by Elena Aitken
I brushed off my anger at her ex. It would serve no purpose for Brynn to hear me tell her what an asshole he was again. I didn’t want to dwell on that. Not now. “What are you planning to do here?”
Her responding laugh was bitter. The sound felt like a knife dragged across my heart because Brynn wasn’t supposed to be bitter.
“I have no idea. I guess I came home figuring I could get my bearings and make a plan. I certainly didn’t expect to see you.”
A short while later when I stepped into Alpenglow Pizza, I glanced around. Apparently, this was the hot new restaurant in my hometown. When I mentioned to Janet as I was leaving Firehouse Café earlier that we were having dinner here, she talked it up.
As soon as we walked in, a woman I didn’t know recognized me and squealed. Fuck. I was somewhat accustomed to dealing with the attention of fame, but it was still a little surprising here in Willow Brook.
Brynn glanced in the woman’s direction, but shrugged it off, immediately ignoring the attention. I had her hand in mine already, and it felt exactly right. She hadn’t pulled away since we walked in, so I took that as a win.
We walked up to the counter. “I bet that can get old,” Brynn said, sotto voce.
I shrugged. “You get used to it. I do my best to ignore it.”
When we got to the counter, the woman there smiled at us. “Should we just have a seat?” Brynn asked. “Or do we order here?”
“Either works,” the woman said, her voice a little bright. Her eyes lingered on me.
Brynn leaned an elbow on the counter, completely ignoring the woman staring at me. She kept her other hand laced in mine. She squeezed her fingers slightly around mine, and that’s when I knew, maybe, just maybe, she’d give us a shot.
“Let’s just order here. Pepperoni?” She looked at me.
“Definitely.”
It felt as if sparks danced through the air between us when her eyes held mine for a beat too long. I brushed my thumb on the inside of her wrist, gratified to feel the rapid pulse thrumming along under the silky skin there.
Brynn
It was over when Caden said “definitely” to pepperoni pizza. That was my first indication that I was going to give in. I didn’t know what might come of us, but I didn’t think I could resist him. It was too good to see him again, too comfortable to be with him when I let myself forget he was a rock star.
Just like in high school, I ate two pieces of the pizza we ordered, and Caden ate the rest. We always got a medium. I would eat two pieces, and he would eat three. He still liked hot peppers sprinkled over the top and a little bit of Parmesan cheese. The pizza was, as promised, delicious.
He leaned back in the booth. When he stretched his leg over and I felt the brush of his calf against mine, it sent a sizzle of sensation up my leg. His eyes snagged on mine. He didn’t say a word, and I felt a little tug in my belly. I couldn’t look away. I reached for my glass of water, taking a quick swallow and futilely wishing the cool liquid could break the heat flooding through me.
“Can I persuade you to stay with me tonight?” he asked, his voice husky and low.
Oh. My. God. If I thought Caden was tempting back when we were in high school, the temptation factor was astronomically higher now. He wore his casual hotness easily. While I wasn’t counting his rock star status, it was as if there was a sheen clinging to him. His heavy-lidded gaze sent liquid need spinning through my veins.
By force of will and gathering up every ounce of my discipline, I shook my head. “Not tonight.”
“Does that mean another night, perhaps?”
“Caden, slow down. We haven’t seen each other in over ten years, and you’re sweeping into town. I don’t know what you’re doing. It is good to see you, but give me a chance to breathe. Please.”
He regarded me quietly for several beats. He leaned forward, dipping his chin. “Okay. I didn’t mean to rush.”
“What is this about for you?”
Caden
Brynn’s question played on a loop in my thoughts after I dropped her off. Maybe she wasn’t coming home with me tonight, but I did steal another kiss. It was just as good as the first one, maybe even better because it felt like I was relearning her.
I didn’t know how to explain to her that finding her card had galvanized something in me. I’d been feeling too cynical and jaded and too young to feel that way. After Wes’s accidental overdose, the rest of us in the band were shellacked. We’d known he’d gotten reckless, but it was still shocking and frightening. It wasn’t only that for me, though. I’d felt as if I were running on fumes and weary of questioning everyone who sought me out with the exception of my closest friends and my team.
Then my dad died, and memories had pummeled me. I wasn’t that old, and both of my parents were gone. My mom to ovarian cancer three years ago, and my dad to sepsis that developed after he had what was supposed to be a straightforward surgery on a hernia.
With a break in touring for the band while Wes went to treatment and worked on making some serious changes, I had time to think. I’d missed Brynn. I missed how real she was. If I was being honest, I didn’t know how I was going to feel when I saw her again back when I found that card. Yet now that I had, everything rushed back. I wanted her. I really wanted her.
I tossed my keys on the table by the door when I walked in my dad’s house. The space felt empty and echoing with memories. I contemplated stringing lights on the Christmas tree in the yard, like we used to when I was a little boy and before my parents hated each other.
Suddenly motivated to do that, I walked into the garage, aiming for the shelves at the back. It didn’t take me long to find the old plastic bin with the Christmas lights. I didn’t care that it was dark out. I started the SUV and aimed the headlights at the tall Spruce tree centered in the front yard. Within a half hour, I had the lights strung and plugged in. They glittered in the darkness, reflecting off the snow.
