The tree’s bark caught my jacket as I backed into it, with Eliza’s chapped lips against mine. Breathing my air, Eliza slipped the letter out of my hand, allowing it to flutter to the grass. I didn’t need to read it again anyway; its contents had burned into my memory, as the taste of her had, and the subtle sound of her knotting her fingers in my hair.
She pushed her passion into me. We kissed until the sky turned purple, savoring each other until the last ray of sun had set our hearts on fire.
RULE NUMBER 22
A bro shalt cheat only on his homework. Never on an exam, a girlfriend, or himself.
Things were not the same in the weeks, then months, that followed. Carter had meant it when he said he was done. He began to treat me even worse than we treated the freshmen when we hazed them, like when they would talk to us, and we’d talk over them like we couldn’t hear them. When we walked past the froshies in the hall, we would bump into them and pretend they smelled like women’s deodorant. It had recently occurred to me that we should stop doing that.
When Carter walked by me in the hall, he didn’t react in the slightest. When I started talking at our lunch table, he waited for me to finish, and changed the subject. I would have preferred for him to be blatantly rude.
But I was the one who’d broken the stupid code.
Carter had really put his money where his mouth was too. He’d completely ghosted Hannah and stopped inviting people who weren’t Austin, Robert, or Jamal to do anything with him. According to Austin, Carter was more focused than ever on college and had even driven down to Clarkebridge for a pre-med acceptance meeting. I was still studying for the AP bio test, miles away from the program I wanted to attend.
There was that, and then the fact that I now had to do all of my own homework. Austin and Carter still shared their answers with each other, but Austin couldn’t give me as many of his. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to; he didn’t have time.
I was starting to get why people say high school is hard.
At least I had Eliza. After the soccer season ended, we’d established her room as our after-school study spot. We were “allowed” to do that because Olivia felt bad for me. (Though her pity cupcakes were almost enough to make me feel normal.) While I poured over my biology textbook, Eliza worked at her drawing table, building her portfolio for art school.
The afternoons always got worse, however, when the back door slammed and heavy feet climbed up the stairs. Carter wouldn’t say anything as he passed Eliza’s room, where we waited, hoping this would be the day he’d come talk to us. He’d stomp all the way down the hall and slam his door, through which the opening melody of Fortnite sang down to us. Eliza always called out a hello and waited for him to say it back. And I always wondered if I should go up there to say something.
Carter never said hello back.
I never went up there to say something.
Sooner than I wanted, the critical day in February was upon us, and my fate was in the hands of the AP bio test. The exam room was a few towns over, and I had to wake up at 5:00 a.m. to not miss it. On a Saturday.
I shuffled into the exam room ten minutes before it began, as instructed. It was a stuffy, moldy-smelling classroom, and my head immediately began to throb. The shiny floors made walking in feel like boarding a spaceship, but I managed to show the exam proctor my ID. He was a twenty-something skinny dude that must have been a grad student. His square glasses and ultimate frisbee jersey made him an ultra-nerd. Before, I would have written him off in my book, though after starting to appreciate nerds for their intellect and ability to help me study, I actually began wondering what this guy’s deal was. Who was his baseball team? Which Smash character did he play?
The proctor pushed me a thick exam packet and a number two pencil. “Fill out your name on the front and don’t open it until I start the exam.”
Sir, yes sir! I turned to take the one empty seat left in the room (apparently nerds show up on time to things) and stopped cold. There, sitting three rows away, and next to the exact seat that I had to take, was Carter O’Connor.
There were two possible days to take this exam, today and the week after. Of course we’d picked the same day. Why hadn’t Eliza warned me that he’d be there? She probably didn’t know, I thought.
“Hey, man.” I plopped the packet on my heavily graffitied desk. “Guess all the studying with me paid off,” I tried to joke.
He paused, considering actually speaking to me. Finally, he nodded back. “Good luck.”
I bubbled in my name on the exam sheet. I yearned to turn to Carter and start making fun of the exam proctor. I didn’t.
“Good morning, everyone,” the proctor finally said. “The exam will have four sections, each forty-five minutes. Do not skip ahead to the next section . . .” he rattled off the terms for every standardized test in existence. “Turn off your cell phones. No talking. Your time starts now.”
Packets shuffled as everyone raced to begin the first section. I sighed and went to Question #1. My heart pounded in my throat—I had no idea what I was reading. It’s okay. Deep breaths.
My testmates scribbled in their exam books, well underway with their answers. Carter glanced over. Seeing how nervous I was, he nodded. Either to say I could do it, or to say I was wasting time. No matter, it helped me pull myself back together and begin the freaking test.
That. Was. Exhausting. By the end of the three hours, my stomach growled like I was officially starving out of my life, while it was barely lunchtime. I packed up my stuff and turned on my phone to see a few emails and a voicemail from Eliza. While the rest of the test-takers filed out, her message played.
“Hey, superstar.” Her voice was loud on the receiver, especially in the mostly empty classroom. “Wanted to say good luck today! So good luck! Love you.”
I smiled. That was cute.
Carter stood at the front of the classroom, right by the door, waiting for me.
