by Kaylee Ryan
It’s in this moment I realize I’ve let it go. I forgave him weeks ago, but the pain, it’s still there in the shadows, but the love he showers me with everyday mutes the effects it once had on me.
“Hey, beautiful.” He wraps his strong arms around me. “What are you doing out here all by yourself?”
“Did you follow me?”
“You know I did.” His lips press against my neck, and I tilt my head, giving him better access. We have to take advantage of these stolen moments while we can.
“Did anyone see you?”
“No, but I don’t care if they did.”
We’re both quiet for a few minutes. The sound of the party filters its way to us through the night air. “That brings back memories, huh?” I point to the camper.
“Yeah,” he agrees softly.
“Can we go inside?”
“It might be locked, but we can check.” He pulls away and laces his fingers through mine, and together we approach the door of the camper. With a slight tug, it comes open. Grady looks at me over his shoulder and grins. “After you.” He steps back, allowing me to enter the camper in front of him.
As soon as I step through the door, the memories of that night assault me. The feeling of being wanted, not just being wanted, but it was Grady who wanted me. How it felt to be skin to skin with him, the way he was so gentle when he slid inside of me for the first time. All of it, every single second of that night was a fairy tale. All except the end when I woke up to find him gone.
“Don’t think about it,” he says, wrapping his arms around me from behind. “Don’t let that night dictate our future.”
“It does though. That’s where we started. No matter what happened between then and now, it’s always going to be a part of who we are.” We’re both quiet for a few minutes when I say, “Maybe once it all blows over, it will be a funny story to tell our kids one day.” He stills behind me, and I’m worried I’ve said the wrong thing.
He releases me and moves to step in front of me. With gentle hands, he cradles my face. “What does that mean, baby? I’m trying really fucking hard to not let my mind make up its own meaning.”
“What do you want it to mean?”
“That you’re mine. That you believe me when I tell you that I’ll love you forever. That you’re ready to stop hiding us, that I can hold you and kiss you any time I want.”
“Then you would be right—” I don’t get to finish what I’m going to say before his lips crash into mine. I open for him, getting my first taste of the day. Nothing compares to kissing Grady.
“But,” I say with a peck to his lips and pulling away, “I want to wait until after the wedding. I don’t want to ruin their big day for any reason. So, as soon as the wedding is over, and the honeymoon, we’ll tell them. I know that’s a few more weeks, but I can’t stand the thought of ruining that moment for them.”
“How long until the wedding?” he asks, trailing kisses down my neck.
“Uh, three. Three weeks until the wedding.”
“How long is the honeymoon?” More kisses.
“A w-week. A week in Mexico.”
“So, a month. One month and I get to tell the world that you’re mine?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“Baby, you know that’s what I want.” He nips at my ear. “You know what else I want?”
“What?”
“You. Now. I want you here.”
“What if they come looking for us?” I ask, even though I’m already sold on the idea.
“Don’t care. Let them find us.”
“Grady,” I sigh.
“Shh, let me make love to you. This time, I’ll be there when you wake up. Maybe not here in the camper, but at home in my bed. I’ll be there with you wrapped so tightly in my arms you’ll have to fight to break free.”
“Not here. I want to, trust me I do. I just… I want to be in your bed. I want to be able to roll over and fall asleep in your arms. We can’t do that here, and the risk of getting caught is too much.”
“Fine,” he says, sliding his hand under my shirt and pinching my nipple. “Then we leave now.”
“That’s kind of obvious, don’t you think?”
“Nope. I have to work tomorrow, and your ride left you. You’re tired and calling it a night.” My shirt is lifted, and the cup of my bra is pulled down, and his lips latch onto me. He tugs with his teeth and soothes the ache with his tongue.
My hands find their way to his hair and I hold him to me. “We can’t do this, not here,” I say, even though my grip on him says otherwise.
“You sure about that?” He moves to the other breast and lavishes it with attention.
“Y-yes, I’m sure.”
“Then we’re leaving.” Pulling away, he tucks my breasts back into my bra and rearranges my tank top. “I love you,” he says, kissing my lips.
“I love you, too.”
“Here’s the plan. You head back, claim to have a headache. I’ll join you later to say goodbye since I have to work in the morning. I’ll offer you a ride home. It makes sense us being neighbors and all.”
“Okay.”
One more chaste kiss, and he guides me out of the camper. “Be careful walking back.”
“It’s not that far,” I counter.
“Just humor me.” Another kiss and I leave.
When I reach the houses, I hear my dad and Grady’s laughter, so I follow the sound. I find them on the back deck of Grady’s house.
“There she is,” my mom says. “Caleb and Emily were looking for you. They headed home.”
“Yeah, I was upstairs in my old room. I have a headache. I’m going to call a cab to take me home.”
“Why do you need to call a cab? I’ve not seen you drink tonight,” Mom inquires.
“I rode here with Tabby. She left early for a date. I was just going to have Caleb drop me off at home.”
“Grady,” his dad calls over my shoulder. “Can you take Collins home? She’s not feeling well,” his dad asks, not having the first clue that he’s playing right into the scenario we were trying to create.
