“Now you’re trying to pick a fight. I’d never be embarrassed of you. Want me to shout it out here and now?” He cocks a brow and grabs a fork off the table using it to tap the side of his bottle of Budweiser. “Everyone, listen up. I’ve put my claim in on Hazel.”
Hoots and hollers erupt drowning out the music and that sensation of being unwanted and unwelcome fades. I grasp to the edges, not wanting to lose the familiar emotion. It’s all I’ve ever known.
I’ve always been on my own. Nowhere to truly call home. No family to call my own outside of what Beni and I had as kids. Kindness has never been a friend of mine. I’ve been pushed around one too many times. Ran when things got remotely real or complicated. There’s always been this voice inside me telling me I had better run. My heart beats rapidly in my chest.
I want to run. I’m scared of what we could be and how it’ll destroy me if this doesn’t work.
Anxiety clings to me like a second skin with all focus in the room shifted to the two of us.
Multiple club members and their Ol’ Ladies approach us to congratulate Holy and welcome me into their fold. The attention is overwhelming. The room spins around me as I try to take it all in and remember their names. Lily’s gaze pierces me as does the ugly scar her makeup fails to hide. I know I don’t owe her anything, but maybe it’s time I stop running and face things head on with Holy at my back.
Time to confront the past and let go of the chains that have been holding me hostage there.
“Hazel, can we talk?”
“Yeah sure.” I nod and squeeze my man’s hand for support.
“Someplace more private?”
“Of course, but I’d prefer Beni comes with me.”
“Um, whatever makes you more comfortable.”
“We can go to my office.”
I turn to Holy. “You have an office?”
“That so hard to believe?”
“Uh yeah.” He’s full of surprises.
He chuckles. “C’mon.” He leads us down a hallway past a portrait of a young woman who favors me in some ways. Though her hair is darker as are her eyes.
“Who is she?”
“That’s your cousin Rochelle. My brother James or as you might know him Murder’s daughter. She’s deceased,” Lily tells me.
“What happened to her?”
“Car accident.”
An overwhelming sadness washes through me. She was beautiful. How loved she must have been to be honored in such a way. My initial impression of my uncle softens. Her loss had to of hurt him deeply. A pang of jealousy momentarily hits me. I don’t know who my father is or was. Did he want me? Did he know about me?
We pass by a door that says President on the outside. The next reads Chaplain. “You were serious,” I murmur as he unlocks the door. I enter and am surprised there’s a small desk and a couch like you’d see in a therapist office. I don’t know what I expected, but this definitely wasn’t it.
“You two sit,” Holy orders Lily and me to the couch while he takes a seat behind the desk. “Pretend I’m not even here.”
Like he doesn’t dominate my every thought.
The whole situation is tense and awkward. I sit on the edge of the couch near the door ready to bolt. My birth mother sits on the opposite end wisely giving me some space.
“Hazel, thank you for agreeing to this. I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
I don’t tell her I wasn’t given much of a choice. That I came here cuffed and collared by a possessive lunatic. Or that part of me enjoys being his captive. “I wasn’t sure I would either to be honest.”
“I understand, and I don’t want you to think I have any expectations, but I’d really love it if we could get to know each other.”
“I appreciate that. I just...this is a bit overwhelming.”
“I can see that. You and Holy are together? I’m confused. How long have you known each other?”
“Since we were kids.”
Lily balks at the information and lets out a small gasp. “That long. I had no idea.” Her eyes narrow into slits, and she glares at Holy.
I feel the need to defend him, though I don’t think we owe her any explanations. “We lost contact but yeah, he knows me better than anyone.”
“Why? Why wouldn’t you have told me that? I gave you her picture and you said nothing. You knew my daughter and didn’t say a word.” Her eyes brim with tears.
I don’t want to have remorse for her or care that she’s hurt by this revelation. The woman turned her back on me the second I was born.
“Had my reasons. Hazel wants to share her side of our past with you then that’s her choice. Wasn’t going to take it from her.”
