“Dabble.” She smiled as he gave a guilty shrug.
“I’m just saying that technology, science, every rationale that exists, that we depend on is not finite. How do we explain the power of the Yimmyrd, their God, their faith? How do we explain sorcery?” His eyes glowed with excitement. “I have merely found small ways to manipulate trinket charms and spells. It’s low-level stuff despite the efficacy. The few times I have been confronted with magic at a higher level has left me realizing I know very little… that our perception and grasp of life… is grossly limited. Those who have sorcery talk of realms of existence that coincide with our own, they speak of guides, visions…” He broke off. “What they have is the capacity to accept a mystery that we do not.”
Whyle became even more serious. “Why don’t you embrace your difference, Amber? Maybe it’s a beautiful gift that you get to see your mother.”
Whyle, it seemed, felt the same way Revan did. Perhaps it was an archaic Earth mentality that held her back.
“She might be a remnant memory that remains to comfort you or she may be reaching out to you from a place we do not know. I do not consider you impaired, I consider you lucky.”
Amber listened intently. Whyle was the most intelligent person she knew. The whole of Diogel spoke of his abilities with technology and yet he beheld the unknown with respect instead of the usual scientific dismissal to which she was accustomed with intellectuals.
“How did you break into Serenay, through the Source Shield erected by the Yimmyrd to get these trinkets? Everybody claims it's impenetrable.” She was very curious about his magical adventures.
Whyle grinned. “I did not. I have never been on Serenay. I managed to contact somebody on the planet who has smuggled out some magic for me over the years… although she was arrested and is now under lockdown on Illohi.”
He looked at her for a moment and then smiled. “Since you have shared a big secret of your own, let me show you a mystery I have shared only with Wrexel.”
He lifted the invisible necklace from his chest and showed her the amulet he always wore around his neck. Amber’s eyes widened with shock and she stared in awe at the disc of gold with the single jade stone. Hanging close to it were three small golden bulbs. He clicked open one and took out a pea-sized pearl. “This is a contained spell,” he said, and she watched as it rose above his hand and began to spin.
“It was all I needed to create the magic enforced skeths and I use it time and again.”
He caught it deftly and returned it to the bulb, clicking it closed. “This.” He held up the jade pendant. “Bends perception. The Yimmyrd have ways and means of sifting out magical trinkets, but with this, they cannot. That’s why they found nothing when they searched my tower, even after reading my mind. This amulet was strong enough to keep the spells around my neck a secret, even from the Yimmyrd.”
“What are the other enchantments you have?” She eyed the other bulbs curiously.
“One secret at a time. I’ll make you a deal; if you make an effort to embrace your difference, I will tell you the other two secrets I hold.”
“Maybe I will do that.” She wanted so badly to override the voice that told her she was insane.
He smiled when she continued to stare at the amulet and then dropped it to his neck, awing her once again as it disappeared.
“Let’s go make Dionys film us making out. It drives him crazy.”
Amber laughed, and they spoke of her pain no more.
* * *
When he fell asleep watching a show that night, Whyle rolled onto his stomach on the floor amongst the cushions she had scattered. Amber saw that he had the same myriad small, thin scars on the backs of his legs. She was reminded once again of the hurt that he and the brothers carried that dictated the way they conducted their lives.
She traced the thickest of the mutilations with a sad sigh and wondered whether he would share more about it with her. Staede would no longer discuss the troubled times of his youth, but Amber yearned for more detail, sure that it would help her understand the complex and moody Wrexel.
Whyle groaned. “That is asking for trouble. It’s been days without sex whilst lying next to a very attractive woman in bed. If you start stroking my legs, you’re going to get more than you bargained for.”
Amber quickly removed her hand.
“I was looking at your scars. They’re the same as Wrexel’s.”
Whyle turned over.
“Missing him already?” he teased, but Amber did not smile.
“Staede told me… about the Monarch. But he wouldn’t reveal it all.”
Whyle placed his arm above his head and leaned back. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
He was picture-perfect with his hair tangled about his attractive face, his bicep bulging as he scratched the back of his head. “When Thromian boys start training for warfare at eight, they still live with their parents. It’s part of their schooling and they grow up in a loving environment. The tough preparation starts at twelve. The royal sons – including me, even though I am way down the line to succeed to the throne – had to endure that from the age of six. Wrexel, Staede, and I, and then even young Shihlo, were chased, beaten, chastised, and grilled into being fierce, unforgiving warriors, without the balance of love and family that other Thromian sons receive.”
Amber felt a surge of pity but Whyle stopped her. “Don’t be sad for us, Amber. Because of our training, we are undefeatable. Why do you think Wrexel wants one of us protecting you when he is away? It’s because he knows we are stronger than our own kind and that has nothing to do with our genetic superiority.”
“Staede showed me the whip he used.” She touched his scars sadly. “I know you don’t want my pity, Whyle, but I ache when I think of the four of you suffering.”
Whyle’s mouth twisted sardonically. “He found the perfect way to get his hands on you, with little tales of sadness and woe.”
“Staede is not as bad as you all think.”
