He was the man who she’d told more about herself in the gaming universe than anyone else, even people in her real life. She kept her online life separate from her real life. She had to secure this relationship though. Couldn’t lose it. Couldn’t jeopardize it in any way. She needed their late night talks like she needed to breathe. He could always help her out with anything she had to figure out. He seemed to know her better than she knew herself.
He took his seat and stared at her as though he could imprint her face into his memory forever. “I can’t believe you’re…you.”
She let out a cautious smile. “I’m me.” She settled back in the chair. “I want to apologize first.”
“Go ahead.”
Yeah, other guys might have let her get away without the acknowledgement that she’d screwed up. Not Joel. She’d known he would stick to the letter of the law.
He always did. He was a leader in their gaming group. He enforced the rules and never wavered from making people play nice.
“I’m sorry I never told you I was a woman.” She bit her lip. He was a huge reason she almost hadn’t come. Why she’d been so reluctant to show up at anything that involved the group she’d been a part of for so long even after women had started being involved in gaming.
“Why didn’t you? I mean we shared…so much.” He took his time with his words, obviously considering them carefully. Maybe there was hope for them yet. Or maybe he just wanted to find out her motivations before he told her to get lost.
The waitress came over and after a brief interruption for drink orders, bustled away from their conversation.
“I’ve gamed for a while. Since I was a teenager.” As soon as such a thing existed as a gaming system, she’d been on there playing. The social aspect of online gaming had appealed to her so she’d jumped on board that once it started.
“I can tell. You’re really good.”
Those simple words filled her with so much pride. He was complimenting her prowess as a gamer. Joel didn’t often compliment, at least not on the computer. “Thank you.” She continued, “I got tired of…the drama that came with being a girl. So I became Sam. Didn’t tell people my gender unless forced, but a boy gamer got so much less shit from others, I eventually became completely Sam instead of Samantha.” It had been a façade she’d lived for years before she’d even met crosscountry500. “I gave the impression I was a male.”
“Samantha.”
No one called her that name. Except her mother. But somehow from Joel’s lips it sounded better than it ever had. “Samantha. Sam. Samatra300. We’re one and the same. I’m the same online as in real life. Only I’m a woman in real life.” Her online persona was no different than her real life personality. She’d never understood how people could be one thing in one and something different in another, but some could. It just wasn’t for her. From talking to Joel online, he was the same way. Or he’d given that impression.
“But you never told me you were…a woman. Why didn’t you ever tell me?” He didn’t sound hurt, but the idea was there. She’d told him everything else. Why hadn’t she told him that fact about herself?
The waitress sat down the drinks and ran away. Maybe she heard the direction the conversation was taking.
“I became Sam online a long time ago. I…well, the longer I stayed in Sam mode, the harder it was to tell you that I was a woman.” The truth. She’d started to tell him countless times but lost her nerve. Anyone would be easier to tell than him. She’d finally registered for the convention, knowing that this was something she wouldn’t take back. She wouldn’t renege on doing this again. No matter what. Telling him face to face had seemed better than telling him across a keyboard. At the time. But when he looked at her with those eyes, she wasn’t sure of that now. “I am sorry. About the pretext.”
He took a sip of his drink and frowned. “I think I understand why you started out as Sam instead of Samantha. I know girls get a lot of hell thrown their way when they start, especially when you did. Why come out now?”
She pushed a loose hair behind her ear. Found her pen. She’d been looking for that. She shoved it in deeper. “More women are gaming.” She took a big deep breath. “And truth of the matter…I wanted to meet you. In person.” She’d wanted to reveal herself in a way she couldn’t seem to do online. Wanted to finally meet the man behind her late night chats. See him in Technicolor. She’d wanted to see crosscountry500 in her mind when the resumed chatting online.
He didn’t smile, which didn’t put her at ease one little bit. “You wanted to meet me? For real?”
Real seemed to be a popular topic. “Weren’t you looking for me when I saw you? Why would you flock toward someone you hadn’t even met? It’s for the same reasons I had to come here to see you.”
“I’ve met you. Online.” He denied nothing, which made more warmth stream across her body. He had gone running to find her. She’d seen him checking out name tags. Before she knew it was him or that he was looking for her.
“Yes, but not in ‘real life.’ I wanted to see you. To talk to you. See your face when you smile so I know what it looks like when you type to me.” Sounded corny out loud. Had sounded much better in her own head.
“We could always webcast…”
She laughed but took his hand in hers. “Then I couldn’t touch you. Not like this.” Her stomach dipped low as their skin met. Hot. Slightly sweaty. His hand was rough. Strong as he clutched hers. Her throat dried out. Heat rose up over her body.
Maybe the webcast would have been a good idea.
Chapter Two
Joel was melting into his seat. Soon, he was going to be a puddle on the floor. All because of one touch. A mere hand in a hand.
Her touch.
Samatra300.
Sam.
Samantha.
Now that he knew who she was, she was even more gorgeous than she’d been when he’d seen her walking up the aisle. Because now he knew her. Well, he knew her online. Was she the same as in real life?
