The Blurring

by Angela Peach

  “You’ll think I’m crazy” she finally said, her voice tight.

  “Try me.”

  She took another gulp from her glass.

  “Ok. Here, put your feet into this while I talk” she said, putting the bowl on the floor. I eased my sore feet into the water, wincing, and she came to sit next to me on the sofa. There was a long silence and when I looked at her, she’d closed her eyes.

  “I was the first car on the scene. I guess I must have been about half a mile behind you when it happened because when I drove up, everything was still…happening. It was awful. The lorry had jack knifed and I watched it as it went over onto its side…skidding along the road. There was a black car just rolling over and over, and that stopped on its roof. It was smashed in pretty badly. Then there was the blue car-your car. You were spinning round and round in the road, but there was only damage to one side that I could see.”

  “The accident report said I must have turned slightly when we skidded from braking-the black car hit the passenger side of mine, then the kerb and flipped onto it’s roof” I explained, and she nodded, opening her eyes and looking at me. She’d probably read this in the papers anyway.

  “I remember I was sat in my car for what felt like hours, just staring at it all in shock. I didn’t know what to do! When I pulled myself together, I got out and I could hear the lorry driver shouting that he was trapped in his cab, asking if anyone else was hurt. He said he’d called an ambulance, so I thought I’d see if I could help anyone. The black car was…well, it was totally trashed. So I came to yours, and I saw you moving. Luckily, your door wasn’t damaged, so I opened it and pulled you out. There was a small fire, so I dragged you to the grass and I was just going to make sure you were ok, then go back and get your friends out” she paused to lean forward and pour more vodka into both our glasses. I already felt warm and slightly fuzzy from it, not having eaten since lunch, but I knew I was going to need the second glass she was passing to me.

  “You seemed ok at first. You had a pulse, and there weren’t any visible life threatening injuries that I could see.”

  “At first? What do you mean?”

  We’d both half turned to face each other and I saw a shadow cross her features.

  “You were looking at me, and I asked you what your name was…then…fuck, this is hard. I’ve never told anyone this before Tristen, so if you laugh, or look at me like I’m crazy, you can just leave, ok?” I nodded at her, and she took another swallow. “You died. You just went limp, and there was no pulse and you weren’t breathing and I didn’t know why.”

  I wasn’t breathing now.

  I died?

  “So” Spencer continued, “I gave you mouth to mouth resuscitation and that’s when it happened. I felt something.”

  “It’s ok. You can tell me” I encouraged, her reluctance to voice whatever it was was driving me insane. I put my hand on her knee to reassure her.

  “I felt…you…enter me. There, I said it. I felt your spirit or soul or life force or whatever the fuck you wanna call it, come into me.” Her brown eyes were intense as they watched me for my reaction.

  “What do you mean? How…?”

  “I don’t know how, I just know that all of a sudden, I could feel you. Jesus, I know how insane this sounds, but I could feel you inside me and it freaked me out and I started panicking. So I did the only thing I could think of to get you out. I…I blew you back into your body.”

  “You blew me back in?”

  “See? I told you you’d think I was crazy.”

  “No, I don’t, I swear.”

  “Why not? I think I sound crazy” she laughed dryly.

  “Keep going. What happened next?”

  “Well, it must have worked. You started breathing again and I couldn’t feel you anymore. But when I tried to sit up, I couldn’t. I felt so light headed and weak, I could barely move my arm. It was sort of like you stole some of my life force or something. That’s when I really freaked out! I had to get out of there, so I literally crawled back to my car and drove back up the road until I got to a lay by. I pulled in and about two minutes later, the ambulances went by. When I was able to stop shaking, I drove home and hid in my room for the rest of the day.

  I was so confused about what had happened, I didn’t tell anyone. I mean, what the hell could I have said that wouldn’t make me sound like I needed locking up? So I kept quiet about even being there. Then it was all over the news, and you and the police were asking me to come forward and I wanted to, I really did!”

  “So why didn’t you?”

