by Rachel Hills
“small[est] differences in value”: Rubin, “Thinking Sex,” 279.
“Only when I fell out of step”: Pamela Haag, “My Sex-Drought Marriage,” Times Magazine, December 17, 2011.
“ ‘Preferring not to’ [have sex]”: Ibid.
4 Hot, Horny, and In Control: The Importance of Desire
less than a quarter of men: Anjani Chandra et al., “Sexual Behavior, Sexual Attraction, and Sexual Identity in the United States: Data from the 2006–2008 National Survey of Family Growth,” National Health Statistics Report 36 (March 3, 2011). http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr036.pdf. Accessed October 10, 2014.
“the halo effect”: Catherine Hakim, Honey Money: The Power of Erotic Capital (London: Allen Lane, 2011), 111.
years of positive social reception: Ibid., 111.
“the rating and dating complex”: Willard Waller, “The Rating and Dating Complex,” American Sociological Review 2 (October 1937), 727–34.
Dating only emerged in the 1920s: Peter Ling, “Sex and the Automobile in the Jazz Age,” History Today 39 (November 1989). http://www.history-today.com/peter-ling/sex-and-automobile-jazz-age. Accessed October 10, 2014.
“dalliance relationship”: Waller, “Rating and Dating Complex,” 729.
fearing that “going steady”: Coronet Instructional Films, Going Steady?, 1951. http://archive.org/details/GoingSte1951. Accessed October 10, 2014.
“[In dating] as nowhere else”: Waller, “Rating and Dating Complex,” 730.
“Pretty is a set of skills”: Emily Armstrong, “Pretty Is a Set of Skills,” Jezebel, September 2, 2013. http://jezebel.com/pretty-is-a-set-of-skills-1202247029. Accessed October 10, 2014.
“compulsory carelessness”: Lisa Wade and Caroline Heldman, “Hooking Up and Opting Out: Negotiating Sex in the First Year of College,” in Sex for Life: From Virginity to Viagra, How Sex Changes Throughout Our Lives, ed. Laura M. Carpenter and John DeLamater (New York: New York University Press, 2012), 128.
she only had one or two sexual partners each year: Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker, Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think About Marriage (New York: Oxford University Press, 2011), 25.
a means of deflecting from their own emotional needs: Wendy Hollway, “Gender difference and the production of subjectivity,” in Changing the Subject: Psychology, Social Regulation and Subjectivity, J. Henriques et al. (London: Methuen, 1984), 227–63. http://www.brown.uk.com/brownlibrary/WEN2.htm. Accessed October 10, 2014.
“A sober hookup indicates [you are] serious”: Wade and Heldman, “Hooking Up and Opting Out,” 139.
Research by American sociologists: Elizabeth A. Armstrong, Paula England, and Alison C. K. Fogarty, “Orgasm in College Hookups and Relationships,” in Families as They Really Are, ed. Barbara Risman (New York: Norton, 2009), 367.
“Sex in relationships tends to be better”: Ibid., 366.
5 Masculinity: Inside the Boys’ Club
a new breed of frat: Eric Anderson, “Inclusive Masculinity in a Fraternal Setting,” Men and Masculinities 10 (August 2008), 604–20.
a more inclusive brand of masculinity: Eric Anderson, “ ‘Being Masculine Is Not About Who You Sleep With . . .’: Heterosexual Athletes Contesting Masculinity and the One-time Rule of Homosexuality,” Sex Roles 58 (2008), 106.
fraternity men are three times more likely: John D. Foubert, Johnathan T. Newberry, and Jerry L. Tatum, “Behavior differences seven months later: Effects of a rape prevention program,” NASPA Journal 44, no. 4 (2007), 728–49.
the vagaries of popular culture: Katie Roiphe, “Spanking Goes Mainstream,” Newsweek, April 16, 2012. http://mag.newsweek.com/2012/04/15/working-women-s-fantasies.html. Accessed October 11, 2014.
emotion: Alexandra Simotas, “Female Sex Drive Linked to Emotions,” Houston Chronicle, September 6, 2006. http://blog.chron.com/herhealth/2006/09/female-sex-drive-linked-to-emotions/. Accessed October 11, 2014.
how much housework they’ve done: Adele Horin, “Men who share the load clean up in the bedroom,” Sydney Morning Herald, January 8, 2010. http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/men-who-share-the-load-clean-up-in-the-bedroom-20100106-lude.html. Accessed October 11, 2014.
