Feybi bumped his shoulders up and down, but I saw the hunger in his eyes. I was one hell of a weapon and he knew it.
“I have some rules. You follow those rules, and I’m yours.” I grabbed my hands in front of me. If things went as I planned, Feybi would leave all my girls alone, and he would put me in dangerous situations that eventually would take me from this life.
Suicide by mobster. A suitable way out for a man that never showed mercy.
40
AFTER
Becca
I held the tattoo machine above my first, real live client. Lauren was offering herself as a sacrifice. My apprenticeship at her shop had gone extremely well. I was still working at Meme’s, but things were changing. Bossman was going through the franchise steps and the Off-Season Day of the Dead party was in the works to being the bar’s permanent theme.
My talent for sketching was about to be a forever thing, on what I was hoping would be my boss. I was surprised that my shaking hands didn’t affect the first few marks. Within ten minutes, I was lost in the design. Skin had to be my favorite canvas. It was like I was born to hold this machine.
It was just a small heart with wings, but Lauren was pleased. She gave me a knowing nod that let me hope a position at her tattoo parlor was a realistic expectation.
It had been over a year since I had last laid eyes on Nix. And to everyone else, it seemed like I was carrying on. My decision to stay in my apartment had lifted a few eyebrows, and eventually, I was commended for my bravery.
That was a farce. The bravery. I still got chills when I walked over the spot on the floor where Nix’s father died after I shot him twice. But I wanted to be in the same space, living in the same place if Nix ever decided to come back to me.
Mom tried to force Quinn on me, and we’d been on a few dates, but he was turning out to be more friend material.
My mother didn’t know I’d been in love. Hell, I was still in love with the broken man who had turned my life upside down.
Henry knew and she listened when I needed to vent about how much I missed him. But now that she was pregnant and had stopped working the long hours at Meme’s, I felt like my wishes and hopes were getting redundant for her to hear.
I tried every remote claw machine app in the app store, always looking for something a little off, looking for too many free plays.
I tried to stay busy. I worked at Meme’s. I took my tattooing class and was going for my certification. My mother hated that line of work. She was vehemently against it, but I needed to be near people making changes to their bodies that haunted them or gave them courage. They reminded me of Nix. Watching them metamorphose was a version of counseling. The best I could do.
There were definitely times where I thought that waiting for him—and no matter how many lies I told myself, I was waiting for him—seemed insane.
My mother had recently changed my mind on a few things. After having a conversation about her battle with breast cancer, she off-handedly mentioned that she hoped the man I ended up with didn’t have any tattoos. She didn’t want me to meet my next boyfriend there.
“Your pristine skin should only attract others with similar traits.” She’d smiled with her words, but I saw a bit of guilt on her face when she’d said it.
Nix had never met my mom and vice versa, so it was odd that was a thing she would pick to say.
But even thoughts of Nix vanished as Mom fought breast cancer. And “fight” was the correct word. I’d never seen anything so incredibly heart-wrenching. The treatment to help her was basically like lighting a boat in the middle of the ocean on fire to keep it from taking in water.
The doctors had been optimistic in the beginning, but when the PET scan revealed that some of the cancer had slipped by the surgeon’s scalpel, the battle was intensified. She insisted on wearing her makeup every damn day, even when I had to be the one to put it on her.
Alton—to his credit—stuck around. He was hopelessly in love with my mother and I liked that she had him. Mom, Alton and I became fluent in a lot of medical jargon during her second battle. My mother seemed to learn that focusing on positive stuff helped her. The appointment where the doctor announced Mom cancer free—for the moment, there might always be the vigilant monitoring required, was deliriously overwhelming. Relief became something I could physically feel.
It started me thinking about attraction and energy and how I wanted to be perceived. I started making changes soon after.
I turned to Lauren after my work on her and asked a large favor. Something I needed to do. I was surprised I hadn’t thought of it earlier when it came to me.
Hope could be skin deep. Or despair. I knew I was starting a spiral, and I was becoming detached from the ultimate outcome.
~Nix~
I tossed the black latex gloves into the deep hole with the body. I lit the match and stepped back while the blue hot fire took my sins from existence.
Another debt owed to Feybi was paid. I was still alive, which was either a testament to my luck or my lack of it.
It had been over a year since I held Becca in my arms. Animal gave me updates, but I told him to just give me a yes or no when it came to her. Yes, she was okay, or no, she wasn’t.
So far the answer had been yes. I found a way to message Christina, and I responded to her on the game she had for the Ponies. But she was eight now and other things were becoming more important to her than a skeleton she never saw. Ember was getting ready to go to prom. She was gorgeous in the snaps that she sent.
Animal had vowed to watch my girls. I knew he was worried about my entanglements with the Feybi organization, but maybe he always knew my time on this planet was temporary. And I was playing a long game with Feybi.
After the body in the hole in front of me was nothing but ash, I covered the spot with fresh dirt.
How much like my own father was I now? Maybe I was his legacy.
I drove the black SUV back to the compound. I’d worked my way up to Feybi’s preferred assassin. I also helped him keep his business solvent and profitable. I took care of any problems.
