by Robin Roseau
“Does it work?”
“No.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Sorry.”
“No, you’re not,” she said. “Who else are you asking?”
* * * *
Gail took arm twisting. Finally, I asked, “Why aren’t you just saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’?”
“I don’t know if I want to attend a tame event if you’re there.”
I laughed. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, I don’t know.”
“Oh,” I replied gently. “It’s okay.”
“Part of me is dying to say yes,” she continued.
“No pressure, Gail,” I offered.
“You know, it will be fun. Sure. Sign me up.”
* * * *
Tara listened to me careful, and I couldn’t read her body language or expression. I trailed off in my explanation then asked, “Was it out of line to ask you?”
“No. It’s sweet. Who knows you’re inviting me?”
“Mary, Gail, and Nan. Oh, and Evie and Joy probably guessed.”
“I tend to turn competitive at events like that,” she said.
“Good. We can be on the same team.”
She laughed. “Okay. Sure.”
“Excellent.”
* * * *
Tara asked permission to pick me up. And then Mary, Nan, and Gail all separately asked to ride with me. And everyone drove to my house, and Tara drove us. Tara looked a little uncomfortable about it, but Mary got in the car and then, barely after we were moving, she bounced up and down a little. “This is going to be so much fun. I’m so coming after you, Tara!”
“Not if I see you first,” Tara replied.
That evolved into everyone talking smack. I sat back and watched the mood improve dramatically, and when I looked over at Tara, she was grinning. She glanced at me then reached over and patted my arm.
“Is that an office secret?” Mary asked. “Why am I the last to know?”
“That?” I asked.
“I saw that.”
“You saw what?”
“Don’t play coy with me.”
I turned to look over my shoulder. “I honestly haven’t a clue what you’re talking about.”
“Tara and Selena, sitting in a tree,” she chanted. Nan and Gail both laughed and joined in with, “K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”
“Grow up,” I said. “All of you.” I waved a finger at Nan and Gail. “Especially you two.”
Mary’s gaze sharpened, and then she looked to the other two. “Wait,” she said. “Just wait.”
I glanced at Tara. Finally, I smiled. “Well, Tara, are you ready to swear undying love?”
She laughed. “I’m married to my job,” she replied. “And everyone knows that.”
“There you go,” I said. “Tara is married to her job. Gail, are you ready to swear undying love?”
“I’m straight.”
“That leaves you, Nan.”
“My family would never understand. I’m sorry, Selena, but our love must remain behind closed doors.”
“Just wait,” Mary said. She looked at each of us in turn. “What’s going on?”
“I lied when I said we were going for tame laser tag. This is actually the lesbian recruitment car. When we arrive, guys in white coats are waiting to nab the three of you and turn you into my lesbian love toys. You’re first, Mary.”
“Funny,” she said. “What’s really going on?”
“You got me,” I said. “Remember the event last year?”
“It would be hard to forget.”
“Do you remember how they altered me to obey Ida, and then later they gave me to Nan and then finally to Tara?”
“Sure,” she said slowly.
“Well, they sort of made my altered reality sort of permanent.”
“What does that mean?”
“There’s a trigger phrase. If someone says it, then I become theirs. I belong in turns to Tara, Nan, and Gail.” I smiled sweetly. “Today is to decide if I want to give you the trigger phrase, too.” I looked her up and down.
She stared for a good ten seconds then burst out laughing. “Good one!”
I shrugged. “Don’t believe me, then.” And I turned around to face forward.
Tara glanced over at me. “You’re kind of scary,” she said, only loudly enough for me to hear.
“Tell her the truth if you want,” I said back.
“Are you really thinking of giving her the trigger?”
“She has a fiancé,” I said.
“I guess I knew that,” Tara replied. She lifted her voice. “Mary, how’s the guy?”
* * * *
I took hugs from Evie and Joy then did fresh introductions. Joy hooked my arm and pulled me to the reception desk, the rest of my little brood following along behind. We signed paperwork, and then a Laser Brains employee gathered us and a family of five together: Mom, Dad, two teenage girls, and a teenage boy.
“Welcome to Laser Brains. My name is Jack.”
“Hi, Jack!” Evie said cheerfully.
“How many of you have attended one of our events before?” Jack asked, raising his own hand.
“It’s Primrose’s birthday,” said the older teenager. “She turns thirteen today.”
“Oh, so your first time, Primrose!” Jack said. He offered a high five. “Happy birthday.” There was a round of good birthday wishes, and then Jack looked around. “So we have at least one newcomer. Who else?”
Most of my brood raised their hands, but then Tara added, “Some of us have been to other events.”
“Good, good,” Jack said. “Well. In a few minutes, we’re going to step into the next room. You all get to don your headset, and we play with your brains.”
“Can you make my brother be less of a dork?” said the older teenager.
“I’ll see what we can cook up,” Jack said with a smile. “Let me explain our games.” He spent a few minutes, which I’ll come back to, then asked if there were more questions.
I raised my hand. “Is this everyone playing today?”
“No, no,” he said. “People will be arriving all afternoon. We have a bunch of different arenas, so you’ll rotate around. But we have different arenas, and we prefer to limit games to no more than 24 players. For our first game, did the two groups want to stay together or mix it up?”
