by R C Sherriff
TROTTER: What a damn nuisance!
OSBORNE: It is, rather.
TROTTER: I reckon the Boche are all ready waiting for it. Did you 'ear about the raid just south of 'ere the other night?
OSBORNE: Nothing much.
TROTTER: The trench-mortars go and knock an 'ole in the Boche wire to let our fellers through – and in the night the Boche went out and tied bits o'red rag on each side of the 'ole!
OSBORNE: Yes. I heard about that.
TROTTER: And even then our fellers 'ad to make the raid. It was murder. Doesn't this tea taste of onions?
OSBORNE: It does a bit.
TROTTER: Pity Mason don't clean 'is pots better.
[MASON brings some bread on a plate.]
This tea tastes of onions.
MASON: I'm sorry, sir. Onions do 'ave such a way of cropping up again.
TROTTER: Yes, but we 'aven't 'ad onions for days!
MASON: I know, sir. That's what makes it so funny.
TROTTER: Well, you better do something about it.
MASON: I'll look into it, sir.
[He goes out. OSBORNE and TROTTER prepare themselves slices of bread and jam.]
TROTTER: Joking apart. It's damn ridiculous making a raid when the Boche are expecting it.
OSBORNE: We're not doing it for fun.
TROTTER: I know.
OSBORNE: You might avoid talking to Raleigh about it.
TROTTER: Why? How do you mean?
OSBORNE: There's no need to tell him it's murder –
TROTTER: Oh, Lord! no. [He pauses.] I'm sorry 'e's got to go. 'E's a nice young feller –
[OSBORNE turns to his book. There is silence.]
What are you reading?
OSBORNE [wearily]: Oh, just a book.
TROTTER: What's the title?
OSBORNE [showing him the cover]: Ever read it?
TROTTER [leaning over and reading the cover]: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland – why, that's a kid's book!
OSBORNE: Yes.
TROTTER: You aren't reading it?
OSBORNE: Yes.
TROTTER: What – a kid's book.
OSBORNE: Haven't you read it?
TROTTER [scornfully]: No!
OSBORNE: You ought to. [Reads]
How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale?
How cheerfully he seems to grin
And neatly spread his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws!
TROTTER [after a moment's thought]: I don't see no point in that.
OSBORNE [wearily ]: Exactly. That's just the point.
TROTTER [looking curiously at OSBORNE]: You are a funny chap!
[STANHOPE returns.]
STANHOPE: The sergeant-major's getting volunteers.
OSBORNE: Good!
TROTTER: Sorry to 'ear about the raid, skipper.
STANHOPE [shortly]: So am I. What do you make the time?
TROTTER: Just on four.
[MASON brings in more tea.]
STANHOPE [taking the mug of tea ]: Was Hibbert asleep when you came out of there?
TROTTER: No. 'E was just lying on 'is bed, smoking.
STANHOPE [going to the sleeping dugout]: Hibbert!
HIBBERT [coming out]: I'm ready, Stanhope.
STANHOPE: Had some tea?
HIBBERT: Yes, thanks.
TROTTER: I reckon Raleigh'll be glad to be relieved. Rotten being on dooty for the first time alone.
OSBORNE: I don't think he minds.
STANHOPE: I shall be up there some time, Uncle.
OSBORNE: I say, why don't you have a rest? – you've been on the go all day.
STANHOPE: There's too much to do. This raid's going to upset the arrangements of the wiring party tonight. Can't have men out there while the toch-emmas are blowing holes in the Boche wire. [He drinks up his tea. ] Ready, Hibbert? Come on, my lad.
[STANHOPE and HIBBERT leave the dugout together. TROTTER looks after them curiously, and turns to OSBORNE.]
TROTTER: Can't understand that little feller, can you?
OSBORNE: Who?
TROTTER: Why, 'Ibbert. D'you see 'is eyes? All red. 'E told me in there 'e'd got 'ay-fever.
OSBORNE: Rotten thing, hay-fever.
TROTTER: If you ask me, 'e's been crying –
[OSBORNE is writing at the table.]
OSBORNE: Maybe.
TROTTER: Funny little bloke, isn't 'e?
OSBORNE: Yes, I say – d'you mind? I just wanted to get a letter off.
TROTTER: Oh, sorry. They 'aven't collected the letters yet, then?
OSBORNE: Not yet.
TROTTER: I'll get one off to my old lady. [He goes towards his dugout.] She's wrote and asked if I've got fleas.
OSBORNE: Have you?
TROTTER [gently rotating his shoulders]: I wish it was fleas.
[TROTTER goes into his dugout; OSBORNE continues his letter. RALEIGH comes down the steps from the trench.]
RALEIGH [excitedly]: I say, Stanhope's told me about the raid.
OSBORNE: Has he?
RALEIGH: Just you and me, isn't it – and ten men?
OSBORNE: Yes, tomorrow. Just before dusk. Under a smoke cloud.