Before I went to bed, I sent Brynn a text. I decided to simply lay it on the line.
You asked what this was about for me. I miss everything we had, and I want another chance.
Brynn
“He said what?” Holly asked.
At the urging of Maisie and Holly, I’d come to this girls’ cards night. Apparently, they did this often. Somehow, the topic had turned to Caden.
I read his text aloud. “You asked what this was about for me. I miss everything we had, and I want another chance.”
“Wow,” Amelia offered, brushing a loose lock of hair off her cheek. “Gotta give him points for being direct.”
“What do you want?” Lucy asked.
I wasn’t accustomed to this many questions about my love life. I glanced around the table. “I don’t know. He’s a rock star, and I’m broke and divorced.”
“You also totally had a thing for him in high school. You were a cute couple,” Holly pointed out. As if I hadn’t known she was on Team Caden from the start when she called to tell me he’d mentioned me in an interview.
“Can’t hurt to see what might happen,” Amelia commented.
Lucy caught my eyes. While I’d only known Lucy for a matter of days, I liked her. “She’s a fan of the second chance thing. She and Cade made up, and now they’re happy as can be.”
Amelia rolled her eyes. “As if there’s a problem with being happy. You’re totally happy with Levi.”
Although I hadn’t seen some of these women in years, it felt comfortable to be with them, and we’d fallen into the easy rhythm of old friends who’d grown up together. Lucy was a new arrival, as was Maisie, but everyone was kind and welcoming.
I surprised myself by confiding, “I don’t know what to think. Sure, maybe we did date in high school, but our lives couldn’t be more different right now. He’s famous and women probably send him panties in the mail.”
Holly gave me an assessing look. “Caden was a nice guy back then, and I doubt he’s turned into an asshole. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s not my vibe. I
ran into him at the gas station just this morning. He seems as nice as he ever was. Maybe a little more reserved than he used to be, but I think most people in his situation would be.”
I nodded because what she said made sense. Caden felt the way he did before. Maybe different, maybe a little banged up from life in both good and bad ways, but the core of him was true.
“You could always have a hot holiday fling,” Maisie suggested with a sly smile.
I couldn’t help but flush a little. “Perhaps.”
“There’s only one way to know,” Amelia said.
“To know what?” I pressed, looking toward Amelia.
“To know if you need to get him out of your system, or if there’s something more. Take it from someone else who ended up back with my high school sweetheart,” she explained.
“So, you didn’t know right off when you saw him again?”
Amelia shook her head. “Not totally. I was pretty sure, but there’s the whole nostalgia factor, which you can’t really control.”
“I say give it a shot,” Holly added. “When I saw Caden at the gas station, he told me he’s going to be here all the way through Christmas. That’s three weeks away. If nothing ever comes of it, you can always say you had a hot fling with a rock star.”
I rolled my eyes. “He was actually my boyfriend before, so I guess I could say that now.”
“Yeah, but he wasn’t a hot rock star then,” Lucy said.
Conversation was interrupted when Beck came through the kitchen door. A toddler boy was walking at his side, gripping his hand, while Beck held a smaller girl with his other arm. Both of the kids clapped eyes on Maisie. Beck dropped the hand of the little boy. Maisie smiled as she leaned over from her chair. “Hey, Max,” she commented as she lifted him into her lap and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
Beck stopped beside her, and she leaned over to kiss their little girl. Beck glanced around. “Sorry about interrupting card night.” He looked toward Maisie. “I’m gonna put them to bed, and we’ll stay upstairs.”
Max started to protest. “Daddy, I want—” Beck moved quickly, snagging two juice boxes out of the fridge with one hand. “Do you want some juice? Only way to get that is to come upstairs with me.”
There was a little twinge of envy in my heart, watching as Beck leaned over and kissed Maisie on the cheek before making his way up the stairs. He somehow managed to navigate with their daughter in one arm and his hand juggling the juice boxes as Max climbed the stairs carefully at his side.
Maisie watched them disappear, smiling over at us. “He’s good,” she offered with a grin.
“He is,” I replied. “He used to be such a flirt in high school. It’s kinda funny to see him all settled down as a family man.”
Maisie chuckled. “Beck is still a horrible flirt. He flirts with everything.”
“Everything?”
She nodded. “I think he would flirt with a rock if it presented itself in the right situation. He’s an amazing dad.”
“And totally whipped,” Lucy chimed in.
Maisie flushed slightly. Conversation moved on to matters other than husbands. As I looked around at old friends and new friends, I wondered what I wanted. I never imagined myself getting married and divorced so quickly. I certainly never imagined I’d even see Caden again. Not after he got so famous.
He was hardly out of my thoughts. Whether it was nostalgia or something more, he was oh, so tempting. I didn’t want to admit he was right, but that one kiss, and then another, had done absolutely nothing to cool the embers of our old connection. It had flickered to life, and now the flame held steady.
As I was leaving, Amelia happened to be walking outside with me. When she reached her car parked beside mine, she looked over. “I’m not much for giving advice, but I have one suggestion. Maybe ask yourself if you’re always going to wonder if you don’t see what happens. Because if you’re going to wonder, then don’t make it a regret.”