  “Oh come on! By then I couldn’t give any reasonable explanation for leaving the scene, or for not coming forward sooner. I just decided to try and forget it ever happened and get on with my life. And if it hadn’t been for the nightmares, it would’ve been so much easier to do that.”

  “What?” My head snapped round so fast, I felt it click.

  “My nightmares. I dream about that day. A lot.” She added, looking uncomfortable. Leaning forward slightly, I touched her arm.

  “When you say a lot, do you mean every night?” I asked, and she turned to me, surprised

  “Yeah. I always thought it was like my punishment for running away and leaving your friends to die. I thought that if I ever saw you again, I’d say sorry. Then maybe the dreams would stop.”

  “Spencer…I have the same dreams. Every night.”

  “What? That’s impossible! Why would we both be having the same dreams?”

  “I don’t know. But I thought I was having the dreams because I never got to thank you.”

  A deep silence surrounded us as we both thought this through, and then a small smile played on her lips.

  “You chased me down the road without your shoes…just to say thank you?”

  “I’ve been searching for you for two years. I wasn’t about to let you disappear again.”

  “Why did you spend two years searching for me? I mean, most people would have given up.”

  “Honestly? I got sort of obsessed with finding you. I thought…well I hoped, that if I found you my nightmares would stop.”

  “So, how do you feel now that you have? Does anything feel different?”

  I thought about it before I answered her.

  “Yeah, but in a weird way. Like…I don’t know, I guess like we’ve opened the lid on Pandora’s box or something!” I laughed nervously. “We won’t have to wait too long to see!”

  “Maybe we should swap phone numbers? So we can let each other know about our dreams” she suggested, almost shyly.

  “Sure! Have you got a pen? I’ll give you my…oh shit!”

  In that one moment, everything came crashing back to me-being mugged and Nick waiting at home for me. I looked at my watch-it was nine fifteen.

  “Can I use your phone? I need to make a call.”

  Spencer wrote down her address and gave me her mobile, then left the room to give me some privacy. For reasons unknown to myself, I hadn’t mentioned, (nor did I want to) anything about Nick all the time I’d been here.

  I called him, giving a brief rundown of what had happened and where I was. Again, for reasons unknown, I didn’t mention Spencer this time. He told me he was on his way, and ended the call saying he loved me. I hung up quickly as if I hadn’t heard, and when I looked around, I saw Spencer had returned and was leaning against the door frame, watching me with an odd expression.

  “My…friend is coming to get me, but he won’t be here for another forty five minutes. Is that ok? I don’t want to impose.”

  “It’s really no problem. Are you hungry? I haven’t eaten yet and could do with some food to soak up that vodka. I was just going to chuck something easy together, like a spag bol if you’re interested?”

  We went to her kitchen, which was just as sparse as the lounge, but she rummaged together enough basic ingredients for a meal. As she cooked, I found out a little more about her.

  She was twenty nine, the same as me, and had just l
ost her job as a chef in a local restaurant. She was also an orphan having lost both her parents to cancer over the years. As she had no siblings, this meant she was effectively alone in the world with no living relatives.

  “Oh my god Spencer, that’s awful!” I said, putting my hand on her arm. She jumped slightly at the contact and looked at me in surprise. I removed it quickly, embarrassed. “I lost my brother Alex, eleven years ago. I remember locking myself away in my room and hating god, the universe, life itself for being so unfair to me. But what you went through must have been ten times worse, losing the only two family you had.”

  For some reason, my heart ached for her and I felt a strong desire to want to make things better for her, even if that meant I became her surrogate family.

  “How did he die? If you don’t mind me asking?” she added quickly. I shook my head.

  “It was stupid really. He joined the army for a laugh with some of his mates, not really thinking about the consequences I suppose. Two months later, nine/eleven happened and he got posted out to Iraq. He lasted the sum total of fifteen days.” I paused, feeling a lump in my throat. This was something I never discussed with anyone, not even Nick or Alice. Steadying myself, I said, “I used to be so angry about it, but I’m over it now.”

