by Moose, S.
She’s doing something to me. I didn’t think it would be possible to allow another woman close to my heart, but I’m ready for whatever’s in store for us. Even if it’s only friendship, it’ll be something I hold onto.
My phone vibrates against the bar counter, and I unlock my phone and open the messages, thinking it’s Mallory.
Angie: Baby. Please talk to me. I don’t like how we’re not talking. I know I messed up, Justin. Seeing you made me realize how stupid I was for leaving you. Please give me another chance. Please give us another chance. I don’t know how I’m living my life without you. I know that leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life, and I don’t ever want to feel this way again. Only you can make me whole.
Angie: I went by Carson’s grave this morning and talked to him for an hour. I felt a breeze, and it made me think of him. I know he’d want us to be together. We’d run The Cure together and keep his memory alive. You need me just like I need you. This is what Carson would have wanted.
Reading Carson’s name makes me drop my phone onto the counter. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been by his grave.
Shit.
I’m an asshole for missing so much time between visits. I should be there more, talk to him more, and let him know everything is going well. This is what he’d want.
I place my face in my hands and cry.
Why’d you leave me? It’s my fault. If I’d told Angie to make you find a hotel room for the night, then you’d still be here. We’d be running the bar together, sharing beers, and talking. You promised me it was going to be us when our birth parents left us.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been crying before I feel arms wrapping around me, and I’m letting out the tears. I breathe in a beautiful scent, and I know it’s her.
“I’m sorry you’re seeing me like this,” I whisper into her hair. “I’m sorry for being weak. Fuck. I hate this. You need to leave.”
“You’re not weak, and I’m not leaving. You miss your brother. You can come to me, and I’ll be here for you. Cry, Justin. Let it out. I’m here.”
Her comforting tone and soft touch is helping me. I don’t want her to let go. It’s been too damn long since I’ve felt this way and I’m not ready to push her away. It’s hard to not lose my fucking mind when this happens. I just want to stop crying so I can stop feeling like shit and talk to her more.
“Why are you here helping me?” I know I’m an asshole for doing this, but right now, shit, my head’s messed up. “I’m not good right now. Fuck.” I laugh, and she lets me go. I’m watching her face crumble, and I know I need to change.
But I can’t.
“My life’s been shit, and you know what? Fuck, I don’t know. I have no idea what I’m saying. My head’s a mess right now. If only you knew everything, but you don’t. If I tell you, it’ll scare you away and I don’t want to risk anything.”
“You’re upset,” she starts to say. “And it’s a lot to handle. You can tell me anything and it won’t scare me away. I can see why you think so. I want to be here for you. Even though we don’t know each other, I hope you’ll let me in.”
“Did you lose a brother?”
“No,” she quietly answers. “I’m an only child. Just because I didn’t lose a sibling, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t understand what you’re going through. The loss of a loved one is hard.”
I scoff. “Then you don’t know what’s a lot to handle. You don’t know how to help me or what I need.”
You fucking bastard. Shut the hell up and say sorry. Don’t fuck this up. This is the first woman that gave you a chance.
“Listen, right now isn’t good. Angie texted me, and it’s messing with my head. I’m thinking about my brother, and I’m being a dick. I hate that I’m taking it out on you and you have every right to be pissed at me.”
“Yeah, you are. I get it, though. You have a lot going on. I want to make it easier for you if you’ll let me. I’m not upset with you. I only want to make you feel better.”
I hang my head down in shame. She doesn’t deserve to feel my wrath. “I’m sorry, Mallory. It’s been a shitty morning.”
She holds out her hand, and I take it. “Let’s go for a walk.”
“Alright.” I easily give in and let her lead the way.
I let Crystal finish up at the bar so I can take a moment to gather myself and think about the texts and Carson.
Mallory leads me out of the bar, and we’ve been walking around the streets. I’m showing her different places she should try for coffee, food, and shops. The weather was cooler and not scorching hot. It felt good not to have the sun beaming down on us.
I couldn’t tell her no when she said to come with her. I hurt her this morning, and I’m an asshole for doing that. She doesn’t need me to release all that on her. This woman next to me deserves to have a smile on her face. From what she’s told me, she’s already been through too much in her life. It’s not fair and fuck I need to make sure she realizes that.
“Thank you for taking me out of the bar and walking with me. I’m not sure how you knew this would work, but it’s helping.”
She squeezes my hand and turns to look at me. “Of course. I wanted you to clear your head and I’m glad it’s working.”
When we’re done with the walk, we head back to my apartment, and it’s quiet between us. I look at her and she’s looking at what’s inside the apartment.
“Here. Let me give you the grand tour.” I extend my arm. “This is the living area and behind me is the kitchen.” We walk toward the hall and I show her where the bathroom is and then my bedroom. “This is it.”
“It’s super cute. Sometimes I’d like my own place. I lived with my parents for a while then with a group of friends. Those were the best times of my life. I loved being with my friends all day, every day. Then I moved in with Lisa and it was still great.”
“I enjoy having my own place. It’s nice to be alone after spending hours at the bar.”