“has no memory and no conscience”: Vic Kaplan (Producer) and Bruce Gowers (Director), Robin Williams: Live at the Met, Mr. Happy Productions, August 9, 1986.
by having sex they don’t want: Jennie Curtin, “What Makes a Happy Marriage? Sex!” Sydney Morning Herald, February 28, 2009. http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2009/02/27/1235237920126.html. Accessed October 11, 2014.
being more sexually inventive: Panteá Farvid and Virginia Braun, “ ‘Most of us guys are raring to go anytime, anyplace, anywhere’: Male and female sexuality in Cleo and Cosmo,” Sex Roles 55 (September 2006), 301.
changing their clothes: Raymond Kwan, “Don’t Dress Like a Slut: Toronto Cop,” Excalibur, April 23, 2011. http://www.excal.on.ca/news/dont-dress-like-a-slut-toronto-cop/. Accessed October 11, 2014.
to avoid unwanted sexual advances: Emily Yoffe, “College Women: Stop Getting Drunk,” Slate, October 15, 2013. http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/10/sexual_assault_and_drinking_teach_women_the_connection.html. Accessed October 11, 2014.
A 2004 study: Deborah L. Tolman, Renee Spencer, Tricia Harmon, Myra Rosen-Reynoso, and Meg Striepe, “Getting Close, Staying Cool: Early Adolescent Boys’ Experiences with Romantic Relationships,” in Adolescent Boys: Exploring Diverse Cultures of Boyhood, ed. Niobe Way and Judy Chu (New York: New York University Press, 2004), 235–55.
“I don’t know what it was”: Ibid., 247–48.
“it was kind of a rip-off”: Ibid., 246.
A 2010 survey: National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, That’s What He Said: What Guys Think About Sex, Love, Contraception and Relationships, January 2010. https://thenationalcampaign.org/resource/thats-what-he-said. Accessed October 11, 2014.
pressure from other boys: Shelley Walker, “Sexting: Young Women’s and Men’s Views on Its Nature and Origins,” Journal of Adolescent Health 52 (June 2013), 697–701.
more likely than girls to share: Melissa Fleschler Peskin et al., “Prevalence and Patterns of Sexting Among Ethnic Minority Urban High School Students,” Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking 16 (June 2013), 456.
young women so much expected: Elizabeth M. Morgan and Eileen L. Zurbriggen, “Wanting sex and wanting to wait: Young adults’ accounts of sexual messages from first significant dating partners,” Feminism & Psychology 17 (November 2007), 515–41.
“I was really surprised”: Ibid., 524.
“He didn’t want to force anything”: Ibid., 526.
“[Guys] think that they have to ask”: Ibid., 523.
Just over half of the female college students: Ibid., 524 and 525.
“Most of us guys are raring to go anytime”: Farvid and Braun, “ ‘Most of us guys,’ ” 301.
“[B]eing male, I find that sometimes your groin can take over”: Ibid.
depicting their readers as insatiable: Laramie D. Taylor, “All for Him: Articles About Sex in American Lad Magazines,” Sex Roles 52 (February 2005), 153–63.
“an alpha male idiot”: “Bro,” UrbanDictionary.com. http://www.urban-dictionary.com/define.php?term=bro. Accessed October 11, 2014.
the top 2 percent of men: Kathleen Mullan Harris et al., The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult Health, referenced in Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think About Marrying, by Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker (New York: Oxford University Press, 2011), 25.
“girl hunt”: David Grazian, “The Girl Hunt: Urban Nightlife and the Performance of Masculinity as Collective Activity,” Symbolic Interaction 30 (Spring 2007), 221–43.
a 2008 paper: Michael Flood, “Men, Sex and Homosociality: How Bonds Between Men Shape Their Sexual Relations with Women,” Men and Masculinities 10 (April 2008), 339–59.
found guilty of using Skype: Michael Inman, “Guilty Verdict
in ADFA Skype Sex Case,” Canberra Times, August 23, 2013. http://www.canberratimes.com.au/act-news/guilty-verdict-in-adfa-skype-sex-case-20130828-2sq7v.html?rand=1382489144939. Accessed October 11, 2014.
“The fact is that too many young male athletes”: Dave Zirin, “How Jock Culture Supports Rape Culture, from Maryville to Steubenville,” Nation, October 25, 2013. http://www.thenation.com/blog/176846/how-jock-culture-supports-rape-culture-maryville-steubenville#. Accessed October 11, 2014.
two reports on “lad culture”: NUS, That’s What She Said: Women Students’ Experiences of “Lad Culture” in Higher Education (London: NUS, 2013).
one in five American women: Roni Caryn Rabin, “Nearly 1 in 5 Women in US Survey Say They Have Been Sexually Assaulted,” New York Times, December 14, 2011. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/15/health/nearly-1-in-5-women-in-us-survey-report-sexual-assault.html. Accessed October 11, 2014.
the vast majority of offenses: David Lisak and Paul M. Miller, “Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists,” Violence and Victims 17 (February 2002), 73–84.
only a quarter of guys: Andrew P. Smiler, Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young Male (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2013), 65.
