by Reilly, Cora
“You’re right.”
Talia gave me an encouraging smile but I didn’t feel like telling Mom about my engagement now.
Eventually, we settled at the table and had dinner. Talia had started school again and found a couple of friends. Mom had more trouble, mainly because she wanted to make acquaintances among the higher-ranking mob wives, who still gave her the cold shoulder.
“Why don’t you give a few of the soldiers’ wives a chance? You’ll be lonely if you don’t have people to spend time with.”
Mom’s lips pinched. “We’ll see.”
That meant she’d keep schmoozing the Captains’ wives until the last shreds of her dignity were gone.
“I have something I’d like to tell you.” Talia bit her lip, twisting a strand of her brown hair around her finger nervously.
Mom slowly set her fork down.
“Ryan asked me to marry him and I said yes. We want to marry next spring.”
Mom blinked then she nodded as if this wasn’t news. She didn’t look angry, disappointed or happy. “I suspected something like that. It’s the logical choice given our current position. We’re not accepted by most people in the Famiglia so it’s impossible to find a better match for you, especially because you aren’t pure anymore. And your Growl is Enforcer under Luca. It could be worse.”
She made it sound as if Ryan was some kind of emergency solution, someone I’d chosen because I didn’t have a choice.
“I didn’t say yes because I thought I wouldn’t find a better match. I said yes because I love him and know that I can’t find a better man for me.”
Mom gave me a bitter smile. “I don’t blame you, Cara. I understand, believe me, and I accept your decision.”
Anger spread in my body, making my blood pound in my temples. “I didn’t ask for your approval, but we’re a family and I want us to stick together. I want Ryan to be a part of that family, for you to see him for who he really is, for who he has become.”
“He was Enforcer and now he’s Enforcer again, Cara. He’s doing what he does best.”
“You loved Dad despite what he did for work,” I reminded her because no matter how desperately she tried to pretend Dad had been a good man, that wasn’t the truth.
“That’s different.”
“Is it, really?”
Mom stood with a forced smile. “How about we have dessert now?”
Talia rolled her eyes, but I nodded. “Sure.”
Mom turned and hurried into the kitchen.
I sighed. “It’s the reaction I expected. I don’t know why I hoped for something else.”
Talia patted my hand. “She’s taking our new situation harder than us.”
“But we suffered all the same, yet we’re trying to move on.”
“She’ll learn to live with Growl.”
“What about you? You know you don’t have to be scared of him. He’d never hurt you. We’re his family now.”
Talia shrugged. “I don’t know him, but I know you and if you trust him then I know I don’t have to fear him.”
I leaned over and hugged her. “Thank you.”
Talia and I were closer now than we’d been before our father was killed. Maybe because I’d stopped being obsessed with pleasing society and my so-called friends, and because she’d become more mature. We’d both changed and now really appreciated each other.
“We could lock them in our bedroom,” Ryan said, but in his eyes, I could see his reluctance. I felt the same way. Coco and Bandit were part of our family. Locking them away felt wrong. As if Bandit knew what was going on, he pressed up to my leg. At nine, his black fur was slowly turning gray around his muzzle. He wagged his tail when I patted his back and soon Coco trotted my way, wanting her share of petting as well.
Mother would have to get used to them eventually. “Bandit and Coco will stay.”
I wasn’t sure who was more nervous about Talia’s and Mom’s visit, Ryan or I. It was strange seeing my tall, strong, inked-all-over fiancé nervous. It wasn’t very obvious, just subtle signs like him checking his watch for the hundredth time or glancing into the oven repeatedly to check on the roast I’d made. He usually didn’t have the slightest interest in cooking but today it seemed to calm his nerves.
“We’ll have a wonderful Christmas,” I assured him as I slid up to him and took his hand, leaning against his strong side.
He nodded, not saying anything. Ryan still wasn’t the talkative type, but the days leading up to our first Christmas together definitely reminded me of our early days as captive and captor, when he rarely spoke a word to me, much less opened up about his feelings.
