by Moose, S.
Justin: It truly isn’t a problem. I’m glad my words are helping you. I meant what I said. Breakups are hard, but don’t let its effect haunt you. I’ve seen the clip, and you’re a strong woman. Look at what you did. Instead of sitting down and taking whatever shit he was saying, you stood up for yourself and gave him a piece of your mind. I wouldn’t let this breakup push you down and keep you down. Have a little you time and get your thoughts together. We all have ghosts. It’s how we get back to our lives that matters. Once you realize you’re better than the dumbass that left you, it’ll all make sense. I’ve found in life it’s easier to blame ourselves. As humans we’re hard on ourselves and it’s not fair.
Mallory: Wow, that’s so true. I hate how I’m letting it run my life and you’re right it’s not fair. I always blame myself. For everything. I need to stop doing that.
Justin: I agree. Blaming yourself isn’t going to solve anything. It’ll only put you deeper in the hole and what if you can’t get back up?
Mallory: I hear you. I don’t want that to happen. I’m trying to tell myself it was his decision and now I need to live with it.
Justin: It’s cliché but live your life to the fullest.
Mallory: It just sucks so bad. One minute, I’m fine and ready to take on the world, and then the next minute, I’m doubting myself again. It’s so hard sometimes! I’m done giving myself pity parties. I guess I’m more hurt because of how he broke up with me rather than the actual breakup. You can’t tell someone these things and expect them to be okay. I’m human. I’m not a machine. My heart beats like everyone else, so I have feelings, and that’s another problem. I feel too much. I wear my heart on my sleeves, and I want so badly to make everyone happy. What he said to me is messing with my head.
Justin: What do you mean?
Mallory: Every relationship I’ve been in has failed. Either I get too involved or he falls out of love with me. In this situation, he called me boring, so again, the breakup is on me. Three failed relationships in a row. I feel like I’m damaged. I guess. Who’ll love me? Who’ll see all of me and accept me for who I am? I love taking care of the man I’m with. If that’s a problem, then why couldn’t they have said something, you know?
The last line hits me hard. It’s the same thought I’ve had for most of my life.
My parents deserted us.
Carson died.
Angie left me.
When we turned sixteen, things got hard for my family and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. We came home from school one day, and the house was empty. There was nothing left. There was a note on the counter that said: Sorry for leaving you. We can’t be parents anymore. Take care of each other.
A fifty-dollar bill was left on the counter and nothing else. Everything we owned was gone. Carson became frantic and he tried calling our birth parents. They weren’t answering their cell phones. Soon, it went straight to voicemail, so we knew they had turned off their phones. They left without a second thought, leaving their sons behind, and not giving a fuck about what would happen to us.
We slept on the floor that night and went to school in the same clothes. We missed the bus and had to walk to school. Neither of us had a car and I forgot to call Angie to see if she was able to pick us up. During the walk, Carson was lost in his thoughts. I tried talking to him, telling him it was going to work out, but he remained silent.
As soon as Angie saw us, she made us tell our football coach what happened. Without a second thought, our coach took us in, and he cared for us like we were his sons.
I embrace the hardships of my past because they’ve made me into the man I am today. I hold on to all the memories and allow it to fuel me. Let it become my weapon and foundation to keep me from falling again. I’ll never be in that dark place again. It’s a time of my life I regret, and I’ll never set foot there. During that time, I didn’t have a shred of light or hope. I was walking around drunk half the time. Losing the two closest people in my life obliterated any hope I had. All my dreams of the future were gone.
Now I’m standing on my own two feet again, running a bar that’s on its way to success and feeling like a man once more.
I look through the pictures Mallory has posted. She’s the kind of beautiful you only dream about. One certain picture has caught my attention. She’s lying down and her eyes, a deep brown with a hint of gold, stare at me and leave me breathless. It’s been a while since a woman has left me feeling this way. Not only is she beautiful but she’s also easy to talk to.
Justin: You haven’t met the right man. They were idiots and couldn’t see what was right in front of them. Remember what you said? Everything happens for a reason. Now that you realize that, maybe you can start over on your two feet and move forward.
Mallory: You’re right. Just a little hard to understand. Changing the topic, I see you live in New Orleans. I’m here for the summer. Wouldn’t it be funny if we met?
If we ever met, I’d be screwed. She’s already captivating me through her words and I know if I meet her, face to face, I’d fall for her. Hard and fast.
Justin: It would be. Are you feeling better?
Mallory: I think so. It’s going to take time. I love myself, and I know my worth. One day, someone will see that.
Justin: Can I ask you something without sounding like a dick?
Mallory: Sure.
Justin: Why do you want to be in a relationship? What’s the hurry?
Mallory: First, that’s not a dick question to ask because I ask that all the time, so it’s funny you’re asking me. I don’t do being alone very well. I just want someone to share my life with. Someone to create memories with. I love getting to know them and for them to get to know me. I love going on adventures with someone by my side. I know it sounds stupid, and I should give my heart a break.
I read her message a few times. Being alone is hard, and there have been plenty of times I wish I could take a woman to my bed and be with her for the time being.
Only I don’t do that.
