Your Life or Mine

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Your Life or Mine Page 25

by Vicki Bradley


  ‘Why go to all this effort?’ she asked. Shadows danced in the corners, cast by the artificial light.

  ‘This is your worst nightmare, right?’

  Loxton recognized that voice, but it didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense.

  ‘I wanted to make it perfect for you.’ Lena stepped forward and crouched down in front of her.

  ‘It can’t be you,’ Loxton said, her voice small in that cold, empty chamber.

  ‘Not quite how you imagined your worst nightmare, is it? But it’s close enough.’

  ‘How do you know what my worst nightmare is?’ Loxton had to keep Lena talking. She had to try to make sense of this.

  ‘I’ve read your diaries, Alana. All of them. Edward Barratt’s the man who scared you the most, out of all the killers you’ve hunted. That’s why I copied him for you.’ Lena stroked the knife across Loxton’s neck.

  ‘You’ve been in my flat?’

  Lena lifted the knife and pressed the tip of the blade against Loxton’s skin, just above her collarbone. ‘More than you have in the last few weeks. I waited for you, but you never came. That wasn’t very kind of you. Getting you on your own has been impossible, until today.’ Lena pushed the knife in deeper. ‘Say sorry.’

  Loxton clenched her jaw to stop herself from crying out. Lena smiled, twisting the blade, and Loxton drew in a painful breath through her gritted teeth. She glared up at Lena. She was going to die, but she wasn’t going to give Lena the satisfaction of a scream. She wouldn’t shed a tear. Instead, she pushed away the fear and focused solely on her rage.

  Lena’s eyes darkened; no humanity of any kind contained in them. She leaned towards Loxton. ‘Say sorry, or it’ll be your cunt next.’ Lena dug the knife in deeper.

  ‘Fuck you,’ Loxton grunted as the pain heightened beyond anything she’d experienced before.

  ‘You’re more stubborn than you look.’ Lena pulled the knife out in one swift motion.

  Loxton winced in agony. She felt warm blood from the wound. ‘Why are you doing this? Was it Harding’s idea?’ Loxton managed to ask.

  ‘Harding?’ Lena laughed. ‘I plucked him from Barratt’s fan base months ago. He was so unhinged, with his fierce hate for the world and his huge ego, so easily manipulated online. He took your addresses to prove to me that he was who he claimed to be, ex-SAS. But really I just wanted him to incriminate himself. He was always supposed to be the fall guy, although he didn’t know that. When I asked him to sacrifice himself for the cause, he agreed, but in the end he chickened out. Getting arrested and the prospect of a lengthy sentence made him panic. Not such the elite warrior to the cause after all.’

  ‘You killed him? How?’

  ‘I called him. Told him to wait at his flat, that you’d see him there and get him into police protection. Then, when I arrived, he was so relieved; he thought he was safe. He never saw the knife coming.’ She smiled, proud of her own achievement.

  ‘So this was all you?’ Loxton stared into Lena’s grey eyes. ‘Why?’

  ‘Sometimes I wonder myself,’ Lena said. ‘But really, I was just like you, plodding along in the police, working hard to prove everyone wrong. That I was just as good as them. That I belonged. Scrabbling for promotion, for purpose, for acceptance, for some sort of justice in the world. Dealing with the never-ending domestic murders, where wives had been battered to death by their husbands, all because they’d overcooked the dinner or looked at another man the wrong way. Then he happened.’

  Loxton felt her shoulder throbbing, deep down, and wondered how much blood she was losing. ‘Kowalski?’

  ‘No, not him.’ Lena laughed. ‘Kowalski was a friend, nothing more. Just an ordinary man in the end, nothing special. Szyman´ski, however, was no ordinary man. The police were thrown. We’d never come across anything like it. He was fascinating. Something unique in all the mindless violence and death. He was a meaning in the madness.’

  ‘But you were on the team that caught Szyman´ski,’ Loxton said, confused.