I lead her back to the living room, and we sit on the couch together. She looks at the frames of pictures I have on the walls on shelves.
“I understand it’s hard to lose people. I’m sorry you did.”
“Thanks, baby,” I tell her and place my hand on her knee. “I had that breakdown because of Angie’s texts, and trust me when I tell you I’m over her, but that woman can still fuck with my head.” I reach into my jeans pocket and grab my phone, handing it to her so she can read the messages. I’m not trying to hide anything from her. “It’s been a while since I went to his grave. She knows how to get to me, and it’s all a game to her. When you finish reading, please know I don’t want her back. When she left me, I promised myself I’d move on and be stronger. I was the only one left to make Carson’s dreams come true. I had to. It was on me, and I wasn’t going to let him down.”
She’s quiet as she’s reading.
“Angie was my past. She meant something to me for a while. We dated in high school, and when I left for boot camp, she stayed behind and waited for me. She organized fundraisers to send Carson and me boxes of goodies when we were stationed overseas. Honestly, I thought I’d come back and make her my wife. For years, she held it down while I fought for our country. The day I came back with Carson …” I let out a sigh and run my hand over my face. “The three of us got drunk one night, and that’s when Carson came up with an idea for the bar. Our coach seconded the idea the next morning and helped us get started.”
“I love knowing more about your past. I’d love to meet the man who saved you and your brother. Maybe when you’re ready, we can both go see Carson.”
I couldn’t help but smile. She’s not questioning me about Angie or prying to know more about my past involvement with her. It’s as though she was just another person, and that didn’t matter to her. Her thoughtfulness in wanting to meet Coach and visit Carson made my heart explode. I’m feeling good and happy letting her in. It’s been a while since this kind of feeling took over.
&nbs
p; “What are you thinking about?”
“This.” I squeeze her knee and lean to brush my lips against her lips. “You.”
“I’m glad I can make you feel better.”
“It doesn’t take much for you to do. I like having you here and being with me. Sorry again for crying and being a dick. I hate knowing I hurt you.”
“You don’t need to apologize for missing your brother and crying. You’re human. It’s to be expected. I think you’re strong for letting out your emotions. Some men don’t even do that. You’re right. You did hurt me, but I’m here with you, and this is where I want to be.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes.
“You know, when Carson died, my parents never came around. I knew they were alive. Coach told me he tracked them down, but it was best they stayed away. My parents loved themselves more than their sons. They never looked back, and it hurt. It fucking sucked. Coach and his wife, Courtney, took us in and raised us as their own. They weren’t able to have kids, so we became their sons.”
I take a moment to breathe and remember I can tell her anything. She won’t think I’m any less of a man.
“Things were great when we came back home. We bought a house near Coach and Courtney and were building our dreams. Angie was in the car with Carson the night of the accident. She spent the night in the hospital for observation and was fine. It was raining that night, and he didn’t see the bend in the road.”
I hear her gasp, and her fingers entwined with mine.
“I buried my brother and lost my girlfriend. Shit was bad for a while. Coach got me the help I needed, and I found myself living again.” I turn to look at her. “Please don’t feel sorry for me. I have a lot of love and support from this town, and the money is coming in and business is booming.”
“I know I didn’t know Carson, but I wish I had. I feel like he’d be proud of you.”
I stare at her and smile. “I hope so.”
* * *
This is the first time in years I’m giving myself the night off. The staff at the bar have it covered, and Crystal knows how to reach me if she needs to.
I’ve been out with Mallory all day and night. We’re driving back into town, but there’s a place I want to take her.
I look over, and she’s singing and dancing in her seat. The girl can’t carry a tune, but I love listening to her sing. She’s beautiful and doesn’t care how she sounds or looks. I find it hard to pay attention to the road because I keep wanting to look over at her.
I park the car by Moonwalk Riverside Park, and we walk along the canal. It’s beautiful out tonight, and I love being here with her. It’s a comfortable silence between us. We’re not doing much. Only walking hand in hand and taking in everything surrounding us.
“Thank you for today. I had fun with you.”
“It’s my pleasure. I loved showing you more of New Orleans. I’m telling you, this city is my favorite. I don’t ever see myself leaving.”
“Ever?” Her whisper is barely heard, and it stings my heart.
“I shouldn’t say never. What do you think about here?”
“I love it. It’s starting to feel like home,” she admits. “It’s weird because I love Chicago, but there’s something about being here. I think it has to do with you. Actually, I know it has to do with you. It’s more than I could ever want.”
“I’m glad.”
I turn to face her, and the way the moon’s shining on her face, there’s light all around her. Damn, she’s taking my breath away as I cup her face in my hands. My lips meet hers, and I take in her moans. Take in her kiss.
Fuck. It’s everything.
A loud cracking in the sky breaks us apart, and rain pours on us both.
“It’s raining!” she shouts and runs toward the truck. “Justin!”
“I’m coming, baby.”
Both of us are running. Somehow, I thought it would be funny to chase her. She’s squealing and laughing, and before I know it, she’s down on the ground and covered in mud.
