by Robyn Carr
Logan laughed. “Is this you saying he’s done having fun on your dime?”
“That’s not how I mean it,” she said. “It’s really much simpler. He doesn’t want me. After all my dedication, he’s leaving me for another woman. And so he’s getting what the law says he’s entitled to—half the savings, half the retirement funds, half the house equity. But I’m claiming my future.”
Logan laughed. “I smell revenge,” he said.
“If I wanted revenge, there’s probably a better way. I want to change my life. I want to feel valuable again. I want to feel some sense of self-worth. Probably the worst thing this divorce has done to me is bring on feelings of irrelevance. I worked so hard for us, so we could afford the things Scott wanted to do. It made me happy to know he was enjoying his life. I never wasted a second on resentment. Then he threw me out with the trash. Because he just wasn’t happy enough. And on top of it, he complained that I was too focused on my work. I suggested that if he resented my long hours, perhaps he shouldn’t take so much of the money I earned, and he said that was precisely why he should take the money. He said the money was the only thing I’d really given him.”
Logan whistled.
“I have a lot of feelings I can’t escape. I’m angry. I’ve never been so angry. I’m afraid of a million things—afraid I’ll be alone for the rest of my life, afraid I won’t make it on my own, afraid I’ll always feel bitter, afraid my stomach will hurt every day, that I’ll wake up and my first thought will be of Scott and that woman day after day, and yet... And yet the very worst thing of all, I have zero respect for a man I loved and admired for thirty years.”
“People make mistakes, Justine,” he said.
“It wasn’t a mistake, it was an indulgence. It wasn’t as if he was abused or unloved. Oh, he might be trying to convince himself now, after the fact, that his marriage wasn’t perfect, but I’m here to tell you he was not neglected. If anyone was, it was me!”
“And you put up with that because...?”
“Because I wanted him to be happy,” she said softly. “But Scott Somersby’s happiness is no longer my concern. I’m going to work on some boundaries, some tender care of my heart and a little self-indulgence of my own.”
“Good for you. For what it’s worth, I think your husband is an idiot. Good women don’t grow on trees, and he might learn that sooner than later. I bet he’ll come crawling back.”
“He’s already too late,” she said.
“I know this is tough, but I have a feeling in a year you’re going to be in far better shape than he is. In fact, in better shape than you were.”
“I hope you’re right,” she said. “I could sure use something to look forward to.”
“When’s your next night in the neighbor’s guest room?” he asked.
“Thursday. Why?”
“Maybe we can meet at Chen’s. And if you want a preliminary report on the law firms you’re looking at, I’d be happy to help. Free of charge.”
“That’s very generous, Logan.”
“That’s what friends are for.”
Chapter Eight
Adele told herself that she was doing Justine a favor by going shopping with her. Adele hated shopping.
“Maybe what you hated was not finding anything you loved, but today might be different,” Justine said.
Justine insisted on driving all the way to Half Moon Bay on Saturday morning to pick Adele up. Justine knew the best places to shop, and if she was doing the driving, Adele was captive. And her sister had said she’d mention this excursion to the girls, but Adele hadn’t been overly optimistic about that. Her nieces were always busy. And yet there they were with Justine.
“Oh my God,” Adele said. “Witnesses!”
“Stop being so negative! You’re a working woman now. And you have a whole new body. You need a few outfits to get you through the summer,” Justine said.
“And I’m going to do your hair and makeup,” Amber said.
“I’m going to stake out a bench and read,” Olivia said.
Addie reached out and stroked the girl’s pretty hair. “You should have been my child. I’d rather read, too.”
Her nieces were both beautiful but were as different as Justine and Adele. Amber was tall like her mom and had her eyes. She had trouble sitting still unless it was for a mani-pedi or facial. And she didn’t read nearly as much as Olivia, but both girls did very well in school. Amber was gregarious and Olivia was a complete introvert.
“You and I, we’d be happy with a couch and a book all day long, wouldn’t we?” Addie said.
“I don’t even need a couch,” Olivia replied.
“You want to stay here, at my house, until this shopping thing is over? Since your mom has to bring me home, she’d be back for you.”
“Nah,” Olivia said. “I hear there will be lunch.”
“No complaining,” Amber said. “The only person allowed to complain is Aunt Addie. Her shopping muscles are underdeveloped. Now come on, let’s do hair and makeup.”
“I’m not shopping for a wedding gown, you know,” Addie said. But she followed as Amber led the way to the bathroom. She carried what looked like an overnight bag, stuffed with cosmetics. She sat Addie on the closed toilet seat and got to work. After pulling Addie’s thick hair into a messy bun, she began on her face.
Addie could hear Olivia and Justine talking in the other room—Justine asking how far Olivia was into her book, then commenting on the story, which she had also read and loved. This was one of the things Addie admired about Justine’s relationship with her girls—she could let them be individuals. She could discuss books with Olivia, who loved her reading, and discuss fashion with Amber, who had a real interest in haute couture.