I know I’m not in a position to give someone my heart like I did before. Since there’s a chance I’ll never meet her, I want to tell her that.
Justin: I get it. It’s hard to be alone. Hell, I hate that too. Sometimes, it’s better if we are alone so our heart and soul can heal. Once we’re healed, then we’ll be ready to share our life with the next person.
Mallory: Wow. That’s deep. I completely hear you. I’m taking a little break from my life in Chicago. I’m recharging and starting over. It feels good to be somewhere no one knows me. I get a chance to reevaluate my life, and when I go back, who knows, I might be a different person.
Justin: That’s what you need. Everyone needs a break every now and then, and I hope you get it.
Mallory: Thank you. I’ve had so much fun talking. I’m heading to bed, though. It’s so late. Can we talk tomorrow?
Justin: Of course. Sleep well.
Mallory. Thank you. You as well.
Justin: I’ll try.
When I place my phone on the side of my bed, I lay under my arm and think about what it would be like to have Mallory Claire by my side. What would it feel like to lie next to her? It’s been too long since I’ve held a woman in my arms.
Hell, just thinking about it, I know I’d be screwed.
Chapter 7
Mallory
Last night didn’t happen the way Lisa wanted. Instead of going out to the bar, we walked around New Orleans and had dinner together. Then when we came back, I went to my room and did some investigating. I swore I could’ve been in the FBI with my skills. I found Justin Monroe’s profile and sent him a message. We talked for most of the night until I got tired and needed to sleep. The last thought before I passed out was how much I wanted to get to know Justin.
I’m walking around the apartment we rented, and it’s interesting how this place feels like home. Surveying my new home for the time being makes me realize that this is a fresh new start for me. I don’t know anyone here
besides Lisa, and I’ve been talking to Justin.
The apartment isn’t much, but we don’t need much. Just a place to call ours for a few months. A place where we can recharge and get clarity. That’s all I want for the time being.
The bookshelf by the window holds my books from home, and a few I’ve bought since being in town. There’s a cute bookstore nearby, and it holds all the classics. I love reading on my Kindle, but it feels different when I’m holding the book in my hands. My books hold sentimental value, and as I lightly brush my hand on the spines of the books, I remember each book, and each book carries a memory I hold dear.
I pause at the sight of my reflection in a mirror next to the bookshelf. My long blonde hair is wavy, and my face is makeup-free. I look different. I feel different. It’s a rebirth sort of feeling by being here. I don’t remember the sad girl from Chicago. The girl looking for something that’ll make her happy because she’s learning how to make herself happy. That’s what’s getting me through the days. I’m learning how to love myself.
I take my journal from the kitchen counter and go to the little nook we created by the window. Opening to a fresh page, I put my black ink pen to the paper and let out my emotions, not holding anything back.
Being in New Orleans is refreshing. I’m beginning to see the beauty in the days and what’s around me. One day soon I’m going to find the strength I had before. I’m slowly finding the woman I used to be. It’s funny how words from a stranger can hit your heart and make you wake up. Justin’s right. I need to be alone to love myself and heal from the scars of my past. I’m starting to heal.
Last night, after Lisa went to bed, I was talking to Justin AKA SemperFi54. It’s funny. We talked as if we’ve been friends forever. I loved everything he told me last night like how I should make time for myself and heal before getting into another relationship. He’s right, and I think I knew that. For some reason I needed to have my best friend and a stranger tell me that. It doesn’t make the most sense. Getting help from others helps me realize what I need to do.
I did more digging on him last night, looking through his pictures and posts. It all seems to be on the up and up. Nothing’s standing out that’s screaming he’s catfishing me.
Thank goodness.
I don’t know what I’d do if someone was pulling something over on me. I’m almost certain I’d lose my mind and never trust someone again. Truly, I hope it doesn’t come to that. I want to meet new people and I want my trust to be restored.
I put my pen down and look out the window. Thinking about the guy behind the computer puts a smile on my face. Lisa’s worried. She thinks he’s some catfishing pervert, but with what I found out last night about him, there’s no way he would be catfishing me.
My phone is on the cushion, so I reach over to get it and decide to message Justin.
Mallory: Hey! How are things going?
Justin: Hey. Things are going, I guess. It’s been one of those days. If I could go back to bed and wake up again to have the day start over, I would do it in a heartbeat. Work has been hell. I’m trying not to lose my cool so I’m outside sweating it out. I’m not trying to be a dick at work because I’m lucky to have this gig, but if one more thing goes wrong, I swear, I’m going to lose my mind.
His quick response puts a smile on my face. I get comfortable in my nook and rest against the wall, hoping we’ll talk for a while.
Mallory: Up in here. Up in here.
Justin: Um, what?
Mallory: Come on. You know that rap song by DMX.
Justin: Really?
Mallory: Yep! I bet it made you smile.
Justin: A little bit.
Mallory: Good. I’m sorry things aren’t going well. Is there anything I can do to help?
Justin: I wish. Your message is making me smile, so you’re helping me.
Mallory: Aw, good. I’m glad. I was looking through your pictures. Can you tell me more about your time in the Marines?
