I free myself for a moment. Only for a moment because that’s all I can bear. ‘Let’s go to bed.’
‘What about dinner?’
‘To hell with dinner.’
He smiles. He smiles against my lips. ‘The door’s still open.’
‘To hell with the door.’
We get to the bedroom and for a time that seems infinite I feel foolish and stupid and sluttish and beautiful and loved and adored and I command and implore and obey. At last his body is lying next to mine and there’s a soft light beyond the curtains and his breathing is calm as he sleeps. Then I get out of bed, put on my bathrobe and go to the window. I let my gaze, at last without anxiety and without fear, move beyond the barrier of the glass.
Outside, heedless of the lights, heedless of human beings, a light wind is blowing upriver.
Maybe it’s pursuing something or maybe it’s being pursued by something.
But it’s pleasant to stand here for a few moments and listen to it passing, rustling in the trees. It’s a cool breeze, the kind that dries the tears of men and stops the angels from crying.
And at last I can sleep.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Reaching the end of a novel is like saying goodbye to a friend: it always leaves you feeling a bit empty. Fortunately, along the way you get a chance to see old friends again and make new ones. So I would like to thank:
– Dr Mary Elacqua of Rensselaer, along with Wonder Janet and Super Tony, her delightful parents, for welcoming me at Christmas as if I was family
– Pietro Bartocci, her inimitable husband, the only person in the world who can snore even when he’s awake and conduct business at the same time
– Rosanna Capurso, the brilliant New York architect, with her fiery red hair and her equally warm sense of friendship
– Franco di Mare, almost a brother to me, whose suggestions were crucial in drawing a portrait of a war reporter. If the portrait was convincing, the merit is obviously all mine. If it wasn’t, the fault is all his
– Ernest Amabile, who conveyed to me as a man the things he saw and experienced in Vietnam as a boy
– Antonio Monda for making me feel like an Italian intellectual in New York
– Antonio Carlucci for sharing his experience with me and helping me discover a fantastic restaurant
– Claudio Nobis and Elena Croce, for offering me hospitality and books
– Ivan Genasi and Silvia Dell’Orto, for sharing with me the arrival of a stork from the Ikea store in Brooklyn
– Rosaria Carnevale, who apart from supplying me with fresh bread during my stay in New York, really is an excellent bank president
– Zef, who apart from being a friend really is the manager of a building on 29th Street
– Claudia Peterson, who really is a vet, and her husband Roby Facini, for lending me the story of Waltz, their unusual three-legged cat
– Carlo Medori, who has made cynicism his pastime and affection his essence
– Detective Michael Medina of the 13th Precinct of the New York Police Department, for his kind assistance at a difficult moment
– Don Antonio Mazzi, for his advice on matters relating to the priesthood. And for being in a way, with his rehabilitation communities, the inspiration for part of this story and the chief character in a wonderful adventure
– Dr Elda Feyles, anatomopathologist at the Civic Hospital of Asti and Doctor Vittorio Montano, neurologist at the same institution, for their scientific advice during the writing of this novel.
Last but not least I am obliged, though with infinite pleasure, to return yet again to my little work team, composed of people who, after all this time, face me with an alternative:
either they’re not yet fed up with me
or if they are, they’re amazingly good at pretending they aren’t.
In both cases they deserve your applause:
– the buccaneering Alessandro Dalai, to make him understand that there’s a difference between grapnel and grappa
– the crystalline Cristina Dalai, to make her continue undaunted to replace the glasses I regularly break
– the encyclopaedic Francesco Colombo, my incomparable editor, because, luckily for him and for me, he has one more brain and one fewer Bentley
– the Cheguevaristic Stefano Travagli who, like Oscar Wilde, knows the importance of being Ernest
– the elegiac Mara Scanavino, a sublime art director, so that, in her highly creative way, she can succeed in putting everything through the mill of colour
– the Pythagorean Antonella Fassi, because he dances in the hearts of us authors with the same lightfootedness as he dances on our writings
– the glittering Alessandra Santangelo and Chiara Codeluppi, my invaluable Press Sisters, who can turn their chests into shields and ramparts.
And along with them all the guys at the Baldini Castoldi Dalai publishing house, who always make me feel like a great writer, even though the jury is still out on that one.
To them I add my agent, the science-fictional Piergiorgio Nicolazzini, because he welcomed as a true friend my alien arrival on his planet.
As in the usual formula, the characters in this story, apart from Waltz, are imaginary and any resemblance to actual people is purely coincidental.
Anyone who has read this novel will have realized that there is nothing autobiographical about the title. For anyone who hasn’t and suspects there might be, I’ll leave that assumption intact, as it does me a great deal of honour.
Having said that, I take my leave with a bow and a flourish of my plumed hat.
About the Author
Giorgio Faletti graduated with a degree in Law and went on to become a singer-songwriter, TV comedian and actor.
I Kill was his first thriller. Published in 2002, it topped the bestseller lists for over a year. The novel has since been translated into more than twenty-five languages, including Chinese, French, German, Japanese, Portuguese, Russian and Spanish.
Also by Giorgio Faletti
I Kill
Copyright
Constable & Robinson Ltd
3 The Lanchesters
162 Fulham Palace Road
London W6 9ER
www.constablerobinson.com
First published in Italy by Baldini Castoldi Dalai editore S.p.A. as Io Sono Dio in 2009
First published in the UK by Constable, an imprint of Constable & Robinson Ltd, 2011
Copyright © Giorgio Faletti, 2009
English language translation © Howard Curtis, 2011
The right of Giorgio Faletti to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
All rights reserved. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
A copy of the British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data is available from the British Library
ISBN: 978–1–84901–931–6
I Am God Page 39