Obviously disappointed, she shrugged. ‘I don’t mind. We’re still going camping, aren’t we? Down by the lake, like you promised?’
Bree turned to Finn, her eyes wide and searching, and he caught a flash of Sarah in the intent look on their daughter’s face. His heart rocked, but not in the sickening way it might have done in the past, whenever he remembered his wife. A new kind of peace had settled in him since he’d been back to Thailand and, for that, he was extremely grateful.
‘We’ll definitely go camping,’ he assured Bree. He couldn’t break another promise. ‘We can take the week between Christmas and New Year’s. There’s no edition of the Bugle that week.’
‘The whole week?’
‘Yes. The camping ground will probably be crowded, though.’
‘That doesn’t matter. Will we take your canoe?’
‘Yes, of course.’
She hugged herself with excitement. ‘Sam and Milla will probably be there.’
Finn frowned. ‘Who are Sam and Milla?’
‘The kids I wrote the story about. The ones who found Cooper, the lost dog. Sam told me he’d be camping at the lake.’
Finn felt a stirring of fatherly concern. ‘How old’s this Sam?’
‘’Bout my age.’ Bree said this without a hint of coyness, and Finn supposed he should calm down. ‘Will there be lots of kids, Dad?’
‘Bound to be.’
‘Cool!’ Leaping to her feet, his daughter promptly performed a series of cartwheels over the lawn, demonstrating surprising athletic grace while heading, to Finn’s relief, well away from the fire.
‘Wow! How long have you been able to do that?’ he asked, suitably impressed.
Bree gave another shrug. ‘Ages.’
More than ever, he was painfully aware of his need to make up for lost time.
A rickety garden seat had come with the house, and they sat there now to eat their simple repast. The sausages and onions were suitably blackened and Bree declared them ‘fantabulous’.
Finn marvelled that his daughter was so easy to please. He was sure pre-teen girls were supposed to be notoriously difficult and he feared this must be a passing fad. At any moment, Bree would turn into a sulky adolescent, who was bored by everything.
No doubt, he was currently enjoying a kind of honeymoon phase, where she saw Burralea as new and exciting. Soon she would wake up, the scales would fall from her eyes and she would see this place as a dull little town where nothing happened.
‘Can Chloe come camping with us?’
To Finn’s dismay, the mere mention of Chloe sent a shock wave zapping through him. The thought of her sharing a tent with them made his breathing snag.
‘Dad?’
Bree was waiting for an answer.
‘Chloe’s going home to Sydney for Christmas.’
‘That’s a pity. I really like her. I’ll miss her.’
‘Yeah. Chloe’s great.’ Finn managed, with some effort, to keep his tone casual.
‘I mean, I really like her,’ Bree insisted and she was frowning at him now, watching him with a shrewd glint in her eyes that made him uneasy.
‘That’s … great.’ Finn wasn’t sure where this conversation was heading and he felt his way cautiously. ‘She was wonderful, the way she looked after you.’
‘She was amazing.’
‘I’m trying to think of a decent thank-you present.’
‘Jewellery,’ Bree promptly announced, as if this was the obvious solution.
Finn shook his head. ‘Bit over the top.’
‘No way.’
‘Don’t worry,’ he said before Bree offered more outlandish suggestions. ‘I’ll think of something.’
‘Word on the street, Dad —’
‘Excuse me? What did you just say?’
‘Word on the street.’
‘Where’d you hear a term like that?’
‘I don’t know.’ Bree widened her eyes, innocent as a flower. ‘It’s what people say, isn’t it?’
Not twelve-year-olds, surely? Finn sighed. ‘So what’s this word?’
‘That you and Chloe are an item.’
Another zap ripped through Finn. Bloody hell. One minute his kid was doing cartwheels. The next she was talking like a thirty-year-old. ‘I’m not going to ask who told you that,’ he said sternly. ‘But let it be a warning about country towns. You hear all sorts of gossip and half of it’s nonsense.’
‘Which half are you and Chloe in?’
