by Cala Riley
“Can I join?”
I stop and act like I’m thinking about it. “Only if you’re quick.”
I don’t make it into the bathroom before he picks me up and carries me into the shower squealing. I really hope this turns into more because, at this point, I don’t think I can let Lo go.
∞∞∞
Lorenzo
Fuck, my balls ache.
The thought crosses my mind for the millionth time today. Ever since I left Mia at her house after giving her two more orgasms in the shower, my balls have been begging for release. She attempted to help me out with it, but I couldn’t let her. It was the hottest fucking thing when she went down on me in the restaurant, but so very dirty. I can’t help but feel like I’ve already tainted her enough.
I should have gone back to the house and got myself off to the thought of the things she let me do to her last night, but my guilt is eating at me. I don’t deserve to feel good about doing nasty things to such a beautiful angel. I should’ve stopped myself. Even though she loved every single thing I did, I still can’t help but think I’m ruining her. Taking her innocence.
I rub my hand over my face before looking back at the computer in front of me. Instead of going back home, I came to Crimson. Far enough away to not tempt me to go to her, but close enough that if she needs me, I can get to her quickly.
That is the crux of it all. I want her so badly, yet I also want to preserve her. My head is warring with itself. I’ve never felt so conflicted in my life—not even when I had to kill someone for the first time.
This girl is doing damage to me. It’s not in me to admit weakness, but if I were a stronger man, I would be able to leave her alone. Maybe it’s why I’m so torn up. Mia’s showing me a weakness I never knew I had.
“Lo, what are you doing here?”
Bash walks in and sits in the chair across from the desk.
“Trying to get some work done. Make your load lighter, boss man.”
He chuckles as I shut the laptop.
“I would believe that except you came all the way out to Crimson and didn’t just go to Ivory.”
He’s not wrong. There’s always more work at Ivory because it’s so close to the territory line and it’s our busiest club.
I grunt in response.
“What’s going on with you and Mia?”
“When have you ever gotten into my business?” I shoot back.
He doesn’t miss a beat. “When the business in question is Sofia’s best friend.”
I set my head in my hands as I prop it up on the desk.
“Nothing?” I pose it as a question.
“Then why was she at your house this morning? Sofia said she sounded winded. You fucking her?”
I look up at his face. He has an emotionless mask in place.
“What if I am?”
He shakes his head as he frowns.
“Don’t hurt her. Sofia would kill you if you hurt her. She’s already wary of your relationship with her. If you’re fucking her, then be extra careful. This isn’t some hussy you can fuck then forget. Mia’s here to stay. You’re one of my best friends, but if Sofia wants to kill you, I don’t have it in me to deny her.”
An involuntary chill runs down my spine. I’ve seen an angry Sofia. I’ve seen her shoot a man in cold blood. I don’t doubt she would kill me in a heartbeat for Mia. I also don’t doubt that Bash would cover it up. He loves the girl more than he loves the family. It’s a true testament to how important she is to him.
“We aren’t fucking, boss. We have an understanding. We each know the score.”
“And what score is that?”
I’m irritated by his audacity to question me, but I can’t ignore him. I never wanted to be boss, but in this moment, I wish I was. No one would be able to question me.
“Mia wants to be friends. She understands why I can’t give her more. It’s not in my DNA. Last night, she asked me to take her out. Anything that happened after is up to her to tell. Just know, I had the conversation with her and confirmed many times what this is and what it isn’t. She’s aware.”
His hard glare softens. “One day she’ll find a man willing to commit. Are you going to be ready for that?”
I growl. The amusement in his eyes frustrates me even more.
“That’s what I thought. Might as well commit now and get it over with. Take it from me. Once she’s under your skin, she’s there for good.”
I don’t bother responding. Instead, I change the subject. “Where’s Gio?”
“Downstairs taking inventory. Did you think I came alone?”
“I was going to beat your ass if you did.”
He chuckles. “I can handle myself.”
“You shouldn’t have to. That’s what Gio and I are for. Can we go over the new promotions now?”
With that, Bash lets the conversation fall into comfortable territory, away from women and feelings and into something I can handle. Business.
∞∞∞
Mia: Can you give me a ride to Bash and Sofia’s tonight?
I had made it up to an hour without thinking about her. It was a miracle, but as soon as her text came in, all my hard work was wasted. The sound of her moans. The way she screams my name. The look on her face when she finally let’s go. It’s haunted me all day.
I finally went to a little gym in Brooklyn. The owner’s an old friend of the family. They say the only way out of the mafia is in a body bag, but it isn’t true. If you appeal to the don with a good enough reason, he has the power to absolve you of your position.
Jack was one of those men. He lost his wife and daughter in a car accident years ago. With him being the only one left for his infant grandson, Bash, on behalf of his father, allowed him to leave his duties to care for the child.
While the family comes first, we also look at circumstances. The family could have taken care of the child had anything happened to Jack, but it wouldn’t have been in the child’s best interest. That was the thought Bash had when he made the decision. Bash had been born into this life, but he wasn’t going to force it onto another child if he didn’t have to.
