled farther along. I’d read so much about labor these last few weeks but nothing could prepare me for this. I looked up at Matteo in annoyance but that emotion vanished when I saw the helplessness and even fear in his eyes. I forced a smile that probably looked more like a scary grimace. I wasn’t the only one who was terrified of what lay ahead.
Matteo
Gianna clung to the doorway. It had taken us more than ten minutes to get there. I didn’t know much about labor but I thought Gianna’s contractions were coming very frequently.
Her eyes were wide and desperate. “I don’t think I’m ready.”
Did she think I felt ready? I’d never been so fucking scared in my life. Of a tiny baby, of all things. But fuck, I was. Nothing in my life had prepared me for the task ahead, least of all my own parents. Not that Gianna’s parents would have won parents of the year awards.
“I hate to break it to you but your baby is going to come out if you’re ready or not,” Luca muttered as he strode up the driveway, probably tired of waiting in the car.
Aria sent him a look. “Luca!” Then she turned to Gianna. “It�
��s going to be all right. You’re not alone. Luca and I will help you and Matteo. Together, we’ll be okay.”
I stroked Gianna’s back and gently pried her fingers off the doorway before nudging her outside. Soft rain was falling and soaking us all.
I reached for my keys, thinking we’d take two cars as usual, but Luca shook his head. “I think I better drive. You’re a madman driver on your best days, and today isn’t one of those days.”
I nodded only, not even the brain capacity to give a comeback.
Gianna kept clutching Aria’s hand and mine in the other.
“Gianna, baby, we don’t all fit on the back seat,” I said gently. She didn’t release either of us. In the end, we awkwardly crammed in the back of Luca’s car. Gianna was breathing fast, her brows drawn together.
“Luca, I’m getting your seats dirty,” she gasped out when we pulled out of the premises.
“It doesn’t matter, Gianna,” Luca said calmly. I wished for his calm. Even when Aria had been in labor, he’d been remarkably calm compared to how I felt now. Gianna tensed again, panting.
“Fuck,” she whispered, shaking her head. She turned to her sister. “Aria. I—”
She cried out.
Aria’s eyes grew wide. “Pull over!”
“What?” Luca said.
“Pull over, the baby’s coming,” Aria screamed.
Luca jerked the car over but all I could do was stare in horror at Gianna who was gasping and crying.
“Call an ambulance,” Aria ordered. Then to me. “Get out of the car. We need room.”
Within a couple of minutes, Gianna was stretched out on the back seat and I was kneeling behind her so she rested against my legs, Aria was between Gianna’s legs. “Don’t push too hard Gianna, or you’ll tear,” Aria instructed. How could she sound so fucking calm?
Luca stood close behind her, watching our surroundings and trying not to look at Gianna. Cars were driving past us, honking and letting out curses.
Gianna cried out again and her breathing came in short bursts.
“Gianna.” A slight edge entered Aria’s voice. “Push.”
“Why?” I asked immediately.
“The umbilical cord is around the baby’s throat,” she said. “But it’s okay. We’ll get it out.”
I clutched at Gianna and she clawed at my arms. Fuck, what if I lost her and the baby? Fuck. I began shaking. My vision seemed hazy as if I was caught up in a nightmare. I’d seen so many horrors but nothing compared to this, to the idea of losing everything that mattered.
Gianna tensed as she pushed once more.
“The head’s out,” Aria said in a strained voice. “I’ll try to get its shoulders out.”
“Just get it out, Aria. Please, don’t let our baby die,” Gianna cried.
“I won’t,” Aria said. And then Gianna jerked and Aria held the baby but it wasn’t moving.
“We need to cut the umbilical cord,” Luca said firmly, pulling his knife.
Aria tried to push her fingers under the cord, which was wrapped twice around our baby’s throat. “The blood in there might be its only source of oxygen,” she said, still tugging. “God, why isn’t it loosening!”
“Aria, the cord’s choking the baby,” Luca said, stepping up to her.
Aria looked desperate. “Be careful, please.”
Gianna trembled against me. I held her even tighter. Tension exploded through my body when Luca began cutting the cord. Blood spurted out of it and Aria began rubbing the baby’s back and trying to clean its nose and mouth. I wasn’t sure how long it took but eventually a cry rang out.
Aria met my gaze but it took a moment for her words to penetrate my mind. “Matteo, cut open Gianna’s shirt. The baby needs to rest on her skin, it needs the warmth.”
My hands shook too fucking much. “I’ll cut her.”
Luca pulled Aria back and leaned into the car. He carefully sliced open Gianna’s shirt. “I never thought you’d see me naked,” Gianna muttered tonelessly. She looked pale and weak. I’d sworn to always protect her from harm but in this case, I was completely helpless and I hated it more than anything.
Luca smiled but it was tense. “It’s a nightmare come true.”
Gianna laughed hoarsely then winced sharply. I kissed her temple and rested my cheek atop her hair.
