by Kaylee Ryan
I don’t bother to text him back. Eventually, he will get the message. Maybe one day we can be friends, but right now, I’m too confused from seeing him again and from this… attention he’s suddenly giving me. I’m sure he’s just worried that now he’s back in town, I’ll tell Caleb and our families. He should realize that if I didn’t say anything then, when I was dealing with a newly broken heart from the way he rode away like a thief in the night, I’m not going to tell them now. Besides, what good would it do? My brother would lose his best friend, and right before his wedding. Our families have lived next door to each other for years. It would cause a rift between us, and I don’t want that to happen. I’m over it. I’m over him.
Sliding my phone into the pocket of my scrubs, I go check the board to see where we are. I need to keep my head in the game. This is not a job that I can be distracted from. Little lives are in my hands. Most of the time, it’s an ear infection or other minor illness, but there have been times when the diagnosis is not that simple. Like cancer or diabetes. My heart squeezes when I think about my childhood friend Jared. Jared was Grady’s younger brother who was my age. He and I were close and played together a lot when Grady and Caleb would lock us out of their rooms. He was sick for so long. The doctors would not listen to Debbie, their mom, that was not until it was too late. Jared was misdiagnosed. What they were calling reflux and irritable bowel was really cancer. By the time they discovered the real issue, he was stage four, and we lost him a few short months later.
I remember Jared telling me how nice the nurses were to him. How they would hold his hand when he was having a test or a shot. He said things were not so scary when the nice nurse was there. I remember thinking that I wanted to be that for someone. I wanted to make them comfortable when not feeling well, or give them a sense of peace, make sure they knew they were not alone when they were fighting for their life like Jared was.
I remember the day Grady told us he was going to be a doctor. It was after Jared’s funeral. Caleb and I were sitting with him on the back porch while friends and family were in every room of the house. I can still hear the conviction in his voice when he declared “I’m going to be a doctor.” At the time, I didn’t think much about it, but when he started college and declared premed, I knew he would do it. I’m so damn proud of him, despite how hurt and angry I am. I wish I could tell him. He was such a huge part of my life growing up, and then he was more for a brief moment in time before he was nothing. The pain is still there, and I can only hope that one day I’ll be able to let it go and maybe, just maybe he will be a part of my life again.
One day.
Shaking out of my thoughts, I dive into my next patient, a three-year-old little boy who is in town visiting his grandmother. He’s crying and pulling at his ear, which is a pretty good sign he has an ear infection. I talk to him, asking him if he knows the characters on my scrub top. When he sniffs and says in a super sad voice, “Sponge Bob,” I smile at him and make a huge deal about how smart he is and how I can’t believe he knew.
“I loves Sponge Bob.” He sniffs again.
“Well, then I’m glad you’re my patient. You can tell me all about it.” With his hand on his ear, he tells me about Sponge Bob and how he’s really a sponge that lives in the sea. I’m able to take all of his vitals and get a good intake of what’s going on from his mom. “You are my new best friend,” I tell him, and he smiles up at me.
“My ear hurts.”
“I know, sweetie. Dr. Larson will be in soon to take a look. We’re going to get you fixed up so you can enjoy the rest of your time with your grandma,” I tell him.
“She’s old,” he says unapologetically.
His parents scold him while the three of us try to hide our smiles. From the mouths of babes. The rest of my day goes at a steady pace. Nothing out of the ordinary, but my feet are killing me by the time I get home. Twelve-hour shifts are brutal. I work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays, and pick up others when my coworkers need time off. It works for me, and I’m damn lucky to be on first shift right out of nursing school. So the long days are worth it.
“How was work?” Tabby asks when I walk through the door of our apartment.
“Just another day. Yours?” I kick off my shoes and plop down on the couch next to her.
“Good. Gramps was in rare form today, among other things.” She laughs.
“What did he do this time?”
“He pinched my ass!” She snorts. “He thought I was Lucy.” She shakes her head.
“Are you sure working at the same assisted living your grandparents are in is a good thing?”
“Yeah, I need to hook them up.” She throws me a grin.
Tabby’s mom’s mom and her dad’s dad are in the same assisted living home where she works. That was her motivation to work there. We all have our reasons. “You think?” I ask, amused.
“Yeah, I mean, if Gramps can hit on Grams, then he’ll leave the nurse alone.”
“And what about your poor grams?”
“Pfft, you do realize that STDs are a big thing in nursing homes and assisted living homes, right?”
“What? No!”
“Yep. I was shocked, too, but we had training on what to look for and everything.”
“So, wait a minute. You’re telling me that they…. Can they still do that?” I stare at her wide-eyed.
She shudders. “Yep. I was skeptical too until today.”
“Uh-oh, this must be the ‘among other things’ part of the conversation. Do I want to hear this?”
“Doesn’t matter. I had to see it so, as my best friend, you have to hear it.” She turns to face me on the couch. “So, I’m doing rounds after lunch, and I see that Miss Ida is not in her room. She fell last week, so I was worried about her. I went looking room to room, and I found her all right. She was in bed with Mr. Gordon!”
“By in bed, you mean they were just sleeping, right?”
