The Blurring

by Angela Peach

  “Mm, you already are” I murmured, reaching lazily for my glass of champagne on the table, but my hand knocked it over instead. It smashed, sending bubbles and sharp shards of glass across the surface. “Oh shit! I’m so sorry honey” I said, sitting up.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get you a fresh glass” she said standing up and walking to the kitchen while I tried picking up the glass to put into the bin.

  “Ouch!” I hissed, dropping the sliver that had just sliced my thumb open. Blood instantly flooded out and started running down my hand.

  “Oh, you’re hurt!”

  “No, it didn’t hurt at all” I said, in awe at how much blood was escaping such a small wound. Spencer sat next to me and took my hand in hers, then put my thumb into her mouth. She sucked it gently and I felt her tongue flicker over the cut as I bled into her warm, velvety mouth. I drew in a sharp breath.

  “That feels…nice” I whispered, catching her eyes with my own, and I knew she could see what I really meant.

  That is the most erotic feeling in the world.

  She looked surprised, but held my thumb where it was. Then, making me gasp in shock, she sucked even harder. The wound throbbed as my blood was drawn into her hot mouth, and my eyes widened as I felt her suck again, harder.

  I knew this was disgusting and that I (we) should have been repulsed by it. But instead, I was extremely aroused.

  Not really knowing what I was doing, I stood and led her to the kitchen. Without speaking, I took the sharpest knife from the drawer and drew it along my forearm, careful to avoid any arteries and veins, and made a small gash about half an inch long. For a second there was just a bloodless cut. But then a torrent of red welled up and out, rolling down my wrist in a thick river. I looked at Spencer-she seemed mesmerised by it, but not sickened. Her eyes raised to mine, questioning.

  Are you sure?

  I nodded, and she leaned forward to kiss me, teasing her tongue inside my mouth in a deep, slow kiss. She tasted metallic, but not unpleasant. When she pulled back, she very tenderly lifted my arm until the fresh cut was in front of her lips and, breaking eye contact only to glance quickly at it, she dipped her mouth around it and sucked gently. A burst of erotic pleasure flooded my entire body, rippling between my thighs as the pressure of her soft mouth started drawing the blood from my arm. I closed my eyes, abandoning myself to the feelings completely and my lips parted as a moan escaped them. Then she suddenly spun me round until I was facing the work surface and one of her hands roamed roughly over my breasts, pinching at my nipples until I gasped in pain. The other hand was lifting up my skirt and pushing impatiently into my wetness, rubbing my swollen clit hard.

  “Oh god, yes! Yes!” I threw my head back and felt her teeth clamp hard on my neck. “Harder!” She obliged, in every way and I cried out as I steadied myself against the work surface. I reached around with my right hand and frantically unbuttoned her jeans, eager to touch her and feel her. Once my hand was inside I found her clit hard and wet and she pushed onto my hand, already as aroused as I was, it seemed. Her moans joined mine as she nipped and sucked at my neck, and I turned my head, needing to kiss her. We thrust our tongues into each other’s mouths as we worked our clits into a wild frenzy, both so close to coming, but holding on for as long as possible to maximise the pleasure.

  The orgasm was like a fireball consuming everything as it exploded through my body and hers wasn’t far behind. My legs barely supported me as I screamed.

  “Tristen” she whispered.

  My eyes snapped open and I sat up with a start, panting. I checked my arm frantically-it was smooth, tanned and slice free. Relieved, I looked around for Spencer, but the bed was empty. Frowning and anxious, I got out of bed and pulled on a vest and mini skirt, then went to find her.

  “Spence?” I called out as I walked through to the kitchen, but she wasn’t home. I put my hands in my hair, not knowing what to do, or what was going on. The dream had been so vivid. In fact, now that I thought about it, I couldn’t even remember going to bed. It was almost as if the night before had run straight through into my dream, except there was no evidence of the cuts I’d sustained (I preferred to think of it like that, rather than self-inflicted) and now, Spencer was gone. My heart rate quickened and I felt panic bubble to the surface as I searched around for my phone.