“My search for her—it brought you back together?” she hedges. I guess she’s wondering how long he’s kept me a secret.
“It did,” I answer. “I thought I’d never see Benicio again, but I’m glad he’s back in my life. He was always there for me. He’s my real family. The only person who has ever given a damn about me.” The truth may hurt her but there it is. Benicio has always been the realest. The one to love me. The emotions of it hit me square in the chest. It’s him. It always has been. Time separating us be damned.
“I never stopped loving you. I don’t want you to think I rejected you. I wanted you to have a better life. I wasn’t mentally in a place to care for you. I don’t expect you to forgive my choices, but I hope you can understand them. You see I was raped.” Her hand moves to the scar on her face.
My stomach drops.
“I wished for death. It was one of my darkest times. My husband. Your father.” She pauses briefly, staring at her hands clasped in her lap. “He tried to move past it and when I became pregnant, I thought he had. Only he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened to me. He blamed himself and couldn’t get past the thought that you might not be his. He took his own life and my brother. James. He murdered the man who raped me and went to prison for it. I was alone and scared. I couldn’t handle taking care of a child. I’m sorry for that, but never think that you weren’t loved or wanted. Giving you up was my greatest act of love. It’s the best I could give you. I was at my lowest.”
“I don’t know what to say to that.” I try to take it all in, but it’s all so much to unpack. What happened to her is completely fucked. Hard to be mad at someone who has experienced that much loss and pain.
“You don’t need to. Just consider giving me an opportunity to be the mom now that I couldn’t be for you then. That’s all I am asking for is a chance. I’ll be in town a while longer. I’m staying at Alexa’s. Do you... do you have a place to stay?”
“Yeah, with me,” Holy answers for me.
“Right. Okay. Well, it’s getting late, so I’ll get out of your hair. I’m sure you have things to talk about. Maybe we can have lunch in a couple of days. You could come over to Alexa’s. I can cook.”
“Maybe.” Damn my heart hurts. The walls close in around me. I want to hate her. I want to bolt from this room. From this clubhouse and never look back, but then I look at him. At Holy.
Chapter Sixteen
“You good?” Holy crosses the room to where I’m still perched on the edge of the couch in his office at the clubhouse after meeting my birth mother. He crouches in front of me, taking my hands in his.
“Mhmm.” I nod.
“Babe, look at me.” I give him my attention. “Tell me what’s going through your mind right now.”
“The thought of being my father drove a man to suicide.” The idea of being my father drove him mad. So mad he took his own life. Its fucked. I wish she’d never told me. I think hearing her rapist was my father would have been easier to digest. I want to hit something. I want to scream.
“No. We aren’t doing that. You aren’t putting any of that shit on you.” He squeezes my hands trying to ground me but any illusions I ever had about my father have been shattered.
So many times I allowed myself to daydream that somewhere out there my father wa
s searching for me. That he wanted me. That one day we’d be reunited. Like some stupid movie or after school special. I knew it would never happen, but I dared to dream. And now I know that it was never possible and never will be.
“You heard her. You were sitting right here.”
“She didn’t mean it that way. You know that. It’s not the way it sounded. Any man would have been lucky to have you for a daughter.”
“It’s a lot to unpack.”
“Yeah, it is. You want to get out of here or head upstairs to my room?”
“Your place. I need air.”
“Whatever you need. Let’s ride out.” He taps my knee and stands.
I accept his offered hand. The wedding reception has turned a lot wilder. The musky, dead skunk ass scent of weed permeates the bar area. The bride and groom are long gone.
“Is it true? You’ve got an Ol’ Lady now?” Some trashy looking bitch with smeared eyeliner leans up on my man and right now I am not the one. I will rip her head off and shove it up her ass.
I shove the whore backwards. “Know you heard him the first time. Yeah, Holy has an Ol’ Lady. So run along. Your services aren’t wanted nor are they needed.”
“Babe. Not necessary to act like that.”