RALEIGH: I say – it's most frightfully exciting!
OSBORNE: We shall know more about it after Stanhope sees the colonel tonight.
RALEIGH: Were you and I picked – specially?
OSBORNE: Yes.
RALEIGH: I say!
THE CURTAIN FALLS
ACT III
SCENE 1
The following day, towards sunset. The earth wall of the trench outside glows with a light that slowly fades with the sinking sun.
STANHOPE is alone, wandering to and fro across the dugout. He looks up the steps for a moment, crosses to the table, and glances down at the map. He looks anxiously at his watch, and, going to the servant's dugout, calls:
STANHOPE: Mason!
MASON [outside ]: Yessir!
STANHOPE: Are you making the coffee?
MASON: Yessir!
STANHOPE: Make it hot and strong. Ready in five minutes. I'll call when it's wanted.
MASON: Very good, sir.
[Again STANHOPE wanders restlessly to and fro. The COLONEL comes down the steps. ]
COLONEL: Everything ready?
STANHOPE: Yes, sir. [There is silence.] You've no news then?
COLONEL: I'm afraid not. It's got to be done
STANHOPE [after a pause]: I see.
COLONEL: The brigadier says the Boche did the same thing just south of here the other day.
STANHOPE: I know; but didn't you suggest we altered our plans and made a surprise raid farther up the line after dark?
COLONEL: Yes. I suggested that.
STANHOPE: What did he say?
COLONEL: He said the present arrangements have got to stand.
STANHOPE: But surely he must realize –?
COLONEL [impatiently breaking in]: Look here, Stanhope, I've done all I can, but my report's got to be at headquarters by seven this evening. If we wait till it's dark we shall be too late.
STANHOPE: Why seven?
COLONEL: They've got some conference to arrange the placing of reserves.
STANHOPE: They can't have it later because of dinner, I suppose.
COLONEL: Lots of raids have taken place along the line today. With the attack tomorrow morning, headquarters naturally want all the information they can get as early as possible.
STANHOPE: Meanwhile the Boche are sitting over there with a dozen machine-guns trained on that hole – waiting for our fellows to come
COLONEL: Well, I can't disobey orders.
STANHOPE: Why didn't the trench-mortars blow a dozen holes in different places – so the Boche wouldn't know which we were going to use?
COLONEL: It took three hours to blow that one. How could they blow a
dozen in the time? It's no good worrying about that now. It's too late. Where's Osborne and Raleigh?
STANHOPE: They're up in the sap, having a last look round. What d'you make the time, sir?
COLONEL: Exactly nineteen minutes to.
STANHOPE: I'm thirty seconds behind you.
COLONEL: Funny. We checked this morning.
STANHOPE: Still, it's near enough. We shan't go till the smoke blows across.
COLONEL: The smoke ought to blow across nicely. The wind's just right. I called on the trench-mortars on the way up. Everything's ready. They'll drop the bombs thirty yards to the right.
STANHOPE: Are you going to stay here?
COLONEL: I'll watch from the trench just above, I think. Bring the prisoners straight back here. We'll question them right away.
STANHOPE: Why not take them straight down to your headquarters?
COLONEL: Well, the Boche are bound to shell pretty heavily. I don't want the risk of the prisoners being knocked out before we've talked to them.
STANHOPE: All right. I'll have them brought back here.
[There is a pause. The COLONEL sucks hard at his pipe. STANHOPE roves restlessly about, smoking a cigarette. ]
COLONEL: It's no good getting depressed. After all, it's only sixty yards. The Boche'll be firing into a blank fog. Osborne's a cool, level-headed chap, and Raleigh's the very man to dash in. You've picked good men to follow them?
STANHOPE: The best. All youngsters. Strong, keen chaps.
COLONEL: Good. [Another pause.] You know quite well I'd give anything to cancel the beastly affair.
STANHOPE: I know you would, sir.
COLONEL: Have these red rags on the wire upset the men at all?
STANHOPE: It's hard to tell. They naturally take it as a joke. They say the rags are just what they want to show them the way through the gap.
COLONEL: That's the spirit, Stanhope.
[OSBORNE and RALEIGH come down the steps.]
Well, Osborne. Everything ready?
OSBORNE: Yes, I think we're all ready, sir. I make it just a quarter to.
COLONEL: That's right.
OSBORNE: The men are going to stand by at three minutes to.
COLONEL: The smoke bombs drop exactly on the hour. You'll give the word to go when the smoke's thick enough?
OSBORNE: That's right, sir.
STANHOPE [at the servant's dugout]: Mason!
MASON: Coming, sir!
STANHOPE: Were the men having their rum, Uncle?
OSBORNE: Yes. Just as we left. It gives it a quarter of an hour to soak in.
COLONEL: That's right. Are they cheerful?
OSBORNE: Yes. Quite.
[MASON brings in two cups of coffee and puts them on table.]