Finn groaned. ‘It’s time you stopped asking questions that are none of your business.’ He stood. ‘And it’s high time you had your shower and got ready for bed.’ He knew he sounded like a parent who was losing control. He was out of practice at this fathering gig.
Abruptly, he began to collect plates and cooking gear to take inside. ‘Come on,’ he said over his shoulder.
To his relief, Bree didn’t argue.
‘Finn, I was hoping to take a day off next week, before I leave for Sydney.’
Chloe posed her question at the end of a busy week filled with Carols by Candlelight, Christmas markets, the launch of an activities program in the park for kids and celebrations for Ben’s return. But while pre-Christmas wasn’t the best time for her to squeeze in a visit to the fertility clinic in Cairns, she had reached a new desperation point.
If Finn was surprised by her request, however, he covered it quickly. ‘Sure,’ he said. ‘Which day would you like?’
Chloe had, in fact, already rung the clinic and found there were only a couple of appointment slots available, so she’d made a tentative booking, hoping it would suit, and had even teed up with Jess to borrow her car. ‘Next Wednesday?’ she asked.
Finn nodded. ‘Should be fine.’ He smiled at her then. ‘Christmas shopping?’
It was silly to feel nervous. ‘Among other things, yes.’
Perhaps she wasn’t convincing. Finn was watching her closely. ‘Is everything okay, Chloe?’
‘Of course,’ she said too quickly.
His dark eyes narrowed and he continued to study her in nerve-racking silence. Eventually, he said, ‘I can’t help feeling that you and I have skipped an important conversation.’
Chloe tensed. She knew full well what Finn was referring to. Over the past week, the strain and edginess between them had been palpable. In the office, or when they had inadvertently met on the street, or at social events like Emily’s ‘welcome home’ party for Ben, she had ducked and weaved, keeping as much distance between herself and Finn as possible.
Now, she had little choice but to try the same tactic again. ‘Well, you know what it’s like at this time of the year,’ she said, as she gathered up her bag and her phone, preparing to leave. ‘And it’s even busier for you now that you have Bree here.’ She shot him a smile, which was, regrettably, shaky. ‘How is Bree? I’ve hardly seen her these past few days.’
‘She’s fine, thanks, having a ball.’
‘Do you think she’ll find it hard to leave Burralea when the time comes?’
‘She’s already begging me to let her stay. I’ve told her we won’t make any decisions until after New Year’s. She might get bored yet and change her tune.’
‘That sounds like a good plan.’
Finn was standing now with his feet comfortably apart and his arms folded, positioning himself in the middle of the small office, more or less blocking Chloe’s exit. ‘Bree’s also been begging me to invite you over for a meal sometime. A barbecue, perhaps. I thought maybe tomorrow night?’
In a perfect world, Chloe would have adored a Saturday evening at home with Finn and his winsome daughter. Even now, when she knew how very unwise it would be to become more emotionally entangled with that pair, a foolish inner voice also whispered how much fun it could be.
But it was time to be strong. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, Finn.’
He frowned. ‘If I remember correctly, this is where our conversation stalled last time. I was inviting you to dinner and you
were back-pedalling madly.’
Chloe dropped her gaze, before her eyes gave her away. ‘That was because of Bree,’ she said. ‘I didn’t want to give her the wrong idea.’
‘Apparently she already has the quite definite idea that we’re an item.’
Chloe gulped. ‘But we’re not. We shouldn’t be.’
‘Is that how you really feel, Chloe?’
She knew he was watching her intently.
Now her throat constricted, making it hard to breathe, and she also knew she was in danger of weakening. Facing Finn now, it was hard to remember why they shouldn’t fall back into their deliciously exciting romance. But she had promised herself she wouldn’t just drift indefinitely. It was time to take control of her future.
‘I think it’s sensible,’ she said bravely. ‘Office flings are inevitably a mistake.’
Finn stood rock still, but Chloe saw the movement of his throat as he swallowed. Her heart hammered and she longed to forget common sense, to sink against him, to have his arms come around her, holding her close.