“Really. So, you wouldn’t have a problem if anyone here came up and put a hand to my ass. Gave it a good squeeze. Or asked me to give them a lap dance since that’s what I’m good at?”
“Rein that shit in right now. Don’t show your ass. They fuckin’ know better.”
“Yeah, now so does she.”
“Can’t argue that.”
“Nope. Don’t even try it. You brought me here. Said you claimed me, whatever that means. Now you got me, and I don’t share, Beni. I won’t be your fool. Sitting at home and bake cookies while you fuck your whores. That ain’t me, babe. Never will be.”
“Jesus, you’re going full blown crazy right now, you know that? Seems I need to school you on being a biker babe.”
I snort. “How about the lesson can wait until after...,” I get up in his face close enough for our mouths to touch, “I’ve had a good night’s sleep and a bath.”
“I can handle that.” He grips my hips and brings his lips down on mine.
He kisses me hard and deep with lots of tongue and the tension leaves my body. How does he have such power over me? I lean into him. “Take me for a ride.”
“I can do that.”
We ride off into the night leaving all our worries behind. The open road lays out before us. My soul is tired, but with my arms wrapped around him I feel like maybe I’ll be all right.
**
Holy rents a mint green two-bedroom house with an attached porch outside of city limits. The moment he unlocks the door and flips on an interior light his energy shifts. The carefree nature that he encompassed on the road disappears. A dark cloud forms around him as he mutters the phrase, “what the fuck,” under his breath repeatedly.
I peer over his shoulder to see the cushions of his black leather sectional have been split open and the stuffing ripped out.
Yikes. This can’t be good.
He enters the house slowly, and I creep in keeping close but not too close. I’m expecting steam to blow out of his ears at any moment. His fists tighten and I follow his gaze to the broken screen of the Tv mounted to the wall and it appears that’s only the beginning. The words Fuck You are spray painted in bold red letters on the wall.
“Wow,” I mouth to myself as I look in the kitchen. Plates smashed on the floor. Looks like a jar of spaghetti sauce exploded. There’s even some dripping from the ceiling. “Were you robbed?”
“Nope.”
Then I see the word cheater on another wall.
“Nothing serious, right,” I mutter. “How many women are you fucking?” This is the work of a scorned woman.
Holy is standing with both fists clenched and his eyes closed breathing hard.
“One crazy bitch I never should have touched.”
“Right. So should I check the bedroom or...”
“I’ll see if I can get us a hotel room.”
I nod unsure what to say. What can I say? Sorry you were fucking a clingy, psychotic, bitch.
He pulls his cell phone out and makes some calls.
“Hotel is booked and my room at the clubhouse has been loaned out. I’m sorry. I had no idea that crazy cunt would pull some shit like this.”
I try damn hard not to laugh. “You didn’t know. Obviously.”
“I’ll get a prospect to clean this shit up tomorrow.”
“I can help.”
“No. Fuck no. You aren’t cleaning up her mess. This is on me to make right. I’ll sit her down and get her sorted. Joanie won’t be a problem.”
“No way. You aren’t going near the weirdo. After she did this? She’s liable to stab you in the neck or something.”
“I wasn’t asking your permission, Hazel.”
“Right. Is that another one of your biker world rules or something?” I roll my eyes.
“Now isn’t the time to get cute with me. I’m in a raw fucking mood, and I can’t guarantee I’ll be easy if you piss me off to the point of spanking your ass.”
“Is that a threat or a promise? You keep talking big game of all these things you’re going to do but have yet to deliver. Are you all talk?”
He breathes in deep. His dark eyes flash to mine. “You think I’m all talk? Think I won’t bend you over this couch and take my favorite paddle to your ass till it glows red?”
“Wait. You were serious about the paddle, and you say favorite meaning you own more than one? But this chick wasn’t your sub? Do I look dumb to you?” I wasn’t born yesterday. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out the dynamic. I’m going to take his favorite paddle and shove it up his ass.
