The First I Do

by Sarah N. Ham

  “I guess…”

  “Where is this whole Gwen thing coming from anyway?”

  “I guess I just find it crazy that while I recognized all these amazing qualities about you, Michael, I took them for granted…”

  “Maybelle, it’s only natural. We’ve literally grown up together. It’s natural that you’d have almost a sibling-like viewpoint of me.”

  “But that’s the thing; I’ve never thought of you as brother except when I was a little, little kid. I remember thinking of you like that when I was like five years old, but after that, you became this friend that was always around but very obviously different than me. No one ever mistook us for siblings in a crowd nor did people call us siblings in a ceremonial sense, so the idea just didn’t really stick around in my mind. Yet, putting a name on those feelings took so long to put into words. I always recognized that you were amazing, talented, handsome, and a gentleman, but maybe because I also knew you were a teacher’s pet, a nerd, a little awkward around girls besides me, and annoyingly overprotective at times, I pushed it all under some weird friend title…”

  “Annoying, huh?” He smirked.

  “What!? You friggin’ destroyed my favorite skirt with Remmy!”

  “Because you looked so freakin’ sexy in that skirt that it made me want to tear it off of you, and I wasn’t the only guy that had that look his eyes!”

  “Please, I’m so generic-looking, and I’m so tomboyish at times that there’s no boy besides you that would find me attractive.” I muttered, rolling my eyes.

  He suddenly rolled on top of me, kissing me fiercely, and said, “Don’t you dare say something like that! It’s not true in the slightest! I have been overprotective of you because if I was going to have to let you go to some idiot boy, then it was going to be someone who was somewhat deserving of you since I still don’t think any guy truly deserves you, myself included. One guy especially that p**ses me off by his blatant hungry eyes towards you is that transfer student! Plus, that b**tard stole your first kiss…”

  I laughed nervously, thinking back on that idiot Alaskan’s blackmail scheme. I wondered if I should tell Michael, but I was too scared, so I just said, “Well, maybe if you hadn’t have destroyed my skirt, you would’ve gotten to tear it off me now.”

  His expression turned into a hungry, lustful one as he muttered, “That’s not fair. Now, I wish I hadn’t destroyed it.”

  “You’re loss, love.” I smirked.

  “I’ll just have to make up for it by enjoying every minute with your now that I’ve stolen away the most amazing woman from every guy in school…” He grinned, licking his lips and pulling me close.

  ***

  That Thursday as Michael was at work, I met up with Drake Parker at the library. I sat across from this teen who was blackmailing me to be there, and one of the first things out of his mouth was, “So, let’s start with the most uncomfortable topic: sex…”

  I choked on my water, earning the annoyed gaze of nearby patrons. So, I hissed back, “Are you serious!? Can we not!?”

  “Sweetie, think about it! What are the top three things most couples fight over? I bet you can guess the first…”

  “Money…”

  “Correct, but can you guess the other two?”

  “Children and—I don’t know—family?”

  “Oh, so close! Children are the second, but it’s the third where you’re wrong. The answer is sex…”

  I rolled my eyes, but he wasn’t done, “Seriously… where, when, how often, how long, what positions; it’s amazing how easy this topic can turn a couple on each other.”

  I blushed and said, “I don’t want to talk about this with you…”

  “Oh, come on. Fine, is it always plain Jane missionary?”

  “That is none of your business!”

  “Okay, that’s an obvious ‘yes’.”

  “Drake Parker, can you please take this somewhat seriously!?”

  “I am… believe it or not. The reason couples fight about this is they are too shy or scared to say what they want. You wanna get a year down the line and have him leave you because you didn’t know that he likes oral, so he found someone who would give him that, or have it be a few years down the line and be bored because he can’t make you org**m?”

  “Drake Parker, stop!” I growled. “I said that I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with you, especially in a place like this.”

  “What do you want? What do you like? Do you like to be on top, like it from beh—.”