I gave my brother a grateful look. “Who’d ever thought you’d have to cut something for me one day?”
He smirked. “You’re losing your touch.”
“Luca, can you get out of the way?” Aria said impatiently and Luca finally stepped back. Aria leaned over and carefully laid a small, blood-smeared baby on Gianna’s breasts. “Congrats on your beautiful daughter,” Aria said quietly, tears in her eyes.
I stared down at our Peanut. Our daughter. Gianna hesitantly touched her palm to her small back then peered up at me. There was wonder and fear in her eyes, and utter exhaustion reflected on her face. I kissed her forehead. “We can do this,” I assured her.
She gave a small nod then let her head fall back against my chest. I put my hand over hers atop our daughter’s back.
Gianna
Staring down at this wrinkly, smeared, bluish-red human being, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that this was really my daughter—that I was a mother now. No longer just Gianna, mob wife and yoga instructor. My brain seemed cloaked by thick fog and the pain in my lower body barely registered anymore.
“Babe, how do you feel?” Matteo asked, but even his voice seemed to come from a distance.
I wasn’t sure what answer to give him, wasn’t sure what exactly I was feeling. “Exhausted,” I said.
The baby seemed to push toward my breasts, smacking its lips. The sound of the ambulance briefly registered and the lights flashed in my peripheral vision but I couldn’t look away from the baby—my baby. Some people described the moment of seeing their child for the very first time as love at first sight. That’s what Aria had called it. I didn’t feel anything but a deep sense of responsibility and disbelief. Soon I was hoisted into the ambulance with the baby still on my chest. Matteo joined me, and Luca would follow us in his car. Everything seemed to happen in a blur, so surreal I often wondered if I were still asleep and would wake any moment, and if that was the case, was it a nightmare or dream?
Matteo stayed close to my side and didn’t relax until we were finally alone in a hospital room and the doctors had checked on me and the baby, and stitched me back together where I’d torn.
The baby was latched on to my breast but I didn’t have much milk yet.
“She looks like you,” Matteo said.
I frowned. “Really?” Her hair wasn’t as red as mine, it was a strange reddish-brown and her eyes were a kind of blue, but it was still too early to say what she’d end up looking like.
I touched her small back. So breakable and now my responsibility.
“I didn’t think I’d ever see you like this,” Matteo murmured, his face reflecting the same disbelief I felt, but in his eyes, I didn’t find the same panic taking hold of my body.
Matteo took my hand as if he could sense my inner turmoil. “I’m at your side every step of the way. We can do this.”
I nodded then winced at the pain in my breast. “A few things I need to do by myself. What if I fail?”
“If you can’t breastfeed the baby, she’ll get the bottle. She won’t remember once she’s older, and let’s be honest our parents messed up far more, and we still survived.”
A small smile tugged at my mouth. “I love you.”
Matteo’s eyes soften. I didn’t say it first very often. I just wasn’t a very lovey-dovey kind of person. Matteo leaned forward and kissed my mouth then he glanced down at the squirming baby on my chest. “Do you have a name in mind?”
I shook my head. I’d thought a name would magically manifest itself the moment I saw my child. As if by merely looking at it, I’d peg it a Lorana or Melania or whatever other name the kid would look like. Yet, staring down at
my squishy baby now, I drew a blank. I could barely wrap my mind around the fact that I’d squeezed her out of me not too long ago, much less decide on something as important as a name she’d have to carry all her life.
“Do you?” I asked hopefully but a knock sounded before Matteo could reply. Our baby had fallen asleep at my breast. I quickly tugged her away and covered myself before the door opened. Aria poked her head in, her brows puckered in worry. The moment she spotted me, she smiled brightly. “Can we come in?”
“Of course,” I said, relieved to have her here. She was a mother. Maybe she’d be able to help me understand this small creature sleeping soundly on my body. She came in, followed by Luca who gave me one of his warmer smiles, a rare sight. He even held flowers in his hand, probably an order from Aria, but I didn’t care.
Aria headed over to me. Matteo got up and grinned at Luca who shook his head with an exasperated smile before he came toward me and put the flowers down on the bedside table. “Congrats, Gianna. Your daughter likes a spectacular show, just like her mother.”
It wasn’t said in a condescending way so I took it as a compliment. “Thanks, Luca.”
He nodded and walked toward Matteo who hovered next to the window, watching me and our daughter with that same disbelief he’d displayed when she’d first popped out.
“How do you feel?” Aria whispered.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
She nodded. “It’ll take time for you to grow together.”
“I thought you experienced love at first sight.”
She hesitated. “I did, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t have to find it together. You have to get to know your daughter. That takes time. Don’t worry.”
“I hope you’re right. Have you heard anything from Lily?”
Aria grinned. “In labor. Maybe your kids will share a birthday.”
“This is all so surreal. I’m waiting to wake up any moment.”
Aria kissed my cheek. “I’m proud of you.”
I swallowed, hating how emotional I’d become and yet unable to change it.