by A. A LEVINE
“Oh, so you’re here for fun?” He grabs my wrist and turns me putting me in a chokehold. I twist and lean forward flipping him over my shoulder the way I learned. He grabs my ankle, pushing me to the ground, and I hit the back of my head on the graveled rooftop, momentarily stunned. Son of a-. Hitting the mat is nothing like cement.
He runs to the edge and jumps. I climb to my feet and run after him pausing at the edge. There’s a lower roof on the building next to us. He didn’t need the fire escape after all. My subject is down the fire escape of that building and heading towards the railroad tracks that lead out of the S-chip barrier. I climb the ladder of the building I’m on and dart around an abandoned boxcar trying to catch him, ignoring the person yelling my name.
I stop in the middle of track, closing my eyes, tracking him. Focusing on his face and ignoring the interference of the S-chips. My head hurts but I push forward using my mind’s eyes to see everything all at once. I lock onto him. I lock onto all of them. Then John comes into view. He’s face to face with the runner from the roof. An agent draws his weapon, a gun pointed at him. My head is pounding as if it’s about to explode. I send out one thought. “DON’T!” A shot rings out in the still night. In my head the ringing from the recoil of the gun, echoes, amplifying it over and over again. I feel dampness on my upper lip and press my hand to it.
“Holli?” I turn to towards the voice and register the blood on my hand, falling to the ground, engulfed in nothingness.
◆◆◆
The steady beep of the machine breaks through the fog. The wire of the electrode attached to my head dangles between the bed rail and the machine. My body aches as if I just went thirty minutes with Xander and John and three of my classmates in the ring all at the same time. I haven’t been this sore since week two of training. I reach over to remove the IV that’s in my arm.
“Hey, easy there.” The nurse rushes over to push me back against the pillows. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“To class. I have tests to take.”
“Oh, no, honey. I don’t think so. You’ve been out of it for a few days. You’re not going anywhere.”
“Days? You mean hours. I was just at my endurance trial last night.”
“I said what I meant. Days. Your teachers will have to give you your tests on the makeup days.”
In the nearly four months I’ve been here, no one has ever said anything about a makeup day. I wonder if she’s putting a spin on things so I don’t have a meltdown about failing. “How many days have I been here?”
“Today is the fourth day.”
I’m screwed. I’ve missed all of my tests. “And I’ve been here alone?”
She checks my pulse and temperature, scribbling her findings on the chart. “You’ve had a few visitors, but no ones stayed more than a few minutes.” She looks at me strangely. “You didn’t sense them in the room with you?”
So, she’s not just a regular nurse. “They must’ve been very quiet while I was sleeping.” She raises her brows at my turn of phrase. I get it, I was unconscious. She checks a few more things and walks to the door. “You just settle back and rest. The doctor will be in to see you soon.”
She said doctor, but she was short a consonant. There are actually five doctors that come to see me over the course of the day. Each one asks me a series of questions and asks me to perform multiple tests. Tests I remember from when I was younger. Tests I repeated when I was assigned to Mrs. Price. The tests designed to gauge the level of psychic ability in a breakout. Each doctor leaves carrying the same somber expression. Finally Dr. Quints, the head of the neuroscience department comes in to break, what I have already gathered, will be bad news. Whatever happened during the final endurance trials has hampered my ability.
He tells me it’s called PSY-3 burnout out and says it occurs when a person experiences a trauma or overuse of their gifts. Since my gift was deactivated during the trials, they think the fall I took on the roof along with the electromagnetic field the S-chips generated must have short-circuited me, even though there’s no evidence of anything like this ever happening before. They all come to the same conclusion. There’s no way of knowing how long it will last.
Aiden gets permission to come visit and the worry in his eyes breaks my heart. “Don’t Aiden. Don’t look at me like that.”
“Do you hurt? Can I get you anything?”
“I’m achy all over but other than that I’m fine. No worse than that time we had the flu, remember?”
He chuckles. “I didn’t care that we were sick, just that I was missing Travis Rogers’ birthday party.”
“Because you didn’t want him to have a chance to dance with what’s her name?”
“Yeah. Turns out, it was no big deal. She didn’t like Travis. She was only going because his sister and some of her high school friends were supposed to be there and she was trying to impress them.”
“Well, PSY-3 burnout is a lot like that.”
The humor fades. “Only it’s nothing like that. They told dad they’re not sure if your powers will come back.”
I pat him on the hand. “They’ll poke and prod until they run out of veins, arteries and bodily fluids before they make that final determination.” It’s disheartening. I went to the trials, did the right thing, and still wound up at the same outcome. A future as a lab rat.
“Tell me. What’s the word in Bio-genetics?”
“I asked around. No one can think of a breakout that’s ever experienced anything like this Holli.”
I turn my head so he can’t see the tears. The thing that makes me different is gone. I’m grieving the loss, but now they can’t use me, so isn’t that a good thing. If this were reversible, would I want my gift back? Leave it to me to excel in all facets of paranormal weirdness. Telepathic screw up, Pusher, and now who knows what.
