“You know what.”
I peered through my lashes, unable to keep them closed for long, but didn’t see anyone I recognized outside the restaurant. Would I even recognize her? Would she look like me? I had pictures from when I was little. There weren’t many because I think Dad got rid of a lot of them, but I couldn’t tell from the ones I had.
Liam squeezed my hand. “You don’t ever have to thank me for being here for you.”
“Still,” I said, squeezing back.
The parking lot was empty except for Liam’s truck, so I knew the moment a small red Corolla pulled in that it had to be her. My whole body stiffened and Liam sat up to rub his hand over my arms to soothe me. Normally it would work and I’d melt into him, but no amount of touching could get me to settle right now.
Oh, God, this had been a bad idea.
I never should have agreed to meet her. What answers was she going to give me that I didn’t already have? She wouldn’t bring my dad back. She couldn’t give me the family I’d been without. Liam’s family had taken that place. His parents, sisters. Grandma Dorothy. Him.
But I had to at least give her a chance. That’s why, as she pushed into the restaurant and peered around, I didn’t duck into the bathroom to hide from her like the coward I was. When her eyes locked on me, I felt her gaze like a shock. She even had my eyes. The same warm brown eyes stared back at me for a long moment before her mouth curved in a tentative smile.
Liam’s phone rang and he sent me an apologetic look and went to silence it. “No,” I told him as I laid a hand on his arm. “It’s okay. I’m okay. Why don’t you take the call while I talk to her?”
He hesitated, the phone still ringing in his hand. “Are you sure?”
I nodded as she reached the table. “I’m sure. Just stay close in case I need you.”
“I’ll be just outside.” He inclined his head toward my mother in greeting before answering the call and stepping outside.
“Charlotte?” she asked, and I only barely kept from wincing.
“Charlie,” I corrected.
Chagrined, she set her purse down on the table in front of her and knotted her hands. “Right, sorry. Charlie. Wow, you look just like your father,” she blurted.
I touched my hair self-consciously. It was the same golden-blond his had been. “Really?” The off-handed comment meant more to me than she could possibly know.
“It’s uncanny.” I didn’t know her well enough to guess, her voice thickened at the mention of him. “I was sorry to hear when he passed. Even more sorry when I never called to explain and when I didn’t come back.”
My mouth was so dry my tongue was glued to the roof of it. “Why didn’t you?” I asked when I managed to unstick it. Apparently, it had freed the very question I had buried deep down inside of me. I hadn’t wanted to ask that the first time I saw her, hadn’t wanted to let myself be vulnerable, but it was out there and I was completely bare to this person who had abandoned me when I needed her the most.
She looked to her knotted hands as she spoke. “I wish I had a better answer for you, Charlie, but the truth of the matter is I was very young when your father and I got married. Very young, and very unprepared. When you came along, I thought it could fix the broken relationship between us, but it didn’t.”
“So you think that’s a good reason to abandon him?” My voice was sharper than I intended. Anger burned low in my belly. I’d coached myself not to get too emotional when I finally saw her again, but no amount of preparation could stop the words from spewing forward.
She shook her head and looked down at her hands. She’d taken a napkin from the dispenser and had begun tearing it to shreds in front of her. That more than seeing her again, more than speaking to her speared me right in the gut. How else were we alike? Would I leave my family, too?
“I didn’t want to leave, but nothing we did seemed to work. The more I tried, the more he turned to caring for you. Not that it was your fault. You were the best thing that ever happened to us, but when he got sick I couldn’t face losing him. It was too much.”
“Too much for you?” I scoffed and resisted the urge to get my own napkin to rip to shreds. God knew I wanted to rip something. “What about me? I was just a teenager. You left, and then he died, and I was all alone.”
“There are no explanations for the things I’ve done. No apologies. I know I don’t deserve a chance at getting to know you, I certainly don’t deserve to be forgiven.”
“Then what do you want?” I demanded.
“To give you something back for what I’ve taken away. Let me help you with this volunteer thing. Please, you don’t have to do anything for me. I don’t know any other way to say I’m sorry.”
“I’m not saying I will, but first you have to answer a question for me. Why didn’t you come back when he died? When he left me all alone with no one?” My voice was higher than I’d intended, and I lowered it a few octaves. “Why didn’t you come back for me then?”
She couldn’t look me in the eye. “I was ashamed and I felt like your life would be better, less complicated and happier if I weren’t in it.”
I was silent for a few moments while I digested the news. “Then why did you reach out to me now? What’s different?”
Her eyes brightened and one of her hands went to her stomach. “I met someone. Someone who truly cares for me. I’ve changed a lot in the past few years and I wanted to give you—us—the opportunity to have a relationship, if you wanted. The man I married is a good man. He wanted our daughter to know you, too.”
“I have a sister?”
She smiled the first real smile since she walked in the door. “You do. You have a whole family now, Charlie. And I’d like you to meet them.”
