by Galia Albin
Chapter 45
Avner Dror, the young minister, had not yet been appointed to his government position when she left Israel. Talia and Avner had been childhood friends, both children of German-speaking families from Mount Carmel. They grew up in the same neighborhood and went to the same school. Avner was Talia's handsome counselor in the youth movement and her sister's romantic high school boyfriend. Talia and her girlfriends adored him. They all believed that he would go far, though what his destination was and what the future had in store for him they did not know. Even her mother, who was very disappointed when the golden boy and Dorit broke up, could not help saying, "That kid has a head on his shoulders, and besides, he's a mensch, which is a rare commodity here in the Middle East...1'
It was purely by chance that Avner became her confidant, after they met at a social event and eagerly exchanged telephone numbers. Avner, who was happily married to a physician, was curious to know what had happened to Dorit in the intervening years, and Talia asked his opinion on some ecological issues connected to one of the chemical plants she owned. His area of expertise had nothing to do with ecology, but Talia, like most lay people, assumed that a scientist in one area is familiar with every other scientific issue, like doctors with particular specialties who know "a little" about every disease.
The political upheaval that shook the country's foundations took place after Talia had left for the west coast of the United States and had become part of the huge Israeli expatriate community there. At first, she regarded her compatriots rather contemptuously, then she felt sorry for them and, eventually, she began to understand them and empathize with them. She, too, did her best to maintain strong ties with Israel. She, too, was consumed with worry when times were hard in Israel, and rejoiced on the rare occasions for happiness. Her heart swayed with the vicissitudes of life back home. The transfer of power from one party to the other shook Israel like an earthquake, and its repercussions were felt in LA's Jewish and Israeli communities.
Talia grew up in a political home, and developed her political views during her years with Yoni, who knew and understood the complicated dynamics of factions and parties, and who counted among his friends many members of Knesset, cabinet ministers and public figures. Many of them were frequent guests in his parents' house. Now, once again, Talia was tormented by hypothetical questions. How would the change of regime have affected their lives? Would Yoni have become a central figure in the economic life of the country? And what would her father, the inveterate liberal, have said about the new prime minister, Menachem Begin? Again, she was tormented by grief and regret. If her husband and her father were alive, she could have consulted them, the two most important men in her life, the two men who had loved her and shaped her consciousness. She would have sought their advice and their instruction in the intricate maze of Israeli politics. They would have rescued her from political naivete.
In the weekend papers from Israel that she received regularly and read avidly, she sought to strengthen her ties to the Israeli reality, so distant, so fraught with yearning and tension. Her friend, Avner Dror, was often interviewed, and his picture appeared in the papers. He said clever things, but his political fate was still undecided. On the day that the prime minister presented his government, the traditional picture of the new cabinet appeared in the papers. Right away she spotted Avner and emitted a cry of joy. Avner towered over everybody, his head almost touching the headline that proclaimed in bold letters, "We Have A New Government!"
Her eyes drifted from the headlines announcing the formation of the government down to the subheadings, then to the small print of the articles. In all of them, Avner Dror was featured prominently, the new minister for science and infrastructure, and a member of the prime minister's kitchen cabinet. He was, it was stated, the youngest minister ever to serve in the government. He was chosen because of his involvement in public affairs, his leadership and his brilliant scientific career. At age thirty, while an officer in the reserves, he was appointed Professor of Astrophysics at the Technion, and joined a team of space scientists at Bell Laboratories and Cape Canaveral. He was torn between these two opposing aspects of his personality: the public figure and the scientist. Both poles attracted him, and each pulled him in the opposite direction. In the end, motivated by his strong ideology, he opted for public life, but he was never totally at peace with his decision.