  Then I heard the front door go and Spencer came rushing through.

  “Where have you been?” I asked as she threw her arms around me. I stayed stiff in her embrace.

  “I’m sorry. I thought I’d only be gone for half an hour.”

  “How long have you been gone?”

  “Just over an hour” she admitted, her face etched with worry. “Is everything ok?”

  “You left me? After what happened last night, you just decided when you woke up to go off and leave me?” I said, my voice sounding cold. She recoiled, hurt.

  “Tris, I’m sorry. It was important.”

  “Ok, so tell me what was that important that you left me on my own, just so I can understand cos right now I’m struggling.”

  Her face fell, both at my tone and my request.

  “Baby, please? Not like this?” she reached out to touch my arm, but I shrugged her off.

  “Why? Just tell me?”

  Looking completely distraught, she lifted her chin and shook her head softly.

  “No. It’s not how I want to give it to you.”

  “Give what to me?”

  “Your birthday present” she said softly, taking a tentative step closer. “Tell me what happened while I was gone? Why are you so freaked out?”

  I gritted my teeth. I desperately wanted her to hold me and for things between us to go back to how they had been, but I’d woken up funky from the bizarre dream, so I stood my ground.

  “I just woke up from a dream, like the one where I jumped off a building to what I thought was my death. Except this one started when we got home last night and involved me cutting my arm open so you could…” I hesitated.

  “So I could what?” she asked, frowning.

  “So you could suck my blood!” I said, feeling slightly ridiculous as I did.

  “I sucked your blood? Why?”

  I hesitated again

  “Because it turned me on! And you. And then we had sex.”

  Her eyebrows raised in perplexed amusement.

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really. But I don’t actually remember what happened last night.”

  “We came home, drank two bottles of champagne, then made love on the sofa before going to bed. So I was drinking your blood?” she asked, and I nodded stiffly. “And you enjoyed that?” she cocked an eyebrow, and I could tell she was trying to tease me out of my funk, but I felt too stubborn.

  “Yes I did, but it was disgusting.”

  “Well, you know if you ever did want to do that, or anything, it would be ok, I wouldn’t ever say no to you” she said, smiling reassuringly at me, but I just turned and walked into the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of orange juice.

  “Tris? Are you really that mad with me?” she asked, following me.

  “Yes, I am!” I snapped. “It’s not just this morning, Spencer. It’s all the secrets you’re keeping from me. What are you hiding from me and why?”

  “I’m…I’m not hidi…”

  “Yes you are!” I said, interrupting her. “Tell me what I whispered to you at the end of the hypnotherapy session?”

  “I don’t know! You were talking backwards and…and…”

  “Stop fucking lying to me!” I shouted and heard her draw a sharp breath. I watched as tears fell out of her hurt eyes.

  “I’m not, baby! I can’t tell you what you said cos it didn’t make any sense! I ended the session cos you freaked me out when you started to convulse” she insisted through her tears, but for some strange reason, I now knew without a doubt that she was lying to me. This made me angrier and I pushed on.

  “What about when Pam was here? What was i
t you were both talking about?”

  “Tris, please? Stop this? Why are you so angry with me?” she sobbed, but my mouth was on a roll and I couldn’t seem to stop spitting the words out.

  “Because this is my life! These things are happening to me and you’re not telling me everything you know!”

  “Why won’t you just trust me?”

  “You really have to ask?”

  “I’m asking you to trust me!”

  “I’m asking you for the truth!”

  “Please baby, stop this?”

  “TELL ME!”

  “I CAN’T!”

  There was a moment’s silence as we got our breath back and stared each other down.

  “What do you mean you can’t? You can’t or won’t? ”

  Spencer looked at me with an agonised expression.

  “I can’t tell you” she whispered.

  “Why not?”

  “Tris...”

  “I said why not?”