“being funny, nice, outgoing”: Ibid., 58.
only one-fifth of the students: Grazian, “Girl Hunt,” 226.
whether they were the penetrator or the penetrated: Michel Foucault, The History of Sexuality: The Use of Pleasure (London: Penguin, 1998).
men walk down the streets holding hands: Alecia Simmonds, “When did it stop being OK for men to hold hands?” Daily Life, March 13, 2013. http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views/dl-opinion/when-did-it-stop-being-ok-for-men-to-hold-hands-20130313-2g098.html. Accessed October 11, 2014.
“flamboyantly feminine”: John Stossel and Gena Binkley, “Gay Stereotypes: Are They True?” ABC News, September 15, 2006. http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=2449185. Accessed October 11, 2014.
“homohysteria”: Eric Anderson, Inclusive Masculinity: The Changing Nature of Masculinities (London: Routledge, 2009).
“They have worked hard for those muscles”: Ibid., 85.
“one-time rule of homosexuality”: Anderson, “ ‘Being Masculine,’ ” 102–15.
89 percent of young British men: Eric Anderson, Adi Adams, and Ian Rivers, “ ‘I Kiss Them Because I Love Them’: The Emergence of Heterosexual Men Kissing in British Institutes of Education,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 41 (April 2012), 421–30.
“The only way you can kiss another guy”: Clifton Evers, interview with author, November 11, 2010.
“While it is not necessarily acceptable to be gay”: C. J. Pascoe, “ ‘Dude, You’re a Fag’: Adolescent Masculinity and the Fag Discourse,” Sexualities 8 (July 2005), 338.
“The choice of a man as a sexual object”: Raewyn Connell, “A Very Straight Gay: Masculinity, Homosexual Experience and the Dynamics of Gender,” American Sociological Review 57 (December 1992), 746.
men actually have a narrower spectrum: Todd G. Morrison, Travis A. Ryan, Lisa Fox, Daragh T. McDermott, and Melanie A. Morrison, “Canadian university students’ perceptions of the practices that constitute ‘normal’ sexuality for men and women,” Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality 17, no. 4 (2008), 161–71.
“more like girls”: Amy T. Schalet, “Caring, Romantic, American Boys,” New York Times, April 6, 2012. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/07/opinion/caring-romantic-american-boys.html. Accessed October 11, 2014.
data from the Centers for Disease Control: G. Martinez, C. E. Copen, and J. C. Abma, “Teenagers in the United States: Sexual activity, contraceptive use, and childbearing, 2006–2010 National Survey of Family Growth,” Vital and Health Statistics 23, no. 31 (October 2011). http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_031.pdf. Accessed October 11, 2014.
6 Femininity: The Madonna/Gaga Complex
“one is not born, but rather becomes, a woman”: Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (New York: Vintage, 1989), 267.
the inevitably heterosexual happily-ever-afters: Karin Martin and Emily Kazyak, “Hetero-romantic love and heterosexiness in children’s G-rated films,” Gender & Society 23 (June 2009), 315–36.
two Illinois sociologists: Kristen Myers and Laura Raymond, “Elementary School Girls and Heteronormativity: The Girl Project,” Gender & Society 24 (April 2010), 167–88.
“I want to talk about crushes”: Ibid., 174.
“If a boy really likes you”: Ibid.
A 2009 study: Martin and Kazyak, “Hetero-romantic love,” 315–36.
“magical,” “exceptional,” and “transformative”: Ibid., 323.
“The primary account of heterosexuality”: Ibid., 322.
make them more licentious: Hawkes, Sex and Pleasure in Western Culture, 32.
up to fifty times per day: Mary Jane Sherfey, “The evolution and nature of female sexuality in relation to psychoanalytic theory,” Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association 14 (January 1966), 28–128.
repositioned as enforcers of virtue: Carol Groneman, “Nymphomania: The Historical Construction of Female Sexuality,” Signs 19 (1994), 345.
“nymphomaniac”: Ibid., 337–67.
“the virginity movement”: Jessica Valenti, The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women (Berkeley: Seal Press, 2009), 23.
like many lapsed abstinence pledgers: Janet Elise Rosenbaum, “Patient Teenagers? A Comparison of the Sexual Behavior of Virginity Pledgers and Matched Nonpledgers,” Pediatrics 123 (January 2009), 110–20. The study found that “unmarried pledgers were less likely to report using birth control and condoms in the last year, and birth control at last sex.”
