by Elena Aitken
Seeing that card brought my memories of Brynn rushing to the forefront.
Brynn
“Who?”
“Caden. Don’t even try to pretend you don’t know who I’m talking about,” my friend Holly said.
I had to grip the phone tightly to keep from dropping it. “I wasn’t going to do that,” I mumbled.
“Right. Did you read the news today?”
“No. Why are you asking me about Caden?
“Ever heard of that band Silver?”
“That big folk rock band from Seattle?” I knew precisely what band she was talking about. I’d spent the past few years ignoring the fact that my high school boyfriend, who broke up with me after he moved away, was now a world-famous rock star. I preferred not to listen to people swoon over him breathlessly, so I didn’t see any point in sharing that fact. Seeing as Holly went to high school with me in Alaska, she obviously knew he’d once been my boyfriend.
“That’s the one. I’ll keep it quick. Their lead guitarist is Caden Silver although he goes by Slade for his stage name. I’m guessing you knew this already.” I stubbornly held my silence because what girl wanted to fess up to secretly following the career of her ex who dumped her? Not me, that’s who. “Annnnnd…” Holly paused here. She did enjoy making things dramatic on occasion. “He’s looking for you.”
“What?” I squeaked.
My mind filled with static. I couldn’t even wrap my brain around this. “Yup. He’s looking for Brynn Sparks, his high school sweetheart. That’s a quote straight from the interview.”
By the time I got off the phone, my heart was beating so fast I was surprised it didn’t fly out of my chest. With my fingers shaking, I tapped open my laptop screen and scrolled to a news article.
My heart felt cleaved open when I saw Caden’s face. Tears stung my eyes as I skimmed the article. It was exactly what Holly said. Caden was looking for me.
Caden
Another week later
“Brynn Sparks is here to see you,” the receptionist said through the intercom.
Grayson Holm eyed me for a beat. “Dude, you know this is nuts, right?”
Grayson was always perfectly put together in the almost ten years I’d known him. Today, he wore crisp black slacks and a button-down shirt, practically his uniform. He’d lived next door to us in Seattle after my mother moved away from Alaska with me. When I stumbled into fame, I’d reached out after I heard he retired from the FBI due to an injury. There were few people I trusted since fame had wrapped its tentacles around me, and he was one of them.
He’d been the one to point out that I shouldn’t assume Brynn was in Alaska. She wasn’t. She was right here in Seattle. Until about six months ago, she’d been married. Grayson had organized her details in a matter of minutes after I’d vented to him about not being able to find her in Alaska. I knew she was divorced now and using her maiden name again. His dark eyes scanned me.
I shrugged as I stood from my chair. “Maybe, maybe not.”
“I feel obligated to remind you once again she could be after your money. Just because you have fond memories of her doesn’t mean she’s the sweet girl you fancied yourself in love with in high school.”
“I know, I know. I just want to see her,” I insisted.
I wanted to be cool, calm, and collected. Perhaps I was on the outside, but that didn’t stop my heart from shifting into a thundering beat. “Send her in, please. Actually, no. I’ll bring her back.”
We were at my studio offices. When I say I stumbled into fame, I meant it. I’d started a band with five friends from college. We’d started posting live recordings online. I’d never fully understand why, but our music took off. We had a studio in downtown Seattle now where I could meet anyone necessary for business.
I walked down the hallway to the waiting area. My footfalls were silent on the carpeting. Pausing at the glossy wood door, I stared at the grains before I pushed it open. My pulse pounded, blood rushing through my ears with every beat.
Brynn sat in a chair with her hands clasped together on her lap. Her head turned when I stepped through the door. The second our eyes met, it felt as if electricity sizzled through the air between us, linking us.
“Brynn.”
She stood quickly, and I took her in with a swift perusal. Her chestnut brown hair was twisted into a tidy upsweep, and loose curls framed her face. When her wide blue eyes met mine, it felt as if a fist reached into my chest and grabbed my heart, squeezing it almost painfully.
“I heard you were looking for me,” she finally said.
I’d spent the past few years getting good and cynical. Beyond the gloss and glitter of fame, cynicism abounds. Because you never know who’s genuine. Most people just want a piece of you, and at first, it had been fun. I was no saint, and I was a guy. That unbridled excess morphed into cynicism twisted with bitterness. The last time I’d experienced authentic joy was with Brynn. Every thought of her was like a ray of sunshine in a dark room. Of late, it felt like the shades had fallen closed on my life. My band was on hiatus for a full year after my best friend and bandmate, Wes, almost died of an accidental overdose.
Brynn was here. Sparky, the old nickname she’d had as a little girl.
I realized I was standing there dead silent when she cleared her throat. “I am. I mean, I was. Follow me,” I replied belatedly. I gestured to the doorway.
She stood stock-still for a moment. Time stretched long enough that I wondered if she was going to refuse. I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until she took a step toward me.
She wore a fitted skirt that hugged her hips and flared just above her knees. She’d paired that with leather boots and a silky blue blouse with a cream camisole underneath. Her stride was confident, but I didn’t miss the uncertainty flickering in her eyes.
