by Robin Roseau
“Were you both drunk?”
“Are you saying it was that bad an idea?”
“I’m saying that getting married without me was a really shitty thing to do.” I paused. “Are you really pregnant, Gail, or is that part of the event?”
“I’m really pregnant. It should be a girl.”
“Did you know that when you scheduled this weekend?”
“We’ve tried a few times,” Pandora said. “We were going to try a few more before resorting to adoption.”
“That wasn’t yes or no.”
“It was a possibility, but that’s not why we picked this weekend. I’m sorry we didn’t invite you to our wedding.”
“It was a real wedding. And I’m finding out now, like this. Are you two ashamed or something? Why doesn’t everyone know?”
The two looked at each other.
“Does Mary know?” I screeched.
“We asked her to let us tell you,” Pandora replied.
“Howlonghaseveryoneknown?” I asked, all one big, long word.”
“I’ve kind of been weird at work,” Gail said. “You’re right. Getting married in Vegas was stupid, and I didn’t want to admit that part.”
“I told everyone, but Gail asked permission to tell you,” Pandora said. “And in spite of our relationship, I thought she had more rights.”
“Repeat after me,” I demanded. “We’re sorry we didn’t invite you to our totally lame Vegas wedding.”
Pandora smiled. “You’re right. That part was kind of stupid. I asked her. She asked when. I said ‘tomorrow’. She said ‘yes’. We got on a plane, and we didn’t have you around telling us we were being lame. I’m not sorry we’re married. I love Gail completely.”
“I love Pandora completely,” Gail said. “I finally figured my shit out, but I wouldn’t have without you, and then Mary.”
“Explain that?”
“I needed someone like Pandora. You got me three quarters of the way there. I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without your trigger, but it was the trigger that kept me from going the rest of the way.”
I looked back and forth, understanding dawning. I smiled. “Mary figured that out.”
“Yes. She told me to go find Pandora’s owner and beg to be allowed to surrender to Pandora. I did.”
I closed my eyes and nodded. “The programming is pushing at me,” I said. I opened my eyes. “I don’t know what’s about to happen. I’m sorry I freaked out. It might reset, and I’ll be really confused.”
“We’ll take care of you,” Pandora promised.
“I’m glad for both of you. Is this our last time?”
“No way,” Gail said. “Mary said you’ll babysit whenever we ask her. You weren’t just altered this time. You have a new trigger.”
“No way.”
“Way,” she said.
I couldn’t tell if she was fibbing. “We’ll see,” I said finally. “I’m going to stop fighting it. I don’t know it’s going to work.”
“Please don’t fake it,” Pandora said. “We can get Mary here to re-trigger you if necessary. Let it be real, Selena. Please.”
I nodded and closed my eyes. I took a few breaths. Gail was going to be okay. Pandora was going to be okay. They were going to be happy.
Then I swayed. I felt hands on my arm. I opened my eyes. I looked around, my gaze settling on Gail-mom. “A girl?”
“We think so,” she said. “Are you all right, Honey?”
“I think I stood up too fast or something. I’m going to be a big sister?”
“That’s what it means.”
I threw my arms around her, although carefully. “Congratulations, Gail-Mom!”
“Thank you, Honey,” she said. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
“I’m fine.” I pulled away and then knelt down, lifted her shirt, and pressed my ear to her stomach. “I don’t hear any baby gurgles.”
“I’m three weeks pregnant,” she said with a laugh. “Wait a few months.”
I stood back up. “That sucks. I’m totally teaching her how to smoke.”
Pandora snorted. I hugged Gail-mom again. Then they hugged and kissed before turning to me. “What game did you want to play?”
“Anything,” I said. “Cards? Clue? Pictionary?” I grinned. “Betrayal?”
“You just want to be the haunt.”
“I sure do! But we can play whatever you want, Baby-bumper!”
“I do not have a baby bump.”
“Get ready for one,” I said.
“She said you get to pick, Gail.”
“Candyland.”
“Except that,” I said immediately. “Do we even have that?”
“I’m sure we do,” Gail said. “Pandemic?”
“Sure. Is that your final choice?”
“It is.”
“I’ll go get it. You two make out or something.”
They did.
* * * *
I remained their daughter until they handed me to Mary, and she whispered, “Hello, my love.”
I froze, and then I turned to her. “They’re married.”
“I know. I knew they were dating. Gail was supposed to tell you.”
“But she’s a chicken,” I said. “A big fat pregnant chicken.”
“What?” Mary asked. “Really? Congratulations!”
“We’d rather you not tell everyone else,” Pandora said. “Not for another two and a half months.”
“Oh. Sorry. But you don’t think I keep secrets from Mary.” I turned back to her. “Gail’s a big fat lying pregnant chicken.”
“I am not!”
“She said I have a new trigger.”
“You do.”
“Prove it.”
“There’s your mom, Selena!” she said, pointing to Gail. “See you in ten minutes.”
“See you!” I said cheerfully before bouncing over to Gail. I hugged her. “Are we going home now?”
“That was kind of mean, Mary,” Pandora said.
“She dared me,” Mary replied. “Let’s wait for it to wear off.”
