‘Amazing that she wants you to,’ Kathleen pointed out.
‘I don’t take her for granted. We’re so lucky to have both Amélie and my best friend Maia’s boy Calvin in our lives. It’s like the best of all worlds if you ask me.’ Lexie fell into her own thoughts. Sam wasn’t speaking to her. He’d gone up to their room and hadn’t come down. She called up the stairs to say she was going out, but he didn’t answer.
There was a companionable silence as the women drove towards the large grocery store on the outskirts of town.
‘Do you regret the fact you didn’t adopt, seeing as you and Jackson couldn’t have kids?’ Lexie asked, as they approached the centre.
‘Ooh, that’s a deep question.’
‘Sorry – don’t answer if you don’t want to. It’s just that Sam and I are at a sort of crossroads right now,’ Lexie explained. ‘As I told you, my mother is piling on the pressure, but now it seems that it’s coming from every angle, comments left, right and centre, and we know it’s make-your-mind-up time. I was so certain I knew my own mind, but what if my choice alienates Sam irrevocably?’
‘All I can say, dear, is don’t rush anything. Give yourself some time. You and Sam are a wonderful couple. I’m certain you’ll make the right choice.’
As they walked into the supermarket, Lexie wished she had Kathleen’s faith.
Dear Diary
I hate my parents. I hate them for lying to me. But most of all I hate the fact they’re miserable and it’s all my fault.
Elton is one of the only people who loves me for who I am. He’s always happy to see me and makes me realise just how much my parents hate and resent me.
No matter what I do they’re not happy. Mum is nothing but a moan on legs. Her mouth is constantly flapping and it’s all bad stuff. I can’t remember the last time she laughed.
Dad is worse. He goes around like a semi-dead corpse with a grey face and angry eyes.
I’m considering my options, but I reckon I’ll have to take drastic action soon.
Ciao for now
A
Chapter 15
The following Sunday, Lexie and Sam were in bed. The plan had been to have a sleep-on and rise in time for brunch at around midday before moseying over to Maia and Josh’s for Calvin’s party.
‘It was like sleeping beside a jackhammer last night – you were all over the place.’ Sam groaned.
‘Was I? Sorry. I’m just upset about this baby thing.’ She propped herself on her elbow and stared down at him. ‘Sam, I don’t think I’ve changed my mind. I’m sorry, but I still feel the same way I always have.’ She lay down again.
‘I see.’ His words hung in the air. He didn’t stomp off or sigh heavily or look at her as if he hated her.
But she couldn’t relax: she was lying as stiff as a board, her arms flat on the duvet.
‘Jeez, now you look like you’re waiting to be embalmed,’ Sam said.
‘In a way I am,’ she said. ‘I’ve decided I’m going to call over to my mother and tell her she won’t be adding to her grandchild quota through me.’
‘Why do you need to tell her now?’ Sam asked. ‘Besides, I thought we were thinking it over still.’
‘Sam, I don’t want a baby. Not now and not next year or the year after. At least if I’m clear with my mother, she might stop hassling me about it and we can forget about the whole thing.’
‘What about me?’ he asked, clearly pained. ‘Don’t I have a say?’
‘Well, unless there’s been an amazing advance in medical science it’s my body that has to grow the baby and give birth to it.’
‘Well, obviously,’ Sam said. ‘Naturally you’d have to do the pregnancy and birth. But we could work it out with regards to childcare. Look at Josh and Maia. They’re doing brilliantly with their routine.’
‘That’s different,’ Lexie said, flicking her hand. ‘Josh chose to be there to help with Calvin. But the situation isn’t the same. If Calvin wasn’t special needs he’d be in a crèche and Maia would be tearing around like a blue-arsed fly, juggling.’
‘Lexie, you’ve got that whole situation wrong. Josh said he wanted to take the time off. I reckon he’d have done so regardless. That’s what parents do.’
‘Yeah, well, I don’t want to be a parent, Sam. And in case you’re having some sort of an attack of amnesia, you agreed with me until now.’
‘I simply want you to reconsider,’ he said. ‘Explore our options.’
‘No, Sam,’ she said, through her teeth. ‘It sounds like you want to move the goalposts all of a sudden. That’s a different thing altogether.’