His feelings for Talia were prompted by pure friendship - a warm and sincere friendship that had no ulterior motives. Talia, who was aware of the envy and suspicion she aroused in many hearts, shrugged them all off, ignoring the innuendoes and die whispers. When Avner took his first steps in the political arena, he reported them to her in great detail and listened to her comments. Nothing could rival her satisfaction at hearing him compliment her political sagacity. "You should pay me a consultation fee," she joked, when he called her, as usual, late at night. "Name your price," he chuckled. "Say, why don't we make those small minds even more jealous and meet for lunch at Olympia on Friday?"
And now Avner was coming to Los Angeles! Talia was elated. The handsome young minister was the guest speaker at the opening night of the Israel Bonds campaign. Talia had no doubt that he would prove most popular although, by nature, he was rather quiet and introverted, so different from the conventional image of the politician, mouthing clichés and dishing out empty promises and phony smiles. As a high ranking officer, a scientist, and a person of impeccable integrity, he was sure to endear himself to the media, and his manly appearance would no doubt enhance his popularity.
Talia undertook to take care of public relations and the entertainment of die minister and his entourage, and could feel a tingling excitement in anticipation of it.
In the next few days, the preparations for the wedding were put on hold. At first, Talia did not realize how much she needed this respite, and how relieved she was. She wondered what Avner's reaction would be to her impending marriage. In the past, she had told him how she had met Yoni, how naive, if not altogether ignorant, she had been in business matters. What had she known about Yoni's affairs when she married him? Almost nothing. And the little she had known hardly entered her consciousness. And now, what a difference! Shame on you, Talia, she berated herself mercilessly. You are marrying Marvin because of the good life he offers you, because of the aura of celebrity and glory that surrounds him, because he is opening a door for you into a life of international glamor.
But, on second thought, she had to admit that a glamorous life was not altogether what she craved. She had long discovered how hollow and false such a life can be. The stars, the producers, the beautiful people who were supposedly her friends, had no idea what true friendship, caring and closeness were. Everything is false, fake, phony, she whispered to herself, while driving Marvin's silver Jaguar along the broad streets where no pedestrians ever walked. Had it not been for Gloria and Jonathan, she would have gone back to Israel. She pined for her country, for her family and friends, even for Israeli food, forgetting, in her intense yearning, the reasons that had impelled her to leave the country in the first place. How lucky that Avner is coming, she thought. A breath of fresh air from home.
"I'm staying at the Beverly Hilton, nineteenth floor. Will you come up at the end of the evening?” Avner whispered. He was standing in the middle of a circle of admirers who were hanging on his every word. She nodded lightly and squinted her eyes when she passed him, flushed with excitement and satisfaction at the evening's success. In his speech, the Israeli ambassador, Eran Kedmi, had attributed the success of the evening to her efforts.
It was after midnight when she came to his suite. As always, Avner was wearing black pants and a white shirt whose long sleeves were folded up to his elbows. His tie was loose and his smooth brown hair tumbled into his eyes.
They kissed, not passionately, just warmly, as good friends do. To her, he was a piece of the homeland, the smell of home, childhood memories. What was she to him? Did she look different in her black evening go
wn, silver shoes and diamond tiara? There was soft, intimate lighting in the room. She smiled at her own reflection in the mirror, tall and slender as a dark shadow.
"Just a second, Avner, I have to call home," she smiled and patted his arm as she went to pick up the phone from the antique dresser. "I must check that the kids are okay. It's the nanny's day off, and Marvin is minding the children."
The phone rang ten times before Marvin picked it up. "What's the matter, Marvin, why didn't you answer the phone?" Her heart pounded wildly, and she was annoyed.
He answered in the same tone, "Because you caught me at the door. I'm going out!"
She was speechless for a moment. "But Marvin, you can't leave the kids alone."
"I'm leaving them alone. They're your kids, not mine!"
Panic washed over her. He mustn't leave them alone, her little chicks. She was going home right away. She would have taken a helicopter if she could! "Marvin, I'm on my way," she pleaded. "Please don't leave them by themselves. It will take me forty minutes, what with the stop lights and the traffic. Wait till I get there..."
"No, Talia, I'm going..."