  “Oh, come on Tristen! You’re either lying to me or to yourself. I think we both know you don’t ever get over a pain like that. You just find ways of dealing with it. The wound is always raw, but we get on with living and try not to focus on the hurt to make it easier to get through the day” she said, quite blasé, before wincing and shaking her head. “I am so, so sorry. Oh my god, I don’t know where that came from. Who the fuck am I to judge? I can’t believe I just said all that to you.”

  “It’s ok. You’re right. Maybe I didn’t really realise until you said it, but it is always raw for me. I don’t even like thinking about him because I’m scared I’ll break down or something. In fact, this is probably the most I’ve spoken about him to anyone for years!” I replied, surprising myself. My eyes started welling up and I instantly felt stupid for wanting to cry in front of this virtual stranger. Spencer saw me turn away to hide them, and was there in a heartbeat, pulling me into a warm hug.

  “It’s ok to let it out. Don’t ever feel embarrassed about showing how you feel, especially not around me” she soothed as I buried my head into her neck, tears flowing freely.

  “But I don’t even know you and…” I stopped myself from saying ‘you seem to know so much about me.’ When I felt I had some semblance of control over my emotions I pulled away, but she remained close to me, looking deep into my eyes. It felt completely comfortable and I realised I didn’t want to break the contact. I could feel her breath on my face and it seemed like we were getting closer together. Spencer’s lips parted slightly, as if to say something or…

  “Beck? Can you give us a hand?” We were interrupted by the guy she’d been with earlier bursting through the door, three bags of shopping in each hand. He looked like he was struggling as he dropped them in the hall. “I’ve got about ten more in the car.”

  We stepped away from each other, and it felt cold and lonely to not be so close to her. I mentally shook myself down, thoroughly confused.

  “Are you ok watching the dinner?”

  “Mm-hm” I replied, as optimistically as I could-I had a wonderful talent for being able to burn water. She ran out to help her (boy?)friend bring in the shopping leaving me to peer curiously into the bubbling pans. I had no idea how long was left on either the pasta, or the meaty sauce, and wouldn’t know just by looking. Nick always did our cooking at home having experienced one too many of my burnt offerings. As they both dealt with the shopping, I stirred both pans trying to look like I knew what I was doing. However, when the last of it had been put away in the cupboard, Spencer returned her attention to our dinner.

  “Oh! I guess you like your food really well done? Really well done” she muttered, taking them off the heat. I blushed.

  “Sorry. I should have said I’m not allowed near the kitchen at home. I annihilate food” I admitted. She glanced over her shoulder as she drained the pasta and raised an eyebrow.

  “Hmm. Maybe we should do something about that?”

  I hoped she was talking about giving me lessons. I already knew I wanted to spend more time with her.

  She served up three meals and we sat at the table to eat while her friend, San, took his through to the lounge. As we ate in silence I found myself wondering at how comfortable we already were with each other. Several times I snuck a quick look at her, only to find her eyes on me also. But instead of being embarrassed, we just smiled and carried on with our food.

  When we’d finished, she took my plate and came back with a pen and paper which we wrote our contact details on, just in time for the knock at her front door signalling Nick’s arrival.

  “That’s probably your friend” she said, but I thought I detected a hint of disappointment in her voice. I jumped to my feet, eager to avoid introducing them both if I could, but realising it was going to be inevitable as San let him in and directed him through to us.

  “Tris? Fucking hell babe, are you ok? I’ve been so worried!” he gushed, wrapping his arms around me in a bear hug. It didn’t feel as warm, nor as comforting as her hug had been, and I pulled away awkwardly.

  “I’m fine, more pissed off than anything” I could see out of the corner of my eye that Spencer’s eyebrows were up again.

  “You must be Tristen’s boyfriend” she said, with enough gentle emphasis on ‘boy’ to let me know she was confused as to why I hadn’t told her when we’d been talking. “My name’s Spencer.”