Flinging back the duvet, she jumped out of bed and walked briskly to the shower. Scrubbing her hair vigorously, she hoped the citrus-smelling shampoo might give her a much-needed lift.
While Lexie was in the shower, Sam lay in bed, anger growing inside him. Why did Lexie get to call the shots? Why would she not even consider what he might want?
She was like a woman possessed. And for the first time since they’d met, Sam felt totally at odds with her.
By the time Sam had showered, Lexie was downstairs, had fed Tiddles and texted Maia to say they’d see her later.
‘Do you want to forget about going out for breakfast?’ he asked.
‘No,’ she said. ‘It’s Sunday and that’s what we do. It’s part of our routine, something we enjoy as a couple. Something we happen to agree upon. So let’s roll with it by all means.’
Sam was staring at her, looking hurt. ‘Should we knock on Kathleen’s door and see if she wants to come too?’ he asked, after a moment.
‘It’s a bit of a dodgy one, isn’t it? I don’t want her to feel she has to join us all the time, but I don’t want her to feel lonely either.’
‘I’ll ask her,’ he called, over his shoulder, as he made for the front door. Secretly he was crossing his fingers that she’d join them. For the first time in their relationship he didn’t want to be alone with Lexie.
Sam spotted Kathleen as soon as he walked down the front steps towards the basement.
‘Morning, Sam,’ she said, as she opened her door.
‘Hi! How’s it going? Listen, Lex and I are off to the local café for some breakfast. You’re more than welcome to join us but if you’d rather do your own thing that’s cool too. We’re conscious of not being pushy neighbours so feel free to pass if you’d rather a bit of R and R. We just want you to know that you’re automatically included any time. Just pitch in if the mood takes you, yeah?’
‘Thank you, Sam,’ Kathleen said, and her eyes twinkled. ‘You’re so like Jackson at times it’s scary. He, too, was a no-nonsense type of fellow. I hear ya and I’d be delighted to join you both this morning. For the record, I’m not going to become your shadow this summer either. I don’t want you thinking I’m Grandma in the basement who has to be hauled everywhere as a duty call.’
‘Spot on!’ Sam said, saluting. He reversed up the small steps and stood at the foot of the main ones where Lexie was waiting. ‘Kathleen’s coming, and we’ve dispelled the awkwardness with regards to inviting or not inviting. She’s not a needy ageing grandma and doesn’t expect to be treated as such.’
‘Jeepers, Sam,’ she hissed. ‘Don’t be so familiar. Poor Kathleen is having a hard time right now and she’s still a guest, so to speak.’
‘Chill out, Lex, before you give yourself an ulcer,’ he whispered. ‘You’re really starting to over-think things. If you’re not careful you’re going to overtake Penelope on the nag-o-meter.’
‘That’s not funny,’ she said quietly, glancing to see if Kathleen was on the way.
‘It wasn’t meant to be,’ Sam said, thoroughly fed up with her attitude.
She seethed. ‘Are you for real? I’m only trying—’
‘Hi, Kathleen,’ Sam said cheerfully, as Kathleen appeared at the top of the steps. ‘Ready to rock and roll?’
‘Certainly am!’ she responded. ‘Morning, Lexie, how are you today?’
‘Good, thanks,’ Lexie said, forcing a smile. ‘How about you? Did you get any sleep?’
‘Some,’ Kathleen said. ‘Truthfully, I was a bit at sixes and sevens. But that’s to be expected. I need to get to know my surroundings and I’ll be just fine.’
As they walked to the café Sam did most of the talking and led the way. It wasn’t quite as sunny as the previous few days but it was still warm.
‘I love the soft salty sea air,’ Kathleen said. ‘The difference in the clarity after Orlando is so stark. I feel like my lungs have been lying dormant all these years.’
‘It’s good for the soul around here,’ said Sam. ‘Especially when the weather is fine. Speaking of which, you seem to have brought the sun with you. Already we’ve had more sun in the past few days than for the last two years combined.’
‘Well, it’s funny you should say that because my memories of Ireland all involve sunshine and being outdoors,’ Kathleen said. ‘Then I’ve met Irish people over the years who tell me the weather here involves four seasons in one day with plenty of rain in between.’