  Lena smiled. ‘Actually, it was the other way around. He caught me. He came to my flat one evening, walked right in as I was having my dinner. It was the shock of my life. I thought he was going to kill me. But he didn’t. He’d seen me investigating the case, was as intrigued by me as I was by him. He said we had a lot in common. We worked the same. Disciplined. Both had an interest in psychology and philosophy. Of course I thought he was abhorrent back then, but he said he’d let me live on the condition that I didn’t tell anyone he’d been to visit. He wore a mask. I was going to call Kowalski, but before I knew what was happening I felt giddy and euphoric. He’d drugged me, put something in the food while I’d been out of the house, and I’d unwittingly cooked myself a poisoned meal. He talked some more, the hours flew past, and then I fell asleep. I woke in the morning, asleep on my sofa. I didn’t know if it had been a dream or if it was real. My plate and cutlery were washed and put away. I didn’t know what to think.’

  ‘You didn’t tell anyone?’

  ‘We’d been working long hours and I was fairly new in the job. I’d be mocked for being hysterical, not able to cope with the case and probably taken off it. So I put it down to a dream. It felt like a dream. But then he came again. Another night. He let me see his face. I felt sorry for him at first. He’d had a terrible life. But then the pity turned to something else. His was a life less ordinary. An extraordinary man. He’d been abused by his father and his mother hadn’t stopped it. She was indifferent to it. That had changed him. He’d seen what humans really are. I listened. I wasn’t indifferent.’

  Loxton shook her head.

  ‘If you think about it, life is so short, so often inconsequential. Nothing happens. We’re born, we work, we may have children and then we slowly decay year by year. We become shells of ourselves. Our children come to despise us. And then we die. In a couple of generations we’re forgotten, might never have existed. But not Szyman´ski. He’ll live forever. He has become a legend in people’s minds.’

  ‘And you? Are you a legend?’

  ‘It was enough for me just to love him. But that was taken away from me when Kowalski captured him.’

  ‘But you were on the same team?’ Loxton said again, staring at Lena. She was insane.

  ‘I tried to protect Krystian. I tampered with the evidence when I could. Ensured anything potentially incriminating at the crime scenes got destroyed before it was spotted by the forensic team. But Kowalski became suspicious that there were two people involved, possibly one in the forensic team. It became harder for me to cover Krystian’s tracks. Kowalski insisted Krystian’s house be forensically searched again and a piece of one of the victim’s skin was recovered from his shower. Krystian was convicted and I couldn’t risk seeing him in prison. And then he was murdered.’

  ‘So why not go after the Polish police? Why target my team?’

  ‘The targets weren’t my idea. They were Dominik’s. He chose the victims.’

  ‘Dominik?’ Loxton couldn’t hide the horror from her voice. ‘He isn’t a killer.’ She shook her head vehemently, trying to keep the pain she felt from her face. She didn’t want to give Lena the satisfaction.

  ‘He worked out Krystian couldn’t have been working alone. Not towards the end anyway. And then he discovered it was me. I’m like a sister to him. He loves me. And love is a powerful thing, Alana. It can make someone do terrible things. He couldn’t betray me and eventually I convinced him to join me.’

  ‘You’re lying,’ Loxton said. She couldn’t believe it.

  ‘Believe what you want to if it will help you sleep at night, little sheep. Not that you’ll be needing to worry about that anymore. Just think, Alana – I’m giving you a gift. No more striving, no more disappointment in your fellow man. Just rest. And fame. To be remembered generations from now.’

  ‘You’re insane,’ Loxton said.

  Lena laughed. ‘Of course I am, little sheep.’ She tilted her head sideways as if appraising Loxton for the first t
ime. ‘But does that mean you don’t like me? I thought you did?’

  Loxton thought of her friends, dead at Lena’s hands. ‘You’re not human,’ Loxton replied.

  ‘You’re just like me all those years ago. Holding on so tight to the idea of right and wrong, as if any of it matters in the end. Desperate for some sort of meaning before you take your last breath. I think you did like me. I like you. We could have been friends. I could have shown you the other side, a world with no constraints, no rules. But you’re not ready for that, are you? And now it’s your time to die.’ Lena’s eyes looked sad.

  Lena slashed Loxton’s upper chest, causing blood to soak through her shirt. ‘You look good in red. That’s definitely your colour.’ Lena plunged the knife into Loxton’s right shoulder so fast Loxton didn’t have time to brace for the blow. Her screams echoed around the empty chamber, the knife only stopped by her shoulder joint.