I, too, was nervous. This was the first time Mom and Talia would visit us for dinner—on Christmas Eve no less. Talia had been over to our apartment on occasion when Ryan was home but Mom had only met him a couple of times at social events since she was in New York. She preferred to avoid him.
Ryan and I both kept busy with preparations while the dogs watched us curiously from their baskets. They were still weary of the newest addition to our apartment: a Christmas tree. This was the first time they encountered one, but I’d insisted we have it as part of our Christmas decoration.
The bell rang, making me jump. Coco perked up and Bandit jumped out of his basket with a deep woof before he trotted to the door. Coco followed him half-heartedly.
“You get the door,” Ryan said. “Your mother and sister will feel more comfortable if you greet them.”
I shook my head and grabbed his hand before I pulled him toward the entrance door. “You and I are together in this.”
He squeezed my hand briefly but his face was devoid of emotion. I put on my brightest smile and opened the door. Mother and Talia waited in front of it as if they were about to face their executioner. Luckily, Talia caught herself fast and stepped close to me for a hug.
“Is Mom going to make a mess of tonight?” I whispered.
Talia shrugged. “Probably.”
I pulled away and faced my mother. She stood frozen in the hallway, giving me a stiff smile but her eyes kept flitting to Ryan. I didn’t get any Christmas mood vibes from her.
“Hello Cara,” Mother said almost formally, clutching her purse in front of her belly like a shield.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Talia awkwardly shake Ryan’s hand. I couldn’t remember if I’d ever seen Ryan shake anyone’s hand at all. The sight almost had me bursting out laughing.
I invited Mom in but she was as stiff as a salt pillar, her eyes directed at Coco and Bandit who waited in the hallway behind us. Talia’s initial fear during her first visits had been replaced by tentative affection. She even stroked Coco’s back who was more approachable than Bandit. His trust issues with humans went deeper.
“It’s okay, Mom. They accept visitors as long as we do. They won’t do anything.”
I had to drag Mom inside and then I led her into the living area with the small dining table. I’d decorated everything in gold and red to give it a cozy feel. Bandit and Coco both headed toward their baskets after a sign from Ryan.
“Good evening,” Mom said to him with a stiff smile, holding out her hand.
Ryan took it and shook it very briefly, probably picking up on Mom’s obvious discomfort.
“How about we sit down and have dinner?” I said quickly before the tension could rise.
After Talia and Mom had left, Ryan went out to walk the dogs and I cleaned the kitchen. He took longer than usual, a sign that he needed time to think.
When he finally returned and sank down on the sofa, I approached him. His expression was guarded.
“It went okay, don’t you think?” I asked softly. It hadn’t been the easy-going, warm Christmas dinner other families might have, but events like that had always been a rather formal affair with my family, and that hadn’t improved.
Ryan shrugged, stroking Coco’s head. “It went better than I thought. Your mother won’t ever get over who I was and who I still am.”
&nbs
p; “You changed. You aren’t the person everyone feared in Las Vegas.”
“I’m now the person people fear in New York, Cara. I’m still Enforcer. Of course, Luca isn’t as depraved as Falcone.”
“My mother has no problem with Luca’s level of depravity so she can’t blame you for what you’re doing in his name.”
“Fear is immune to reason,” he rasped. I stepped between his legs, forcing his eyes to raise to mine.
“My sister and mother will learn to accept you if they love me because I love you. End of story,” I said firmly. Ryan grabbed me by the hips, his amber eyes intense. I knew the look and my core answered with a familiar tightening.
“I love you too,” he growled.
His big hands slid to the back of my skirt, jerking down the zipper almost brutally. It wouldn’t be the first piece of clothing I lost to Ryan’s overeager, too strong hands. The moment the zipper was down he started dragging my skirt down my legs impatiently. It dropped to the floor beside my feet. Coco trotted away, knowing what was coming.