Tonight we were having drinks in his drawing room. His tongue was always more free after the first two glasses of scotch. He often talked about his own accomplishments and how much fear he could inspire.
I listened. Usually. But tonight took an interesting turn.
“So all this time, you’ve never asked how I got your father to do what I needed done. Aren’t you curious?” The man lit his cigar.
I sucked on my bottom teeth.
“I’ll tell you. Pour me another.” He took a deep inhale and exhaled the smoke out the side of his mouth.
I added more to his glass.
“Your father—back when you were just an ankle biter—he came to me. That man would do anything for another drink, you know? Of course, you must know.”
I flashed to my father finishing off a bottle of the same brand of scotch we were drinking now.
“Well, we called him the wild card—mean son of a bitch. He’d do stuff that you wouldn’t believe for a bottle. He was our filthiest mule. Simple bastard. But you know—he had a temper. Of course, you know.” Feybi widened his eyes. “Loved to beat that woman at home. He took it too far, of course.”
My mother’s face. Frozen eyes were the image painted on the back of my eyeballs.
“He came to me, said there was a girl onto him. He was so repetitive—sweet Lord, he would say the same damn thing all the time—anyway, he’d killed his old lady and my guys moved that body for him. I owned a few cops and we shuffled the missing person stuff around, dropped some juicy rumors that she was off with a guy. And people believed, because you know she was screwing around with that cop, Merck. When your father came back, I used that sorry sack of shit. I sent him to your house. I sent him to that girl at the bar. He was a mean jackass. And now look, here you are, pouring my scotch.”
Feybi tapped his tumbler and the ice hit the side of the glass.
“And
you’re totally better than him. Maybe your mom had smarts. But your whole family? Damn, that dynamic was something to watch. Took a little digging, you know. But just a little. Anyhow, you’re an asset. Goes to show you my instincts are right, my gift—if you will.” He leaned back in his chair. “I mean, I even had to kidnap my own granddaughter to flush you out. For a few there I thought you were like a modern Robin Hood, but the money talks. Mercy at my mercy. I like the dichotomy of that. Eventually, you came to your senses and used your talents to help me.”
I looked at my hands. All that he’d done. I knew it in my heart. He’d helped my father get away with my mother’s murder. He’d endangered Becca. He’d put his own granddaughter on the chopping block. My father was a murderer, but this man had peered into my life and became a judge and jury. Had he been a good man, maybe I would’ve lived a whole different existence. It felt like acid was in my veins. There was hatred, but also a need to make things right for the kid I used to be. For the family Ember never got to know.
We were alone tonight. His men gave up watching over me months ago. He was remiss in trusting me.
I stood, stretched as if I was going to bed. Feybi started laughing. Too much to drink, for sure. And for what I was about to do to him, it was a favor he didn’t deserve.
I picked up his favorite bottle of scotch. Just about one-fourth left. I palmed the bottom and looked at his gaping mouth. In one quick motion, I jammed the neck of the bottle down his throat.
I watched his eyes as he realized that he’d made a mistake. Overconfident that he was always the most insane in any room. Tonight he was second best.
He tried to fight, which was easy enough to deflect. I jammed the bottle further down his esophagus. He tried to make a noise, but I tilted the bottle just so that the liquid started to drown him.
I twisted the bottle, and even though it could no longer fit, I applied pressure. I heard the neck of the bottle crack, and then I was able to push it further.
It was a hell of a way to die, and I was an expert. But his human body could only endure so much. I pulled the bottle from where it was embedded. Feybi was dead. I grabbed the cigar that was still lit from his hand and stuffed it into his mouth. The alcohol that pooled there caught fire. I went to his bar and grabbed the Everclear and splashed it all over his body and favorite chair. Another match on his lap, and I was done. Feybi was dead, and I was out.
I wasn’t fooling myself. I’d be on every hit list ever drawn up in the area, and I was shit for hiding with my ink.
But I couldn’t regret it. Justice had been served. I walked out of the drawing room and shut the door behind me as I heard the flames whoosh with the influx of air.
The whole house might not burn down, because the smoke detectors were going off. I stepped into the hall closet until the security post was vacated by the foot soldier that monitored it. While there were shouts for a fire extinguisher, I stepped calmly behind the control panel in the front room. I wiped the security footage for the last few hours before letting myself out the front door.
My mission was accomplished. For now. I took one of the SUVs that was always parked out front. The gates to the compound stood open, I assumed for the fire trucks to enter.
I was rolling on the road and I only had one thought. I wanted Becca. But a promise was a promise. I wouldn’t destroy her life.
~Becca~
My mother would be delirious with anger. I pictured her raging.
“How dare you do that to yourself? My God, Rebecca. After all I’ve been through, you do this to your mother? I can’t even look at you right now. Get out. Get out right now!”
That was my guess anyway. She and Alton had been on a cruise for two months. They were touring Europe and visiting some of the BMW offices. We were due to speak on the phone next week. I wouldn’t tell her until she was back for her next round of tests and PET scan. For the rest of her life, she’d always have an appointment on the books to make sure her cancer was gone.