  “Because Pam told me that it would be the end of us if I did, ok? She said that if I really loved you, I should keep quiet, at least for now. I don’t want to lose you, Tris, and I hate keeping it from you, but this is for the best in the long run, I promise” she said, holding out her hands to placate me. I moved away from her, still stubbornly holding on to my temper and digesting this information.

  “What are you saying? That if I know whatever it is that you’re hiding, I won’t want to be with you anymore?” I asked, wondering what in the world could be so bad that I wouldn’t want her by my side? I mean, it would have to be something crazy bad to make me fall out of love with her!

  Spencer saw the expression in my eyes and hers widened in alarm.

  “No! You’ve got it all wrong! Oh god baby, please trust me? I haven’t done anything wrong, I swear! I love you!”

  “I think I need to know” I stupidly insisted. She softened her tone and stepped closer to me.

  “Tristen, please? I’m begging you. If you love me, you won’t make me do this” she said slowly, and I detected a warning in her tone.

  “If you love me, you’ll tell me” I countered defiantly.

  “Jesus, what is wrong with you? It’s because I love you that I can’t!”

  “Well I…”

  “No! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” She grabbed my arms and pulled me close. “I don’t know what’s got into you, but you need to stop this right now cos I’m not ready to wave goodbye to us just yet, and if you insist on pushing me, I probably will tell you, and then you’ll hate me for telling you, and we will be over. Is that what you want?” she asked through gritted teeth, and I sucked in a sharp breath at the hard expression in her eyes.

  At that moment, there was a knock at the door and we both paused, chests heaving. Whoever it was knocked again, in a way that said they weren’t going to leave until we answered it and Spencer blinked. She dropped my arms and walked to the front door, leaving me to sink to my knees with my head in my hands.

  What the fuck was I doing?

  I really, really didn’t want to know whatever ‘it’ was, so why the hell was I pushing so hard, and hurting Spencer at the same time?

  “Tris? I tried to stop him!” Spencer called out and I groaned as I got wearily to my feet.

  “Ni…oh! Alex!”

  “Hey sis! Wanna tell me what the fuck is going on? Oh don’t look so surprised! Did you really think you’d get away with ditching us last night?” he said breezing through, his arms laden with brightly wrapped gifts, and I realised they were mine that I’d abandoned at Nicks. He put them down on the kitchen table, then turned to face me and I wondered if he’d picked up on the tense atmosphere he’d walked into. I found myself unable to speak, but Spencer spoke up instead.

  “What happened after we left?”

  “Oh, not much. Nick got pissed and started smashing stuff up. Mum and dad tried to get everyone to leave so we could sort things out in private, but obviously when we’d got everyone out, we discovered you’d done a runner, which went down blindingly! Then Ali made me take mum and dad home so she could sort Nick out, but before I left, he gave me this address and begged me to talk to you. So here I am!”

  “Shit!”

  “So what’s the sketch, Mol? What’s going on? I mean, I thought that after five years in Afghanistan you’d be a lot happier to see me! I haven’t even got a hug off you yet! Are you even pleased to see me? That, you know, I’m still alive and everything?”

  “Oh god, you have no idea how pleased I am!” I whispered, and all of a sudden it was like the floodgates opened, and I flew across the room, throwing my arms around him as the tears started flowing. “I missed you so much” I cried into his chest.

  “Um, I’m going to go out and leave you two to catch up, ok? I’ll be back in a couple of hours Tris” I heard Spencer say, but by the time I’d turned around, the front door was closing behind her.

  “Spence? Wait!” I chased her down, catching up with her just as she was opening her car.

  “It’s ok, I’m just driving to a friends and she lives about three hundred yards down the road, so don’t worry.”

  “That’s not why I came out. Baby, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I just…I’m sorry” I touched her arm, but now it was her turn to shrug me off.

  “Just go back in and spend some time with your brother, Tristen. We’ll talk later.”

  And with that, she got into her car and drove off without saying goodbye or looking back.

  It was like a sledgehammer to my stomach. I realised I had a lot of making up to do later.