“You hitting the road now?” he asked.
“Probs. Traffic’s gonna suck on the way back.”
Carter nodded, like he was in the same boat. “Hey, real quick, want to grab lunch?”
What?
“Yeah,” I said, “of course. Where were you thinking?”
Carter led me to a pizza joint next to the school. Because where else could we have our first discussion together in months?
Pizza was the great equalizer.
We each ordered a slice and a Coke. Carter picked out a booth by the window, and I have to say, it felt very Godfather-y. This was the part where I was either about to be warned about impending death, or he was about to demand wads of cash.
“I’m going to get right to it,” said Carter, looking down at his pizza. He was uncomfortable because he was being direct, but not meeting my eyes. Carter was the OB person who had told me that directness is all about looking someone in the eye.
“I . . .” he searched for the right words, another sign that grabbing me for a quick bite was a total impulse move, “. . . I didn’t realize she loved you.”
The pizza melted in my mouth. That was not what I expected him to say. “I was shocked by that as well. Given what she knows about me, and all.”
Carter nodded. “Do you—”
At the same time I said, “I try—”
We stopped, each gesturing for the other to finish their sentence.
I went first. “I try to give her everything she deserves. So yeah, um. I . . . I love her too.”
A few other test-takers scattered into the restaurant, creating enough noise that we wouldn’t be easily overheard. Our exam proctor dug into a calzone the size of his head a few booths over. Mad respect.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you why she and Austin ended, or what really happened with Sarah.”
“Super shady,” I said.
“Yeah. I don’t like the guy wh
o did those things, or the guy who hid it. I’m trying this new thing where I’m not that guy.”
“I was always planning to tell you about Eliza,” I said. “It was going to be right after Jeff’s party. Which, yeah, was a month after it started.”
“No kidding. I guess all that happened in the worst way it could have happened. Jeff’s party was . . . Seriously though, how does Madison actually end up in the middle of every tiny piece of drama?”
My pepperoni smacked in my mouth. “Honestly, it’s impressive.”
Carter took a big bite of his pizza, now starting to actually look at me. “That night Austin told you about—with Austin and Eliza, and me and Sarah—I didn’t really understand it. Felt guilty, mostly. And a lot of guilt went into protecting Eliza.”
He looked away. “I should have trusted you to be with her, but I didn’t trust my judgment. And then when I found out you were seeing her behind my back . . .”
“That was the worst way it could have happened,” I repeated.
“I talked to Sarah a couple weeks ago.”
“Really?”
Grease rolled down Carter’s wrist. He ignored it.
“I didn’t think I had it in me. Turns out, I was only a blip on her radar. She thought how I treated her was normal.”
“Geez,” I said.
“I gave her my whole apology anyway. Broke down during it. Maybe now she and I are even. I told her she deserves better. I hope she finds it.”
I swallowed. I had always thought that Carter was the best of us. The last few months, not so much, but he’d proven that he was human, and even he makes mistakes. This, however, was next-level Carter. Owning up to his mistakes, respecting people beyond how anyone expected him to, this was Carter all along. He’d just gotten lost for a while.
“Anyways,” he continued, “Eliza told me you’d be here today, and that I should be nice to you because she loves you. Today’s the first time she’s told me that.” He paused, “I don’t know. Maybe you guys are actually perfect for each other. Eliza deserves the chance to find out.”
“Thanks,” I started. He wasn’t finished.
“It took me longer to come around to whether or not you deserve it. Of course you do, though. I’d made it about me. Since I didn’t feel like I deserve another chance with a girl, ever.”
“You sound very self-aware about this,” I joked.
Carter smiled, somewhat sheepishly. “I’ve started seeing someone.”
“What? Who, Hannah?” As far as I knew, that was long over.
“Nah. Like, a shrink. You know, to unpack all those mommy and daddy issues.” He coughed and listened to the bustle of people eating pizza. I stayed quiet, unsure if he wanted to tell me more.
He did.
“Finally aired all the B.S. I’ve been thinking about my dad,” said Carter, “how he actually played into what happened with Sarah, where he abandoned his own family and had no concern for our emotions and treated us and my mom like garbage. I couldn’t deal with that. I gave myself so much responsibility to do the right thing, after what he did. Especially when it came to Eliza. I’m starting to be able to weed through it all, though. It’s helping a lot.”
“Wow.” It took a lot of courage to admit to seeing a therapist, and the rest of what he’d said. Especially from a bro. “Good for you.”
“Yeah. I’m trying to get Eliza to go too. Anyway, the doc suggested a while ago that the first step in forgiving myself would be to forgive you. So . . .” He held up his soda. “Cheers?”
Grinning, I lifted up my can. “Maybe I should go see this miracle worker.”
Carter looked out the window at the high school campus. It was much bigger than ours was, and a lot of students loitered about for a Saturday. “I should’ve told you I was going to be here today. Would’ve saved some gas, maybe.”
I rested my elbows on the table. “I should’ve told you a bunch of things,” I said. “Now we know.”
“Now we freaking know.” He crumpled up his greasy napkin and tossed it onto his paper plate. “Anyways, we gotta talk senior pranks,” he said, a familiar glint appearing in his eye.