Ryan’s impatience and lust won out. He grabbed my tights and ripped a hole in them right over my panties before he shoved them roughly aside. He leaned forward and forced his tongue between my pussy lips with a hard lick. I half-gasped, half-moaned, my hands flying up to clutch at Ryan’s head. He grasped my leg and propped my foot up on his leg, opening me up for him. The sounds falling from his mouth were almost animalistic as he licked me. I panted, smiling as I watched him. He tugged even harder at my panties so he had better access and could press his mouth against my pussy and suck my lips into his mouth.
“Ryan,” I gasped.
“You taste so sweet, Cara. Have from the very first moment I ate you out.”
His tongue dove back between my folds for a firm lick before he sucked my clit into his mouth. I cried out from the almost painful sensation and Ryan switched to soft soothing licks that had me relaxing. He cupped my breast, stroking lightly. My body brimmed with a mix of anticipation and anxiety. Then he pinched my nipple hard, causing me to cry out again. The pain battled with the intense pleasure Ryan’s tongue created with its gentle circling of my clit.
Ryan enjoyed it if I caused him pain during sex and slowly he taught me to appreciate the play of pain and pleasure as well. This time he didn’t release my nipple. He tugged and twisted it but kept up sucking my clit. I scratched over his scalp with my fingernails, causing him to growl, and then stars burst before my eyes as intense pleasure radiated from my core. Ryan pinched my nipple and my orgasm became even more intense. I almost fell backward and would have if Ryan hadn’t released my panties and clutched my ass cheek firmly to keep me in place while he shoved his mouth even harder against me, thrusting his tongue up and down.
I barely got the chance to catch my breath before Ryan released me and tore open his zipper, shoving down his boxers and freed his erection.
“Turn around,” he rasped.
The moment I had my back turned to him, he pulled me down on his lap, impaling me on his length. I screamed, still oversensitive from my release and almost came again. Gripping Ryan’s muscled thighs, I rocked myself back and forth, driving him deeper into me with every move. Ryan gripped my hips, guiding my moves as his hips thrust upward, driving even deeper into me. The sound of our bodies’ joining filled the apartment but I didn’t care. I’d long gotten over my embarrassment.
Ryan cupped my breasts through my blouse, kneading them. His tattooed thighs flexed under my fingers. So strong. When his strength and harsh exterior had terrified me at the very beginning, it now increased my desire for this man. I leaned forward and dipped down my head, watching Ryan’s length slide into me, claiming me.
“Turn around. Let me see your face.”
Ryan hoisted me off his lap and I hissed at the loss of him inside of me, but soon knelt over him, our faces close together. I sank back down on his length with a soft moan. This time we moved slower. I leaned forward, capturing his mouth with mine. He tangled his fingers in my hair, tugging slightly until he had me pinned in a way that allowed him to ravish my mouth. His other hand kneaded my ass, guiding my movements. We stayed joined like this for a long time, our bodies barely moving, pleasure only a low burn in our bodies.
The back and forth between the gentle lovemaking and animalistic fucking heightened my senses and lust. Ryan sucked my lower lip into his mouth as his thumb gently traced my clit. We’d stopped moving, but he was buried all the way inside of me, hard as stone, and I knew what would soon happen but never when. Ryan’s amber eyes seemed to burn into me as his finger guided me higher. My muscles started clenching around his cock, the first treacherous signs of my approaching release.
His circling became even slower and he released my lip before he kissed me harshly. Grabbing my neck, he tilted my head until he could rasp in my ear, “I’m going to fuck you until you scream.”
He hoisted me off his lap. I gasped when his cock slid out of me. Ryan lifted me on the couch, my hands propped up on the armrest. One knee on the sofa behind me, one leg standing, he stood behind me. He grabbed my throat and hip, and thrust into me almost violently. I arched back against him, needing more. Every thrust seemed to reach deeper than before. I clutched the armrest desperately. Ryan leaned closer, his fingers around my throat tightening slightly.
“Fuck, Cara. If you knew what you’re doing to me… the power you’re holding over me.”
I tilted my head and kissed him harshly. Our eyes stayed locked as he slammed into me. His hand slid down from my throat to my breast, kneading it firmly before he pinched my nipple.
I clenched around him and began to tremble.