  ‘I didn’t expect you to start screaming already.’ Lena shook her head in disappointment. ‘You started off so well. I thought you’d be harder to break. Dominik usually goes for strong women. They’re the ones he really likes. And so far they all proved a challenge – until you. You just trotted along beside me like a stupid little bitch, oblivious to its master’s world.’ Lena was panting now, the effort and excitement making her jittery. The knife was sticking out of Loxton’s shoulder, the pain excruciating. Fear crawled up Loxton’s chest, clutching tightly at her heart, choking her throat. She was going to die down here.

  ‘I’m sorry about this next bit,’ Lena said, her eyes genuinely apologetic. ‘I don’t enjoy it. But this little trick has been working well for me. They’re convinced it’s a man because of the rape element, which suits me just fine. Dominik is willing to take the blame now, since Harding let us down.’

  ‘You’re disgusting,’ Loxton said.

  ‘I’m sorry we won’t be able to be skin to skin for the next bit. Forensics is a bitch.’ Lena stroked Loxton’s cheek with her gloved fingers, brushing Loxton’s angry tears away. ‘I’ll just get some extra protection for me and my instrument. Don’t want them finding my DNA in any strange places on your corpse, do I? That would never do. I’m not going to be making Szyman´ski’s mistake. He taught me well.’ Lena looked sad and turned away, leaning down to a black sports bag where she pulled out a forensic suit, gloves and a mask. Loxton saw glinting knives and a glass implement.

  There was a faint splashing noise and Loxton feared that Kowalski was coming. She couldn’t bear it. Lena frowned and paused to listen. She picked out a couple of knives from her bag and headed out of the chamber. She turned back briefly and said, ‘Don’t go anywhere; I won’t be long.’

  As soon as Lena was out of the room Loxton bit down on the handle of the knife and yanked at it, but it didn’t budge. The pain pulsed through her whole body, making her vision blur. She bit down harder so as not to scream out. She was sweating and cold. She tried again and her vision swam, but she felt the knife move a fraction of an inch. The pain seared through her. She couldn’t tell if the knife was going in deeper or coming out but there was nothing else to try.

  She breathed heavily through her nose, fast and hard at the pain and effort. Her next attempt pulled the knife out a good inch and she daren’t let go of the blade with her teeth in case it fell.

  On the next go she drew the blade clear of her muscle and skin. Her shoulder throbbed and she felt warm blood oozing out of the wound readily. Her jaw ached as she kept her teeth clenched down on the handle, terrified she would drop it, and her only chance of survival along with it.

  She leaned forwards to her right wrist and sawed at the rope, wriggling her hand until the rope became loose. Then she took the knife with her freed hand and cut at the bonds on her left wrist. Finally, she leaned down and cut the ropes from her ankles.

  She wasn’t going to die without a fight. She tore the sleeve of her blouse and stuffed the material into the stab wound to compact it, and then wrapped more material around it to slow the bleeding. She did the same to her other shoulder. She checked her pockets but her radio and mobile phone were gone, Lena had taken them.

  She crept as fast as she dared towards the opposite entrance that Lena had just gone through. She needed to get as far away from her as possible. She felt weak and lightheaded, and her right forearm and hand were tingling and numb. Her left hand seemed okay, so she swapped the knife to it.

  She needed to get help. There was no doubt in her mind that Lena hadn’t told control their location. No one was coming to help her. She was on her own.

  Trying to take on Lena alone was madness. Lena was unharmed. She was also clearly insane, and that brought with it a special type of strength. The tunnel ahead was dark, and Loxton stumbled into the blackness.

  She kept to the wall, using her right hand to trail along the rough stone, looking for any side exits. As soon as Lena saw she was missing, she’d come storming up this tunnel and Loxton would be an easy target.

  She had no idea which way was out, the whole network a winding mystery to her. It was massive, a large proportion built in the Victorian era, with abandoned tunnels and dead ends. She could be lost in this maze forever.

  She wished she’d never come down here. Then she wouldn’t have learnt the truth about Kowalski. How the last few months had all been a lie. He wasn’t her friend; had never cared about her. All the time he had been planning to kill her friends one by one until it was her turn. She shivered in the blackness. She needed to focus. To get out of here.