‘Ah, you’re wearing the rose-tinted spectacles of childhood,’ Sam said. ‘I have those same thoughts from when I was little. Us Irish are great at getting on with it and doing stuff no matter what the weather. Even if it’s chilly and windy we put on a Puffa coat over our swimsuits and go to the beach.’
‘Yes!’ Kathleen said, animated. ‘Or we go for a picnic and end up wrapping ourselves in the picnic blanket rather than sitting on it.’
‘Too true!’ Sam laughed. ‘I can remember eating hot chips doused in vinegar from newspaper with numb fingers after a sea swim. We were so cold my mother would wrap us tightly in a towel and sit us on the sand. We looked like a row of little caterpillars in cocoons.’
‘How sweet!’ Kathleen said. ‘I was actually telling Lexie about my little agenda while I’m here,’ she said. ‘One of my jobs is to do just that, sit on the beach and have chips.’
‘Well, if you need company, I’m your man.’
The café was full to the gills, so the trio stood at the door, waiting for a table to become free.
‘I’d love to try it,’ Lexie said, breaking her silence.
‘Didn’t you do any of those things as a child?’ Sam asked.
‘With my mother? Are you joking? She was obsessed with cleanliness,’ Lexie explained to Kathleen. ‘She’d probably have all sorts of theories about eating on a beach. She’d try and convince you there’d be germs and, God forbid, we might get our clothes dirty. My brother was allowed to get muddy if he was playing sports, but I was treated like a china doll.’
‘We’ll have to fix that,’ Kathleen said. ‘I’ll make sure you have chips on the beach, tea from a jam jar and a whole host of other rough-and-tumble activities while I’m here.’
‘It has to be freezing cold and preferably raining or it won’t be as good,’ Sam pointed out.
Kathleen laughed and nodded fervently in agreement.
‘You two are crazy,’ Lexie snapped, as the waitress came to tell them they had a table.
Once they’d all been seated, Kathleen glanced at Lexie. ‘What’s up, Lexie?’ she asked.
‘Mm?’ She looked up and tried to focus on the others.
‘You seem totally distracted. Are you feeling okay?’
‘Yeah, I’m sorry. I keep thinking about my mother and the faces she’s going to pull when I meet her next.’
‘Lexie has made a decision that I think is none of Penelope or anyone else’s business, including mine, as it happens,’ Sam said, clanking the cutlery in annoyance. ‘But Lexie thinks she owes it to the world to make some sort of announcement.’
‘Do I want to hear this?’ Kathleen asked.
‘Well, you’ve been dragged in now,’ Lexie said, glowering at Sam. ‘We’ve made up our minds not to have a baby.’
‘Correction. Lexie has decided we aren’t having a baby,’ Sam said.
‘And I want to tell my mother about our decision, let her have a hissy fit and move on. It’ll be short, sharp and so over.’ Lexie allowed her forehead to thud onto the table.
Sam rolled his eyes. ‘Meanwhile you’re going to drag yourself around like a wounded animal and head-butt the table, making our fellow diners think you’re on day release from the local nuthouse.’
‘Yup,’ Lexie said, into the table.
Kathleen caught his eye and he looked away.
‘Why don’t you do us all a favour and go over to your parents and get this over with right now?’ Sam asked. ‘It’s like sitting beside a live electric cable.’
‘Sorry,’ she said, biting her lip. ‘I’ll have some food first and go.’
‘Great,’ Sam said.
The food was delicious but Kathleen and Sam were pretty much left to make idle chit-chat as Lexie alternated between chewing slowly and staring into space.
‘Just go, Lexie,’ Sam said eventually.
‘Right.’ A smile flickered across her face. ‘Will you two be okay?’
‘Do you actually care?’ Sam asked.
‘Sam … I …’ Lexie looked embarrassed.
‘Just go if you’re going,’ he said, dismissing her.
‘See you later, Kathleen. We’re going to my friend Maia’s son’s party so we’ll be gone for the afternoon.’
‘Enjoy,’ Kathleen said, smiling warmly.
‘Thank you,’ she said, but she was staring at Sam. ‘Sam, you’re not helping matters. I have to get my mother off my back, okay?’