Adele closed her eyes and listened to Justine and Olivia talking about Olivia’s current read. Simultaneously, Amber was having a conversation with her about makeup. “A little more color here, I think. You should work on eye makeup, Auntie—you have the most beautiful, big eyes. I think we’ll leave your hair like that in a messy bun—it’s just the thing.”
And soon they were on their way to a couple of malls. Justine steered them to a couple of good, women’s discount clothing stores, and once Adele was trying on the piles of clothes Justine and Amber delivered to her, standing in a dressing room in her underwear most of the time, she started to enjoy the process. “I feel like a fairy princess,” she said.
“A fairy princess with very bad underwear,” Justine said. “We’ll take care of that, as well.”
“Lighten up, Justine. No one’s going to see it.”
“More’s the pity,” she said. “You’re getting new underwear. And a couple of nightgowns. You might as well get a completely fresh start. You’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel when you’re brand-new from the skin out. And, I brought a few things from my closet.”
“What? What of yours could I possibly fit into?”
“I have a few things that I haven’t worn in a while that might’ve been a little loose fitting. Of course, right now everything is loose on me. I wouldn’t want to lose another ounce. I think I’m one of those people who has sharp features that only get sharper when I’m too skinny. I’ll be damned if I’ll have a mean expression because of Scott!”
“Speaking of getting thin, is it going to be lunchtime soon?” Addie asked.
“Absolutely!”
They left their second store with bags bulging with clothes—including new underwear and nightgowns. Justine insisted on paying for everything. Adele argued that this must be a particularly difficult time for Justine to be spending so much, but Justine just brushed her off. “Life has sucked for the past six months, for both of us, and I haven’t had a chance to spoil you at all. We’re going to get through this year, Addie, and next year is going to be so much better. For both of us.”
�
�We’ve never done this before,” Adele said, a little catch in her voice.
“Of course we have,” Justine said. “Amber, go get Olivia. She’s right on that bench over there.” Then, turning back to Adele she said, “It’s been a long time, I guess. But we’ve shopped for the girls together, for Mom and Dad, for special occasions.”
“This is completely different,” Addie said.
“Well, it’s the first time you’ve needed new work clothes. You didn’t need my help with clothes for school. In fact, you probably didn’t need my help with this, but I wanted to.”
“It’s really completely different. We were always in a rush those other times. And it was so long ago.” She sniffed. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you isn’t enough.”
“You’re just emotional. Let’s go over to the Olive Garden. I’m craving a glass of wine.”
“And you’re going to have some pasta,” Adele said. “I think you’re going to blow away.”
When they were seated in an out-of-the-way booth, they started talking about the purchases, making a fuss over how wonderful Adele looked in her new clothes, laughing over the ones they rejected. “That brown thing made you look like a bag lady,” Amber said.
“I liked that one,” Adele said.
“That’s why I wanted to go with you!” Justine said.
“That’s the thing about books,” Olivia said. “They don’t care what you wear.”
“I think they closed the stores behind us,” Amber said. “We were way too much trouble. I consider shopping an aggressive sport.”
“That dressing room looked like your room,” Justine said.
“Looking good just isn’t easy, Mom.”
“It is for me,” Olivia said.
They laughed and poked fun at each other until suddenly Adele had tears running down her cheeks.
“What is it, Addie?” Justine asked.
She shook her head. “I’m not sure,” she said. “I hate shopping, but that was the best day I’ve had in forever. I don’t know what happened, but you’re different. I’ve never known you like this. Don’t tell me divorce made you fun?”
Justine bit into a bread stick. “Divorce broke my heart. I think it’s going to hurt for a long time. But it gave me permission to try a few things. First, I don’t have to worry about getting home to make sure I’ve done my share around the house. I’m not stressed out about Monday morning meetings. Actually, I guess I should tell you all. I gave my notice at work. I need a new schedule where I’m not working excessive hours. I’ve already had a couple of offers from smaller practices, but I’m not accepting anything yet. I’m still looking around. I’m fifty-percent terrified and fifty-percent excited. I think once I get on my feet, I’m going to have fun again. Now that I look back on it, I wasn’t having enough fun.”
“Good for you, Mom,” Amber said. “But I’m not fifty-percent excited. Dad wants to take us out to dinner to meet the girlfriend.”
Justine went visibly pale. “Really?” she said.
“Do we have to?” Amber asked.
“It’s entirely up to you,” Justine said. “I’m certainly not going to insist.”
“What if he insists?” Amber asked.
“I’m not,” Olivia said. “I’m just not.”
“I still love my dad, even if I think he’s stupid and mean,” Amber said. “If we say no, he’ll be mad.”
“Oh well,” Olivia said. “Guess he’ll have to be mad. I’m just not.”
“Then I’m not, either,” Amber replied.
“Have you suggested to your dad that you’d love to have dinner with him but you don’t feel like meeting his girlfriend?” Justine asked.
“I haven’t,” Olivia said. “I see him at home a couple of nights a week, and he spends most of that time on the phone with her.”
“I’m just saying, if there’s a way to have a relationship with him...” Justine tried.
“And I guess I’m saying he could have made the decision to leave his girlfriend—you know, say something original like ‘Hey, I’m married, so this can’t happen.’ But instead, he left us. Seeing him right now is not high on my priority list,” Olivia said.
