by A. R. Breck
“What the hell I should do with you.”
The blood drains from my face.
“You’re still angry?” He’s still angry? It’s been hours.
He laughs. It’s not a happy laugh. “Let’s see here. You stole my drugs that you didn’t ask to take, drove to the mall high as fuck, stole something again that wasn’t yours, lied to the cop and called me instead of my dad, asked for drugs again, and you’re asking if I’m angry? Don’t be fucking dense, Mercy.”
In an instant, I’m flipped over on my stomach and my leggings are pulled down to my upper thighs. My bikini underwear is some of the most unflattering that I own but hearing the groan behind me makes me think that Aeron doesn’t care.
Slap.
“Ouch!” I try to get up, but Aeron presses the heel of his palm between my shoulders, pressing me back into the bed.
“You will not steal drugs from me again.”
Slap.
“Fuck!”
“Right, Mercy?”
“Okay!” I scream, trying to get out from underneath him, but he keeps that hand firmly on my back.
“You will not lie to me again.”
Silence.
Slap.
“Fucking right, Mercy?”
“Yes! Yes, okay!” I sob into the comforter, hating that I’m growing wet as the stinging on my ass turns into a burning fire that heats me up from the inside out.
“You won’t be so stupid to steal something as stupid as a fucking rock. Doesn’t matter how important it is to you, or what day it’s on. Don’t be that naïve, Mercy. You have to be fucking smart, you hear me?”
I cry.
Slap.
“Mercy!”
“Yes! Please stop, yes!” I sob into my comforter.
“Fuck!” Aeron shouts, just moments before I hear his door slam.
I kick off my leggings and cry as I crawl underneath the covers. Because ouch, my ass hurts, but my heart hurts even more.
18
Aric
I stand at the side of Mercy’s bed and listen to her soft breaths. The way her blonde hair falls against her pillow makes me want to bury my head in it. Mercy in general makes me hungry for something.
I feel an urgency whenever I’m around her. Like if I don’t act fast, I’m about to run out of time. Except I don’t want to push her too hard, because then she’ll probably leave and never come back.
Fuck, I don’t know what I’d do.
I run my finger along her cheek, loving the feel of her soft skin. I don’t know why I feel so connected to her, but from the moment we met I’ve felt this need to be near her.
Are we soul mates? Maybe. I do know whatever I feel with her is so strong it nearly knocks me off my feet every time I’m near her. Not only that, but our friendship has been instant from that first night. I never felt like I had to put on a show. I don’t think she ever felt like she had to be someone she’s not.
We’ve always just been… tethered.
I’ve taken a step back this last week because after the last weekend, I’ve seen a wall go up behind her eyes. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s just too soon from when everything happened with her family.
Or maybe it’s my brother, always trying to be that slimy snake behind the curtains, invisible and stealthy until he goes in for the kill. That’s a classic Aeron move, and not one I take lightly either.
We’ve never had a fight over a girl, but I see how he watches Mercy. I know something happened in that pantry the last week. She came out with her cheeks flushed, and the last time she looked like that is when I fucking kissed those lips.
I try not to think about it.
I’ll play the good friend and pretend to be in denial about everything until I come up with a plan on how to get my brother out of the game for good.
I lean down and give Mercy a light kiss on the forehead and start walking out to my room. On my way out, I hear her roll over. I glance over my shoulder and see her leg thrown over the blanket, exposing her ass in a g-string.
My eyes widen, and I feel like I’m totally invading her privacy and I respect her too much to be a pervert, but the other half of me is a guy, and holy shit that ass is lush.
I give it one last glance, and that’s when I see it.
What?
I step closer even when I shouldn’t, staring at her ass like it’s a different species while I try to figure out what it is I’m seeing.
Is that…?
Is that a fucking handprint?
I bite my lip as I take a little closer look and see there is definitely a faded handprint on the thickness of her ass cheek. I don’t know what happened, but I do know that handprint is too large to be her own.
I look around, and when I see the light on underneath the door to the bathroom, my face flames red. Was Aeron in here?
I stomp out and walk back to my room, slamming the door.
I don’t know what happened, but my mind conjures up a million ideas and none of them are good.
Aeron can pretend he has Mercy all he wants, because I’ll bury his ass.
Shit.
19
Mercy
Head rush.
I lift my head up, wiping underneath my nose and wiping off my nightstand of any residue powder. I blink hard, waiting for my vision to come back into focus.
This stuff is really strong.
It’s needed for today, though. Because today I’m going to the beach with Aric. School starts next week and I’m so not fucking excited for it. Today there’s some beach bash going on, some end of the year party that we’re invited to.
Sidney has been texting me all week, asking if I’m going.
These last few weeks have been off. I can’t for sure say why, they just have been. I’m hoping today can resolve any issues Aric thinks we have, because I really don’t want to go into school with Aric by my side, but him having a house-sized chip on his shoulder.
“Hey, Mercy! Heading to the beach with Aric? I see him downstairs loading up the car.” Dave pokes his head around the corner. I haven’t been able to see much of him lately. He’s been traveling a lot for work. Aric says the end of the summer is always busy for him. I miss him, because we’ve been missing our family dinners these past few weeks.