STANHOPE: Would like to go up and speak to them, sir?
COLONEL: Well, don't you think they'd rather be left alone?
STANHOPE: I think they would appreciate a word or two.
COLONEL: All right. If you think they would.
OSBORNE: They're all in the centre dugout, sir.
COLONEL: Right. You coming, Stanhope?
STANHOPE: Yes. I'll come, sir.
[The COLONEL lingers a moment. There is an awkward pause. Then the COLONEL clears his throat and speaks. ]
COLONEL: Well, good luck, Osborne. I'm certain you'll put up a good show.
OSBORNE [taking the COLONEL'S hand]: Thank you, sir.
COLONEL: And, Raleigh, just go in like blazes. Grab hold of the first Boche you see and bundle him across here. One'll do, but bring more if you see any handy.
RALEIGH [taking the COLONEL'S offered hand]: Right, sir.
COLONEL: And, if you succeed, I'll recommend you both for the MC.
[OSBORNE and RALEIGH murmur their thanks.]
Remember, a great deal may depend on bringing in a German. It may mean the winning of the whole war. You never know. [Another pause. ] Well, good luck to you both.
[Again OSBORNE and RALEIGH murmur their thanks. The COLONEL and STANHOPE go towards the door.]
COLONEL [over his shoulder]: Don't forget to empty your pockets of papers and things.
RALEIGH: Oh, no.
[He goes into his dugout, taking letters and papers from his pockets. ] STANHOPE is about to follow the COLONEL up the steps when OSBORNE calls him back. ]
OSBORNE: Er – Stanhope – just a moment.
STANHOPE [returning]: Hullo!
OSBORNE: I say, don't think I'm being morbid, or anything like that, but would you mind taking these?
STANHOPE: Sure. Until you come back, old man.
OSBORNE: It's only just in case – [He takes a letter and his watch from his tunic pocket and puts it on the table. Then he pulls off his ring.] If anything should happen, would you send these along to my wife?
[He pauses, and gives an awkward little laugh. ]
STANHOPE [putting the articles together on the table ]: You're coming back, old man. Damn it! what on earth should I do without you?
OSBORNE [laughing]: Goodness knows!
STANHOPE: Must have somebody to tuck me up in bed. [There is a pause. ] Well, I'll see you up in the sap, before you go. Just have a spot of rum in that coffee.
OSBORNE: Righto.
[STANHOPE goes to the steps and lingers for a moment. ]
STANHOPE: Cheero!
[For a second their eyes meet; they laugh. STANHOPE goes slowly up the steps. There is silence in the dugout. OSBORNE has been filling his pipe, and stands lighting it as RALEIGH returns.]
OSBORNE: Just time for a small pipe.
RALEIGH: Good. I'll have a cigarette, I think. [He feels in his pocket.]
OSBORNE: Here you are. [He offers his case to RALEIGH. ]
RALEIGH: I say, I'm always smoking yours.
OSBORNE: That's all right. [Pause. ] What about this coffee?
RALEIGH: Sure.
[They sit at the table. ]
OSBORNE: Are going to have a drop of rum in it?
RALEIGH: Don't you think it might make us a – a bit muzzy?
OSBORNE: I'm just having the coffee as it is.
RALEIGH: I think I will, too.
OSBORNE: We'll have the rum afterwards – to celebrate.
RALEIGH: That's a much better idea.
[They stir their coffee in silence. OSBORNE'S eyes meet RALEIGH'S. He smiles. ]
OSBORNE: How d'you feel?
RALEIGH: All right.
OSBORNE: I've got a sort of empty feeling inside.
RALEIGH: That's just what I've got!
OSBORNE: Wind up!
RALEIGH: I keep wanting to yawn.
OSBORNE: That's it. Wind up. I keep wanting to yawn too. It'll pass off directly we start.
RALEIGH [taking a deep breath]: I wish we could go now.
OSBORNE [looking at his watch on the table]: We've got eight minutes yet.
RALEIGH: Oh, Lord!
OSBORNE: Let's just have a last look at the map. [He picks up the map and spreads it out.] Directly the smoke's thick enough, I'll give the word. You run straight for this point here –
RALEIGH: When I get to the Boche wire I lie down and wait for you.
OSBORNE: Don't forget to throw your bombs.
RALEIGH [patting his pocket]: No. I've got them here.
OSBORNE: When I shout ‘Righto!’ – in you go with your eight men. I shall lie on the Boche parapet, and blow my whistle now and then to show you where I am. Pounce on the first Boche you see and bundle him out to me.
RALEIGH: Righto.
OSBORNE: Then we come back like blazes.
RALEIGH: The whole thing'll be over quite quickly?
OSBORNE: I reckon with luck we shall be back in three minutes.
RALEIGH: As quick as that?
OSBORNE: I think so. [He folds up the map. ] And now let's forget all about it for – [he looks at his watch] – for six minutes.