“Come for me,” Ryan rasped. Sweat glistened on his face and inked chest. His fingers tugged even harder at my nipple until I gasped out from the combined sensation of pain and pleasure. Ryan drank in my expression as my orgasm hit me. My lips fell open and my eyes widened as a wave of intense pleasure pulsated through my core and soon my entire body.
Ryan grunted as he kept thrusting into me, forcing my oversensitive body to accept even more pleasure.
His other arm came around me as well, jerking me even closer to his body, and his fingers found my still throbbing clit.
“Too much,” I groaned but Ryan bit lightly down on my shoulder. “No.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, surrendering to his fingers and cock, and soon pleasure took over again. This time I took Ryan over the edge with me. He growled against my neck, his thrusts becoming less coordinated. My arms gave in until I had to brace myself on my forearms, crying out my release.
Ryan stilled behind me and I panted, my forehead pressed against the backrest, my body pulsating almost painfully. Ryan kissed my shoulder blade as he pulled out of me. He sank down on the couch and pulled me sideways onto his lap. I leaned my head against his chest, trying to catch my breath.
“Have you ever considered kids?” I wasn’t sure why the words left my mouth in that moment but it was a topic I’d been wondering about for a while. Ryan and I wanted to spend our life together and for me children were a must.
Ryan stiffened, his fingers on my thigh digging into my skin. “Kids?” he rumbled as if the word didn’t even make sense to him.
I pulled away to look at his face. His expression was a mix of confusion and wariness. “I never thought they were an option for me.”
“Why not?”
“Because of who I was… who I still am. I never wanted a woman at my side and knocking up random whores and producing bastards was never something I wanted.”
“But I am at your side now,” I said softly.
He nodded, wonder reflecting in his eyes. “You are.”
“And I won’t go anywhere.”
He stroked my throat with his inked hand. “You will.” There was still the hint of doubt in his voice. I cupped his stubbled cheeks.
“I won’t go anywhere.”
“You want kids?” he asked roughly.
“I do. I always wanted two fo
r as long as I could remember. I still do. I want a happy family.”
“A happy family…” He tested the words as if they were entirely foreign to him, something from a language he didn’t understand.
“Don’t you want that after everything you’ve gone through?”
“I’ve destroyed many families in my time as Benedetto’s right-hand man. You know that better than anyone.”
I swallowed. Ryan hadn’t killed my father but he would have and he’d tortured him. He was loyal to Benedetto, a fact that still boggled my mind after what the man had done to him. “That’s the past. You can redeem yourself by doing right by our children.”
“You really want kids with me? They could be like me…”
“Nothing’s wrong with you. You had a horrible childhood, that’s why you became Benedetto’s enforcer. Our children won’t suffer like you did. They’ll be raised with love.”
“I don’t know if I’m capable of doing that.”
“You’re capable of loving me so why shouldn’t you be able to love our children?”
Ryan nodded slowly. “Yeah, maybe.”
“Definitely.”
“If you want kids, I’ll give them to you. I want you happy.”
I hugged him. “We still have time. But I want us to be a family.”
Ryan hugged me tightly. I breathed in his musky scent, relaxing further.
Our wedding wasn’t the splendid feast I’d imagined as a teenage girl, not a way to impress society and friends. It was pure and simple, like Ryan’s and my love.
We married on a ship on the Hudson with the Statue of Liberty in the background. Only a few people were present as we were declared husband and wife. Talia and Mom, who’d grown used to Ryan even if he still wasn’t the son-in-law Mom wanted, Aria and Luca as well as Gianna and Matteo. While I’d been close to Aria in the beginning, and still was, because she’d helped me and my family so much, I now met Gianna more often, which had come as a surprise. She’d seemed difficult to get along with during our first few encounters but soon we’d figured out we both enjoyed yoga, Pilates and working out. From that day on, we’d met at least once to work out together and she even asked me to help her with the Famiglia’s women’s gym she wanted to set up. Naturally, Coco and Bandit were present as well, despite their wariness toward the ship.