The urge to fold her in my arms was almost overwhelming. For a man who’d spent the past few years feeling downright jaded about women, it was startling how easily this one woman could undo all that.
Moments later, we were in my office. We stood only a few feet apart in front of the windows, yet it felt as if there was a canyon, miles and miles wide, between us.
“I’m sorry about your father,” she said, breaking the silence.
I cleared my throat. “Thank you.” My father had passed away earlier this year. Another detail that added to a pile of details to make this year challenging for me. I should’ve known Brynn would know that, but I hadn’t expected to start there.
Brynn looked at me again, just one look, and it nearly slayed me. “You never wrote me back.” Her voice came out a little frayed, and my heart lost its footing as if I’d tripped and fallen for a moment.
“I’m sorry.” Fuck, those two words felt so wholly inadequate. “I found your card last week,” I explained.
A twitch of confusion appeared between her brows. “What do you mean?”
“Brynn, when we moved away, my parents weren’t even talking to each other. The card never left my dad’s house.”
Turning, I walked to my desk, lifting it and handing it to her. When our fingertips brushed, electricity sizzled up my arm.
“You just got this?” she asked, her tone wondering.
I nodded. “My assistant brought me a few things that had been packed from my dad’s house. It was in there. I hope—”
Brynn shook her head sharply. “You don’t have to explain. I understand. Why are you looking for me, Caden?”
It was so strange to hear her say my name aloud.
“Because I miss you.” I spoke the only truth I had.
Brynn stared at me before her lips twisted and doubt flickered in her eyes.
Brynn
Three months later - December
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I said, staring across the table at Caden. “Why should I believe you?”
I hated the crazy throb of my pulse and the almost magnetic pull I felt toward him. I knew he would have this effect on me even if he wasn
’t a famous rock star, but that tiny detail made it almost annoying.
We were at Wildlands, a bar and restaurant in Willow Brook, Alaska. The very town where we’d grown up together. I hadn’t come here tonight to see Caden. I had a late lunch with Holly who had practically run away from the table once he appeared, telling us she thought she’d left the stove on at home. She didn’t even try to make it a plausible excuse.
Caden leaned forward, reaching his hand across the table and hooking his pinky around mine. That small action made my heart flip over. He used to do that when we were in high school. Gah!
I did not need to be some foolish girl swooning over some guy who’d moved away and broke up with me over the phone not much later. I thought he’d drop this crazy idea of reconnecting after I brushed him off in Seattle. Surely, the guy had better things to do.
I blinked when I met his eyes, and emotion rushed through me at the look there.
Pressing my lips into a line, I mustered some strength. “Why now?”
“I don’t have a great answer for you, Brynn. Like I told you when I saw you in Seattle, I came across that card you sent me. I knew I was coming home anyway. When I heard you moved back last month, I decided to try to see you again.” He gestured with his free hand around the restaurant, adding, “I honestly didn’t know I’d see you here tonight. I stopped by thinking I’d grab some takeout and that’s it.”
I looked away, but I didn’t have the fortitude to unhook my pinky from his. Because, my God, it felt good to touch him. When I found out he was a part of that band a few years ago, I’d mentally scoffed. I’d always been dismissive when there was chatter in Seattle about them.
It was nothing, no big deal. I told myself he didn’t mean as much as I’d thought. It was only because he’d been my first everything. Your first love and your first heartbreak were the hardest, but they didn’t mean the most. Right?
After he tracked me down a few months ago, I’d told myself it was best if I didn’t do something stupid. He’d caught me at a bad time. I was still reeling from my divorce and feeling like the biggest fool ever. I didn’t need to be thinking my old high school boyfriend, who was now a freaking rock star, wanted me.
It didn’t help matters that this grown-up version of Caden was, um, shockingly sexy. Oh. My. God. I didn’t know if it was the shimmer of fame clinging to him, but wow. It was obvious why girls wrote poetry about him online. My hormones were ready to write a poem—hell, a whole freaking book—on just how smoldering hot he was.
When I finally dared to glance back in his direction, my breath felt trapped in my lungs. It was the look in his eyes, the flicker of vulnerability. For just a flash, I saw the boy I once knew, past the mirage of his fame.
“So, all of this because you found that card?” I finally prompted.
He nodded slowly, tightening the little hook of his pinky around mine. I swear to God, it felt as if he had used a hook to loosen the stitching around my heart. Sure, he was my first love and my first heartbreak, but I seemed to have a knack for that, so he wasn’t special.
He nodded slowly. “It was a Christmas card, actually.”
I arched a brow. “I’m sure it was totally cheesy. I was really into cards for a little while there.”
I could tell he was struggling not to smile. The corners of his lips tightened, but the twinkle in his eyes gave it away.
“Go ahead,” I said magnanimously. “You can laugh.”
Caden let out a gruff chuckle. “We were pretty cheesy. The card wasn’t, though.”