Justin: It was the best five years of my life. I went to Italy, Spain, Germany, Portugal, Jordan, and Puerto Rico. I wasn’t on the front lines. I worked on the planes, but it was a great experience. If I could, I’d go back and do it all over again. During that time, I was happy and I felt accomplished. I knew going to college wasn’t for me and going straight to work wasn’t for me.
Mallory: That’s amazing. What an accomplishment. I’m glad you didn’t see the front line. That sounds scary, and I’m sure very dangerous.
Justin: It was, and there were times I was scared, but I took an oath and swore to protect my country, and I did that.
Mallory: You’re a hero.
Justin: Nah, but thank you. I’m sorry to cut this conversation short, but I need to get back to work. Can we talk later?
Mallory: We can. I hope you have a great day.
Justin: You too.
* * *
A run through New Orleans in the afternoon is not a good idea. Sweat rolls off my face, and I’m dying of thirst. I’m hoping I don’t look like a hot mess right now. When I walk into The Cure, a bar close to where I’m staying, I head straight to the bar and order an ice water.
“Here you go, hon,” a girl close to my age with long deep red hair says with a smile. “You need anything else? Usually people come in here looking for something stronger than water. I can make you something special.”
“Thank you so much.” I gulp the water in record time. “I went for a run and didn’t bring enough water. I’m dying, but I’ll hold you to that special drink.” I laugh and signal for more water. “Is it always this hot?”
“You must be new around here.” I nod. “You’ll get used to the heat. My name’s Crystal.”
“Hey.” I extend my hand to meet hers. “I’m Mallory. This is a cute bar. It feels homey. This is nothing like the bars in Chicago. I feel like I always have to be dressed up and drinking a martini or something fancy. I love how low-key this place is.”
“Not here. The Cure is one of the most popular spots in the city. We’re a big family when everyone’s here. Everyone and anyone comes here for lunch, late-night munchies, and drinks. No one cares how you’re dressed or how you look. Some people come here looking fancy, and some come in here looking like, well, not to be mean, but like you.”
I burst out laughing and cover my mouth from how loud I am. “No worries. I figured I looked like a hot mess.”
“You said it.” She smiles, and continues, “We’re all friendly people here. Welcome to New Orleans. What brings you here all the way from Chicago?”
“Typical story. Girl and boy meet, fall in love. Girl thinks boy will propose, but he ends up breaking her heart in front of everyone at a popular restaurant. Girl ends up on YouTube, so she does what’s best and leaves town for a while.” Normally, I’m not this open, but bartenders are good listeners, and they don’t judge. “It’s more than that. It’s also how free I feel here. As if the baggage of my past is that, in the past. I can bury what happened and move on.”
“Wow. That’s some crazy story. Your ex-boyfriend sounds like the biggest asshole in the world. You know, I have brothers, and they’ll go up to Chicago and take care of him if you want.”
“I wish, but no it’s okay. Calvin’s not worth it.”
“Offer’s on the table for you. I hope being here will work out for you. It’s hard moving to a place where you don’t know anyone but taking a leap of faith will help you. Life’s all about taking chances.” She points at my empty glass. “Refill?”
“I’m okay.”
“Where are you staying?” she asks.
“Up the road. Not far from here. We’re renting a cute little apartment. My best friend, Lisa, is with me for the summer. I’m loving it here so far. We’ve been exploring at night and checking out different places to eat. I had to go for a run today because of the way I’ve been eating.”
“Oh yeah. The food around here is delicious. Live your life, girl. If you want that second helping, then you take it.”
“Salad? Lord. Girl, you need to put some more meat on those bones of yours. Live your life. Remember that.”
“Fine. I will for sure do that.”
“You should. That’s sweet you have someone with you during this trip you’re on. Glad you have some company with your best friend. I’m always here, so be sure to come back. We have a great time here, and I think you’ll like the people. We have live bands play, and the music is good.”
“I will.”
Waving goodbye to Crystal, I take one last look around the bar and head out.
Once I’m back, I see Lisa on a video call at the kitchen table, so I quietly go to my room and review some work.
I’ve been sitting on my bed for what seems to be forever. I honestly don’t know how long it’s been. Maybe ten minutes. Maybe an hour. My mind keeps going to Justin and the chances of us meeting one day.
Maybe we should. We talk a lot and I think we’re forming a connection and since we’re both in New Orleans it would make sense. Then again, who knows where he is and if we’re close by.
Being here is supposed to be my start over and finding myself again, which I’m doing. Every day I’m finding something new to do and finding myself again. I’m not the sad girl from before. I’m getting stronger and gaining my confidence again.
Lisa comes into the bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed. “I’ve been thinking, baby bird.”
“Really? You’re still going to use that nickname on me?” Lisa nods and I roll my eyes because there’s no sense in getting her to stop calling me that. “About what?”
“Don’t shoot me when I say this. I think you and Calvin breaking up was a great thing. One of my authors pitched me an idea. It was about a woman who had bad luck with love, and she casts a spell to have her one true love come into her life. Once she casts the spell, things started becoming whacky because she messed with the universe’s plan. Eventually, through a string of weird events, she meets him, and she gets her happily ever after. So you see where I’m coming from?”