by Katyaini
Why these Words?
They flow with the same grace blood flows from an open wound- With the same urgency, the same desperation.
WORDS, written into a blank sheet with ink getting soaked in between the red lines, like seeping out from an open heart.
Somehow, the sad beauty of them has kept me entangled for so long, and every breath I take pulls me deeper into their embrace. I so wish it wasn’t this pathetic. That my relation to them didn’t feel like a love affair where I’m losing pieces of my heart bits by bit, even though it’s in exchange of everything they have to offer. The attraction often takes my breath away. I shiver to think of myself without them- as an empty shell.
A part of my brain tells me it’s unhealthy. Like a relationship based just on physical attraction. I’ve chosen to ignore that part, and dive into the sea of unknown.
Flowing with these waves of my thoughts gushing out of me, I’m discovering a lot about everything. Like how breeze feels on my neck, brushing my hair aside. How, when I close my eyes, the shower water seems to flirt with me. How, life seems to take on a whole new meaning when I choose to understand it.
The words seeping out my fingers turn into a mediator who knows the language of every form of life around me. They whisper into my ears what the breeze says to the river. What height the mountains dream to reach. What beauty, nature wants to breathe in.
I don’t have any idea how to weave them, how to turn them into the beauty that works wonders on every person who lets himself be entangled in them. But I know that when I come out of this, when the haze finally clears off and these lovers finally leave me, I’ll be nothing. I’m afraid, enough to close myself at times, but at other instances, when the more reckless me emerges as the unchallenged winner, I let myself free. I hope for a happier ending but I know that in real world, there’s no such thing. Still, I gaze at the sun and let my eyes burn, the beauty is too hard to stay away from. I can just wish, but I’m satisfied with that, for now.