“Yeah.” I tie my hair in a high ponytail and smile at him. “Off to another work trip?”
He gives me a sad smile. “Yeah. San Diego. I’ll be back next week, kiddo. You going to get along with these two lunatics without me?”
“Barely. We’re barely surviving without the family dinners. You’ve become quite the chef.”
Dave laughs, “I promise, once I get back, we’ll do a huge spread. Some kind of back to school feast. Sound good?”
I shoulder my purse. “Sounds perfect.”
“I’ll check in later tonight. Have fun at the beach!” He disappears from the doorway, and I check one last time in the mirror for any powder and wiping under my nose.
When I head downstairs, Aric’s waiting for me at the door.
“Ready?” Aric says to me at the front door, his arms loaded up with our beach supplies.
“Yep.” I slide on my oversized sunglasses.
I follow Aric out to his truck. He dumps our stuff into the backseat, then jumps in the front and starts it up. “It’s a perfect day for the beach.” He smiles a dimpled smirk at me.
I give him a small smile, then drift my gaze out the window.
I’ve been feeling very conflicted lately. Both with Aeron and with Aric. I don’t feel like I can really jump into anything with the either of them. Although I fooled around with the both of them, I at least feel like with Aric he wants something more. No, he’s actually spoken to the fact he wants something more with me.
Aeron, on the other hand, I don’t think would ever want anything with me more than sleeping with me. That doesn’t matter, because he hasn’t spoken with me much since the mall incident anyway.
I haven’t told Aric about it,
because I’m so incredibly embarrassed I don’t even know how I would start that conversation. He’s been out more, starting with football practice and everything else that goes along with it before school starts.
I do have feelings for him. He’s sexy as hell, with his swim shorts and sleeveless shirt. Why do guys even wear those things? You can see their entire torso, anyway.
That, and the fucking hat on his head, flipped backwards.
Christ almighty.
It’s not just about his looks, though. He’s sweet and kind and caring, and funny. He’s hilarious. And he’s loyal as hell.
So, yeah, I have feelings for him. I just don’t know how to speak to the fact that although I have feelings for him, I’m also having feelings for his brother.
That’s where I sit now, unsure of what the right and wrong answer is here.
I just don’t want to break his heart.
“Why the long face? What’s the matter?” Aric turns down the radio about halfway to the beach, giving me a serious look before turning back to the road
“What? Oh, nothing’s wrong.” I give him a smile, but all he does is raise his eyebrows at me.
Yeah, I’m a shit liar.
“You think I haven’t seen how off you’ve been this past week? Something’s going on with you. Come on, Mercy. Spit it out.”
I open my mouth to defend myself, again, but Aric beats me to it by dropping a bomb.
“You have feelings for my brother, don’t you.” He doesn’t phrase it like a question. He states it like he’s known all along what’s been going on in my fucked up brain.
I’m speechless as I feel the blood drain from my face.
“Aric—”
“You really do, don’t you?” He shakes his head and mumbles under his breath. “I mean, I knew it, but I didn’t know for sure. I was hoping that I was imagining it.”
“I’m sorry.” I look down in my lap, ashamed. So ashamed.
His fingers grip the steering wheel tightly. His jaw muscle twitches in irritation. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tossed me out of the car. Actually, I’m almost hoping for it.
“You know what, Mercy? I honestly knew this was going to happen. From the minute my dad got the call my brother was coming home, I just knew something was going to happen. And really, I don’t blame you. It’s just my brother. He’s this kind of manipulative person that makes you think life is this huge joke, when it’s not. He’s a fucking adult and he has no job, no house, nothing! Look at him, Mercy. He’s a fucking loser and a drug addict!” He fumes, barking at me.
I curl into the corner of the car. I’ve never seen Aric lose his cool like he is now. He just doesn’t care about my feelings at this point. He’s way past that.
And a drug addict? If he knew I snorted cocaine before I walked down the stairs, I’m sure he’d feel much different for me. He thinks I’m this magical unicorn, but does he even really know what’s behind the mask?
Half of me feels defensive of Aeron, and the other part of me wants to curl into Aric, my safe place, and just cry.
Where did I go wrong?
Which one is right for me?
Maybe they’re both wrong for me.
Anxiety grabs hold as my fingers twitch. I’m itching to reach into my little purse I brought with me and grab my little compact filled with my white dust.
“I’m sorry.” I mumble, feeling like a chastised child.
He calms down at this, letting out a big breath as he takes off his hat to run his hand through his hair. Sliding the hat back on, he looks over at me.
“I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. Not really, anyway. I’m mad at Aeron more than anything. Obviously, you know where I stand. Am I pissed about the situation? Fuck yeah. More than anything I want to fight for you. You know I like you. But I’m not going to put myself in that situation. Just know that when the time comes, and Aeron disappoints you, or fucks up in some way, I’ll be here. I won’t say I told you so.” He turns into the parking lot and parks in the back. We’re shaded by trees and secluded back here. It should feel intimate, but it’s not. The tension is so thick it feels like I’m sitting in a sauna.