* * *
We were silent on the drive back to the duplex. I’d spoken with my mother for another hour with Liam by my side after our initial conversation. She told me she had steady work as a volunteer with the organization planning my trip abroad and about her husband—my stepfather—John. She invited me to their anniversary barbecue the following weekend. I wasn’t sure if I was going to accept, or if I’d even see her again, but I felt better knowing instead of guessing about who she was and where she’d gone.
Liam took my hand as we made our way to the front door. So much had changed in such a short time since I’d moved in with him. His parents selling the farm. We were both having to make decisions about our careers soon. My mother. God, I had a whole family out there I’d never known about and I didn’t know how to feel about it.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked when we got inside.
I shook my head. “I will, eventually, but right now, I just want to be with you for a while. Everything else may not make sense, but when I’m with you, when you touch me, it’s like I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Is that okay?”
“That’s more than okay,” he told me as he wrapped his arms around me. “I’m here for whatever you need.”
I tugged him down with me to the couch, needing the security of the weight of him pressing me into the fabric. Nothing felt as good as having him surrounding me. I’d never felt more at home than I did in his arms.
Only a few days ago this space had seemed so small with the two of us in it. I’d wanted to run, needed room to breathe. Now, with Liam, it had become my refuge, my sanctuary. Hell, it could have been as tiny as his room and I would be perfectly content to spend the rest of my life in less than 1000 square feet.
When I kissed him, it was full of desperation. I ripped off his shirt, needing to feel his skin to ground me, to steady me. Even if everything else in my life was uncertain, the one thing I could be sure of was this, him. And for now that was enough.
If our first time having sex had been an adventure and our second a free-fall, the feeling that overtook me as I clung to Liam was desperation. There was an edge to my need that even I couldn’t understand. An edge that made me cling to his arms a little tighter, lean in to him a little
closer, savor his kiss a little more.
An edge that made me realize once more that some good things just don’t last forever. And I should cherish them—him—while I was able.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Liam
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home with you today?” Charlie leaned a shoulder against the door jamb and studied me as I got dressed.
“Not gonna say it again, Charlie. I’m fine. I don’t need you to hover.” If my tone was a little short, I hoped she’d forgive me. I’d make it up to her later.
“I’m not hovering. I can tell you’re upset about Grandma Dorothy. I am, too, but she needs to be somewhere with constant care.”
I hated that I wasn’t going to be at home to be there when Grandma was transferred to elder care. I hated that my father had rubbed it in my face the last time I called to check in on the forms I needed. “I know that.”
She crossed the room and stopped me from putting on my hoodie as I prepared for a run. “You should go see her this weekend.”
“I can’t I have to work. You know that.” My new job didn’t have substitutes and I was under a probationary period. Calling into work wouldn’t endear me to my new boss who had been hesitant to hire me considering I’d been let go from the last place.
She frowned. “I was so excited for that new job, but it’s keeping you busy.”
“Gotta pay rent somehow.” I didn’t say it, but I also needed the money to save up to move…if and when I chose a school for next year. I was already cutting it way too close for comfort, but I needed those papers from my father, who hadn’t returned my messages about the forms I needed.
“Do you want me to go with you?” she asked.
“Please. You hate running.”
She laughed and it lightened my worries, if only a little. “That’s true.”
I kissed her lightly on the lips. “Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. I’ll be fine. Besides, don’t you have a final to be studying for?”
She pouted. “It’s not fair you already finished yours.”
Deepening the kiss helped to distract us both. “Why don’t you finish up studying while I’m gone and then we’ll have something to eat. I’ll cook this time,” I added before she could offer. “You’ve catered to me more than enough.”
Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she smirked at me. “Is that what you think?” she asked.
I noted the look in her eyes and carefully put distance between us. “Oh, no you don’t. You’re not going to distract me when you have to study. You know we won’t get anything done if we get back in bed.”
It was the truth. Now that we’d crossed that line, we couldn’t seem to get enough of each other. I’d thought the need for her would have cooled eventually, but if anything it seemed to burn hotter each time I had her.
She gave me that look that meant she wanted me, now. It was a look she knew I couldn’t resist. “Charlie,” I groaned. “We can’t do this now.”
“Hush,” she said and covered my lips with her fingers. “Let me do this for you.”
“You don’t have to do anything for me.”
“I want to.”
She dropped her hand and then fell to her knees in front of me. There wasn’t time for me to prepare because a second later, she pulled down my cotton running shorts and had me in her mouth.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” I said as the wet heat of her mouth enveloped me. She took me deep, stroking my dick with her tongue as she sucked me.
I scooped up her hair with both hands and tried to slow her down, but she wasn’t having any of it. She gripped the base of my dick and stroked with each slide of her mouth. My legs shook and I gave serious consideration to collapsing back on the bed. She devastated me.
I wish I could say I lasted a long time. I wish I could say it didn’t completely wreck me when she glanced up at me, but I couldn’t. It only took a few minutes for me to reach the point where I tried to pull her away. We’d never really talked about things like swallowing for fuck’s sake, but she wouldn’t have any of it. She sucked me back even farther and stroked harder with the tight fist of her hand.