  “Nick. So what did the police say?” he asked me.

  “Oh…er…I um…I haven’t called them yet.”

  “What? Baby, you’ve been assaulted…”

  “Mugged.”

  “But your legs…”

  “She fell over” Spencer interjected. He looked between us both, frowning.

  “It doesn’t matter, you should have reported it straight away. What have you been doing for the last two hours?”

  Spencer looked at me, her expression one of bemused confusion. I knew she was wondering why I wasn’t telling Nick who she was.

  “Talking?” I answered, knowing it sounded ridiculous when I should have been calling the police.

  “Talking?” he repeated, his face incredulous. There was a long pause as I struggled for an excuse.

  “Well, Tristen,it was nice meeting you! I suppose you’d better be going-you’ve got a lot to be getting on with. Call me tomorrow and tell me what happened?” Spencer said, and I knew she was referring to my dreams. She stuffed her hands into her tight, figure hugging jean pockets.

  “Sure. Good luck with yours too” I said. Her expression was hard to read and the easiness we’d shared with each other over dinner seemed to have slipped away.

  “Thanks for helping out, Spencer. We really appreciate it” Nick then looked at me, taking in my shoeless feet. “Do you want a piggy back?” I nodded and hitched up my skirt to jump on his hips, hoping I wasn’t exposing too much of myself. Spencer walked us to the front door.

  “It was good meeting you Tris. Maybe I’ll see you soon?” Spencer repeated, and I thought she looked a little nervous. We locked eyes and I felt my heart skip a beat as my tinnitus rang happily away!

  “Definitely. It was really good meeting you” I replied, and she smiled. Then Nick was walking towards his car across the road and I watched her watch us leave before, with one last wave, she went back inside. A completely irrational pang of anxiety went through me when I couldn’t see her anymore.

  “Earth to Tristen? Hello?”

  “What? Sorry, I was miles away” we both got into the car.

  “I said how long have you both known each other? You both seemed very friendly” he asked as he started the engine. I took a deep breath.

  “Nick…that was her” I said quietly, and waited for it to sink in
.

  “Her? Her who?” He frowned, then his jaw dropped open almost comically. “Her? The girl you’ve been looking for?”

  “Yup!”

  On the drive home, I told him everything. Well, I left out the bit where my soul slid into her. And the bit where she blew me back in! As for why she left the scene, I told him instead that she’d lost her parents in a car accident, and it had brought back too many painful memories for her, so she had fled before the emergency services arrived. It was slim.

  He bought it.

  CHAPTER 4

  I watched the car speeding straight toward us and slammed my foot on the brake, knew we were going to hit anyway. My car slewed sideways as we skidded.

  BANG!

  There was confusion and pain, and plenty of both. With difficulty, I unbuckled my seatbelt. There was blood in my mouth and it made me want to gag. I could hear someone shouting, then my door was pulled open.

  “Tristen? Oh my god, are you ok? Can you hear me? Hang on, I’m gonna get you out of there” the voice said, before I was dragged from the car and along the road. Pain thundered through all of my limbs and I screamed.

  “Sorry baby” the girl said, resting me on softer ground. “Can you hear me? Are you conscious?”

  I opened my eyes so I could see her, and man was I glad that I did! She was so beautiful I forgot about the pain I was in! Her long dark hair was hanging down around my face, and her brown eyes were staring intently into mine.

  “Spence?” I croaked and she smiled, revealing little dimples in her cheeks.

  “Hey! Thought I’d lost you for a second there. How are you feeling?”

  “Much better now. Why don’t you come a bit closer and see for yourself?” I teased, pulling her down to me. Her lips parted slightly, then they were on mine, kissing me hungrily. When our tongues met, I reached around her head and tangled my fingers in her hair, holding her to me. She lay across me and we pushed our bodies together, wanting nothing more than to be as close as possible. We put our palms together and entwined our fingers, then tangled our legs around each other’s, moving to a rhythm only we knew. I wanted to be inside her, to be her.