  “Stop!” I interrupted him.

  “Like it in public, like it in the shower—.”

  “I said, ‘Stop’!” I growled, my face redder than my dyed hair.

  “See, this is why your ‘wait until marriage’ theory doesn’t work! You Christians hide sex in a closet and never talk about it, so it becomes so taboo that when you do have it, you don’t know what to do, what you like, and what makes you feel amazing! If he said he liked it rough or likes oral or—I don’t know—likes it in a f**king treehouse or whatever, how would you react? Would you do it? Would you shun it?”

  “Stop it!” I suddenly snapped.

  I was humiliated and whispered an apology to the patrons around us before he said, “You need to get this out of the way early. Otherwise, you’ll be arguing about how you couldn’t satisfy each other twenty years later, and he’ll run off with some younger woman from his job.”

  “That’s oddly specific…” I growled.

  He looked stunned for a half-a-second but then, covered it up saying, “This stuff happens all the time.”

  “Seriously, it’s embarrassing to discuss this, and it feels inappropriate to talk about it with someone other than Michael. Besides, due to his past with pornography, Michael doesn’t like to discuss things like this.”

  “You’re too naïve. Think of all the things he must’ve seen. How long did he watch it before he quit in the name of true love?” He mocked.

  “About two years…”

  “Then, think of how many things he saw or how many ideas and fantasies he played out in his head, especially picturing you since he’s attached to the hip with you. I bet since he’s been in love with you for so long, even when he was watching it, he was pretending it was you and him.”

  I felt bitterness rise inside my heart as I growled, “What about you!? Are you so ready to talk about your tastes? Don’t judge me otherwise.”

  My eyes challenged him, but he just smirked, leaned across the table, and whispered, “I like it rough! I like to dominate the women I f**k. I like to use a table or a wall… I like it when they pleasure me orally, and I love to hear them beg… whether that’s for more or for mercy.”

  My eyes widened, and I literally felt sick to my stomach at his blunt, perverted words and the fact that he locked lust-filled eyes with me with every word. I stiffened and muttered, meekly, “Can we please talk about something else…?”

  He licked his lips and said, “I think that’s enough for the day. I know it wasn’t a full hour, but I think I made the point clear… See you next Thursday, Belle.”

  “I already told you not to call me that! You aren’t Michael… don’t ever forget that fact. Whether you like it or not, the one I love is him.”

  “Point taken. Have a nice day…” He said, as I stood up and stormed out the door.

  The minute I got outside and out of view, I fell to my knees, tears flowing down my cheeks at how vile that guy had made me feel with his vulgar speech and horny gaze. It made me want to just crawl up in a ball and hide from men like him forever. It also made me love Michael more knowing how contrasting they were.

  ***

  That night after dinner though, I couldn’t help but ponder on his words as I asked, “M-Michael… can I ask you something?”

  “Sure, Belle.” He whispered with the gentlest smile on his face.

  “D-do you want me to give you oral sex at some point?”

  He gave me the biggest deer-caught-in-head
lights look I’d ever seen, and I suddenly regretted my words, saying, “I-it’s just I was talking to that counselor of sorts that I told you about…”

  “Right, you did mention that the other day…”

  “A-and he said that the third most common thing that married couples fight about is sex…”

  Michael looked rather tense by this turn in conversation and said, “I… I mean I get that… but I’m not sure I’m comfortable talking about this…”

  Suddenly, due to how vile and self-conscious I was feeling combined with Naomi’s words about the other girls who liked Michael caused me to panic and mutter, “J-just pretend I never said anything, then…”

  Then, I headed to my room. He chased after me. Before I could get inside, he caught me, pinned me between him and the door, and slammed the door shut.

  “Belle, I’m sorry. I know it must’ve taken a lot of courage for you to ask me that. Please, don’t misunderstand as if it means I don’t trust you, but you have to understand. I love you, and I want you so badly it hurts. I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied when it comes to you because I love you so d**n much, but I will not turn you into one of those girls from that garbage I used to watch. I want to cherish you, not use you for playing out some sick fantasies from my history…” He whispered so huskily in my ear as his breath sent chills up my spine.