Tears threatened.
A beat later, Finn moved towards her and she thought he might pull her into his arms. Instead, he touched her cheek – just one gentle brush of his knuckles – and his eyes betrayed a tenderness that tore at her heart. He said, ‘I’d feel much better about being sensible if you didn’t look so upset.’
Don’t, she wanted to tell him. Don’t be lovely. Don’t make this harder. She drew a ragged, noisy breath and knew she could retreat no further. It was time to be brave, to be honest and tell him exactly how she felt. She only hoped she could do so without dissolving into a weeping puddle.
Another deep breath was necessary. ‘The thing is,’ she said. ‘I assumed I’d be fine with a casual affair, but I’ve discovered I’m not very good at it.’ When Finn looked puzzled, she clarified. ‘At the casual part, I mean.’ Then she blushed. She wasn’t managing this very well, but she forced herself to continue. ‘But – but I understand you’re not ready for anything more – than casual.’
There. At least she hadn’t burst into tears.
She didn’t expect Finn to jump to correct her, to declare that a ‘casual’ arrangement didn’t suit him either. But when he remained silent, Chloe was hit by a terrible sense of déjà vu. She found herself recalling her breakup with Jason. Jason hadn’t wanted children. Finn was wary of a new commitment – and he had taken steps to ensure he could never be a father again.
It seemed she was forever doomed to need more from her lovers than they were able to give.
Several seconds ticked by before Finn spoke. ‘Look, I hear what you’re saying,’ he said at last. ‘And if you really want to call it quits, I won’t argue. But —’ A sigh escaped him. ‘Things have been pretty crazy around here lately. Perhaps we could take the same advice I gave Bree?’
Chloe frowned. ‘Sorry?’
‘Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to wait till after Christmas. See if you still feel —’
He left the sentence hanging and, in the silence that followed, Chloe knew that breaking up for the second time in one year was going to be even harder than the first. But she also knew that a few weeks couldn’t change their insurmountable hurdles.
In the new year, she planned to embark on an IVF program. Her eggs would be fertilised by some unknown donor. Finn, meanwhile, would still be a grieving widower, working to forge a happier future with his daughter.
But she felt too emotionally exhausted to argue with him now, and although she was sure that nothing would change, she nodded. ‘Okay.’
‘Good.’ Finn smiled. ‘And you should definitely rethink tomorrow night’s barbecue. If nothing else, it will get Bree off my back.’
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Bree was beside herself with excitement when she heard that Chloe was coming to their barbecue. She was dead keen to help with the preparations, had accompanied her dad to the supermarket and had been his kitchen hand, shelling peas and peeling carrots. And she’d even raked the leaves that had fallen in the backyard, marring the perfection of his newly mowed grass.
As the evening grew closer, Bree washed her hair and put on the new denim shorts and red and white–striped top that she’d bought during her shopping expedition with Emily. In a drawer in the kitchen dresser, she found a batik print tablecloth to cover the folding camp table that her dad set in the backyard near the fire pit. To decorate the table, she picked a fresh bunch of the yellow flowers that grew in the old concrete washing tub in a corner of the yard and she put them in a blue jug that she found on a shelf in the kitchen.
‘Hey, that looks great,’ Finn said when he saw what she’d done. ‘You’ve got the decorating knack, Bree.’
Her chest swelled with pride.
And now, at last, the preparations were complete and it was time to pick up Chloe. Bree was bouncing with excitement as she bundled herself into the passenger seat in the Forester. She adored Chloe and she loved her dad deeply, and she was thrilled that her dad was different these days. Happier, calmer and much more willing to chat.
She suspected Chloe was somehow involved in this transformation. And so it seemed logical to Bree that her future could only be better and brighter if her father spent more time in Chloe’s company.
Now, as they pulled up outside the Progress Association office, Chloe was ready and waiting just inside the door. She looked beautiful in a Christmassy green halter-neck dress, with her legs bare and her feet clad in sandals with sparkly green stones. Bree was out of the car as soon as it stopped, rushing with open arms to hug Chloe.