“Yes, Amber, he is. Staede’s hobby is sex. He’s been with second colonials, third, and fourth. He loves orgies and seldom takes fewer than two to his bed. His appetite is voracious and he has no affection for those he beds; they are always one-night stands.”
She already knew about Staede’s reputation, but he was so much more than he seemed. “He’s my friend, Whyle; I adore him.”
“You are a temptation to him because he can’t have you. That is the draw. Don’t ever think it is more.”
“No, you’re wrong. Staede has genuine affection for me, not merely desire and I like him… a lot. Besides, I appreciated him giving me some background. I became part of a family I didn’t understand. Finding out more about you all helped me cope. It gave me reason to forgive you all when you acted in ways I found harsh. Also… it will help me one day when I leave, to not look back in hatred.” Her voice caught at the very idea.
“Why do you want to understand us, Amber, when your goal is to leave us?” he asked softly. “Isn’t there a part of you that doesn’t want to go back to Rheese, a part of you that realizes you have changed too much to ever fit back with your people?”
She blinked back her emotion. “There is a part of me that knows, no matter where I end up, you and Staede and Shihlo will always be important to me.” She wondered, though, if she would factor in their minds when her relationship with Wrexel concluded. When he finally opened the door and bade her farewell. Would they care where she ended up?
“And Wrexel?” He interrupted her churning thoughts.
Amber couldn’t hide her pain from Whyle. “How can I allow myself to care for him when every day brings us closer to a conclusion of a cruel agreement? Wrexel continues to remind me that he will let me go when he is done with me. He continually reminds me he will never love me.”
Whyle gave a small grunt. “Do you honestly believe he will let you go?”
“Yes… he has never backed down from that claim.”
“And you don’t want to go,” he added gently. “Because you’ve fallen in love with him.”
* * *
She ignored his assertion. “My feelings have never been a consideration… in my life in general my views have never been respected. I’m always on the side – weak and controlled Amber, at the mercy of the will of others in every way. Travis’s trophy girlfriend. James’s mentally impaired daughter. Shihlo’s political pawn. Staede’s challenge and Wrexel’s love slave.” She muttered as Whyle reeled.
”God, you are seriously oblivious!” he said angrily. “Shihlo’s the only one who has managed to genuinely love, and that was taken from him, and yet…” He lifted the monitor. “See this.” Whyle called up a message she could not read, “Its Shihlo’s backup plan for you.” He scrolled through it. “Your home on Thee Isle, giving you the option of returning to Rheese or living on the governing island on Illohi near to him. He discussed this with me months ago. Or this.” He flicked to another screen. “Our marriage contract; I retain the right to stay with you if Wrexel pulls out. I added it to give you the power to decide where and when you leave Four Wings. Being married to you suits me, for I never want a real wife.”
He didn’t elaborate and joked instead, “We both know what Staede will offer.”
She gave a choking laugh that ended up being a sob. Whyle pulled her into his arms.
“You’re not weak and powerless, Amber; you have four men who love you, and would do anything for you. You managed to draw love out of each one of us despite our background.”
He cupped her cheeks. “You turned our lives upside down and we adore you.”
“Oh, Whyle.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. “You are right, growing up the way you all did and still being able to love is indeed a miracle.”
“It wasn’t just tough, Amber...” he said bitterly. “I think you need to be shown what we were put through… maybe it will give you some perspective.”
He reached for his monitor. “I tapped into the Monarch’s logs a few years ago and found some of our childhood sessions that were recorded. This isn’t pleasant but perhaps it may show you how you have defied the odds with every last one of us.”
Whyle flashed through the history of their early life and laid bare a truth that made Amber reel. Images and recordings of them as small boys, bruised, dirty, and crying when they were younger, sometimes emaciated from grueling punishments.
Thrown into merciless battles. Their survival was a miracle.
The beatings were the worst; Amber watched them strapped to wooden blocks, the Monarch slicing their thighs open with the whip she had seen in the catacombs.
She also saw their love. She watched the brothers helping one another, a small boy on staggering legs carrying the one who had sunk to the ground in a pool of his own blood.
On and on it went, them as dirty teenagers, still fighting for their lives.
“My God, who is that?” she cried, watching the beheading of a row of females.
“Our caretakers, maids who displayed kindness, officers who withheld full punishment in mercy.” Whyle’s eyes glittered with anger. “He destroyed everyone to whom we showed affection, said we had to grow up with regard for nothing but Throm.”
“Enough, Whyle, enough!” Amber turned away from the brutal images and sobbed into her hands, feeling every snap of the whip the boys had endured, every guttural scream when one they loved was taken from them.
“I didn’t show you this to hurt you, Amber. I showed you this to make you realize something you already know but will not admit. Could this Amber honestly be satisfied in Travis’s bed after Wrexel’s lovemaking? Could this Amber settle back into a life as his loyal but weak devotee after learning strength and gaining such respect through her lessons with Staede?
Could this Amber go to Rheese, a planet she doesn’t know, and forsake her friendship with Leyahanna, with Shihlo and with her second husband, who cares deeply for her?”