His father wasn’t happy, but he left Bash in charge when he went to jail, and Bash made an executive decision, so it was final.
No one looks at me differently here. No one is afraid of me. I can go hard without anyone staring at me in fear.
I’ve been hitting the same punching bag for an hour. That’s how long it took before Mia invaded my mind again.
I look back to her text.
Lo: Angelo can take you. I’m busy.
It’s a dick thing to do, but Bash is right. I need to create some distance. Remind her of what this is. I don’t need her getting any ideas about where this is going.
You mean you don’t need to be getting any ideas.
That inner voice of mine is as much of a dick as I am. I can’t lie and say that I haven’t considered what it would be like to keep her. To pound my cock into her until I spill my seed inside, staking my claim like Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin did when they planted the first flag on the moon.
The problem is, if I’m first, I’ll also be the last, and that scares the fuck out of me.
Mia: Oh. Okay. Sorry to bother you.
She doesn’t say much, but I can imagine her face as she typed those words, and I know I hurt her.
“Fuck!” I scream as I pound my fists into the bag harder than I had been before.
The woman on the treadmill across the room jumps at my scream, but she averts her gaze and keeps running.
I know what I’m going to do before I even do it. I can’t just leave her hurt. In that moment, I know I’m going to take her. I can’t deny her this small favor. I sigh and grab the bag to stop it swinging.
“Looking good, son. You’ve got a lot of aggression in you.”
I turn and find Jack leaning against the wall drinking a cup of coffee.
“Thanks.” My sarcastic reply makes him smirk.
�
��Come to my office. I have something I want to talk to you about.”
I nod and follow him. Once in his office, he grabs me a bottle of water from his mini fridge.
“What do you need to talk to me about?” I take a long drag from the bottle.
“I have the opportunity to host a boxing match here next month.”
“You want permission?”
It isn’t uncommon for businesses to ask us for permission before inviting outsiders in. It’s in the best interest of the neighborhood to limit the number of outsiders.
“That and I was hoping to hire a couple of soldiers to provide security for the event. They’re offering me 20K for the event. After overhead, I’ll make maybe eleven. I would be willing to offer half to the family for providing protection and allowing it to go forward.”
I nod, quickly doing the numbers in my head. “I’ll bring it to Bash and let you know.”
He nods. “Thank you. It’s none of my business, but where’s all the aggression coming from?”
I glare at him, and he visibly shrinks back. “You’re right. It’s not your business.”
“Fair enough. I recognize the look in your eyes though. Mind if I tell you a story?”
“Do I really have a choice?”
“You do. I can’t force you to listen.”
He’s right, but Jack’s an elder. Even though I hold more power, there’s something to be said about listening to your elders.
“Go on, old man.”
He smiles warmly at me. “Back in my younger days, I had been a wild one. Did you know I used to be a boxer?”
“I did.” I know everything about the man. It’s my job.
“Well, I used to sleep with every ring rat who would bat their pretty little eyelashes my way. Man, the ass I got.” He chuckles. “Anyways, one night I met this fine young thing. She was gorgeous, like an angel. Instead of looking at me like a piece of meat, she flinched at the violence. At the end, she had been crying. I couldn’t believe she would come to a fight if she didn’t enjoy it. I found out later, my opponent was her brother. She came to support him, even though she didn’t care for the sport. Her innocence spoke to me like no other.”
I watch as his eyes zone out, as if he’s in the past, living it as he’s speaking about it.
“I met up with her after the fight, and she cussed me out. Told me to fuck off. She was a feisty one, and it made me only want her more. She told me she would never give me the time of day. I tried to let her go. I wasn’t good enough for an angel like her. She was perfect, and I was broken. Soon, I found myself forsaking all others because my thoughts were stuck with her. I decided, after a week, I needed her in my life, even if it meant I would be sentenced to hell for corrupting one of God’s own. I finally got her to agree to go out with me. It took months, but it was worth the wait. It wasn’t easy.”
His easy laugh and the smile on his face causes me to smile. He obviously really loved this woman.
“My Lucia has been gone for four years now, but I don’t regret a single moment of my time with her. She was every bit of an angel, my reason for everything.” The tear in his eye turns the moment somber.
“You really loved her. Why are you telling me this, Jack?”
“I see the same look in your eye as I saw in my own back then. I don’t know who she is, but she has to be something special to catch your eye. That aggression I saw in you? It’s the same aggression I had when she denied me. When she refused to see me as a possible option. Don’t let her get away, Lorenzo. You will regret it. I can promise you that.”
I scoff at him. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, old man. There isn’t anyone.”
He gives a humorless laugh. “You sound just like I did thirty years ago, son. Remember what I said.”
I stand up, ready to leave. What’s with these people thinking I need their advice? “Whatever. I’ll be in contact.”
As I’m about to leave, his voice stops me. “Oh, and, Lorenzo?”
I don’t bother to look back.
“I’m here if you ever want any advice. Or if you want to try your hand in the ring.” He chuckles as I continue walking.