‘You look fabulous,’ she told Chloe.
Chloe laughed. ‘So do you.’ She touched a little shoulder frill on Bree’s striped top. ‘This is cute.’
‘I bought it when I went shopping with Emily.’
Now her dad had come around the front of the car. He was looking pretty good too, with his hair neatly combed, and dressed in jeans and a navy-blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
He kissed Chloe politely on the cheek, which was a bit disappointing for Bree, but they both did rather a lot of smiling, she was pleased to note. When they got back into the car, Bree insisted on having the back seat, leaving Chloe to sit in front with her dad for the short drive back to Cedar Lane.
Once home, they went inside. Chloe had brought a bowl of creamy French onion dip that she’d made and a box of crackers. Bree found a plate for the crackers. Finn took another plate from the fridge with the lamb chops that he planned to barbecue and they moved out to the backyard.
It was a perfect summer’s evening. Shade from the trees along the fence line stretched over the grass and a gentle breeze wafted. Crickets hummed in the shrubbery and, above the whole scene, a spectacular sunset spread its pretty bloom over the sky. The camping table looked smart with its batik cloth and gleaming glasses waiting to be filled. A bucket of ice held white wine for Chloe, lemon squash for Bree – she would have liked Coke, but squash was fine – and beer for her Dad. The fire in the pit ringed by stones glowed and flickered.
Bree knew she was happier than she had been in a long, long time. Properly happy, all the way through. She loved her grandparents and she enjoyed their company, but in Townsville she had always been conscious of the father-shaped hole in her life.
Losing her mother and Louis had been beyond terrible, but somehow Bree had been just as sad to know that her father, her personal hero, was alive and had chosen to be absent.
But now he was here. Or rather she was here, living in the same house as him every day. Her dad was the last person to wish her goodnight and the first person to greet her in the morning. He hugged her often and at night they read her favourite books together.
During this past week, even though her dad was busy and Bree had spent more time with Mrs Briggs from the Progress Association or Gina at the Lilly Pilly, she had heard all sorts of wonderful comments about him. It seemed everyone in these parts seemed to have a good word for Finn Latimer, which w
as wonderfully reassuring.
Best of all, when Bree had told her father that she didn’t want to go back to boarding school, he hadn’t said that she must. He had given her another lovely hug and said he was going to think about it and he would make a decision in the new year.
So now, each night, Bree lay in bed and looked out at the stars and made a wish, always the same wish.
The barbecue meal was delicious – lamb chops with mint jelly, a yummy brown rice and pea salad, and steamed and buttered carrots smeared with Dijon mustard.
‘I had no idea you were such a good cook,’ Chloe told Finn. Bree piped up, ‘He spent ages and ages looking up recipes on the internet.’
With that, she took off, dancing excitedly over the grass, but as she spun past her dad, he caught her by the elbow.
‘As the father whale said to the baby whale – just remember you’re more likely to be harpooned when you’re spouting.’
‘Huh?’ Bree stopped and stared at him as she tried to compute this. ‘But it’s wrong to hurt baby whales.’ Then it dawned on her and she grinned. ‘You mean I’m talking too much?’
‘Exactly.’
But she simply laughed and danced away to perform a series of cartwheels over the grass.
Behind her, she heard her father say, ‘I have no idea where she gets her energy from.’ But his smile was fond as he said this, and Bree could see that he was happy. Bree only hoped that Chloe was happy too. Mostly Chloe seemed fine, but every so often she looked a little worried.
The evening darkened quite quickly and Finn lit a couple of fat candles. He hadn’t made a proper dessert, but there was a dish of scrumptious chocolates wrapped in shiny paper in different pretty colours. Chloe had one chocolate and Bree had three, while she told Chloe all about their plans for camping at the lake between Christmas and New Year’s.
‘We might see Sam and Milla.’
‘Yes, you probably will. That’ll be fun.’
The Summer of Secrets Page 31