  “B-but I just want to satisfy you.” I confessed.

  He turned me around to face him and said, “Why would you ever think that you don’t!?”

  “I’m not a cheerleader like Gwen; I don’t have large breasts, nor do I know how to um… to give you oral sex or how to even act sexy… I can’t help but wonder why you’d want me.” I cried out.

  He pulled me close and kissed me passionately before saying, “Don’t ever compare yourself to other women, because I don’t want you to dare devalue yourself. Why you? Why would I ever want anyone other than you!? I’ve been in love with you for five years; that’s not going to change because a girl wears a short skirt or has giant fake breasts. You want to know how to act sexy, but you are so sexy just the way you are! You’re sexy when you play with your hair and pretend it’s a mustache. You’re sexy when you curl up in my arms like a cat. You’re sexy when you try so hard to make my day better. When you wrinkle your little nose in frustration… when you giggle over a cat video or something Remmy did, that’s sexy. When I walked in that door tonight to a delicious meal and you in this adorable dress, now that’s sexy! I just wish you could see it!”

  Overwhelmed, I kissed him through tearstained cheeks and said, “I love you so much, Michael!”

  “I love you so much, too, Belle.” He said, before saying, “And to answer your questions… I guess I’m a tad curious about a few different things when it comes to making love to you… but I do not want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

  “Well, can we go inside that room and figure it out together?” I asked, shyly.

  He smiled and lifted me up into his arms. My legs wrapped around his waist for support as he carried me inside, saying, “See, that’s sexy…”

  Chapter Sixteen – In Holy Matrimony

  The next few days left alone with my wife were amazing. We had started discussing the future. She was spoiling me rotten with homemade food. Furthermore, we were finding out what each other liked in the intimate moments, giving us the tools we needed to grow and spice it up even beyond the newlywed-like joy of getting to be with each other in that way.

  I didn’t know who this counselor was, but he did seem to have some decent advice. However, I couldn’t help but wonder why Maybelle seemed so jittery about it when I’d ask who it was. I figured, though, that maybe it was someone we both knew, and maybe, she was embarrassed to tell me. So, I decided to wait for when she was ready.

  When her folks got back though, things were weird. We had to keep all this a secret, so we couldn’t be together in that way. It felt rather lonely not having my wife in my bed when I woke up in the morning, but I knew it would just make it worth it when she was in my arms again. I was very cautious about what I’d say around her folks, especially her father because he had been acting rather suspicious of me the past few days before he’d left on his trip. My own father wouldn’t be back from Paris for another week.

  As the days drew closer to Valentine’s Day, I tried to decide what to do for Maybelle. This was our first Valentine’s together where we’d both had romantic feelings. Sure, I’d given her candy on those days in the past, but she didn’t know of my true feelings back then. Plus, with the dance, I could give it to her without fear of her folks’ reaction. Using the extra money I’d earned from those good tip days, I had saved up and bought her a butterfly sterling silver necklace since she loves butterflies. I also planned to get her roses and some strawberry candy that she enjoyed so much the day of the dance.

  Finally, Dad came back the day of the Valentine’s Day dance. I wore a grey shirt under a red vest and tie with black slacks. We had decided to say that we were going together ride-wise for the sake of saving gas so that her folks wouldn’t find our actions odd.

  “Come on, Maybelle. We’re gonna be late.” I called, checking my watch.

  Just, then, she emerged from the hall, and my jaw dropped. She was dressed in a sleeveless cocktail dress. It was dark red, just like the heels she wore. She had on light makeup and pulled her matching colored hair up in a loose bun. She was breathtaking, which took every bone in my body not to say in front of her dad.