  “I know I keep saying it but…I just can’t believe you’re here!” I said for what must have been the zillionth time! I was resting my head on my hand with my elbows on the table, and gazing at Alex with what could only be described as utter adoration. He didn’t seem to mind, and even looked pleased with the attention.

  He’d been telling me about the last five years in Afghanistan and I’d laughed and cried so much I felt like an emotional wreck! And every now and then I’d reach out and squeeze his hand, just to reassure myself he was really here, that he was real.

  “So Molls, I’ve been talking about me for the last two hours now. Why don’t you tell me what’s been going on with you? I mean, last night was not you, sis. What’s been going on? Why the fuck were you so upset?”

  I took a deep breath and played with my phone while I deliberated what to tell him.

  “I was going to break up with Nick last night” I said slowly.

  “What? Why? Shit, Mol, did he cheat on you?”

  “No! He’s not like that. He was perfect! It was me.”

  “What was you?”

  “Oh god! I…I fell in love with someone else. Someone I really shouldn’t have, but it just feels so intense and right!” I smiled. “I don’t know, have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have?” It was a serious question-I knew nothing about his love life. He didn’t answer me, and when I looked up I found his blue eyes studying me intensely.

  “Yeah, I guess I have” he said, his voice tight.

  “I think knowing I shouldn’t be with…them, makes it harder being around everyone else because I know they’d all judge me on my choice, you know? And the worst thing is that if we want to be together, we’d have to move somewhere far away” I said, trying not to give out too much information.

  “What, you mean like another country?”

  “I just don’t think we could stay here. This is shit, Alex. I’ve only just got you back.”

  “I know exactly how you feel. I…I feel the same way” he said, looking down at his hands. “I felt ashamed at first, like I was wrong in the head or something. I mean, it is wrong, right?”

  I stared at my brother in shock.

  Alex is gay??

  Ok, so this was going to make telling him about Spencer a hell of a lot easier! I leaned over and took his hand in mine.

  “Alex, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
You can’t help who you fall in love with, can you? I went through the same conflicting it. emotions as you, but if it feels right, then there’s nothing wrong in Nothing wrong” I reiterated. He blew out a shaky breath.

  “Wow! You don’t know how relieved I am to hear you say that!” he said, smiling nervously. “I wasn’t sure how to bring it up with you to be honest.”

  “You know you can always talk to me about anything, Alex.”

  Just then my phone buzzed, and I checked it quickly. It was from Alice.

  U NEED 2 CALL ME RITE NOW ABOUT NICK. IT’S FUCKING URGENT.

  There was no ‘x’ at the end and I felt a sting in my chest. Was this how it was going to be from now on? I could have Spencer, but I’d have to sacrifice everyone else I knew and loved to be with her? I wondered what Alice wanted to tell me about Nick, and lost in my train of thoughts, I missed what Alex had been saying, but caught the tail end.

  “…didn’t even realise I was until two years ago. Obviously I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, so I just kept it to myself. But it ate away at me every day.”

  My phone buzzed and I saw it was from Alice again.

  WHAT THE FUCK? CALL ME. I’M NOT FUCKING AROUND TRISTEN. THIS IS SERIOUS. NICK IS IN A BAD WAY.

  That got my attention.

  Where had Spencer said she was going?

  “Are you listening to me?” Alex asked, and I stood up.

  “I’ve got to call Alice-she says it’s urgent. I’m really sorry. Do you mind?”

  “No, of course not. I’ll just go and use the toilet, give you some privacy” he said, and I directed him to the bathroom before quickly dialling Ali. It went straight to voicemail. I hung up and tried again but got the same result, so I left a message telling her to call me back because I was ready to talk to her. I then tried calling Spencer-worryingly, hers went straight to voicemail as well. I asked her to call me back too and was just hanging up when Alex returned from the toilet. I put the phone on the kitchen counter, deep in thought. Surely Spencer wouldn’t have gone round to see him?