“I’ll join their team,” said the teenage boy, hooking a thumb towards me. Then he aimed his finger at his older sister and mimed pulling a trigger.
“That’s one vote to mix it up,” said Jack.
“Mix it up sounds good,” I said, looking around.
“Any dissent?” Jack asked. “Going once… Mix it up it is. Any other questions? Excellent. Let’s go get brainwashed.”
He led us out of the reception area and into a room with 18 loungers. “Pick any seat,” he suggested.
The kids rushed ahead. Mom and Dad watched after them then turned to us. “Fritz,” said the man. “This is my wife, Athalia. You sort of met our kids: Maybell, Elias, and Primrose.”
Athalia surprised me. I thought she was just really friendly when she hugged me, but as she held me, she whispered, “I’ll trade you one of my kids if you make sure Fritz loses big time today.”
I laughed and whispered back, “What would I do with a kid? You’re stuck with him. But we’ll do our best, anyway.”
“I can’t ask for more. He’s been insufferable since Primrose said this was what she wanted for her birthday.”
We separated, and then she grabbed her husband’s arm and pulled him away. I pulled everyone together. “She asked us to kick her husband’s ass.”
They laughed, and we headed for our individual chairs.
I got settled. Well, in the chair. My nerves were on edge, and I couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing. But I got settled in the chair with the headset. Once it activated, a voice said, “Good morning, Selena. Welcome to Laser Brains.”
“Thank you.”
“There’s no rea
son to be nervous,” the voice added. “This is all just good fun.”
“I know.”
“All right. Before we begin the pretty lights, you get to make a suggestion.”
“What sort of suggestion?”
“Remember, this is a PG-13 event, so keep it clean and child-friendly. But give us a suggestion for what to do to one of your friends when she’s in jail.”
I laughed. “Do I pick the friend, too?”
“No, no.”
“You’re talking something like make her believe she’s a rock star?”
“Yes, exactly.”
“I suppose that’s not very creative.”
“You could build on it, if you like?”
“Are you asking me to?”
“No, no. Whatever you like.”
“I bet you have a long list of things you can do to us.”
“We sure do, and with any particular group, some percentage of you seem to forget what child-friendly means, so we use at least a few of our ideas with almost every group. Rock star is good.”
“How about a piano bar singer?”
“Oh, I like it,” said the voice. “Excellent. Enjoy the light show.”
* * * *
Our first game was to be a simple warm up: fifteen-minute straight laser tag with no particular objectives. On my team was Joy, Gail, Athalia, Primrose, and Elias. We collected together and had about 30 seconds to discuss strategy. “Shoot them before they can shoot us,” Joy said with a giggle.
And then the buzzer sounded.
We exited the preparation room, the door locking behind us as we filed out. The arena was a little mini-maze, and while it was an indoor game, and I knew that later, to me, it looked like – and I believed – we were in a hedge maze.
I thought we’d stick together, but my teammates all fanned out, and I found myself alone. I shrugged and began creeping forward, following the path Gail had taken.
And got lost two turns later.
I turned around, got more lost, and then ducked quickly when I saw something. But then I realized it was Athalia, walking somewhat woodenly, and she walked right past me, her gun now holstered and her hands in the air. I tried to speak to her but she simply kept going, and I stared after her.
And then I followed her trail backwards.
It was seconds later, not long, before I heard footsteps. I smiled, dropped to the floor, and then said, intentionally said, “Shoot! She almost got me.” I aimed my gun and waited.
Maybe I should feel bad.
Oh, who am I kidding.
Mary peeked around the corner, firing her gun, well over my head, and I nailed her. She dropped out of sight, and I was just getting ready to go after her when she reappeared, her gun now holstered, and walking stiffly, her hands in the air. “Yes!” In my visor, I received a personal point.
But my team wasn’t doing well. According to the visor, we had three in jail, and Mary was the first tagged from the other team. And I didn’t know where jail was to free anyone.
But, conveniently, I thought following Mary might prove fruitful.
So I did. And is it my fault she made a nice, walking shield? No. Not at all. All I can say is: Mary is lucky they didn’t count friendly fire, because she turned two corners, and then someone was shooting her. I peeked, but Tara was just lifting her gun. “Sorry, Mary.”
I stepped out, aimed, and fired. Tara barely had time to react, but she froze for a moment then holstered her gun and lifted her hands in the air.
Woo hoo! Two points for Selena. Go, Selena. Go, Selena.
I crept behind Mary.
I didn’t see anyone else on the way to jail. There was a four-way intersection in the hedge maze. Tara and Mary both turned left, and I followed them to a square space in the maze. From my team, Primrose, Athalea, and Gail were in the square. I followed Tara and Mary. They reached the center of the square, froze, and then slowly turned a circle, smiling. “I’m a prisoner in jail,” they each said, twice. It was a little creepy.
It’s going to take a little time to describe what everyone was doing. It appeared Primrose was saddled with my suggestion. She was sitting on a bench, miming playing an imaginary piano, and singing out a soulful tune. She actually had a lovely voice, and I found myself listening to her for a little while.