“I think I need wine,” Adele said.
* * *
Justine had Adele home by six, and by then they’d spent as much money as had been reasonable and lunch had long since worn off. While Adele and Amber worked at putting away the new clothes and sorting through Justine’s castoffs, Justine and Olivia walked to Bronski’s Market.
Jake was putting out fresh vegetables. “Well, hello stranger,” Justine said. “It’s been a long time.”
He turned and smiled when he took in mother and daughter. “Justine! It’s been way too long. What brings you to the neighborhood?”
“We just finished a day of shopping with Adele,” Justine said. “She needed some new clothes for her new job and, in case you haven’t noticed, new shape.”
“Oh, I think everyone in town has noticed. She’s been walking every day, sometimes twice a day, and eats like a rabbit. What can I help you find?”
“I know where everything is, Jake. We’ve decided that since we don’t have any other plans, the girls and I will help fix dinner and hang out awhile. Adele is busy putting away her new things. Hasn’t she gotten beautiful?”
“She’s always been beautiful,” he said.
“True,” Justine said, momentarily sidelined. Because of course Adele had always been pretty, but she also had a tendency to let herself go, to dress in baggy clothes, eschew makeup, not fuss with her hair. And there was the weight—she’d packed on a good forty pounds since the pregnancy. “I think the new job has really charged up her self-image, and everything in her world looks good right now.”
Jake leaned against the lettuce stand. He glanced to the left as Olivia wandered over to the fruits, bagging up a couple of apples. He turned back to Justine. “How’s your new world, Justine? I’m so sorry about the divorce.”
“Thanks, Jake, that’s sweet. Today I felt good all day and hardly thought about the shithead.” Then she smiled at him. “I’m a little angry.”
“You’re entitled,” he said. “What a fool he is.”
“Why don’t I get another chicken breast, Jake? Come on by the house and join us for a casual dinner.”
“You don’t have to do that, Justine. I appreciate the offer—”
“Hey, hey, hey!” a voice boomed.
Justine jumped and met eyes with Marty, Jake’s younger brother. Marty was grinning like a Cheshire cat. He appeared to be wearing Joe Biden’s teeth. “Hi,” she said.
“Aren’t you looking fantastic! I hear you’re on your own these days and as luck would have it, so am I. Tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to give you a call and take you out to a nice dinner. It’ll help you break into the new life you’re trying out!”
“What is it you know about my new life?” she asked. “And how do you know?”
“Our mother,” Jake interrupted. “Adele mentioned it. That’s where you heard, right, Marty?”
He nodded. “What do you say? How about dinner?”
Justine just smiled. “Thank you for the nice offer, but I’m not quite ready to date yet, Marty.”
“Let me put my number in your phone,” he said, sticking out a hand.
“I’ll get your number from your mom when it’s time for my coming out,” she said. “Awfully nice of you to ask. Excuse me, I have to go fetch another chicken breast.” She turned to Jake. “I’ll see you later. Thanks for the help.”
“Ah, don’t mention it,” Jake said. Then he turned back to his crate of lettuce while she walked away.
Justine and Olivia bought the dinner supplies and walked back to Adele’s house. “This is one of the things I’ve missed while living in San Jose,” Justine said. “I like this lit
tle old town, like shopping at the small, neighborhood stores. The beach is handy. The people here just don’t seem to be in a big hurry. Everyone in San Jose and the Bay Area are rushing to and from work all the time. I’m kind of tired of rushing around. I hope I find work in a little town similar to this.”
Olivia bit into one of her apples. “You’ll be bored.”
“I don’t think so. But if I am, I’ll welcome it. I’m going to build a new kind of life as a single mother. Looking back, things didn’t work out the way I thought they would. The way I hoped.”
“Do you miss Daddy so much?”
She thought for a moment, her lower lip caught in her teeth. “I haven’t had a chance to miss him yet, passing each other at the house as we do so often. I hope you’ll forgive me for this, Livvie, but I don’t miss him a bit. It’s been three months since he decided he was done with our marriage,” she said. “The thing is, when I look at the last thirty years, all those long hours and sometimes exhausting work, I thought I was banking hours for my future. For our future. I thought I was building something so I could have a lighter load and less worry. I had this idea that by the time you girls were done with college, things would slow down. I’m in no hurry, but I plan to be a very fun grandmother. Before we get to that, depending on how the next few years stack up work-wise, maybe we’ll take a really great trip—just you, me and Amber.”
“I bet Amber, who has always had a boyfriend since kindergarten, will find someone to marry her. But I’ll go with you,” she added, grinning.
When they got home, Adele was wearing one of Justine’s hand-me-down outfits. It was black slacks with a camel-colored knit top. It made Justine smile and tilt her head, appreciative of the look. “I think that looks better on you than it did on me.”
“I can’t believe I’m actually wearing something of yours,” Adele said.
“You’re beautiful. Mind if I chop and stir in your kitchen?”
“That would be great.”
“I invited Jake,” Justine said. “He looked a little doubtful, but I told him to come. And then his brother put a move on me. Marty.”