by Robin Roseau
“I got turned around when leaving your house on Saturday.”
“Turned around?”
“I turned right when I should have turned left.”
“Ah.”
“And I drove past Tara’s car, parked facing the other way.”
I froze. “Oh?”
“She was on her phone.”
“Ah.”
She paused. I waited to see what she would say. “That stuff you said in the car on the way to Laser Brains was true, wasn’t it?”
“It depends on what you mean.”
“I thought maybe she was having car trouble or something, so I turned around, but just before I got back to her, I saw her pull away from the curb. I stayed back and watched as she drove back to your place. I thought maybe she had forgotten something.”
“She hadn’t forgotten anything,” I said. “She came back for me.”
“I know,” Mary said. “I parked where she might not notice. I don’t think she did.”
“If she did, she said nothing to me.”
“She sat in your driveway for a bit, then moved to your front steps. I wasn’t sure what she was doing, but then you stepped outside.”
“Did you follow after that?” I asked.
“No. Are you angry?”
“No.”
“You’re having an affair with our boss. But all that stuff you said in the car was true, wasn’t it? About a trigger.”
“Yep.”
“What is it?”
I laughed. “I don’t know.”
“You mean you won’t tell me.”
“No, they say it, and I hear it and decide if I’m going to let it work.”
“So ultimately it’s your choice?”
“Yes,” I said. “And for how long. I was hers until early this morning. She’ll have to drive me home tonight, or I’ll take a Lyft home.”
“Who else knows?” she asked. “Nan and Gail?”
“Yes, and Evie and Joy. That’s it, or at least that’s all I know of. I’m told if anyone uses the trigger without permission, it stops working for anyone. I haven’t tested that.”
She looked at me then turned away.
“Mary, we’re work friends,” I said after a minute. “But not really the sharing secrets kind of friends. Did you think we were?”
“No,” she said. She turned. “I’m not mad or anything. I’m not going to ask if any of you know what you’re doing. We’re all adults. How is it?”
“Wonderful.”
“This doesn’t sound like something you want the entire office knowing about.”
“No,” I said. “It’s not.”
“And you know I’m not a gossip, but…” She trailed off. “Last year, I was jealous, watching you. Oh, not when you belonged to Ida, but later.”
“You wanted your own slave-girl?”
“No.” She held up her hand, the back to me. “You’re not a gossip, either.”
“If you’re about to tell me something juicy, understand that when someone has used the trigger, I am entirely hers. If anyone ever asks, I’ll spill anything I know.”
“That’s fine,” she said. “I want to ask you something.” She tapped her engagement ring. “If I weren’t wearing one of these…”
“Mary, I’ve met your fiancé.”
“Actually, you’ve met my cousin.”
“Excuse me?”
“He lives in San Jose. We’ve been close our entire lives, and he comes to visit. He’s as gay as the day is long.”
“Okay, I’ll bite. Why?”
“It keeps the wolves at bay,” she replied. “Some guys are still jerks, but most guys respect the ring, especially if they’ve met Raff.”
“He is a total cutie.”
“Total,” she agreed.
“So you’re what? Telling me you bat on the same team as I do?”
“I’m pan,” she replied. “And a switch.”
“A switch?”
“Yeah. With guys, I’m a total domme. With women, I’m a total sub.”
“That day, beside my car, you told me you were half in love with Tara.” Slowly, she nodded. “Oh, Mary.”
“It’s not like that,” she said. “I just thought if I knew your secret, you should know mine.”
“Mutually-assured public outing? I’m not going to tell anyone.”
“And I’m not, either.”
“Were you hoping to know my trigger?”
“No. I just… I want us to be friends. Just friends, Selena. And friends share things.”
“Friends share things,” I agreed. “Do you want to be invited for more Altered nights? They won’t always be tame.”
“Sure,” she said.
“They might be quite un-tame.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“All right then. Lunch later?”
“Sure. I’ll drive.”
“Good plan.”
* * * *
Later, Tara drove me home. In my driveway, I told her, “Mary caught you Saturday evening.”
Her lips tightened, and she stared straight ahead, but didn’t otherwise react.
“She’s not a blabbermouth,” I added. “And for the record, I’m not ashamed of anything we’ve been doing. Please look at me.” She turned her head. I reached over and took her hand. “Getting caught was inevitable. I don’t care. I think you do. I wish you wouldn’t.”
“Invite me inside.”
“Sure. Would you like to come in?”
“Yes, I would.”
We climbed from the car. At the front, she took my hand, and I led her to the front door. Inside, we set our things aside, and she led me to the sofa. We turned to each other, and I thought she was about to cut us off. I waited for it.
Tara lifted her hand and caressed my cheek. “I’ve considered a half dozen different plans.”
“Oh?”
“I think as long as you work at RealSoft, it’s a mistake to step up our relationship.”
“All right,” I said neutrally.
“I’ve thought about ending things. I don’t want to.”
“Neither do I.”