  The smell grew stronger as she ran forwards through the flowing water. The darkness deepened and she glanced backwards towards the chamber she’d come from. A soft glow emanated from it and she used it to gauge her progress – not far enough.

  She had to get away.

  She’d still not come across any side exits on her right. It was pitch black now, so that if there was an exit on the left wall, she’d walk straight past it and never know.

  It wouldn’t be long before Lena returned to the chamber and found her missing and then it would be over. She tried to push down the overwhelming panic. Not to think of what Lena would do to her when she found her.

  She focused on the water flowing around her ankles as she waded onwards. It seemed to be choppier. She stopped for a moment, listening in the dark. All she could hear was the running water, but then something else. Squeaking. It was ahead of her, but it seemed to be coming more from her right. She stumbled forwards quickly towards the noise. Was there a side tunnel?

  Sure enough, she felt as if the space had opened up. The flow of water seemed different around her feet now, faster. Her fingertips trailed the wet brick and then found nothing – empty space. She checked in all directions. It seemed to be some sort of crossroads, but she wasn’t sure. It was so black.

  A howl far behind her – Lena had realized she was gone.

  She stumbled right, towards the squeak, which had now scuttled away from her. She moved quickly through the water, running forwards into the darkness. She heard Lena’s feet some way away, sloshing up the tunnel as she charged after her. Loxton forced herself to slow down, to creep forwards and make no noise in the water.

  She moved along the right wall and ducked down, pressing her back against the cold stone, praying Lena wouldn’t see her. Lena was shouting to herself in Polish. She heard a movement to her right, further back, and she shuffled further along the wall. There was some sort of alcove and she backed into it as slowly as she could, making herself as small as possible.

  Loxton’s hand tightened around the handle of the knife. She tried to steady her breathing. There was a movement beside her; the animal shifted its position for a moment, as if it too was hiding with her.

  She felt behind her but there were bars blocking some sort of opening.

  Light bounced crazily off the walls and she heard the footfall come to a halt. Lena was at the crossroads. Would Lena go left or right or keep straight on? The light grew stronger on the wall opposite her as s
he heard Lena splash towards her. Loxton felt her body tighten as panic coursed through her veins, making her heart race. This was it.

  Then Lena stopped short.

  Lena was listening for her. Loxton held her breath, pushing her lips together, praying. It seemed like time had stopped. She could hear her heart thudding in her chest, so loud she was convinced Lena would hear it too.

  The water began to wash around her as Lena waded through it. The light danced against the wall opposite as her torch moved.

  Loxton closed her eyes briefly, promising Jane she wouldn’t go down without a fight. Then she opened them, lifting the knife silently higher. The splashing continued but it was getting quieter, the light sweeping away. Lena was checking the other way. Loxton allowed herself a moment to relax before suddenly the splashing grew louder again and then reached a crescendo as Lena ran back to the crossroads. Loxton’s hand tightened on the handle as she prepared to strike Lena’s jugular in an upward thrust.

  She braced herself, but the water crashing against the stone walls around her became calmer. Lena had gone straight ahead, guessing that Loxton hadn’t found the turnings. It was logical. It’s what Loxton would have done. It wouldn’t take Lena long to realize she hadn’t taken that route, and then she’d be back again, trying each way systematically.

  Should Loxton carry on in this direction? Or was the tunnel to the left the way out? Even if there was a ladder to a manhole above, she’d never see it unless she walked into it. She couldn’t see anything. And she wasn’t convinced she’d be able to climb up it with her wounded right shoulder. Her hand still felt numb and there was a strange tingling sensation and a coldness now spreading from her shoulder down her arm.

  Loxton slowly got up, her legs aching as the blood flowed freely into them again. She couldn’t stay here. If she did, she’d die. She had to make a choice.

  She carried on in the same direction, praying this would lead her to a way out, though for all she knew it would lead her in a circle back to the chamber. Progress was slow, and in the darkness and cold her mind kept going back to Kowalski. He’d betrayed them all. She didn’t want to believe it, but his DNA had been on all of the bodies. And he’d been so keen to get Lena on board with the investigation as the profiler. Now she knew why.

 

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