Maybe this is how we devolved. A blow to the noggin, and flu-like symptoms. Aiden crawls into bed beside me and links his hands with mine. “I’m sorry this happened to you, but you should know. Even without your powers, you’re special to me.”
I’ve missed him. I’ve been keeping it together for so long and now I can finally let down my guard. I cry for everything I’ve endured. Everything I’ve learned. I cry for the loss of the recruits who fell below the red line and for the breakouts I helped capture. And finally, for myself. For the paranormal girl I was, and the person without an identity who I’ve now become. Through it all, Aiden holds onto me and I know, with him, that’s home.
Chapter Thirty
Holli
They look at me differently now and treat me like I’m an outsider. It’s been two weeks and still nothing. Not even a blip on the telepathic radar. Of course, I’m talking about me, not any other breakouts. I can feel their pity, and their derision. If I’m no longer one of them, what am I doing here? The answer is simple. I’m waiting. It was the administration’s decision to put me in a holding pattern. They’re slow to turn me out into the cold or permanently assign me to the research wing. They’re hoping time at home during the holiday break, away from the stress of Orion Academy, will give my mind and body time to heal and that my telepathy will return.
In the meantime, I’m being put through tests, of the medical variety, while everyone else is at self-defense training. I nod and smile politely whenever someone asks me how I’m feeling. I sit and comply with all their meaningless and repetitive questions.
The mind scan is a lot of fun. I almost wish they’d find something, because at least then the inconvenience of having my deepest thoughts violated would be worth the invasion of privacy.
They’re still treating me like I’m the most interesting person they’ve ever seen. Even powerless, I’m an outlier and they’re hoping to find out everything they can. I think back to a worn sticky note I found in the back of my file. Patient zero. No name, no identifying markers. Just the first recorded person with all three powers. I now know everything we’re told is shrouded in half truths and I can’t help
but wonder if anyone like that ever really existed.
I pass John in the courtyard on my way to the dorm and roll my eyes. Now that I don’t have to see him every day, I’ve dispensed with all manner of trying to be polite or feigning respect for him. I can’t get what he did out of my mind. Maybe if he had made a different choice that night, I wouldn’t be in this situation. “All done with your test turtle?”
He could mean anything from the research tests to my makeup exams. I give him a one-word answer because I just don’t have the energy to engage with him. “Yes.” I make a move to walk passed him and pause to ask a question of my own. “Have you seen Xander?”
He came to visit me in the hospital, and I’ve only seen him a twice, since they discharged me. John doesn’t respond to my question, and I can’t read his mind. Not that anyone ever really could but I take his silence as a no. “Well if you see him, could you let him know I’m looking for him and that I’ll be in the library after dinner.”
John pushes away from the tree. “Do I look like someone interested in passing notes between you and your boyfriend?”
It’s my last night on campus, winter break starts tomorrow, and with the uncertainty of my future, I wanted a chance to say goodbye. I don’t share any of this with John. Instead, I ask another question, because again, an uncertain future and all, so this may be the last time I see John and have the chance to ask it out loud.
“Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you, except try to follow the rules and learn everything I could and not be a quitter like you kept insisting I be? You tried to make me feel weak and powerless from day one. Is that why? Because I refused to crumble? Are you on that much of a power trip that you just had to break someone and you’re pissed it was never me?” My voice pitches higher and we’re drawing a crowd.
“You don’t have your powers turtle. I’d say we did break you.”
“We?”
“We each had our roles to play. I told you before I’m not the worst instructor here. Xander is and always has been.”
He gives the semblance of a smile for the first time since I’ve known him and it leaves me feeling hollow.
“You’re here right now. Instead of packing to go home, you’re running around campus looking for him. If he wanted to see you, he’d be here. Your eyes are bright and shiny with unshed tears. You’re trying to keep it together, and railing at me. Pretending to be tough. But you’re not okay. You’re lost and confused and the one person you thought had your back this whole time has abandoned you in your time of need. Xander made you soft and weak and there was a reason for it. Because, sometimes the gentle emotions are the ones that wrecks us the most. At least you knew what you were getting with me. Take a good look around. This is over for you Holland. We broke you.”
“You’re enjoying this? Knowing that I lost my powers and that I’m probably not coming back next semester?” What was I expecting? Some civility or compassion now that it’s over?
He turns his back to me. “Holli, it’s like I’ve been saying all along, you don’t belong here.”
I didn’t think I had any more tears to shed, but I did. The landscape of my life changed in these last four months. The people I started with that I thought were friends like Chloe taught me a hard lesson about trust, and those who initially saw me as a weak link like Shane and Gwynnette, opened my eyes to what it meant to be a part of a team. But in the end, I was alone, because it was safer to keep everyone at a distance. Their ignorance protects them. Eventually they’ll all have to make a choice and decide for themselves if an Orion Agent is really who they want to be.