“I’ve thought about suggesting you find another job.” She said it almost casually. “I don’t think that’s fair to you.”
“I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but you suggested a more all-encompassing relationship could be possible.”
“Yeah, but…”
“You don’t really want that.”
“I’m a pretty shitty girlfriend,” she countered. “I’m married to my job. I’ve had girlfriends. You and I have been dating longer than any of my past relationships. Well, that’s not it. We’ve been dating longer without you getting mad at me.”
“They have expectations?”
“Everyone has expectations,” she replied. “Yeah. And I’m a major disappointment.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“No, it’s not. I don’t blame them.” Then she huffed. “Okay, also not true. I’ve blamed the ones who build expectations too quickly. But I don’t blame them in general, if it gets to some sort of exclusive arrangement. You and I aren’t exclusive, and neither of us has placed expectations like that.”
“And my little trigger doesn’t hurt, either.”
“I’ve gotten hints that you wouldn’t mind if we were… closer.”
“No, Tara, I wouldn’t,” I said. “But I’m not asking for more than you’re offering. The only part of this that bothers me is that you seem to be ashamed of me.”
“I’m not at all ashamed of you, but there’s a part of me that believes having a fling with an employee is horrible.” Then she waved a finger at me. “Please don’t jump on me for my semantics.”
“Are you breaking up with me?”
“No. Are you?”
“No.”
“It wouldn’t help you at work if everyone knew we got together. They would assume that anything good that happens to you is because you’re sleeping your way to the top.”
“I think we should tell people we see each other socially.”
She leaned back and closed her eyes. I waited, and finally she asked, her tone subdued, “Are you making that an ultimatum?”
“No, and I never will.” She opened her eyes. “Tara, I don’t want a managerial role. No one is going to question if I receive clearly-deserved promotions, but I’m not after any position that has anyone reporting to me.”
“You’d be a good mentor.”
“Okay, fine. But that’s not a managerial role. I’d be a good technical mentor. That’s not even a promotion, though. It’s part of my current job.”
“Fair enough.”
“Tara, I want fair reviews. We’re both capable of being professional about that. I’m good at my job.”
“You are.”
“That isn’t going to change. We all make mistakes, but you’ve never been one to do more than acknowledge errors so we learn from them. If some of those are mine, then it’s my fault for being imperfect.” At that, she nodded. “I’m not worried about what anyone thinks, now that we got rid of the politics.”
“Frankly, I am. I’m afraid they’ll come back, that this could be the trigger.”
“Fair enough,” I said. “I’m not going to do anything to advertise, but maybe you’ll think about it.”
“I’ll think about it,” she said.
“Are you staying?”
“No.”
“I think you should use the trigger.”
She smiled. “You do, hmm? Selena-pet obeys her lady.”
“Until you leave,” I replied.
We didn’t do that much. She left me, perhaps twenty minutes later, kneeling on the floor as she stepped to the door.
I stayed there until she was gone, and then the compulsion left. A half hour later, as I climbed into bed, I received a text from Tara.
I’ll think about it. Thank you, Selena, for more than I can explain.
* * * *
Our next company-wide meeting was the following Thursday. It wasn’t everyone. No one rescheduled any commitments, and the remote workers didn’t come in.
It was halfway through the meeting, while Reagan Ray was talking about the latest marketing push that my phone buzzed. I didn’t even look at it; I was in a meeting. But Tara caught my eye and then pointedly tapped her phone, then looked at me.
I thought she was busting me for my phone buzzing, but I glanced at it and realized the text had been from her.
Are you sure? Once said, it’s said.
I smiled broadly and nodded.
The meeting continued, and it was just as it was about to wrap up that Tara said, “I have one more thing. This is more personal in nature. If anyone doesn’t want to hear the latest sordid gossip, I think we’re done.”
Not a single person moved.
“Not everyone in the room knows my sexual orientation,” Tara said. “I’m gay.”
“I’m pretty sure everyone knew that,” Gail said, receiving scattered laughter for it.
“From a few expressions around the room,” Tara countered, “You may not be entirely correct, Gail. Something else people may or may not realize: I tend to be a horrible girlfriend. I’m married to my job, and most of my past girlfriends have considered me to be a disappointment. That is probably part of the reason I have remained married to my job instead of one of them.”
That generated more laughter.
“That being said, I’ve been seeing someone for nearly a year.”
“Wedding bells, Tara?” Natasha asked.
“Not hardly,” Tara said with a rough laugh. “It’s casual. She’s also seeing a few other people, and I’ve had a few dates with other people. I expect it to remain casual, at least until she finds someone willing to commit to her.”
“Why are you telling us now?” Natasha prompted.
“Because I’ve been a disappointment to her, not because I don’t give her more attention, but because I’ve kept her hidden and act like I’m embarrassed by her. I’m not, and I want her to know that.”
“So, who is it?” Natasha asked. And then she turned and looked directly at me. So did Nina, which wasn’t surprising.