‘Lexie,’ he said evenly. ‘You do whatever makes you happy.’
As the door to the café closed, Sam muttered, ‘I’m so sorry about bringing you into the middle of this mess, Kathleen. I’m embarrassed you’ve had to witness this. Lexie and I never normally fight. We usually back one another, no matter what.’
‘But this time it’s different?’
‘Yeah,’ he said gruffly. ‘This time it’s kind of serious.’
Chapter 16
Lexie got home in record time. Instead of going back into the house and delaying things, she unlocked her car and drove straight over to her parents’ house. It was only ten minutes from Cashel Square but at that moment it seemed an entire universe away. Every traffic light was red and the Sunday drivers were out in force, ambling in the middle of the road as if they hadn’t a care in the world.
As their beautiful Georgian home, Woodview, came into sight Lexie could feel butterflies in her tummy.
Turning off the ignition, she was planning to go over a little speech when her father appeared. ‘Hello, love,’ he said, looking thrilled. ‘This is a nice surprise! I’ve just finished clipping the hedge at the back. You’ve timed it perfectly – Mum’s making me a cup of tea.’
‘Oh, right,’ Lexie said. Hugging her dad, she suddenly felt incredibly nervous. She didn’t want to dash his hopes.
‘How’s Sam?’ he asked.
‘Great! I need to have a bit of a chat with you and Mum,’ she said. To her horror, her voice was wobbling.
‘Is everything all right with you, love?’ Reggie asked.
‘Yeah. Dad, I need you to back me up now. Promise?’
‘Of course. I’ll always have your back, you know that, love.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Penelope! It’s Lexie! Isn’t this a lovely surprise?’
‘Hello, dear,’ her mother said, offering her cheek to be kissed. ‘To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?’ She raised an eyebrow, then stood with her hands clasped, expectant.
‘I need to have a bit of a talk with you both,’ Lexie said. Her mouth was dry. She felt as if she was sixteen again and about to tell her parents she’d done something awful, like taking drugs or shop-lifting.
‘You look a little off colour,’ Penelope said. ‘Come and sit down, pet, and tell us your news.’
‘Well, there’s a couple of things. First, we’ve rented the basement to a wonderful American lady called Kathleen.’
‘Lov
ely,’ Reggie said. ‘What brought that on? Are you and Sam strapped for cash?’
‘No, Dad, it’s a long story. She used to live in our house. She called in to visit and we clicked.’
‘Are you certain she is who she says?’ Penelope asked, wildly suspicious.
‘Yes, Mum. She’s hardly going to make it all up,’ Lexie said. Why did her mother always have to assume the worst?
‘What’s the other thing?’ Reggie asked.
There was fission in the air and their eyes were on Lexie.
‘Well, the thing is … Sam and I—’
‘Oh, Lexie, that’s wonderful news!’ Penelope exploded. Dabbing at her eyes with one of her perpetual hankies from her sleeve, she fanned her hand before her face and tried not to cry.
‘Ah, look at you!’ Reggie said. ‘You’re such a softie.’ Turning to Lexie, he cupped her face in his hands. ‘Congratulations, sweetheart! We never wanted to say anything, but your mother and I have been praying that you and Sam will be blessed with a baby. Your life is going to be so wonderfully enhanced by this. There’s no honour like being a parent. There’s no love like the unconditional type a baby induces.’
Lexie burst into tears.
‘Ah, now,’ Penelope said. ‘Don’t get upset, my precious girl. It’s your hormones. This happens. It’s normal, though,’ she said. ‘In fact, it shows the pregnancy hormone is good and strong in your body. That’s fantastic.’
As she sat opposite with her hand placed on top of Lexie’s, Penelope was evidently and unabashedly thrilled.
For her part, Lexie was tongue-tied. She had no idea how she was going to rain on this parade. How on earth could she dash their hopes and tell them the real reason she’d called in?
Tuning back into the conversation she listened, horrified, as her mother poured out all the inner thoughts she’d clearly been burying for so long: ‘I’ve actually cried myself to sleep, I was so heartbroken that you and Sam hadn’t been blessed with a child.’
‘She has too,’ Reggie confirmed. ‘She only wants you to have what we had, you understand.’
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