“Sure. I was just coming to say goodbye anyway. I have to be at work tomorrow.”
“Where have you been?” his mom asks.
“Work called. A patient I was treating yesterday… they had questions about the history.”
“Well, Caleb said to call him. He and Emily left about ten minutes ago,” his mom tells him.
“I’ll call him after work tomorrow,” he responds. “You ready to go? Need help carrying anything?” He already knows that I was here last night helping Mom before Tabby and I had our girls’ night. He’s too good at this.
“I’m good.” I hug my parents, then his, and follow him to his SUV that’s parked next to their garage. Without a word, I climb into the passenger seat and rest my head back against the seat, closing my eyes. I don’t know who’s watching. Not just that, but the desire that’s coursing through my veins is within lethal limits. I’m trying to prevent myself from pouncing on him as soon as we pull out of the drive.
When his hand rests on my thigh, I open my eyes and turn to look at him. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just wasn’t sure if anyone was watching.”
“Dad made it too easy.” He gives me a wink and a grin, and I pinch myself on the leg to make sure I’m not dreaming. The pain is there, so this must be real.
“Do you need anything from your place?” I ask Collins as we head into the building.
“Yeah, I need to get some clothes to change into. I should probably take a shower as well.”
“We’ll stop and grab some clothes. Then we can shower at my place.” I’m expecting her to tell me she can just come over after, but she surprises me when she agrees. I wait for her to unlock her apartment door and follow her back the hall to her room. She tosses a tote bag on the bed and throws in some clothes before disappearing into the bathroom. I grab another set of bra and panties, T-shirt, and lounge pants an
d toss them in the bag. A set for just because. Besides, I like the idea of her things being there mixed in with mine.
“What are these?” she asks, holding up the clothes I added.
“Just extras to leave at my place.” I’m again prepared for her to tell me that it’s too soon, but she just shrugs, tosses them in the bag, and to my surprise, adds a few more items such as socks and some pajama pants. She’s not going to need them, but it’s more of her at my place, so I don’t bother mentioning that little tidbit of information.
“You ready?”
“Yes.”
Standing from the bed, I throw the bag over my shoulder, reach for her hand, and lead her out of her place, making sure the door locks behind us, and into mine. “Go ahead and unpack. There are a couple of drawers in the dresser and room in the closet for your stuff. Same goes for the bathroom.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Caleb just texted me.” I hold up my phone to show her. “I’m going to call him back before he comes over here.”
“What does he want?”
“He wants to know where I ran off to and if I happened to see you since he couldn’t find you, and your parents are not answering their phones.”
“I’ll be quiet.” She stands on tiptoes and kisses the corner of my mouth before disappearing down the hall toward our room. Yes, I said our room. Everything that is mine is hers. No question.
I dial his number, never taking my eyes off her until she disappears down the hall. “Hey, man,” I say when he picks up.
“Hey, did you see Collins? We tried to find her before we left. Mom and Dad are not answering, and I’m kind of worried over here.”
“I saw her. She was talking to our parents as I was leaving. She was calling a cab to come get her because she had a headache. Dad asked me to bring her home. I was coming home anyway since I have to work tomorrow.”
“So, she’s home?”
“Yeah, just dropped her off. Made sure she was in before I came to my place.” The lie tastes sour on my lips, but it’s what she wants. At least, I know that we have an end in sight. As soon as they’re back from the honeymoon, this will all be out in the open, consequences be damned.
“Where were you? I tried to find you.”
He doesn’t sound suspicious, which is a good thing. Just curious like my nosey lawyer friend tends to be. He always needs the details, always has. That’s part of what makes him a good attorney. “I stepped into the house. I got a call from work about a patient’s history.” Another lie, but I just keep reminding myself it’s not to hurt anyone, and, in the end, it will all be worth it.
“Got ya. Well, it was good to see you, man. Sucks that you have to work tomorrow. I’ll be thinking about you,” he jokes.
“Yeah, yeah. Live it up while you can. Once that new job of yours starts, your free time will be gone, too.”
“As long as I have my wife, I’m good with it. Catch ya later, man. I’m gonna call Collins and see if she needs anything.” And with that, the line goes dead.
I walk through and turn off the lights. As I enter my room, I hear her answer her phone. I’m trying not to be pissed off that he thinks I wouldn’t take care of her, but I have to remind myself that he doesn’t know that she’s mine. Not yet. Fuck, this secrecy thing is killing me.
“Yeah, I’m good,” she tells him. “Just a headache. No, I don’t need anything. Grady checked before he dropped me off.” She smiles over at me and instantly my ruffled feathers are once again smooth. Walking across the room, I stand behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. Resting my chin on top of her head, I hold her while she talks to him. “I’m good, promise. I’m just going to call it a night. I’m getting ready for bed now.” She’s quiet while he replies. “Night.”
“He’s going to be pissed,” I tell her.
“He is.”
“I hate that you’re going to be in the middle of that and on the receiving end of his anger, but damn if I can let you go. Not now, not ever.”
“We’re in this together, right? We just explain we wanted to take it slow, and once it happened, we didn’t want to ruin their wedding, which is all true.”