My mother didn’t know but the way she’d embraced her life and fallen in love with Alton was part of the reason I did what I did. I wanted to live a life without regrets. From this point on, I was the only one that could choose my destiny.
***
I was assisting Lauren for the rest of the afternoon. I wanted the work so I wouldn’t dwell on missing him. The tattoo parlor was a place without judgment for me. Today I was going to work to watch her put a small piece on a regular. She’d raved about the VIP client’s intricate tattoos, but I had to sign an NDA to be in the same room with him. I was excited to see the work.
My job was to ready the private room in the back. Her client didn’t like to have attention on him while he was here.
I wiped down everything more than once. Not a stray dust bunny would dare show its head after I was done. I washed my hands thoroughly and set up Lauren’s machine and inks.
Everything was ready. I turned when the private door opened and the client filled the doorframe.
Animal.
“Becca?” Animal came around the chair to grab me in a hug before seeming to remember himself. “Lady? What have you done?” I watched as his eyes went wide with surprise and then soft. “What have you done?”
He put his hand on my face and I patted his giant man paw. “What I’ve wanted to do. Finally.”
“Oh, baby. We need to do something about this. Right now.” Animal turned to Lauren. “We need to reschedule. I have to take Becca with me.”
Lauren was confused and her eyebrows pulled together. Animal whispered into her ear and I watched the confusion turn to a knowing delight. “Of course, we can rearrange this.”
Animal turned to me and smiled, holding out his hand. “Let’s go. This is obviously long overdue.”
“What’s long overdue?” I hadn’t seen the man in over a year. I couldn’t imagine what he could possibly need me to do right now.
“You want to see Fenix, right? I mean, what else could all of this mean?” He gestured to my body with his hand.
“Now?” I felt my soul drop to my feet. It was all so sudden.
“Of course.” Animal held the door to the private room open. He turned to Lauren. “I’ll pay you for the tat and her time.”
Lauren brushed him away. “You know you don’t have to do that.”
Animal shook his head. He was doing his hair different now. Longer. It suited him. “You’ll get the pay. You already set aside the time. Thank you, though, for letting me take her.”
I didn’t move. “Animal, he made his choice. He left. I’ve been in the same place. He knows where to find me, and he hasn’t.”
I watched the huge man as sympathy cascaded over his features. “Baby, you’ve changed everything. You need to let him see you. I mean, you did this for him, right?”
I thought for a few heartbeats. Of course, I’d done it for him—but also for me. I nodded.
“Then we can’t waste a second.” He held out his hand and I took it.
Nix.
I was going to see Nix.
41
WISHES
Fenix
I knew I was going to be hunted. It was simple as that. But for right now, I was putting miles between the compound and me. I adjusted the rearview mirror and looked in my own eyes. I’d vanquished all the direct demons. Well, I’d had Becca’s help with the first one. I still saw the shadows of them in my reflection. I could never truly outrun it all.
My phone buzzed and I pulled it up. Animal.
He’d be thrilled that I wasn’t working for Feybi anymore. He thought it was self-flagellation, but it was only a little bit of that. Ninety-eight percent of my reasoning was to find out what Feybi knew. And my hunch that he was involved with Christina’s kidnapping was verified by the man’s own words. It matched with the large funds I’d recently found that had been transferred to his enemies. Feybi had paid them to harm his granddaughter to get me out of hiding.
Meet me at the 51 mile marker on Willows Rd. You know
it?
I knew it. I had a tattoo that represented the night spent on the side of that very road. I was suspicious. Not of Animal—he’d always protect me—but of the location. It couldn’t be. He knew about my promise. The way I was living to stay away from Becca. How hard it was for me to ignore the different ways I stalked her. I was ripped now because I worked out whenever I wanted to check on her. To give my hands something else to do.
It took me fifteen minutes to get to the field. I saw Animal’s SUV, and he took off instead of staying. I was about to follow him when I got the text.
She’s here, brother. For you.
I stared at the words, hopeful even though I wasn’t allowed to be. I turned and looked at our hill. Our hillside full of wishes. They were fluffy puffballs again. It had been a full cycle, and here I was.
There was a girl in the middle of the hill, her back to me. Leather pants and a corset. Very unBecca-like when she wasn’t working at Meme’s anyway.
The hair was longer and streaked with all different colors.
It couldn’t be her. Maybe this was Animal’s fucked-up way of trying to get me to move on. I pulled over and exited. I slammed the SUV’s door shut. She didn’t move. Still her back to me.
I shouldn’t have stayed, but Animal left this girl here for me. Like a sacrifice.
“Hey.” I knew I wasn’t yelling loud enough. I was scared to see who it was. I’d never be ready to replace Becca. My life, whatever was left of it, was a testament to her. I walked up the hill until I was at arm’s length from her. She turned slowly and I found myself holding my breath. What had happened?
Then my jaw opened. I sucked in a gasp and then fell to my knees.
It was Becca. Her hair was different. Her aura was different. But most importantly, she was tattooed. My gorgeous Becca was inked on half her face with a light gray skull outline.
Mercy Page 31