“Nope. Both of them were naked as the day they were born. That’s all I saw before running out of the room.” She shudders again. “Then Theresa informed me that most of them are swingers. They don’t care who they are, as long as they are getting it.” She bursts into laughter.
“No!” I study her as her shoulders shake. “You’re joking, right?”
“I wish I was. Now I will knock and listen before entering. Hearing it is a hell of a lot better than walking in on it.”
“Oh my.” I cover my mouth as laughter bubbles up.
“Right? I bet you can’t top that.”
“Nope. Not even going to try.” I stand from the couch. “I need a quick shower. What do you want to do for dinner?”
“Going to Mom and Dad’s. You want to come?” she offers.
“Nah, I should probably go see my parents as well. I told Mom I would stop by one night this week and show her the bridesmaid dresses.”
“She still hasn’t seen them?”
“No, we changed them since she saw the first version. I was going to text it to her, but she said I could show her when I stopped by. You know Mom, always thinking of reasons to get us to visit.”
“Right? It’s a mom thing I guess. How are the wedding plans? Does Emily have it all squared away?”
“Yeah, we wrapped up most of it last night. Now it’s kind of a waiting game. She should get invitations in the mail in the next few days. Save the dates already went out.”
“I can’t believe Caleb is going to settle down.”
“You and me both. If you’re gone by the time I get out,” I say, heading to my room to grab some clothes and take a shower, “have a good time. Tell the parentals I said hello.” She yells down the hall with her agreement, and I close myself inside the bathroom. A long, hot shower is exactly what I need. I want to spend the rest of the night curled up with a good book, escaping my world for one of fantasies and happily ever afters.
I’m sitting out on the back deck at my parents’ place, just relaxing. It’s not something I’ve done much of the last thre
e years, and the next three are going to be the same. Although there is more time off in residency, it’s not much. The hours are long and brutal, but I’m on the home stretch. I’m also back in my hometown. The more I’m here, the happier I am with my decision to come home for residency. I got the email earlier letting me know that I start on Monday, it’s earlier than I thought I would be starting, but I’m ready for it. I’m anxious to get started, but I wish that things were better with Collins before I did. I know from the way she’s been ignoring my text messages that’s not going to happen. I did sneak a look in Mom’s phone last night and confirmed it’s still her number. That gave me hope, unless she blocked me.
“It’s a great surprise.” I hear Monica Ward, Collins and Caleb’s mom, say.
Our houses are right next door. Although the lots are big, voices still carry.
“Mom, you’re acting like it’s been weeks since you’ve seen me.”
“It was last week,” Monica counters.
“You’re impossible.” Collins laughs.
“Well, sweetheart, we miss our only daughter,” her dad, Roger, chimes in.
“I feel the love,” Collins says. “Oh, Mom, before I forget, let me show you the bridesmaid dresses.”
“Didn’t Emily already show you those?” her dad asks.
“Mom!” Collins mock scolds her. “You didn’t tell me you saw them already.”
I smile at their banter. Our families are so similar I guess that’s why our parents have been so close all these years. Wanting to give them privacy, I head inside and move to the front porch. I stare at her old beat-up Mazda. It’s the same car she drove all those years ago. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I’m still driving my first car as well. I guess there are some things that don’t change.
I have the house to myself. Mom and Dad are at bowling league. Apparently, it’s a new thing for them. I should go inside and grab some food, maybe head to bed. I feel like I could sleep for a year and never wake up. Of course, it doesn’t help me sleep knowing I’m in the same city as her. Just a few miles away in fact. I wish I could convince her to talk to me. I have things I need to say.
I must have been deep in thought because the sound of her voice pulls me back to the present. “Thanks, Mom. I’m sure Tabby will love them.” I watch as Collins holds up a small container of what I’m sure is some type of baked concoction from her mother. Man, that woman can bake.
When I hear the front door close, I stand from the steps and walk across the yard. I make it to her car at the same time as she does. “Hey.” I shove my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for her.
“What are you doing here?”
“I live next door, remember?”
“You’re just visiting.”
“Not this time. I’m here to stay.”
“Good for you. I really need to go,” she says, pointing at her car door that I’m now standing in front of.
“Can we talk?” I want to pull her into my arms and just… hold her. It’s been too damn long. I know it’s my fault, but I’m trying to fix that.
“We have nothing to talk about. I told you, it’s over. I’m over it. Just forget it happened.” She steps forward, and I move to stand in front of her.
“We do have things to talk about. At least I do.”
“Funny, I stopped caring what you had to say a long damn time ago.”
“Collins.”
“Move, Grady. I had a long day and have to get ready for work tomorrow.”
“Can we meet for lunch? Dinner? You name the time and place.”
“Nope. Now, if you would please move.” She reaches around me to open the door, and I can no longer take it. I place my hand on her arm to stop her.
“I’m sorry, I know you deserve more than that.”
“You’re damn right I do. I did three years ago when I gave myself to you, and you walked away as if it never happened. Where were you when I was calling you every day? Where were the replies to my text messages?”