What was surprising was that about half the room turned to look at me, and it wasn’t simply because they were following everyone else’s gaze.
“It’s me,” I said. “Well, unless Tara means someone else.” But I climbed from my chair and walked around the table to stand before her. I couldn’t believe she’d done it. I stared at her, and you could have heard a pin drop. But then she opened her arms, and I thrust myself into them, wrapping tightly.
“It’s about time,” Natasha declared after a moment. “Does anyone else want to admit to office romance?”
There was a pause, then I heard a chair. Tara took a sudden breath and released me. I turned to see Nan looking at us. “I’m one of the other people who’s been dating Selena.”
“Wait,” said Candace, one of the graphics designers. “You’re straight.”
“No,” Nan said. “I’m not out to my family.”
There was a pregnant pause, and then Natasha said, “You know, I didn’t think anyone else was going to actually say anything. Um. Someone help me here. Nan, did you just exit the closet?”
“Not with my family,” she said.
“Go to her,” Tara whispered to me.
And so I circled the room, coming to a stop before Nan. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her cheek.
“I don’t know if I can ever tell my family,” she whispered.
“I know.”
“Well,” Natasha said. “Tara, is this a problem?”
“No,” Tara said. “Selena and I have been very open with each other.”
“Should I ask if there’s anyone else Selena is dating?”
“You can ask,” Tara said. I could hear the amusement.
“I’m no coward.” Nan and I separated and looked in time to see Gail standing up.
“Did you just come out, too, Gail?” Natasha asked.
“I’m only gay around Selena,” she said. “I’ll get my hug later, Babe.”
I snorted a laugh. “Any time.”
“Well,” Tara said. “Are there any other great revelations?” She looked around the room. “All right then. Gossip amongst yourselves.” She turned and headed for the door. Gail, Nan, and I also managed to flee before anyone could stop us.
I walked Nan to her cube and asked, “Are you all right?”
“Yes,” she said. She pulled me into her cube. “Kneel and call me what you call me.”
I laughed, knelt before her, and said, “Lady Wu, you are wonderful.”
“I know I am,” she said. “I’m glad you recognize it. Kiss.” She offered a foot. I gave it a kiss then, laughing, climbed to my feet. She was grinning. “I didn’t think you’d do it.”
“They’re still all gossiping about us,” I said.
“Get out of here.”
I did, but I headed for Gail’s cube. She wasn’t there, so I headed for Tara’s office but encountered Gail on the way. We came to a stop facing each other. “Are you all right?” I asked.
“Never better,” she replied. “That felt oddly liberating.”
“Good.”
“The gossip is going to be heavy for a while.”
“Do you care?”
“Not really.”
“Good.”
She headed one way. I headed the other. Tara was standing at her windows, looking outside. I knocked on the door then closed it behind me. She turned and smiled. “I wasn’t expecting half of that,” she said.
“Neither was I. Thank you.”
“You were right. Sneaking around is a mistake. We’re not doing anything wrong, and we shouldn’t act like it.”
“That’s how I felt. I would never have pressured you more than I already had, Tara.”
“I know. But you were right. Got hot plans this weekend?”
“Not a single one.”
“Five,” I said. “Although maybe Evie and Joy only count as one.”
“One plus one equals about six with those two,” she said with a little laugh. “Best to count them as two.” I nodded agreement. “I want to ask you something.”
“Yes.”
She laughed. “You don’t know what I’m going to ask. I’d like to take you away for a long weekend.”
“Yes.”
“I’m not done. I want to use your-”
“Yes.”
She waved a finger at me then smiled. “How much warning do you need?”
“There’s nothing on my calendar, but that can change at any time. You may ask with any notice you have for me, but it’s unfair to expect me to cancel other plans if you wait until the last minute.”
“Please don’t make any firm plans for the next two weekends. Well, not this weekend. You may make tentative plans if they understand you may cancel.”
“All right. Let me know once you’re sure.”
“I will.”
We smiled at each other. “Tara, thank you.”
“I’m not suddenly turning into an awesome girlfriend. It’s not likely to ever be more than we currently have.”
“What we currently have is fun,” I said. “I wouldn’t mind more, but I understand the score.”
“Good. Go on. Natasha is hovering. She wants to yell at me.”
“Excellent. May I stay?”
“No.”
Laughing, I stepped from her office. Natasha was blocking the path, and I could tell Nina was listening carefully. “Yes?” I asked, making sure my tone was sweet.
She shook her head. “Nothing.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Excellent. Going to yell at her?”
“No. Tease, yes? Yell? She’s the boss, not me.”
“All right then.” And I stepped past her.
Party
I called Evie and Joy that evening and told them the story. They both laughed. “So, does this mean that things will change?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“What are you doing this weekend?”
“I haven’t any plans.”
“We know this is last minute,” Joy said. “But we just were invited about an hour ago. Someone’s putting together a party. It’s spur of the moment. I guess a couple of friends are in from college.”