She picked up her coat and her purse and hastily took leave of Avner. By the door, he smiled at her and said, "Talia, this place is not for you. Come home. It's time."
She sped along the highway at breakneck speed. Luckily, she thought, all the cops are sleeping soundly at this hour. Upon arriving, she slammed the car door and rushed in, panting heavily. The house was silent. She skipped three stairs at a time, hurrying to the nursery. Michali and Udi were asleep, their arms stretched sideways, a sigh of deep sleep, protected from noises and bad dreams. Udi, the more sensitive of the tow, often had nightmares, and Talia used to read him children’s stories to put him to sleep.
They looked like two angels, vulnerable and brittle like china dolls. Michali breathed so quietly that Talia bent down to drink in her breaths.
Udi tossed in his crib, opening his eyes momentarily. He stretched his hands to her, smiled endearingly, and drifted back to sleep.
Only now were the floodgates of her tears opened. She took off her gown, removed the tiara that pressed against her temples, and lay down on the carpet by the children’s beds. Tears streamed down her rouged cheeks, filling her eyes with specks of congealed mascara. Her eyes stung, but she did not bother to get up and rinse the,. Forgive me, my children, forgive me, my darlings, she muttered, I’ll take you back home, to your country, to your friends, to the grandmothers who adore you...
The sobs continued to gush out of her in waves. Nothing could console her, not even the silken touch of the children’s skin that she stroked. “Talia, take care of the children!” Those were Jonathan’s last words to her, yet she had betrayed his trust, not just now, but this whole year.
At two in the morning, a short while after she had gone to sleep, she heard Marvin crawl into bed beside her. She scrunched at the edge of the bed.
He got closer and tried to hug her. Talia recoiled from the faint yet tangible smell of alcohol that emanated from him. “Don’t touch me,” she whispered, pushing him away from her.
“Oh, my God, I’ve lost you,” he murmured.
Talia pursed her lips and kept silent. She had nothing to say to the total stranger lying next to her, who sounded so disgustingly pathetic.
“Talk to me, Talia,” he pleaded, “I know I let you down, I got jealous, what can I do? You stayed on at the party, charming everybody there, no doubt, and I was stuck with babysitting the kids here. I’m sorry, I couldn’t think straight.”
Talia almost choked with indignation. “But you didn’t want to stay! You know I was counting on you!”
Marvin threw himself on the bed. “Oh, God, I’ve lost you!” he repeated desperately.
“Yes, It’s over, Marvin, and I’m glad I found out the truth before the wedding. I thought that my children were your children, too, but it isn’t so. They will always be strangers to you, and so you are a stranger to me.”
Marvin glared at her like a child who has heard some awful news.
Just don’t let him mention Roselyn, and how much she loves me, Talia wished silently. He looks so forlorn, so much his mommy’s son. This is what he needs, a mother, not a wife. The thought of fatherhood, even for a short while, must have scared him to death, and so he ran for his life.
“Don’t leave me, Talia,” Marvin pleaded, “I’ll make it up to you. I slipped, I admit. But think of the year we had together. Please, think of our plans, the wedding preparations. You can’t throw everything away because of one slip!”
“It’s a symptom, Marvin, not a single slip. Where I come from, something like this could not happen. Even neighbors who fight bitterly, who are at each other’s throats, bury the hatchet when it comes to their children. I realize that I don’t belong here. Avner is right, it’s time to go back.”
In the morning, Marvin summoned his mother over. For the first time, Roselyn’s true age showed. Every wrinkle in her face looks like a ravine, Talia thought maliciously, scanning mercilessly the tired eyes under the drooping lids and the platinum dyed hair. She remembered the beautiful hairdos of the other two mothers. If we’re talking mothers, she smiled to herself, I might as well go home, to the real grandmothers.
“Talia, take some time to think things over,” Roselyn suggested.
“Okay, this is what I will do.”
She felt sorry for Roselyn, but she knew that there was no turning back.