It took a minute for me to figure out what Athalea was doing. She was roaming the square, shaking the hands of imaginary people. She was babbling about the importance of a new stop light and police reform. And then she said cheerfully, “Vote for Athalea, the people’s candidate.” I smiled when I realized she was on the campaign trail.
Gail was easy to figure out. She was going through all her cheers from high school, and then suddenly stopped and began screaming and clapping.
I turned to Tara. Like Athalea, she was talking to imaginary people. Then she wandered to me, shook my hand, and asked me, “Have you found Jesus?” She spent a minute trying to convince me my soul needed saving before moving on to a new, imaginary person.
And Mary? Well, I didn’t figure out what she was doing right away, either. She was facing the hedge and was waving her hand in the air. I should have figured it out sooner, but then she stepped waving her hand and began talking sternly to one of the leaves, something about “missing your mark”, and, “the concert is in three nights, and we’re not ready”.
I laughed. She was the hedge musical conductor.
Well, it was time to leave Tara to her evangelizing and Mary to her music. I walked to Primrose and put my hand on her shoulder. “Tag. You’re free,” I said.
She froze and then slowly turned to me. She didn’t say a word, but then she looked around. “Where am I?”
Oh shit. “Um. You’re at Laser Brains.”
“I know that,” she said. “How did I get here?”
“Oh, golly. I thought… Never mind. This is jail. You must have been shot.”
“Oh. I don’t remember. Um. Did I do anything embarrassing?”
“Not a thing, Birthday Girl. You have a lovely singing voice.” She immediately blushed, bright red, and I felt bad. “You should be proud, Primrose. It sounded really good.”
“I was playing the piano, wasn’t I?”
“Yeah.”
“There’s no piano now.”
“No. There wasn’t one when you were playing, either. You do realize they do a good job playing with our brains.”
“I’ve never done this.” She sighed. “Are you just saying that?”
“You sounded really nice,” I said. “Do you really play the piano?”
“Yeah. Since as long as I can remember.”
“Let’s get Gail and your mom.”
“Right.”
Athalea was closest. I stepped over and set my hand on her shoulder. Like I had with Primrose, I said, “Tag. You’re free.”
She responded in a fashion similar to Primrose. She stiffened, froze for a moment, and then looked at me. Then her eyes found her daughter’s, watching her. “I wish you would sing more for us, Primrose.”
“Mom,” Primrose said, sounding it out in several syllables. Then she grinned. “Did you enjoy running for office?”
“Is that what I was doing?” She covered her face. “Oh, god. Police reform?”
We both laughed. I left the two of them but stepped over to Gail and freed her, catching her between cheers. She turned to me, looking around. “What’s Tara doing?”
“Speaking in tongues,” I said. “I have no idea what she’s saying. Mary is preparing the hedge for a concert.”
Gail smiled. “What was I doing?”
“Cheers.”
She laughed. “My team was winning.”
“Excellent. Now your team is really winning.” I lifted my voice. “Let’s go.”
* * * *
We made it clear of the jail. At the four-way intersection, Athalea and Primrose turned right. Gail gestured, so she and I turned left. Twenty seconds later, we heard voices around the corner. Gail stepped
back and whispered, “That sounds like Evie.”
I nodded, but then I stiffened.
I wouldn’t remember what happened next until someone gave me a hint later. I’d been shot in the back, Nan getting me from behind. Gail avoided getting hit, but was driven off.
I holstered my gun and lifted my hands in the air. Once prompted, I remember not having any real thoughts except, “I am a prisoner. I belong in jail.”
The visor told me the path to take, and I actually don’t remember that. I only remember walking, but I don’t remember the turns, so if I hadn’t just come from the jail, I wouldn’t have remembered how I’d arrived.
I walked past a smiling Nan, who said, “Gotcha,” as she patted my bottom.
I arrived at the jail, walking to the center. To my eyes, it wasn’t a square in the hedge; it was a room somewhere, and there was a shimmering light in front of the doorway, like the brig in Star Trek. I knew if I touched it, it would hurt.
Then I said, “I am a prisoner in jail.”
Tara and Mary were still here. Tara still didn’t make sense. Mary was conducting music. I began to explore jail, walking along the edge, right next to the wall, before carefully venturing away. I stepped to Mary and rubbed my face against her hip, meowing.
She lowered a hand and pet me for a minute, and I purred.
But then she went back to conducting music, and I went to investigate Tara. She pet me, too, and I purred. Then I pounced on her hand. She babbled at me but then threw a little, jingling ball. I dashed after it. I caught it, rolled around with it in my teeth for a moment, then brought it back to Tara. She threw it again, and the next time, I brought it to Mary. But then I grew distracted.
* * * *
I froze, blinked, and looked around. Mary and Tara were both looking at me. I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten here, but I recognized jail. “How did I get here?”
“You walked,” Mary said. “You were a kitty.”
It all rushed in, everything I’ve just described. I covered my face. Tara stepped over and set her hand on my shoulder. “You were cute.”
“I imagine,” I said.
“Do you remember what I was doing?”