Tears brim in her eyes and pain laces her voice. “I know. I ran scared, and I’m an asshole, I am. I own what I did, but never, not once, did I forget you or that night.” She’s still not looking at me, so I keep going, hoping that she’s at least listening. “I know the gift that you gave me. I know that I didn’t deserve it, not with how I acted after. I need you to know, no, I need you to tell me that you understand that night altered my life. Every day since then, it’s been with you in mind. To coming back to you and winning your heart.”
“Right.” She laughs humorlessly. “Just let it go, Grady.” Her eyes move to the house.
“I can’t.” I know this is not the place to be having this conversation, but damn, she’s here in front of me. I can’t let the opportunity to talk to her slip through my fingers.
“You don’t have a choice.”
“You see, that’s where you’re wrong.” My free hand, that’s not holding onto her, lifts her chin so that she’s looking right at me. “I do have a choice. I realize that three years ago I made the wrong one, but I won’t make it twice.”
“Well, I hope whoever she is, you keep that promise.”
“There’s no one but you.” I cup her face in my hands. “Please.”
“I have to go.” She pulls out of my hold, dips under my arm, and opens her door. I step out of the way, letting her leave. I did this to her, but now I need to find a way to fix it. Pushing her won’t do it. Slow and steady wins the race.
I stand here in her parents’ drive and watch her leave. My gaze follows her car until I can no longer see her taillights, and then I make my way across our yards and back to the front porch. I hate that she’s driving when she’s upset, I hate it even more that I upset her, but I have to make her understand. I watch the time of my phone, and as soon as fifteen minutes have passed, I send her another text.
Grady: I hope you made it home safe.
Nothing. No reply, not that I expected there to be. With a heavy sigh, I head into the house to heat up some of last night’s leftovers. I barely taste the food as my mind replays our conversation. I wanted to kiss her, pull her into me, and slant my mouth over hers, maybe then she would have listened. I’m trying to be the guy she deserves, giving her space to come to terms with me being back in town, but I don’t know how much longer I can do that. I don’t know how much longer I can be this close to her and not touch her. Sure, I had my hand on her arm, and I cupped her face in my hands. Her silky-smooth skin reminded me of exactly what I’ve been missing these past three years, but it’s not enough. I want my arms around her, and her body aligned with mine. I want to taste her. I want it all, and it’s fucking driving me crazy that I can’t have it. Maybe the nice guy routine is not what it’s going to take.
Heading up to my old room, I strip down and climb into bed. Just like I have every night for the last three years, I pull up the picture of her from that night. I fucked up. This is on me. My eyes grow heavy, and I know it won’t be long before sleep claims me.
Grady: Goodnight, beautiful.
I don’t wait for a reply this time. I know it’s not coming. Instead, I go back to her picture and fall fast asleep.
This past week has been… off. If I’m honest, I’ve been off since the night I realized Grady was back in town. The night my world, the one I pretended was not filled with pain and abandonment, came crashing down. Every day since that night, he’s sent me a message. Good morning, goodnight, how was your day… simple messages. I hate that three years ago, I would have clung to them, taking any morsel of attention or affection from him that he was willing to offer. What I hate even more is that the temptation is there. Three years later and he still makes my heart pump a little faster. He still sets off a swarm of butterflies deep in my gut. The only difference is this time, I know the hurt. I know what it feels like when he walks away, slipping into the night as if our time together never existed. This time, I know better than to let him break down my walls.
Each time a new m
essage pops up, I have to read it. It’s become so frequent in the last week, that it’s almost as if his messages are now a normal part of my day. Rolling over in bed, I look at the clock. It’s just after eight in the morning, and I’m already eager for this day to be over. This afternoon, we’re all meeting at Caleb and Emily’s for the guys to draw names for who they are walking with in the wedding. I don’t have to be there. Emily’s sisters are not going to be there, but I live close, and they know my work schedule, and I couldn’t think of a reason to get out of it. Not one that would have gone over as a good alibi. So in six hours, I’ll be face-to-face with him. My only saving grace is that there will be other people there. His friends that he’s not seen much of since he’s been away at medical school. I hope they keep him occupied. My phone pings with a message, and I know it’s him. I count to one hundred slowly in my head, instead of rushing to read it like I want to. I need to learn to pace myself. I want to know what he has to say, even when I know I shouldn’t. Another ping has me reaching for my phone before I reach my goal of one hundred.
Grady: Good morning, beautiful.
Grady: I can’t wait to see you tonight. Maybe we can talk after.
“Not happening,” I mutter. After throwing the covers off, I head across the hall to the bathroom. Tabby’s door is still shut, so I’m assuming she’s taking advantage of sleeping in today, something my mind didn’t seem to want me to do.
I pop a bagel in the toaster, then slather it with cream cheese and grab a bottle of water from the fridge. I’m not a coffee girl, never have been. Some of it smells heavenly, but the aftertaste is a hard no for me. I’m just about to take my first bite when my phone rings. Glancing at the screen, I see Emily’s smiling face. “Good morning,” I answer.
“Hey, you’re still coming this afternoon, right?”
No. “Yep. Need me to bring anything?”
“No, I’m just going to order some pizzas. I called to tell you that you should pack a bag and stay if you’re going to drink.”