“Ready for a shower?” I ask, changing the subject. I never should have brought it up in the first place. I don’t want her to think about any of that right now. Her answer is to hold her hand out for me and lead us into the bathroom. My lips are on her as soon as her feet stop moving.
Turning in my arms, she smiles up at me. Her eyes are blue flames of desire. “I never thought we’d get here.”
“I hoped.” She raises her hands over her head, and I strip her out of her tank top. Underneath, she’s wearing a sheer white bra. I’ve seen it in the moonlight, but here it’s even more iridescent. Reaching behind her back, I unclasp her bra, slowly pulling the straps down one shoulder at a time before letting it fall at our feet.
Her hands slide under my shirt, and I lift my arms, bending over and helping her remove my shirt. She surprises me when her arms wrap around my waist, and she hugs me tightly. Moving one hand to the back of her neck, the other traces her back. Her skin is silky softness under my fingertips.
“I love you.” The words fall freely from my mouth, and no truer words have ever been spoken.
Big blue eyes peer up at me. “I love you, too.” She steps out of my hold and discards her shorts and panties all at once. “You’ve got some catching up to do.” She quirks an eyebrow, causing me to laugh.
Reaching behind her, I turn on the shower, letting the water warm before ridding myself of the rest of my clothes. Bending, I place my hands on the backs of her thighs and lift her. Her legs wrap around my waist as I step under the spray. My mouth slants over hers. She opens for me, trusting and giving me all that she is. Sliding my tongue past her lips, I explore her mouth. I take my time devouring her, giving myself time to commit this to memory. The feel of her slick wet body molded against mine, the taste of her on my tongue… I never want to forget a single detail about this moment.
I can feel it. She’s all in. It’s a turning point for us, and when I make love to her in our bed, everything is going to be different than before. She’s going to know that when she wakes up, I’ll still be there. I’m going to know that when I wake up, she’s really mine. She’s not just a dream, a wish of what-ifs. She’s real, she’s my heart, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Leisurely, my tongue traces hers, exploring her, just enjoying having her here in my arms. “I’m glad you’re here,” I say what I’ve been thinking.
“Where else would I be?” She rests her head on my shoulder.
“Nowhere, baby. This is where you belong.”
Lifting her head, she smiles shyly. “Will you make love to me?”
My cock throbs, wanting to do just that. “I am. But not here.” I can see the question in her eyes. “Our first time, I was an asshole. I took you and then left. This time, it’s going to be in our bed, and I’m not leaving you.” I set her back on her feet.
Without a word, she reaches for her bodywash and begins to wash off the day. I take a step away from her and do the same. Together, we shower as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. And it will be, once I can convince her to move in with me. This is how we need to start every single day. Why would I need caffeine when I have Collins?
Once we’re rinsed off, I turn off the water and step out. Grabbing a towel, I wrap it around my waist then grab another, draping it over her shoulders. “I need one for my hair.” Grabbing another, I run it over her hair.
“I can dry my hair, Grady,” she says with a chuckle.
“So can I.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “I like taking care of you.”
“You don’t have to take care of me. That’s not what this is about.”
“No, you’re right. I don’t have to. I want to. There’s a big difference between the two. I feel no obligation. It’s more of a need on my part. I like knowing I can do nice things for you.”
&nbs
p; “Just love me,” she whispers.
“That’s something you never have to ask of me.” We finish drying, turn off the lights, and find our way back to my room in the darkness. I go straight to the bed, tugging back the covers, “Climb in,” I say, following in behind her. “Come here.” I pull her close, aligning her naked body with mine. “I have no expectations for tonight. I just want you here, in this bed with me all night long. If we could keep the clothes on the bathroom floor, that’s a plus but not a requirement.”
She giggles. “This is easy. Being with you like this.”
“It’s supposed to be.”
“We’re good at it.”
“Yeah, you know, except for the lying to our families part.”
“I feel guilty, too, but with the wedding so close, I don’t want to ruin it. I would be pissed at Caleb if he did that to me. And Emily… I don’t want to ruin her big day. It’s just a few more weeks. We have an end in sight.”
We’re both quiet after that. I’m not sure what she’s thinking, but I’m just enjoying holding her like this. I used to lie in bed at night and imagine what it would be like to have her in my life like this. I’d dream about it, and let me tell you, dreams and reality are two very different things.
I’m startled out of my thoughts when I feel her small hand grip my dick. “Collins?”
“You promised.”
“Tell me this is what you want. I made a promise to myself that night that if I ever got you back, I would always do right by you. That includes giving you all the time you need.”
“I want you to make love to me.” Her delicate hand strokes me slowly from root to tip, causing me to groan. “Or we could just do this,” she says with another stroke.
“As good as that feels, that’s not going to work for me. It’s been too damn long, baby.”
“You’ve really not been with anyone since that night?”
“No. Not even a kiss. Had a few who tried, but they weren’t you. I wish I could explain it to you, but I don’t really have the words. That night, being inside of you, it changed me. I knew no one would measure up so why bother. Besides, I was working my ass off to get my choice of residency, so I could come home to you. That was always my end game.”