Whyle held Amber in his arms and stroked her head as she rested it against his chest. He had paused on the last image of Wrexel carrying Shihlo.
“Wrexel took the worst of it, as the oldest. He often took punishment in our stead. Until the day when Wrexel was stronger than the one who beat him. He murdered four guards that day, and the Monarch realized his power was over.”
“Wrexel doesn’t know how to love, Amber. Neither does Staede, nor do I. Shihlo found love and then his wife was brutally taken from him… we have reason to believe Gilroth was behind the Rak attack, which means he took her love from Shihlo, too.”
He lay back against the cushions and brought her with him, curling her into his arms as she cried. “You are waiting for a set of words from Wrexel that you will probably never hear; he doesn’t even know he’s in love with you.”
* * *
A long while later, her head still on Whyle’s chest, she slowly lifted her face to his and reached out to cup his cheek, words failing her. “Thank you for sharing that with me, Whyle.”
He caught her hand in his own. “The sun has set. Let’s go outside and have a few drinks under the stars,” he said gruffly. “I’ve done enough sharing to last a lifetime.”
Amber agreed and walked to the balcony on her own. She felt lighter than she had in months as the breeze wafted over her skin. The smell of the ocean came up to meet her, bringing hope with it.
She wondered if Wrexel had ever taken time off to have fun. When he turned twenty, he went straight into his current role. He had never been free, never enjoyed his life, never trusted… much like her actually.
She thought of the mother she had been denied and put her hand against her chest, allowing herself to feel the sadness she had denied herself before. Too afraid in the past to feel anything for the woman who hovered and taunted her. But then Lilith had suffered, too.
She wondered what had happened when Lilith had been taken from her when she was only three or four. Somewhere deep inside of her, that memory was locked away.
Did she cry?
Did she ask her father where her mother had gone?
How did Lilith react when she was told she would never see her daughter again?
Her heart slowly melted. “I’m so sorry, Mother,” she whispered into the breeze. “They took you away from me… for being exactly like I am now… I know if I had a daughter, all that I am would not impair me from loving with all of my being… I am so sorry you were never given a chance.”
The whisper blended with the sound of the sea and the wind.
“Amber.” The sad, broken voice of her mother resounded in the air instead of in her mind.
Amber turned her head to the side and stared at the apparition without humiliation. She took in the vision of her mother that she had always wished away, never realizing it was a reflection of the only real love she had ever been given.
Until now.
“Oh, Mother.” She wept with Lilith as their eyes locked without shame for the first time.
All those years of denial.
All the screams of “go away” and all the upped doses came back to haunt her, and she regretted never accepting being different.
Travis and James were seen as perfect examples of accepted human roles. Doting father and loving fiancé. Yet their love was not real.
Love, it seemed, was not as clear-cut as she believed. It came in the form of strange brothers-in-law and a seemingly detached second husband… maybe it also took the form of a crazed, obsessed lover with a cruel past.
“No. Don’t leave me, I still need you,” she cried when her mother began to fade away. “Promise me you will return, I will never deny you again.”
Lilith slowly faded into the night air until all Amber saw was the reflection of the moon across the ocean.
She turned to see Whyle staring at her in shock. She started to explain, but he stopped her mid-sentence. “Amber, that wasn’t your mind. It was real. It was sorcery.”
* * *
Amb
er sat on the bed as Whyle paced the room. “I know when I am in the presence of magic. I’ve worked with magic enough to recognize the signs, the metallic taste in my mouth, the crackling sensation in my ear. I saw her covered in a magical haze of green and I saw her hovering.”
He could describe her mother in perfect detail.
“I didn’t feel magic…” She stopped mid-sentence, for it wouldn’t be good to admit she knew what it felt like. That would mean explaining the Sanbara.
“Whyle, I have had these visions of her all my life. I really don’t understand how you saw Lilith tonight when Leyahanna and Wrexel sometimes walk right through her.”
Whyle was perplexed. “Maybe it's some kind of curse, linking up with your natural apparitions. I know you have no magic ability,” he reassured her. “We tested the blood of every Earth evacuee for disease and our machines are historically equipped to pick up anomalies like the magic gene. None registered positive. You didn’t have it when I tested you.”
“When did you test my blood? And why?”
“Wrexel felt the same thing around you, Amber. That’s when I tested you,” he said impatiently.
“You haven’t, Whyle.”
“Leyahanna took a sample from you,” he began, then paled when Amber shook her head. “I have given no blood samples since I left Earth.”
He looked at her in horror.
“Oh, dear God.” Amber grasped her mouth.
“Relax, people of Earth are not magic,” he said, but they both reached for their wrist monitors.
“Leyahanna.”
When Leyahanna entered, she saw them both looking distraught and she paled. “What is it?” She looked at Whyle in accusation.
“Leyahanna, Amber’s blood sample that I ordered you to take on the ship… was it hers?”
The Gweithi looked at Amber in panic and then at Whyle.
“Leyahanna, I love Amber; I would never allow her come to harm. Please be honest.”
Slowly, through tears, she revealed that she had been afraid after hearing that Wrexel would have killed Amber if she had been bewitching him.
AMNESIA Page 48