She tucked her hair behind her ear. Blond hair, the color of the sheets on his bed. Bed. Yeah, he’d like to be there right now.
With her.
Thoughts of her in bed with him ran rampant over his mind.
She pushed her hair back again. Must be a nervous tic of hers to shove her hair back like that. He hadn’t known about that. Because he’d never seen her in person.
You didn’t know she was a woman either.
Her hand shook on his. She tensed up, readying to pull it back.
He turned his hand over and tightened his grip before he added a second hand to cover hers. Didn’t want her escaping from him. Not yet. Possibly not ever.
You’re okay that Samatra300 was a woman the whole time? That she’s been lying to you? Hello? Yes, she’s a gorgeous liar but she still lied.
He wasn’t sure of any of this. All he knew was that he liked her hand in his. Liked the feel of her soft skin against his rough hands.
This was Samatra300 you’re holding hands with. Shouldn’t that be creepy?
But it wasn’t. He’d always thought that if Samatra300 had been a woman, she’d be perfect for him. Now he had the chance to see what that was like.
She met his gaze squarely with hers. Arched a brow. Kept her hand in his because she would have had to fight to get it out.
“True, we couldn’t touch over the Internet.” He grazed a thumb along the outside of her wrist. A shiver moved across her hands. “But you could have told me that you were a woman when we chatted and met later.”
Wrong thing to say. Her hand pulled from his. “I wanted to tell you a thousand times. It just got so hard to do. Harder and harder every time we talked.”
Like he was. Harder and harder. Even her voice made him horny. He’d never expected to be this way about Samatra300. Took a hell of a lot of getting used to. Fortunately he could deal with it, especially when she smiled at him. “I can understand. I think.” Once the charade had started, it had to have been
hard to go against. Girls had had it hard in the gaming life at times. There was always sexual innuendo running around. To know she’d come here to meet him giving into the compulsion to tell him gave him a thrill unimaginable. She’d wanted to meet him as much as he had her. That was saying something.
She took another swig of her drink. “I know this changes things. I can understand if you can’t forgive me.” She looked upset as she frowned. He wanted to smooth her lips up into a smile. Would they feel as soft as they looked? “But I’d like to try and continue to be friends. Online.”
She had to be kidding.
He was having many friendly thoughts about her that had nothing to do with them being online friends. He met her gaze. Surely she had to see the simmering volcano inside of him being caused by her shapely form and the fact he knew this woman from the inside out. Not to mention, when her head turned, he knew what she was looking at.
Case in point.
“That’s not the real Captain Mal. Just looks a lot like him. Nathan Fillion has moved on from Firefly to Castle.” No wonder Samatra300 had always talked about Mal’s characterization and Fillion’s acting with such reverence. She probably was a woman who carried a torch for Fillion as Captain Mal from Firefly. Joel found himself not liking that idea so much. He couldn’t compete with an actor.
Compete?
He must be going crazy. This was Samatra300, his gamer buddy.
The man in the long brown coat, reminiscent of what Mal wore on Firefly turned and he had a full beard. Definitely not Nathan Fillion. A good thing.
She turned back with a smile and a little varnish of blush staining her cheeks. “Oh well, one can always hope at these things.”
Maybe he should dress like Mal and get that attention focused back on him? “I could pull out my brown coat.” He waggled brows at her. “I have it with me.” He planned to wear it to an event at the convention.
Her smile drowned out the lights of the heavens. Her smile did have the ability to turn him upside down. “You will have to do that. Later.” Her eyes sparkled like so many stars in the galaxy.
He wanted to put it on right now. A compulsion that surprised him. “You’re missing your Whedon fix.” He’d been amazed she’d left the panel before it had even started just to talk to him. Yet he was so astounded at finding out her gender, he hadn’t said anything about her leaving the seminar at the time. Samatra300 was a woman. A fine woman. Who would have thought?
“I know.” She frowned. “But we needed to talk first. I gave up Whedon for you. You’d better appreciate it.” She winked at him.
Now that was pure Samatra300. He laughed at her reminding him what she’d given up for him. His heart pounded. It was significant. “Oh, I do. Now if I can just get you to acknowledge George Lucas as God instead of Whedon, I’ll be doing good.” He got the expected frown at his suggestion that the creator of Star Wars was better.
She looked down at her hands, which he still missed from being in his and said, “So are we straight? We’re good?”
Seeing how much she’d worried about him somehow made the deception easier to swallow. He was still reeling from the whole idea. He’d thought he’d know this person inside and out, still did, just she wasn’t what he’d expected her to be. “Long as you don’t have any more deep, dark secrets. Like you’re an alien here to procreate. We’ll be okay.” He’d have to adjust as all. She obviously wanted to be friends. Gorgeous woman like that was probably already taken anyway.
“No more deep dark secrets. Unless you count being a closet Lucas fan.” Her smile was still so winsome. So engaging.
Harder and harder. Yep, that’s where he was again. About Samatra300. That was going to be hard to reconcile for a while. “I knew you were a Star Wars fan.” As was he. It was something they shared. “Like I know you like Watership Down.” The book about rabbits wasn’t one he could talk about to just anyone. He’d always loved the complex story about government in the guise of being about a warren. She’d shared that fascination with the long story. They’d chatted about it on several occasions. That wasn’t something he could share with anyone, especially his gaming buddies.