“Ah. The real reason you wanna be BFFs again. I always was the better pranker.”
“Dick,” said Carter.
“You didn’t deny it.”
“I’d say we’re about even. Which means with our ideas combined, this year could go down in history.”
“Fair enough. What are you thinking?”
“Chef Pizzeria,” he said.
“Obviously.”
“We build a giant pillow fort inside the school and put him at the end. Like a king.”
“We dress him in pajamas and give him one of those eye masks,” I said.
“Exactly.”
“Not bad.” I scratched my chin. “I’ll raise you one. The pillows are filled with Jell-O.”
“Bro,” said Carter.
“Bro.” I reached for a fist bump.
Our fellow test-takers had begun to file out of the restaurant, and our proctor waved to us as he tossed away his plate. With the noise dying down, Carter’s voice lowered.
“You still want to do Clarkebridge’s PT program?”
I nodded. “Helping people with their injuries. Giving them hope again. I want to help people, on that level.”
Carter leaned back against his seat cushion. “That’s what I want to do with pre-med,” he said, “I want to be a goddamn superhero. I don’t know if she told you, I’m going to Clarkebridge too.” He laughed. “They’re going to have no idea what hit them.”
“If I get into that PT program. That exam was a doozy from hell.”
Carter shook his head. “You’ll get in. You crushed that exam.”
“You know something I don’t?”
“I may have sneaked a few peeks, to check on you.”
“Do you mean to tell me,” I said in a rushed whisper, so no one from the exam would overhear, “That Carter O’Connor cheated?”
“It’s not like I copied you. Wanted to check—”
“Sure,” I said. “Surrre you didn’t.”
Carter chuckled; he’d never give himself away. “How sick is it going to be to play soccer there, though? You’re on the team, right? PT program or not?”
“Hell yeah.”
“Same.” He lit up, and I finally, fully recognized the kids from Eliza’s letter. The old Carter, and the old me.
“And now we’re here,” I said. “New team, same digs.”
The table clanged as Carter drummed it with his fingers. “Damn, we’re gonna be good.”
Epilogue
“Cannonball!”
“No!!”
“Stop it!” The girls on the side of Carter’s pool shrieked as the splash crashed into them.
Carter surfaced from his jump and doggy paddled through the crowded waters to where Austin and I baked on the pool’s edge.
Austin held up nine fingers. “That was solid, dude. But I bet you can beat it.”
“Four,” I said. “I’ve seen better.”
Carter pushed water at me, splashing my swim trunks. “Whatever.”
“Nice try.” I adjusted my sunglasses. It was a hot May afternoon, perfect for us and a hundred of our classmates to celebrate our very last day of school together.
“I was going to give it a three,” my favorite voice called behind us.
A soft kiss landed on my cheek and Carter stuck out his tongue. “Can you guys stop being adorable, please? It’s nauseating.”
Eliza slid her arm around my bare shoulders, making my world feel complete again. “Don’t hate us ’cause you ain’t us.”
“The good thing about you being wifed up,” said Carter, “is you’ll be extra able to wingman for me with the college girls.”
“I a
m the best wingman.” Though we all knew Carter wouldn’t need one.
“Mags, I can’t believe you’re giving up college girls before you’ve even met them,” Austin sighed. “No offense,” he added as Eliza feigned complete shock.
“Not my fault you blew it in high school.” I fist-bumped Eliza. She leaned against my shoulder, relaxing under the sun. A year ago, I’d have agreed with Austin. I’d have said there was no girl who’d be worth basically unlimited girls at college. Now, I knew college girls would be the same as high school girls. Only more of them. And none of them would be as perfect for me as she was. So it didn’t matter.
“You’re going to bring cupcakes when you come visit though, right?” I asked. “Otherwise we might not have a deal.”
“Will you help me?” Eliza said to Carter.
He grabbed my legs and she pushed from behind, launching me into the water. Which, after sitting in the heat for a few hours, felt amazing.
When I came up, Robert and Hannah strode over to us, hand in hand. I elbowed Carter and he sighed. After Carter had decided he didn’t really want to try things out with Hannah, she finally gave Robert a shot. My boy must’ve done all right, because she pretty much never left him alone. Not that he wanted her to.
Behind them, Jamal and Josh Daley waded in the shallow end, taking turns spiking an inflatable beach ball at Madison, who sunbathed on the pool’s steps. After the bottle spinning disaster, Austin realized he wanted something from Madison that she’d never be able to give him. Madison had stayed hung up on Carter for a few weeks, until one night she and Josh Daley hooked up and never really stopped. They were good for each other too; both of them had lightened up and become consistent faces in our friend group. Last I heard, Madison and Josh were planning a gap year to bike across Africa.
“Karvotsky’s looking for you guys,” Robert announced.
“Ooh, yeah.” Austin stood. Carter and I pushed ourselves out of the pool.
“We’ve got to do a thing,” I said to Eliza, as Carter scooped up the top-secret notebook from underneath his bright beach towel. For real, the thing even said Top Secret.
The Bro Code Page 24