“The sex organ of a man is simple”: de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, 386.
doing sex and relationships on men’s terms: Regnerus, “Sex Is Cheap,” February 25, 2011.
“fragile” and “easily distracted”: Curtin, “What Makes a Happy Marriage? Sex!” February 28, 2009.
“Was there anyone more starved than I”: Nancy Friday, The Power of Beauty (London: Hutchinson, 1996), 203.
“Until [a girl] discovers that her own hand”: Ibid.
“We can start your training tonight”: E. L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey (London: Arrow Books, 2012), 110.
“woken and tamed by him”: Ibid., 288.
“If boys and men tend to take in messages”: Daniel Bergner, “Unexcited? There May Be a Pill for That,” New York Times, May 22, 2013. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/26/magazine/unexcited-there-may-be-a-pill-for-that.html?pagewanted=1&_r=3&ref=magazine. Accessed October 13, 2014.
“embodies ambition, passion, and a confidence”: “Life Planner: Fun Fearless Female.” http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za/career-money/AwesomeWomen/Archive. Accessed August 1, 2014.
“an engine of female progress”: Hanna Rosin, “Boys on the Side,” Atlantic, August 22, 2012. http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/09/boys-on-the-side/309062/. Accessed October 13, 2014.
consciously delaying committed relationships: Laura Hamilton and Elizabeth A. Armstrong, “Gendered Sexuality in Young Adulthood: Double Binds and Flawed Options,” Gender & Sexuality 23 (October 2009), 589–616.
“To put it crudely”: Rosin, “Boys on the Side.”
“There’s this hypothetical”: Kate Taylor, “Sex on Campus: She Can Play That Game Too,” New York Times, July 12, 2013. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/14/fashion/sex-on-campus-she-can-play-that-game-too.html. Accessed October 13, 2014.
“I definitely wouldn’t say I’ve regretted”: Ibid.
“Guys were texting and calling me”: Rosin, “Boys on the Side.”
today women are viewed as sexual subjects: RosalindGill, “From sexual objectification to sexual subjectification: The resexualisation of women’s bodies in the media,” Feminist Media Studies 3 (2003), 100–106.
“subjectification”: Ibid.
“the secondary empowerment”: Kaye Mitchell, “Raunch vs prude: cont
emporary sex blogs and erotic memoirs by women,” Psychology and Sexuality 3 (January 2012), 21.
“Let’s be honest”: Brooke Magnanti, The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl (London: Orion, 2005), 94.
“has for women increasingly become”: Ibid., 23.
“Where’s the pudgy-faced liquid semen and sadness?”: Lena Dunham and Jennifer Konner, “On All Fours,” Girls, season 2, episode 9, aired March 10, 2013.
a bigger aspirational “lifestyle” package: David Machin and Joanna Thornborrow, “Branding and Discourse,” 451–71.
released a commercial: Harvey Nichols, “A Harvey Nichols Christmas 2011—Ever Faced the Walk of Shame?” YouTube, December 3, 2011. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwxTf7NGVXg&feature=player_embedded. Accessed October 13, 2014.
“Avoid the walk of shame this season”: Ibid.
A 2014 study: Elizabeth A. Armstrong and Laura T. Hamilton, “ ‘Good Girls’: Gender, Social Class, and Slut Discourse on Campus,” Social Psychology Quarterly 77 (June 2014), 100–122.
“failure to successfully perform”: Ibid., 112.
“She has some issues”: Ibid., 113.
7 Use It or Lose It: The Performance Premium
“thrusts per minute”: Spreadsheets app website, http://spreadsheetsapp.com/. Accessed October 15, 2014.
Users can earn points: Ibid.
more than eight hundred sex acts: Kindu app website, http://www.kindu.us/. Accessed October 15, 2014.
sends users push notifications: Julie Zeilinger, “Kahnoodle App Makes Reigniting Your Relationship into a Game,” Huffington Post, August 9, 2013. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/09/kahnoodle-app-makes-reigniting-your-relationship-into-a-game_n_3732916.html. Accessed October 15, 2014.
the ability to watch themselves having sex: Alex Hern, “How to make sex ‘more awesome’ using Google Glass,” Guardian, January 21, 2014. http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/jan/21/how-to-make-sex-more-awesome-using-google-glass. Accessed October 15, 2014.
“possibly the least sexy app we’ve ever heard of”: Huffington Post UK, “Sex App That Measures Your Performance in a Spreadsheet Is Surely the Least Sexiest Thing?” Huffington Post, August 13, 2013. http://www.huffington-post.co.uk/2013/08/13/sex-app-performance-spreadsheet_n_3748999.html. Accessed October 15, 2014.