I can’t deny that his story sounds similar to mine. The only difference is I can have Mia if I want her. She would give me everything.
I’m just afraid if I take it, I will destroy her.
I would rather kill myself than witness mio piccolo angelo in shambles.
Chapter Six
Mia
I thought we made some progress last night, but his response to my request makes my heart fall. Maybe he really does only think of me as another slut to fuck with. I hope not, but if he does, it would be my own fault. I’m second-guessing everything I have done, every move I’ve made in the last twenty-four hours.
Did I make myself too easy for him? The magazines say a man likes a woman who takes control of what she wants. They also say men enjoy a challenge, hard to get and all that.
Fuck!
I internally cuss at myself.
What were you thinking, Mia?
Maybe Izzy’s right. I don’t know what I’m getting myself into. I finish applying my makeup before putting on a pair of jeans and an off-the-shoulder sweatshirt. I grab my phone and take a deep breath before looking at it.
No new messages.
I don’t know why I keep thinking he will text me back. He hasn’t in the past hour, so what am I waiting for? I’m in too deep. My feelings are falling faster than I want them to.
I shake my head and steel myself against them. I can’t let myself feel this way about him. Lo might be the man of my dreams, the man I’ve always hoped for, but I’m obviously not the woman he wants.
I text Angelo.
Mia: I’m going to be ready to leave in 20.
After my texting conversation with Lo, I texted Angelo to tell him I needed a ride to Bash’s. I hated expecting them to drive me places, but I’ve been scolded enough for taking the subway to last a lifetime. Plus, Bash doesn’t live anywhere close to a station.
Angelo: K.
That’s the only response I receive back. I like Angelo well enough, but he’s always so serious. I know he needs to be because of everything that has happened recently. I just wish he could be a little warmer. It doesn’t stop me from trying though. My bubbly personality is my armor, and I love using it against these stuffy men.
I sit at the counter and pour myself a glass of orange juice. I haven’t eaten much since lunch yesterday, and the shaking in my body tells me I need some type of nutrients. Well, I had Lo’s nutrients last night, but that doesn’t count. My body warms at the thought, and I scold it. Now isn’t the time. Not after he rejected me. Again.
I ate a little when I got home, but Izzy kept me busy, wanting to know every detail of my night. I didn’t give it to her. I just told her things had heated up, but we hadn’t hit a home run. I was so giddy about my night that she couldn’t help but be infected by my smile.
If only she could see me now. I can feel the frown on my face. How can my emotions change so drastically within a couple of hours? Lo is how. He’s like a roller coaster. Now that I’m on, all I can do is hold on tight while I go through the ups and downs. I feel as if it’s two steps forward and one step back with him. Small progress, but always being told to back off after. It’s disheartening for a woman.
I think about grabbing a snack but decide against it. Sofia planned dinner, and she would be upset if I didn’t eat anything. The orange juice is helping with my shaking a bit, but it does nothing to help with my nerves. I’m still unsure what this meeting is about. While I have seen how sweet Bash can be to Sofia, he doesn’t hold the same affection for me. I cannot deny the man can be scary as fuck if he wants to.
Maybe he’s taking my bodyguard from me.
The thought makes me shiver in fear. I should be happy about it. The independent woman in me wants to rejoice, but the larger part of me knows Fillipo’s still out there. He can’t be happy about the
death of his son—a death I was directly involved in.
My mind flashes back to that night.
I’m holding a man’s life in my hands. It isn’t the first time, but it has been a while for me. This time, my mom isn’t sitting across from me, directing me. My father isn’t standing over me with that look in his eyes. Nevertheless, I still feel the same as I did then. The adrenaline in my body as I feel inside the man’s wounds. As I feel for how deep the wound goes. As I….
A knock on my door stirs me from my thoughts and makes me jump. I look at the time and notice I still have five minutes before I told Angelo I would be out. I walk to the door with my heart beating in my chest. It can’t be anyone dangerous, or Angelo would have stopped them from getting to my door, but the nagging thought of what happened to my last guard stops me from answering the door right away.
Another knock comes as I come closer.
“Mia. Open up. I know you're in there.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding.
Lo.
Part of me wonders what he’s doing here, but the other part is telling it to shut up and be grateful. He’s here, and that’s all that matters.
I open the door and find Lo standing on my stoop dressed in his normal suit. His hair is still damp, and I wonder what made him need another shower.
Probably another woman.
I wince at my own thoughts. He wouldn’t let me take care of him this morning in the shower. I tried. I wanted to, but he said it was all about me. He said bringing me pleasure brought him pleasure. Instead of reassuring me, it caused doubt within me.
Is he sleeping with other women?
Not that I have a right to know.
“Are you ready to go?” He looks amused as I stand there.
“Go?” I ask, confused as to where he thinks we need to go.
“Didn’t you say you needed a ride?”
Surprise fills me.
“Yeah, but you said you were busy. Angelo’s going to take me instead. I don’t want to take up too much of your time.”
I pick up the bitterness in my voice as I say the words, but I can’t stop myself. It hurt when he said no earlier.