“You have to know I have feelings for you, too.” I want to reach out and grab hold of him, but he seems so out of reach. Even sitting just a foot away from me.
“That means nothing to me.” He lashes out on me, splitting the air wide open with his words.
“You’re not even going to give me a chance to explain?”
“What could you possibly have to say at this point that’s going to save this? Any of this?”
The sun beats down inside the car, making the air oppressive to the point of suffocation.
“Yes, I might have some feelings for your brother. But I feel something for you, too! I have felt something for you from the very beginning. What you feel… it’s not one sided. Please believe me on that.” I reach out for him, and he pulls away from me, making tears spring to my eyes.
He shakes his head and puffs out a laugh. “That’s where we’re on different pages, Mercy.” He opens the door, and I let out a silent gasp, wanting to beg and cling onto him. “I’m falling for you. But this is where I put an end to it. I’m not going to share you with my brother. I’m not even going to share your fucking feelings with my brother. And that’s all there is to it, at the end of the day.” The way he looks at me makes my heart chip.
“Because you’re not a bad person,” he continues, “But don’t think I’m going to wait around for you… because I won’t. I’ll always be here for you, and if we end up being able to work out between us, that’s awesome. But I’m not going to sit around while my brother ruins you. I won’t do that to myself.” He adjusts his hat and hops out of his truck. Opening the back door, he grabs the stuff and says, “Coming?” He shuts the door and starts walking towards the beach, not even waiting for me.
I’m speechless. Sitting there for a moment, I alternate between grief, sadness, and anger. I can’t sit in this hot car for the rest of the day, though. I’m not going to ruin our time by pouting in the car, when it’s clear Aric is going to make the most out of the rest of his summer.
“Coming.” I mumble to myself. Reaching into my purse, I grab my little compact and open it up. A small pile sits in front of me and I reach in with my pinkie, scooping some up with my nail and bring it up to my nose, inhaling quick and blinking through the headrush. Sucking on my pinkie, I close my eyes at the taste I’ve come to enjoy. Not sure when this happened, but I love it.
I love it.
I love the feeling over being taken over and being able to just melt into the feelings that flow through me. I don’t have to worry about anything else except for what I’m feeling in that very moment.
And in this very moment?
All I’m feeling is bliss.
20
Aric
I fume silently as I watch Mercy laugh with Sidney and Riley. Her smile is fake, though. It’s stiff, but she’s still trying to have a good time. I’ve been throwing a football with Luke for the past thirty minutes. We’ve all been having a good time, but the tension is ever present between Mercy and me. She smiles when she has to, and I’m smiling when I have to.
Mercy looks up from whatever she’s talking about and our eyes clash. She stops talking and stares at me. I raise up my hand and catch the ball that Luke just threw to me. We stare at each other for long seconds, her saying sorry and me begging for none of this to be true.
She breaks the stare first, looking back at Sidney and picking up with their conversation where they left off.
“Dude, come on!” Luke says from across the beach. I snap out of my stare and look over at Luke. He has his hands up in a what the fuck gesture. I shake my head and toss the ball back to him.
This last week has thrown me through a loop. Ever since I saw her luscious ass covered in a massive handprint, I’ve taken a step back. I don’t know what happened that night, but I have a feeling something did. I don’t know why, but
I felt it deep in my bones.
Every day since then, Mercy has been a little distant. We’ve always had this closeness. This flirtatious back and forth between the two of us. Not only that, but I thought we were finally going somewhere after the Fourth of July and Dirk’s party. I had her pressed up against that vehicle and I thought for sure we were finally starting something.
Nope.
As always, two steps forward and ten steps back when it comes to Mercy.
But when we hopped in the car today, and I saw the guilt and worry written all over Mercy’s face. I knew. I just fucking knew.
Now here I am, feeling like I have a bullet wound in my chest and the band aid sits across the beach in Mercy’s hand, applying it to someone else’s wound.
It fucking hurts.
Hurts real bad.
I’ll let her be right now. I’ll watch from afar as she makes mistake after mistake with my brother. She thinks I don’t notice these changes in her, but I know her. I know the look of Mercy when she walked into my life, and I know the look of Mercy after a party when she’s intoxicated. Lately, every time I see her, she’s been intoxicated.
On what? I don’t know. I don’t ask, because I don’t want to face the wrath. Whatever it is, it’s coming from my brother.
He’s the gas in the fire.
He’s the match to the flare.
I’m the water.
I’m the savior.
I’ll watch her walk into the flames, and when the explosion hits, I’ll walk in to pick up the pieces, just like I always do when it comes to my brother.
Tick.
Tick.
Boom.
21
Mercy
The ride home is silent. Aric looks ahead, his right arm straight with his hand gripping the top of the steering wheel. His left elbow leans against the windowsill with his chin propped in his hand. He doesn’t look at me. He doesn’t say a word.
I don’t say a word, either.
Instead, I look out my window and think about where my life has come. How much of a different place I’m in at this moment from where I envisioned myself. I don’t know. I don’t know what I want to do or where I want to be or who I want to be there with.