I let out a startled laugh. “Well, geez, that’s kind of heavy.”
She smiled. “Maybe, but that’s why I decided to give things a shot with Cade.”
She said good night, and I drove home. After going through the gauntlet of my mother’s questions, when I was alone in my old childhood bedroom, my fingers twitched with the urge to text Caden and tell him I wanted to see him again.
Caden
My shoulders were shaking with laughter as Cade looked over at Beck in exasperation. “Dude, cut the shit.”
Beck shrugged, unabashed. “I’m serious. Is Amelia pregnant again? I’d actually bet money on it.” He looked at Levi who I’d met tonight. “How much do you want to bet?”
“Nothing, dude,” Levi replied. “That’s ridiculous, betting on how many kids people are going to have.”
“I’m good with two,” Beck replied easily.
“And I’m good with one,” Levi offered.
“How about you?” Beck looked over at me.
“Kids?” I returned, a little startled by his question.
“Yeah. Just because you’re a rock star doesn’t mean you can’t have a family.”
Cade cast me a grin. “Plus, we heard from Janet this morning that you had dinner with Brynn.”
I groaned. “Oh, my fucking God. It’s like an actual tabloid, but it’s the telephone game instead.”
Beck chuckled. “It is.”
Levi piped up, “Lucy told me to warn you.”
He was referring to his wife, who I’d met the other day at coffee at Firehouse Café where Janet was apparently spreading gossip about me.
“Warn me?” I prompted.
“Lucy said she’ll kick your ass if you hurt Brynn,” he commented, his tone dry.
Beck nodded, and Cade’s lips were twitching with a smile. Ward, who I’d only just met tonight, was a little quieter, although I did see a glint in his eyes. I took a swallow of my beer, twirling the bottle between my fingertips when I lowered it and glanced around the table. “I’m not going to hurt Brynn. I don’t even know if she’s going to give me a chance.”
“Dude, you’re a fucking rock star,” Beck replied. “I’m sure if she doesn’t give you a shot, someone else will.”
“That’s the problem. I only want Brynn.”
When Beck had invited me to get together with the guys at Wildlands, I’d accepted, because it felt good to connect with old friends. There were some curious looks when I came in, but no one interrupted us. It was downright nice to be with people who knew me before my life turned into the crazy shitshow fame brought along with it.
Although I certainly hadn’t expected it, this night with the guys only strengthened what I knew I wanted with Brynn. Maybe she wasn’t there yet, but the old feelings I had had more than held strong. I just needed to remind her of how much we meant to each other.
A few hours later, I let myself into the empty house again. Usually, getting a woman to give me a chance wasn’t something I had to work for. Not the past few years. But it always felt skin deep, as if they didn’t really want me. They wanted the image and the idea. Not me.
Maybe it was pushing it, but I decided to lay it on the line with Brynn.
I know you want time. Maybe this is too much, but I still love you. I don’t think I ever stopped.
Brynn
Every time I read Caden’s text, my belly flipped and my pulse raced. Gah! It was just a text. He still loved me? How could he even know that?
I thought about Amelia’s advice the other night, and I knew the answer. I would definitely regret it. Her question didn’t even require contemplation on my part. I absolutely knew I would wonder forever about what might have been with Caden if I didn’t let myself see what happened.
Hours later that evening, I drove down the driveway to his father’s old home. I had borrowed my mother’s car. Of course, she didn’t need it tonight the second I told her Caden had invited me out to his place for dinner. Coming out here somehow felt intimate. Because no one else was here.
/> When I slowed to a stop in the driveway and looked ahead, I laughed to myself, a fizzy sense of joy rushing through me. I found it hard to believe, but Caden had apparently decorated the tree in their yard with lights. They’d always done that before. Although Caden didn’t become my boyfriend until we were in high school, Willow Brook was a small town. I knew they decorated a tree in their yard every year.
A vivid memory flashed in my thoughts—the time I helped him string the lights in high school. He kept teasing me and kissing me while I kept trying to get him to behave because I was afraid his parents could see us.
Emotion welled inside. I couldn’t believe I was feeling hopeful about romance. I couldn’t even believe I’d kissed Caden again. I never thought I’d see him again, especially not after he got big and famous.
My pulse went completely out of control the second I stood on the landing in front of the house. Just when I thought it couldn’t go any faster, it felt as if Caden slammed his foot on the gas pedal and sent it rocketing when he opened the door.
In what felt like another time and world, I’d loved Caden fiercely. But then, I was just a girl, and he was just a boy. It had been intense, and we’d lost our virginity to each other. Then he moved away, and that was it. I was left to grieve our youthful romance in disillusion alone.
After he gestured me through the doorway and took my coat, I walked with him into the living room. My eyes arced about the space. It felt as if I’d walked into a time warp. The peaked roof with beams crisscrossing above, the windows offering an expansive view of the mountains bathed in the pearly illumination from the moon, and the holiday tree glittering in the darkness.
“You’re not an easy woman to persuade,” Caden said softly as he stepped a little closer.