“You know everything there is to know about me.” She shrugged pretty shoulders. “I’m me.”
Not everything. He didn’t know what would make her scream. Or know what she looked like first thing in the morning.
Which led him to an idea.
A brilliant idea.
An insane idea.
It was so kooky, it just might work.
“Would you go out to dinner with me tonight?” He fired off the question like a shot from a shotgun. Before he changed his mind and didn’t do it. If he thought about it too long he would give up on the idea. It was how he talked himself out of most things. With her sitting in front of him, he needed to take advantage now. Couldn’t talk himself out of it.
Her smile took over her face with electricity. “Dinner would be awesome. We can get caught up. Maybe you can invite Baxter too.”
That was not where he was going with this invitation. He hesitated a moment. “Uh, I think Baxter’s busy.”
She arched a brow. “Oh, does he have another ‘thing?’”
He nodded emphatically. “Yes. Yes, he does.” Baxter would have “things” for the rest of the conference if it gave him time to talk to Samantha. Be with Samantha.
Maybe they could turn this online friendship into something deeper. His heart pounded. He’d never thought of her this way, but now he couldn’t stop thinking of her this way.
She tucked more hair behind her ear. “Well, when he finishes with his ‘thing’ he could join us.”
She wasn’t getting his intentions. A horrible thought occurred to him. “Do you have a boyfriend?” Oh, that would be more terrible than a video game locking up and not working when you were about to get the high score. “I mean, are you seeing anyone?”
She shook her head. “Nah. I haven’t had a boyfriend in a while.” She blew out a breath. “Makes me sound pathetic, doesn’t it? Gamer girl. No boyfriend. A cat. I’m turning into a spinster.”
No spinster if he had his way.
Suddenly her face changed. The worry lines deepened. She cocked her head to the side in the move that was so familiar. “Why are you asking me about a boyfriend?”
“Well, I…uh…” He hemmed and hawed for a second. Nothing like getting to the point. “I’m asking you out.”
*
Sam’s entire world stopped turning and paused for a second. The world froze on its axis. “What?”
He did a head shake back and forth. “I’m asking you out.”
Her heart pounded as the world started spinning again. As her breathing started again. How could he be asking her out? Didn’t he know that geeks didn’t have the guts? Of course he’d never followed the rules of geekdom to the letter. Crosscounty500 was asking her out. Her. Not anyone else. “Me?” She’d not expected that to happen.
“You.” He nodded to emphasize the point.
“Me.” She tried not to hyperventilate now that her lungs were working. “You’re asking me out.” She stated the obvious to stall for time.
“Yep.”
She was a woman after all. He was a man. Why wouldn’t he ask her out? In all the scenarios she’d played out in her head, she’d never played this one out. Never thought about him asking her out when he found out her gender.
He’s your best friend. What will that be like if something happens and you don’t make it? You’ll lose him. Not to mention he’s your online friend. Not a real friend. How can he turn into anything more?
She’d been terrified she’d lose him with this revelation of her gender. Now she could face losing him again. Not all relationships worked out.
She should know. She’d had enough of them.
She’d never dated a gamer like herself though. Never thought it could work. She’d never thought about taking anything online into her real life.
Except for crosscountry500. B
ecause she had come there to meet him.
Even she had to admit, in some of her ultimate fantasies, crosscountry500 had made appearances.
Yeah, so does Captain Mal. Doesn’t mean anything You’re as likely to have a fictional character as someone you know only online.
Only now she was starting to know Joel other than online.
“I…”
He interrupted. “It’s okay. We don’t have to. It was just a thought.” He folded his arms across his chest. Sat back in the chair.
“I want to go out.” The admission surprised her as it burst forth from her lips. She must have looked shocked to say it. The instant it left her lips, it should have stayed in her mouth. Did she want this to go into real life? Would it be too real?
“You do?” His lips quirked up into a half smile that was endearing and so him at the same time.
“I think…I do want to go out. But…” She pushed the wayward hair behind her ear. “…you’re my best friend. I don’t want to lose that.” Your best friend who didn’t know you were a girl until fifteen minutes ago. Your best friend is only online. Not real life. It can’t work out. Back out now. She ignored her conflicted thoughts.
“We’ll work on not losing our friendship.” Her mind corrected his comment to “online friendship.” “But…we work so well together. In the games. I’d like to at least take you out a few times while we’re here. See what happens.”
In the world of video games, they were good partners. But that meant nothing in the real world. She didn’t think it would go anywhere but they could spend some time together. “Okay. I’d like to spend some time with you.”
He reached over to take her hands again. “I like that you like.” His warm fingers pressed into hers, invigorating hers with his warmth.
Gooey feelings started down in the pit of her stomach and moved out into her limbs. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. She’d come to tell him she was a woman and be online friends with him. Not date him. Could two geeks make something like this work? They were gaming buddies. Not dating material.
Geek Love Page 2