She got us moving to the living room. I didn’t really understand what was going on, but I smiled sweetly. “I’m going to be a big sister.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t know. I mean. It’s kind of cool, but I’m kind of used to being the spoiled only kid, and now they’re going to spend all their time and attention on the brat.” I smiled. “They won’t pay any attention at all when I get into trouble.”
“I promise you, Selena,” said Pandora-Mom, “That any trouble you cause will be noticed and dealt with in a prompt, efficient fashion.”
“Cause I’m such a trouble-maker,” I said. I turned back to Mary. “It’s cool, but I don’t do diapers.”
“You’ll learn,” Mary said. “We both will.”
“You’re going to help baby-sit?”
“Sure, if you invite me,” she said.
We talked about babies for a while. I zoned out, and when I was fully with it, I realized we were in our living room. I was holding Mary’s hand. Pandora gestured, and Mary turned to me. “Are you back?”
I nodded slowly. “Did I agree to that?”
“Of course you did.” I narrowed my eyes. “You signed all the papers.”
“You knew I was trusting you!”
“Are you really upset?”
“No, but admit you tricked me.”
“I tricked you.”
“As long as that’s settled,” I said. I leaned over and kissed her.
“Mary, you should know,” Pandora said, “That it failed halfway through the evening. I think it was too much shocking information.”
“I didn’t like that part,” I said. “It hurt until I calmed down.”
“And then reasserted?”
“Yeah,” I confirmed. “I felt a little off for a few minutes, but then we began playing the game, and eventually it was…Well, not back to normal. Back to complete daughters-vil
le.” I smiled. “That’s really fun, by the way. Thank you for the great weekend.”
“You’re welcome,” Pandora said. “In a way, it was our thanks, and I was getting tired of Gail not telling you.”
“Lying chicken-poop,” I muttered. “I mean that in the nicest way.”
“Call her another name,” Mary said, “And I’m triggering you so she can ground you.”
I laughed.
“I mean it!” Mary said.
“I know you do. Gail, are you happy?”
“Ecstatic?”
“Good. Be happy. Be good parents, too.”
“We’re going to do our best.”
“Good.” I thought about it. “How often are you going to make me babysit, Mary?”
“We’ll figure that out. You can probably resist the trigger, if you try.”
“I want more than babysitting time,” I said. “If I’m going to be babysitting as a teenager, I want other stuff, too. Okay?”
“Agreed,” Pandora said. “Like what?”
“Family fun nights. And Mary gets programmed as my teenage girlfriend.”
“Agreed,” Pandora said. She grinned.
“Wait,” I said. “What is that smile.”
“I have a trigger,” Mary said. “If you say, ‘see you’, then it’s just you. If you say, ‘I love you,’ then I get sucked in.”
I laughed. “As my teenage girlfriend?”
“Yep.”
“Wow, you guys are way ahead of me. I love it. Perfect. You realize if I’m baby-sitting, my girlfriend is, too.”
“Works for me.”
* * * *
They left a little while later. Mary and I snuggled, and I whispered, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I’m feeling a little weird. Leftover teenager. Can we eat junk food and watch a movie tonight?”
“Sure.”
“Will you let me cook for us tomorrow night?”
“I’d like that.”
“To be clear, I expect to feel back to normal, and there’s a new rope tie I want to try on you.”
She smiled. “Good.”
Family
Nan picked me up. She thanked Mary, and then she led the way to her car. “You look nice.”
“Thanks. Nan, I don’t know how to behave. Do I bow?”
“Yes. It’s a slight bow from the waist, but only about ten degrees.”
“I have no idea how far that is.”
“You don’t double over. If you hold your neck stiff you would probably be looking at someone’s stomach or belt.” She held up her hand stiffly then partially cupped it.”
“Okay,” I said. “Are they going to hate me if I get it wrong?”
“No.”
“Is everyone going to speak Chinese?”
“Only if they’re intentionally being rude. Everyone speaks fluent English, although both my parents still have accents.”
“All right.”
* * * *
Everyone was very nice. We had an excellent dinner. And then Mrs. Wu asked me to let her show me her garden. We took a little walk, and then we sat down on a bench. “As you can guess,” I said. “I’m a very western woman.”
“Of course.”
“It is not my way to ask around a question. You clearly brought me here for some reason other than looking at the garden. Although it is very lovely.”
“Did my daughter finally introduce me to her girlfriend?”
I blinked several times.
“If it’s true, don’t even try denying it. I can smell a lie a mile away.”
“I am in a committed relationship, and it’s not with Nan.”
She cocked her head. “Show me a picture.”
“I do not have a photo album with me.”
“You have your phone.”
I studied her for several long seconds. “You should be having this conversation with your daughter.”
“Show me this photo, admit the truth, or get out of my house. I do not like being lied to.”
“You have no evidence I am lying, Mrs. Wu,” I said. I fished out my phone and found a photo of Mary and me together. Then I looked at her. “I want to know why you’re having this conversation with me instead of Nan.”
“Because my daughter has never before introduced me to a single girlfriend before.”