“I like to be in control in the bedroom and test your limits, but that doesn’t make me a dom, babe. Only means I’m a kinky bastard.”
“And what if I wanted to spank you and test your limits. Tie you up and see how far I can push. You’d be okay with that?”
“I’d give it a go if you needed it, but not tonight. I’m beat.”
“Maybe your bedroom isn’t that bad,” I hedge. The thought of tying him up and having my way with him is hot. Crazy bitch be damned.
He stares down the hallway where she got creative with the spray paint. A broken heart and more Fuck Yous. He’s Mine.
We have completely derailed into crazy town, but I give her credit she’s got style and creative flair.
“How long were you seeing this bitch?”
“Not even a month.”
“And you didn’t see any red flags that she was a bit...” I twirl a finger by my ear. “Cuckoo.”
That earns me a chuckle. He regards me with his handsome smile. I’m irritated, but I want to kiss him right now. He’s infuriatingly sexy. Even when he’s annoying.
The bathroom looks to be untouched. Thank a bitch for small favors, I really want a shower. I’d rather not go to sleep all gross and dirty from all the riding we’ve done in the past twenty-four hours. The bedroom however—the stupid bitch is curled up naked, passed out, clutching an empty liquor bottle.
If it wasn’t for her obnoxious snoring, I’d think she’s dead.
“You’ve got to be shitting me,” he growls. “Fuck this dumb bitch.” He brings his cell phone back out and punches in a number. “I’ve got a situation.”
I don’t know what to do in this position. Part of me wants to throw her out on her ass or call the cops. Another part of me has sympathy for her. The girl obviously has issues. His dick game has to be out of this world to elicit such a strong reaction after one month.
Holy walks out of the room still talking to someone on his cell phone. I stand awkwardly next to his closet and wait for him to get back. I nudge the whore’s foot and she doesn’t budge.
I don’t want to crawl into his bed after she’s been in it. I can’t help but wonder when the last time
was he slept with her.
He returns a few minutes later with a bucket of water.
“Um...you sure you want to soak the bed we’re going to sleep on?”
He puts the bucket down and rubs his chin. “Fuck.”
“Cold shower should do the trick.”
“Right,” he mutters, scooping her into his arms. “Get the light in the bathroom.” He carries her limp body to the shower and puts her in the tub. Her long blonde hair hangs over her tits giving her little modesty.
Ugh. Stupid bitch. I want to smack some sense into her. I hate that she’s here. That she’s fucked him. That he’s having to deal with her at all. Like what else is life going to throw at us today?
Did she really think he’d come home to find his house destroyed and her naked in his bed would forgive it? That he’d be like damn this bitch is crazy best not let her slip away?
“I’ve got Viking coming to pick you up.”
My mouth opens then closes. “Say what?”
“Viking is coming.”
I’m going to choke him. Then her. Or maybe I can get them both at the same time one hand on each of their necks. “You know you’re doing exactly what she wants. Feeding into her bullshit and feeling sorry for her.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then tell me what’s it like? I won’t share you. You’re the one who was hellbent on my coming here and because this bitch throws a tantrum, you’re tossing me to the side? Is this what you want? Want me to go fuck up more of your shit to get your attention?”
“You didn’t sign on for this. I just figured you’d rather go crash then have to deal with this.” He starts fiddling with the faucet.
“If this thing between us is something you want to explore then she’s the one who needs to go. You stood up in front of your club to say I was your Ol’ Lady. I don’t know much about biker life, but I do know if you say a woman is yours you don’t push her to the side to take care of your scorned fuck buddy. So choose now, Holy. You gonna play hero to this cunt or are you going to get her out of here and keep your word to me? I’m not going to be at your beck and call. Maybe that’s what you are used to from the women you take to bed, but I don’t take orders. And I sure as fuck won’t compete for your attention. You either want to give it to me or I’ll find someone who does.”
Taken By The Biker (Royal Bastards MC: Charleston, WV, #6) Page 10