“Charlie,” I groaned. “You gotta stop.”
But she didn’t.
I hunched over as the orgasm hit and I came into the sweet recesses of her mouth. She didn’t stop for a second. Watching her throat work as she swallowed it down had to be one of, if not the, hottest moment of my life.
She rocked back on her heels after licking me clean and I pulled my shorts back up. It had only been a few minutes, but I felt like I’d run a marathon.
“Now you can go,” she said with a laugh as she got to her feet with a wicked smile.
I stood there for a minute hoping my legs would hold me up. “I’m not sure I can.”
Charlie began to back away. “You go for that run. I’m going to study. You definitely owe me dinner when you get back.”
Somehow I made it to the front door without falling straight on my face. I shook my head as I stretched on the front porch. That girl was something else. Despite the growing realization Grandma Dorothy was never going to get better and everything else going on in my life, Charlie was the bright post. She always had been. I couldn’t imagine my life without her.
God, I loved her.
The thought stopped me short as I reached the trail around Lake Ella opposite my house.
I loved her.
What the hell was I going to do about that?
Chapter Twenty-Three
Charlie
I woke up to a snoring Liam and I immediately smiled.
I was doing a lot of smiling around him lately. It was like I couldn’t contain it. I was stressed about my mom, stressed about finals, and the final approval for volunteering, but as soon as I walked in the door it was like his mere presence could wash it away.
As I shifted, he cracked open an eye and smiled. His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me closer to kiss my hair. “Good morning, beautiful,” he said, like he had every morning after I slept in his bed.
“What?” he asked when I didn’t respond right away.
I pressed my forehead against his chest which, was warm from our combined heat under the sheets. Our skin stuck together where arms and legs were intertwined. I was completely wrapped up in him, under his spell. I nuzzled into the thin dusting of hair on his chest and suck in heady breaths heavy with the scent of him. The last wispy remains of yesterday’s cologne and the cotton fresh laundry detergent he prefers.
“I like waking up to you,” I told him with uncharacteristic honesty. It was akin to me offering him my heart on a silver platter. I wanted him to see me bare and defenseless, with walls down. For the first time, I wanted to let a man in, rather than barricade him out.
His hand brushed over my hair and I stretched like a cat against him. “Oh, do you?”
“I like the way you hold me.”
His arms tightened around me. “Good luck trying to get me to let you go.”
If I’d thought he couldn’t get any more amazing, I was wrong. And that was after an amazing night with him once he got back from his run.
It hadn’t been anything special, but to me, it was everything. We ate dinner and watched a movie cuddled together on the couch. I studied to the point where I couldn’t see straight and he forced me to take a break, which of course meant we ended up making out on the couch until three o’clock in the morning.
I swear, I wish we’d made the plunge into dating sooner. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about him.
It was as simple as feeling his heart beat sync with my own. He twined his fingers with mine and pressed them against his chest.
The words spilled out before I even made the conscious thought to say them. “I love you, Liam.”
His body stilled under my hands and with anyone else, I would have rushed to apologize. To backtrack and apologize. At the first sign of commitment or weakness, my first instinct was normally to run, but the
only running I wanted to do when it came to Liam was right back into his arms. I guess my mom and I weren’t alike in that aspect after all.
When he didn’t say anything, the first tingling of anxiety had me tilting my head back to gauge his reaction. I found him smiling down at me and taking my lips for a kiss I’d never forget.
“I love you, too, Charlie,” he said when we stopped to catch our breath.
I dragged him back to me as warmth spread through my chest. My whole body felt as though it were weightless. I couldn’t stop smiling even though we were kissing. By the time we were done, happy tears had blurred my vision.
“I hate to tell you this,” Liam said as he looked over my head. “But I think you might be late for that final.”
Still floating from the kiss, it took me a minute for the meaning of his words to sink in. “What?” I shrieked and flew from the bed. “Oh my god, I’m so screwed.”
I stumbled across the hall to my room and grabbed at clothes blindly. I’m not sure any of it matched, but I didn’t care. Failing this final would ruin me for the whole semester. Liam was waiting for me in the kitchen with a steam carafe of coffee. If I hadn’t already fallen in love with him, seeing him standing in his boxers with just a mug of coffee would have done it.
“You’re a god,” I told him as I accepted the carafe and gave him a quick kiss. “See you later?” I threw over my shoulder as I hurried to the door.
“I’ll be here,” he replied. And I knew he would.
On my way to campus I sped through more yellow lights than I cared to admit. Speed bumps? More like suggestions. I only had two minutes to get to the final before the professor, who was notorious for locking doors on the hour, barred me from entering. I was just pulling into a spot when my phone rang.
Thinking it could be Liam, maybe hoping it would be, I answered. I was turning into a fourteen-year-old with a crush. I was smiling when I said, “Hello?”
“Charlie, I’m glad I caught you.” I recognized April’s voice. I wasn’t quite ready to settle on calling her mom again. I might not ever be.
Friend Zone (Friend Zone Series Book 1) Page 14