“I wonder why that may be,” I said. “But that is a poor answer.”
“Did you just accuse me of something?”
“You accused me of lying.”
“No, I did not. I asked for evidence so that I don’t wonder if you are lying. Or else you can explain to me the real relationship you have with my daughter. I have friends, and we do not treat each other the way the two of you do.”
“Fair enough,” I said. I turned my phone around. She stared. “Shocked?”
“No. How recent is that photo?”
“A couple of months.” I turned the phone back and pressed buttons. “Hang on.” I put her on speaker phone. “I’m sitting with Nan’s mother. Tell her your name and our current relationship.”
“My name is Mary,” she said. “Selena is my girlfriend.”
“Do we share a home?”
“Yes.”
“Am I a cheat?”
“Absolutely not.”
“How sure are you?”
“Beyond any possible doubt.”
“Thanks. I’ll explain everything when I get home.”
“Okay. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I clicked off and put my phone away. “I could have anticipated this conversation, but that would be quite convoluted.”
“Why did my daughter bring you tonight?”
“You should ask her.”
“I am asking you?”
“Because I suggested it.”
“Why?”
“Because…” I looked away.
“This doesn’t make sense, Selena,” said Mrs. Wu.
“I believe Nan’s views of the world are less aligned with traditional Chinese views than yours may be.”
“That’s certainly true.”
“And you should be having this conversation with her.”
“Do you have her number on that device?” She gestured to my phone.
“Yes.”
“Call her and tell her to come out here.”
“Fine.”
I punched buttons. Nan answered on the second ring. “Um. Did she kidnap you, and you need a rescue?”
“No. We’re in the garden, having a deeply inappropriate conversation. You have choices.”
“What choices?”
“Join us. Ask me to be rude to your mother, or… Hmm. I’m not sure.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.”
“I’ll continue to tell her nothing useful.”
“I’m surprised you’re not telling her one of your stories.”
“Not my place to tell stories,” I said. “Or I might have.”
“Right. Clicking off.”
We both hung up. A minute later, Nan put her hand on my shoulder. Mrs. Wu stared at it. “What is your relationship with this woman, Daughter?”
“We work together. I told you.”
“She is your lover.”
“She’s in a relationship with someone else.”
“What is this other person’s name?”
“None of your business.”
“Her name is Nan Wu.”
“I’m no cheat, and while I am quite capable of telling a tall tale, I only do so in the context of a game,” I said hotly. “I have been trying very hard not to be insulting, but I’m running out of understanding why I should continue.”
Mrs. Wu was still for a moment but then pointed. “That touch is far too casual for coworkers. And you barely reacted.”
“Mrs. Wu,” I said, “Do you want a healthy relationship with your daughter?”
“Of course, I do. But even after I pointed out her hand, she hasn’t removed it.”
/>
“And I’m not going to,” Nan said. “Unless Selena asks me to.”
“Why would I do that?” I asked. “Nan, you know how I feel.”
“Yes, Selena, I do.”
“Mrs. Wu, there are several possible scenarios. In one, you are alienating me by accusing me of repeatedly lying to you. I have not answered your questions, but I have not lied. I am quickly becoming convinced that your daughter is insane to care what you think, however. In the next scenario, three of us have lied to you, and we did it with sufficient forethought to have arranged subterfuge. Separate from that is the question whether your daughter is engaged in relationships she feels would meet with your disapproval, perhaps with a woman, perhaps with a man, but a man you wouldn’t accept.”
“Why wouldn’t I accept this hypothetical man.”
“Perhaps he doesn’t speak Chinese,” I offered. “Or perhaps he holds a job less lofty than doctor.”
“You believe we are such snobs?”
“I don’t necessarily know. Perhaps I am suggesting that at least some traditional families would be unhappy if their daughter were dating a musician, perhaps, or a taxi driver. Perhaps she is dating her boss. Perhaps worse than dating a Caucasian would be to date a Japanese man. I don’t know.”
Her lips tightened.
“I’ve distracted myself,” I said. “I don’t know which scenarios I skipped. Now, in which of these scenarios, is your relationship with Nan improved by your current course?”
The woman offered a glare before she switched her gaze and began speaking in what sounded like rapid Chinese.
“That’s rude,” I said, cutting her off. “If you wish me to leave, Nan can drive me home, and you can browbeat her another night, but you’re perfectly capable of speaking a language we all understand.”
“I could argue it is rude to come to my home and not speak the language typically spoken here.”
“I didn’t claim to speak Mandarin when I accepted an invitation. Everyone has spoken English since I arrived, and no one seemed offended to be forced to do so. Stick to English or suggest it’s been lovely to meet me.”
“You are quite forward.”
“Said the woman who has called me a lying cheat based on weak evidence of nothing more than a comfortable relationship.”
“You both are hiding something from me.”
“And that gives you the right to disparage my integrity?”
“You’re lying about something.”
“No, Mrs. Wu. I am not.” She glared. I smiled and added my hand atop Nan’s. “I am, however, capable of quite a lot of misdirection.” I tapped my fingers against the top of Nan’s hand. “You have no idea what this touch means. None at all.”