“Oh.” She pouts and tries to wipe her face with her muddy hands. “This sucks.”
“Shit, baby.” I laugh and take her hand. “Let’s try to get you a little cleaned up. I need to bring you back to my place. Come on.”
By the time we reach the bar, I lead her up from the back, so she doesn’t have to walk through the crowds and help her inside.
There’s a room before coming into the apartment.
“I need to get these clothes off. Can you get me a towel?”
“Of course.” I rush inside to get what she needs. I’m rummaging through my things and put toiletries on the bathroom counter for her since she’s going to want to take a shower.
When I gather the towels and go back to the room, I find Mallory standing there in her bra and panties with her back facing me. She doesn’t know I’m standing here.
Watching her.
Admiring her.
Wanting her.
I take in her perfect body and want nothing more than to touch her and feel her skin on mine. When she turns around and finds me staring at her, she holds my eyes for a moment, then walks over to me, pulling me down to her lips. The sweetest moan leaves her mouth and lands in mine.
“I really don’t want to ruin this moment, but I need to take a shower.” She laughs and kisses me again before taking the towel and hurrying inside.
“Yep! No problem,” I yell back at her and look down at my hard-on. “That’s great,” I mutter.
Chapter 14
Mallory
Once I’m inside his bathroom, I strip out of my bra and panties and climb into the glorious shower.
It’s huge.
The walls of the shower are granite, and the showerhead is large. It’s as if inside the bath, it’s raining.
The feeling of the warm water against my skin feels heavenly. The mud washes off me, and I rub my face with the water. When I open my eyes, I watch the water falling. A sense of peace washes over me and I start to feel better.
Thoughts of Justin float around in my head. There’s no way I can feel this way for him now.
But it’s Justin.
It’s an easy fall.
The more we talk and spend time together, the more I find myself thinking of him and wanting to open up to him. He’s letting me in, and I want to do the same. When I close my eyes, I picture him standing there with a smile on his face. His strong arms are holding me tightly against his chiseled body, and I feel safe.
Safe.
The moment I feel his hand on my back, I relax and fall into his touch. Our naked and wet skin is touching, and I feel his breath against my neck.
“I don’t know what you’re doing to me.”
“I feel the same way,” I answer. “Is it okay to feel what I’m feeling?”
“What are you feeling?” he whispers and pulls me closer to his body.
“I feel like I need to take this slow, and I need to get to know you more, but there’s no one else I want to do this with. You’ve got me, Justin. I want to let you in the way you’ve let me in. Is that okay?”
“We can go whatever pace you want. We can do anything you want. I’m here, Mallory. I know you’re afraid of scaring me away, but you won’t.”
Tears form in my eyes, but I hold them back. I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to open myself up to him and show him all my insecurities.
All my wounds.
All my scars.
When I turn around and look into his eyes, I lose my breath. It feels like all my fears are gone. The way he’s staring into my soul, capturing me with his stare and willing me to open myself, is overwhelming.
In the best way possible.
I feel better. All my fears are washing down the drain just like the water in the shower. Justin’s not saying anything, and I’m keeping quiet as well. When he reaches to touch my face, I long for his touch and fall into it again.
“You don’t know what you’ve done to me. Before we met, I was finding
myself in that dark spot again. When Carson died, I wanted to die. I felt alone in this world and like a failure. I lost Angie and was going to lose my home. The bar was all I had. The bar was all I knew. Then I thought about going back into the Marines and growing in there, but it didn’t feel right. Nothing felt right except the bar. I put everything into it and killed myself, day in and day out. I thought about the Marines every day. I thought about how I failed. It didn’t matter that I served my time and made the lieutenant status. To me, in my eyes, I failed because I gave up.”
“Oh, Justin.”
“Then I saw the video. I saw this beautiful woman standing up for herself and being strong. I had to leave you that message. I wasn’t sure if we’d ever talk, and I didn’t care. I wanted you to know you had someone rooting for you. Then, out of nowhere, there you were. Our talks made me laugh. Your words made me smile, and I felt like I was healing. It didn’t matter that we hadn’t met yet. All that was important was getting to know you, and then you told me you were here, and in my heart, I knew we’d meet. I didn’t want to push it.”
My body’s trembling from his touch and words. I cup his cheek and remain silent.
“I think about you all the time, Mallory. You make my morning. My afternoon. My evening. Since you came into my life, you’re the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thought I have at night. You saved me, and I want to be the one who saves you. When I look into your eyes, I see so much hurt and fear. You don’t have to be scared when you’re with me. Please don’t be scared.”
“When I’m with you, I’m not scared. The fear comes when we aren’t together. I can’t explain it. I want to take it slow. I want to get to know all of you, and for you to get to know all of me. Maybe I’m not the woman you think I am. I have so many flaws—”
He interrupts me. “I don’t see what you’re saying to me. I’m not like those other men in your life, Mallory, and I’m going to show you that. I know I can stand here and tell you I’m different. You might believe me, and you might not. I’ll have to gain your trust by showing you, and that’s what I plan to do.”