The tightness around my chest loosened a little, and I laughed. “We totally were.”
“So, how have you been? Really,” he pressed.
“Oh, fine.”
“I didn’t know you were planning to move back to Alaska.”
I shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. I didn’t want to fess up that I’d come back home with my tail tucked firmly between my legs. My divorce had left me close to destitute. I hadn’t had it in me to keep putting up a fight in court. It was worth it to simply be done with the asshole.
“I said, really,” he added.
I took a breath, letting it out slowly. “Caden, I’m not a rock star like you. My life hasn’t been glamorous. I came back to town because I’m broke, and I just got through a shitty divorce last year. That’s all.”
His eyes searched mine, and I hoped my gaze didn’t give anything away. A deep furrow formed between his brows. “That sucks.”
“It’s over. The process sucked, but then it was the best thing for me. I don’t enjoy being broke and coming home because I had to. It would’ve been more fun to sweep into town like you.” I managed a cheeky grin at that, but his eyes were still somber. “What about you?” I pressed ahead. “What brings you back here?”
He shrugged, and I sensed he was feigning nonchalance as much as I was. “I’m here for two reasons. I need to take a look at my dad’s old place and decide what to do with it. And I came to try to see you again. As I said before, as soon as I saw your card, I missed you. It wasn’t the first time I thought about you. I know you doubted me when I saw you in Seattle.”
“I think you’re putting a little more stock in our relationship than was really there. I mean, you broke up with me after you and your mom moved away, and that was the last I heard from you.”
Caden bit his lip, looking suitably abashed. “I was an idiot. I didn’t know what else to do. Speaking of divorce, you know how ugly it was between my parents. When my mom said we were moving, I didn’t know what else to do, so I broke up with you. My mom said we weren’t coming back, and the way my dad’s visits were set up, he had to come see me in Seattle. It’s no more complicated than that. Though I’m not saying that was the right way to handle it.”
I pondered that for a moment, remembering the sting of that breakup even though it had faded over the years. I shook my head, almost to myself, and Caden asked, “What?”
“I’m realizing that what felt absolutely horrible at the time doesn’t seem so awful now. We were both so young. It’s kind of funny because your mom stuck to it. She never came back here, did she?”
He shook his head. “Nope. As you know, my dad passed away about six months ago, and his house is mine. I haven’t even had time to get here until now.”
“Have you been to the house since you got here?” I asked.
His lips twitched, and he shook his head quickly. “No. I just got to town this afternoon. I’m glad I saw you first.”
My heart clanged in my chest like a noisy bell. Maybe the breakup didn’t sting so much, but this rush of nostalgia and emotion had me feeling as if I were being pushed along by a current I couldn’t control.
“What do you think, we’re going to have some kind of second chance?” I meant for my words to be dry and sarcastic, but instead, they came out soft and almost wondering.
“What’s so crazy about that?” He lobbed the conversational ball right back to me.
Flustered, I shook my head wildly. “No. I don’t know. You’re a rock star, and I’m broke. The only thing we have in common any more is that we’re both from this small town.”
Something flared in his eyes, and this time, he curled his hand around mine. His thumb brushed over the galloping pulse in my wrist. “Don’t be so dismissive. We were each other’s first everything.”
“As famous as you are, I’m pretty sure your virginity has lost its luster. Just because we were each other’s first doesn’t mean we were meant to be.”
All the while, my heart banged in my chest, the accompanying echo of it sending blood rushing through my ears and sparks of heat scattering through me.
“I wasn’t talking about sex. First love. Torn apart by circumstance,” he added with a dramatic glint in his eye.
“I’m a little too cynical for that,” I finally said.
“Let me prove you wrong.”
His dark hair was mussed, his bangs falling over one side of his forehead as he held my eyes. Staring into
his mossy green gaze, I realized he was dead serious. “That’s crazy,” I sputtered.
“No, it’s not. Don’t even try to pretend there’s not still a spark, Brynn Sparks,” he said pointedly. “Plus, I don’t even have to worry that you want me for my money as this is now the second time you’ve turned me down.”
“What if I do want you for your money, and I’m just really good at playing it cool?”
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t believe you.” He paused, his eyes shifting down and back up.
I could feel the burn of his gaze on my skin, which was crazy. Jesus. Apparently, being around a rock star made me lose my marbles.
“One kiss.”
His words felt like a dare. Who was I kidding? I totally wanted to kiss him. Partly out of curiosity, but there was a spark, and I wasn’t up for debating that point.
“Okay. Just one. But not here.” I held a hand up when I thought he was going to lean over the table.
“No PDA?” he teased.
He lifted a hand and opened my palm, dropping a kiss in the center which felt like a drop of warm honey as it rippled through my entire system. Then he dusted a kiss over the inside of my wrist. It’s a good thing I was sitting down. Otherwise, I would’ve collapsed. As it was, my knees still went weak and butterflies spun in my belly, leaving me breathless and hot all over.
When he released my hand and looked back at me, his eyes were pure molten lava. “Let me take you home.”