I drag my suitcase behind me towards the car, and the heaviness lifts as I spot my family. I’m not the only person who’s changed these last four months. Dad looks more tired than I’ve ever seen him before and Aiden lacks his usual air of cheeriness. I thought it was the hospital setting that made him seem subdued, but his expression mirrors my own. Our bond even though I can’t feel it, is still intact. He steps forward to load my suitcase in the trunk beside his, and I climb into the backseat.
“How are you feeling?” Dad asks when I’m finally settled into the car. Our eyes meet through the rear-view mirror. I can’t tell him anything about what’s been happening to me. I might not be an Orion recruit but I’m still bound by their non-disclosure agreement and I know the cameras on campus are always on. I answer him as honestly as I can.
“Worried.”
Aiden reaches over and squeezes my hand and dad reassures me by saying. “Everything will be fine, just as soon as I get you home.”
I lean my head against the car window watching the campus whiz by in a blur. We cross the gates and turn right, onto the Palmer Biotech compound. It seemed like we were so far away, when all along we were still within the hub of it all. A short three miles from the auditorium where I once had so much hope and excitement for what was to come. We exit the main gate and turn left onto the access road that leads to the highway that will carry us into the city and home.
I close my eyes and dad’s voice is like a gentle whisper in my head, when he repeats, more softly than before. Everything will be fine.
Chapter Thirty-One
Xander
The end of the winter break signals a change in the intensity of training. It’s not something we advertise, because it’s important that recruits keep focused during the first semester. During their first four months, we’re trying to weed out those who won’t make it in the field, so it’s important that we push them as hard as we can as fast as we can. The cuts get more intensive after the New Year, but we also give them a little more freedom in their off time. They’re allowed off campus and get to enjoy time in the city or spend time with friends who aren’t interning at Orion Academy.
The second semester is all about keeping quiet. The reason nobody knows what’s going on here or what to expect is because our compound relies on secrecy. More than what they expect over at the main institute. Where a student at Palmer Biotech can tell their friends and family where they work and go to school, Orion interns cannot. They’re training to become an agent for a shadow organization that is more secret than any of the intelligence agencies combined and all of our lives depend on our anonymity. It’s why rogue paranormals are a threat that must be contained.
It’s been a long month. I didn’t have time to see Holli before she left for winter break, because I was in meetings and debriefs about the events leading up to and following the final endurance trial. We’re all still trying to piece together what happened. When the votes came down, it was an even split between dropping her from the program and letting her continue. Even without her powers she could be a field agent. John voted the same way he has the last two trials. To send her packing.
Mr. Chen, the one vote I expected to side with me that would have guaranteed her place here, was swayed by John’s explanation that she was unpredictable in the field. She broke formation, chased a breakout on her own and failed torespond to her training officer when he was yelling at her to stand down. He’s right, that makes her problematic, but it’s not something that we can’t fix.
Holli will be seventeen soon. Wisdom comes with experience and age. We kept the argument civil in front of everyone else, but behind closed doors, he once again accused me of letting my feelings for her get in the way of doing what’s best for the other recruits, Orion, and Holli herself.
He doesn’t understand why I fight so hard to keep her here. It’s my job. It’s why I put myself on her team instead of another one. All I had was a name, and an assignment that I couldn’t share with anyone. When she looked up at me with those blue-grey eyes that first day, I didn’t know who she was or how things would turn out.
I’m in the office going over the sign-in log, and hers is the only name missing. Even the return process is subject to scrutiny and scoring. I think back again to that first day. When she made it through the doors with seconds to spare. If I know anything about Holli, it’s that she’ll pus
h, so she doesn’t miss a deadline. Still, I anxiously watch the clock.
She’s got an hour before lockdown. I busy myself with more paperwork and reviewing team assignments for the new semester. We switch it up, so the recruits won’t be answering to the same people. A fresh set of training officers to go with the new training objectives. I
I look at the clock again she still has fifteen minutes. It’s a twenty-minute drive from the main access road to the Orion gate, and the cameras show the roads are empty. The flurry of activity clues me in that headquarters has already come to the same conclusion I have. Holli’s gone AWOL.
I spend two grueling hours in the gym and still can’t settle down. It’s been two days and Holli never turned up. When John returns from his latest search, I recognize the look in his eyes. Alex comes in a moment later and punches the heavy bag in frustration.
They tracked the Forbes assets. The home here wasn’t the only place that had a deed in Mr. Forbes name. They have a beachfront property in Florida and a credit card transaction near the state line alerted us to their possible location. “She wasn’t there?”
Alex shakes her head and cracks her neck. “Nobody was there. Not the dad, not the brother. They didn’t even take anything. My guess is they hadn’t been in either of those houses in weeks.”
“How is that possible? Isn’t there supposed to be surveillance on the recruits when they leave?”
She looks at me and I ignore the suspicion in her eyes. “Yeah, well, they must’ve had some help avoiding it.”
John’s eyes meet mine over Alex’s shoulder and I ask the question even though I already know the answer. “They’re sending you out into the field?”
“We’re trying to track her movements. There was a small psychic footprint at the house, so there was obviously a break out there at some point.”
When Holli left her powers didn’t work. Maybe they returned while she was back in familiar surroundings. “Her?”