  “Oh, Tony, look at our baby! She’s so beautiful! Isn’t she, Michael?” Mrs. Lloyd exclaimed, tearing up.

  I blushed at being addressed but nodded wordlessly.

  “Well, let’s take some pictures of you two together!” My dad called, causing us all to freeze.

  “They aren’t going together like that, Henry.” Mr. Lloyd grumbled.

  “Oh, who cares? They are posing as friends, then. My first dance with Luchia we went just as friends.” Dad insisted.

  “Yeah, and look how that turned out? You were taking her home to meet your folks within a month, and half-a-year later, she was Mrs. Luchia Hawkins.”

  “Tony, calm down. They’re seventeen. I was twenty-three at the time.” Henry said, chuckling nervously.

  He finally gave in, and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized that I’d been holding. We took our pictures and then, headed out.

  ***

  Once we got down the road a bit, I pulled the truck over to a curb.

  “What’s up?” She asked, confused.

  I reached into the backseat to reveal the roses, candy, and gift box.

  “Oh, Michael!”

  “Here, open it.” I said, handing her the wrapped box.

  She did so and then, gasped, “Oh, Michael, it’s beautiful! Thank you. Will you put it on me?”

  I nodded and helped her clasp the necklace in place before gently moving the butterfly to the middle. She hugged me and kissed my lips.

  “Happy Valentine’s Day, Maybelle.”

  “Here, I was gonna wait, but this is for you. It’s nothing nearly as grand, but I figured it might be nice.”

  She, then, handed me a small wrapped box of her own. I undid the pretty paper and slid the lid off. What I saw made unexpected tears rise up as I said, “Where on earth did you get this?”

  “Your father helped me get it from Paris. When I heard where he was going, I figured it might be a nice gesture.”

  Inside lay a violin pin identical to one my father had given my mother, and later, she gave to me as a small child. The original one had been destroyed during a concert when it fell off my performance shirt, and someone stepped on it on accident. It was a rare brand of accessories that could only be bought in Paris, France.

  “I know it’s not the original one, but—.”

  I cut her off, kissing her passionately before saying, “Thank you so much! This means the world to me!”

  She smiled at me and took my hand before we continued off to the s
chool. Once we got there, we quickly turned in our tickets and went to find our friends.

  Maybelle had told me about telling Naomi, so I’d let the my wife’s best friend have permission to tell Eddie. I hadn’t seen him yet since she’d told him, so I was curious about how he was gonna react. He had always teased me, saying that if I didn’t make my feelings more vocal, I was going to die an unmarried virgin. Now, I was neither, and he’d been with Naomi for almost four years at this point.

  When he did see me, he smacked my arm, saying, “I can’t believe you beat me.”

  I laughed, “What can I say? I guess I’m just a better romantic than you.”

  “No, that doesn’t count. I was flippin’ three when you tied the knot!” He growled.

  I chuckled, and then, he muttered, “Is that pin what I think it is!?”

  “Yes, Maybelle had my father get it for her while he was in Paris.”

  “Oh, wow… Hold on to her; she’s too good for ya!” He teased.

  “Oh, I know it.”

  Soon after, Maybelle yanked me onto the dancefloor. I laughed as we danced to a fast-paced pop song that was particularly popular lately. It was so silly since neither of us could really dance, but it was a lot of fun. Then, a slow song came on. I blushed as Maybelle wrapped her arms around my neck, and I placed mine around her waist.

  “You’re so beautiful, by the way. I was holding off since your dad was eyeballing me.”

  She thanked me with a shy smile and said, “You are very handsome.”

  I thanked her, and we swayed to the music. It felt wonderful not having to hide it as I held this gorgeous woman in my arms and kissed her lips, a classic love song playing in the background. Some people gawked at us, considering how long we’d insisted that their silly taunts were meaningless. I didn’t care, though. She was my wife, and I was so in love with her. Nothing in the moment could ruin that.

  After the dance started to dwindle down, Naomi and Eddie pulled us aside.