by Katie Meyer
* * *
Jessica allowed herself the space of a single heartbeat before answering. Any longer and she might let his pretty words and all the practical benefits of marriage—including the chance at getting her hands on her trust fund—overtake her good sense. “I’m sorry, Ryan, but I can’t tell you what you want to hear. Whatever you think you feel for me... It’s not real.” Strange, how the words tasted like a lie on her tongue.
Unwilling to think about why, she forced a smile. “It’s very sweet, though, for you to go to all this trouble. Very chivalrous. I don’t suppose you have a white horse hidden somewhere, do you?”
If Ryan was frustrated by her refusal, he didn’t show it. Despite the heat he remained cool and collected. “Fine. I had hoped that you felt something, like I did. And I’d hoped it could turn into more if we gave it a chance. But I won’t push you on that. You have every right to your feelings.”
She sighed, relief flooding through her body. She didn’t need this to be any more awkward than it already was. Feelings would just make things messier. “Good. Then we agree we need to approach this from a purely logistical standpoint.”
“I’m glad you said that. Because I have a plan B for you.”
“And what is that?”
Pleased with the more reasonable turn to the conversation, Jessica took a deep drink from her coffee.
“A marriage of convenience.”
Jessica sputtered, sweetened coffee spraying everywhere, burning her sinuses as she choked and coughed. “A what? Didn’t those go out of style with arranged marriages and bodice ripper romance novels?”
“Hear me out. That’s all I ask.”
Dumbstruck, she nodded and wiped her face with the hem of her shirt. She couldn’t imagine what on earth he was thinking, but at this point she had too much to lose to not at least listen.
“I’ve already mentioned the financial benefit as far as housing.”
Cautiously she nodded.
“Living costs in general would be less. I know you say you can handle things, but we both know how tight a cop’s budget is. In all honesty, child support will be a real stretch for me, on top of paying my own bills. I’ll do it if we decide that’s the best option,” he hastened to add. “I’m not trying to shirk my responsibility. But the money will go a lot further if we consolidate households.”
Somehow she never expected a proposal of marriage to include a discussion of consolidation. Even she was more romantic than that.
But he wasn’t done yet.
“There is also the matter of insurance.”
“Insurance?” She probably shouldn’t even be engaging in this conversation, but maybe his foolishness was rubbing off on her.
“Health insurance.”
“I’ve already got a policy. The same one as yours.”
“I know. But what happens if you have complications and can’t work? Or if you want to stay home after the baby is born?”
She held up a hand to stop him. “I will be going back to work.” That part was nonnegotiable. She needed to know that she could support herself. She couldn’t imagine giving up working entirely.
“That’s fine. I’ll support you in whatever you want to do. But there is always a chance that something could happen during the pregnancy. Besides, once the baby comes it will be less expensive to have one family policy.”
She caught herself nodding. Surely she wasn’t actually agreeing with him? But after the way she had passed out last night she couldn’t deny that the pregnancy made her more vulnerable. She couldn’t be sure what medical complications she might face—and that had her uneasy. She didn’t like the feeling. “I kind of get what you are saying. That doesn’t mean I agree, but I see where you’re coming from. But this doesn’t sound like a plan B. This sounds like the same plan you started out with, just with different reasons behind it. I’m not going to tie myself to someone until death do us part just for a better insurance rate.” Even her inheritance wasn’t enough to justify that kind of commitment. “Isn’t there some saying, about not choosing a permanent solution to a temporary problem?”
Ryan leaned forward putting his elbows on his knees, his gaze intense. “I get that. But what if it wasn’t a lifetime commitment? What if it was for a set duration?”
“Marriage doesn’t work that way, Ryan.”
“It could. If we wanted it to. I’m thinking a year. By then the baby will have been born and be old enough for daycare. You will have taken your maternity leave and you’ll be back at work. And between now and then you can save up for a better place for you and the baby to live once we go our separate ways. It makes sense, Jessica. You know it does.”
“A year?” That she was even considering his plan was a sign she needed her head examined. But as preposterous as his idea was, it did make a strange kind of sense. She didn’t like the thought of living off someone else’s dime, but if she saved all the money she would have spent on rent, then even if he changed his mind after a few months, she would have a decent financial cushion. And if they made it until the baby came, she’d get her inheritance money. Nothing in the will said she had to stay married...just be married when the baby was born.
And although she shouldn’t care, it would be a lot easier to break the news of the pregnancy to her mother if she was also announcing an engagement. It would probably be better for her reputation at work and in the community as well. Even in this day and age an unwed mother faced a stigma.
She hated to think she’d be using Ryan for financial gain and respectability, but it had been his idea. He wouldn’t have suggested it if he wasn’t going to benefit too, right? He seemed sincere about wanting to be actively involved as a father. Did she really have the right to deny him that? It was his baby too.
It was hard to believe that she was contemplating saying yes, but then again the last twenty-four hours had all been pretty surreal. Her world had turned upside down and all the rules had changed. Her new life was going to require her to step outside her comfort zone.
It would be hard to give up her plans of living alone, the independent life she had fought for, even if it was just temporary. But there was one thing she would not compromise on.
“We’re going to need to talk about sex.”
* * *
Ryan’s body stirred even as his brain realized he probably wouldn’t like where this was going. “What about it?”
“We aren’t going to be having it. Sex, I mean. If this is going to be a marriage in name only then it can’t get physical. I don’t want to complicate things.”
“Honey, I’d say the physical end of things is the least complicated part of our relationship. And it’s not like you can get any more pregnant.”
“I’m serious. If I agree to do this, and I’m not saying I will, but if I do, I need you to respect my boundaries.”
“What kind of boundaries? Other than no sex.”
“I want my own bank account. I don’t want to combine finances.”
“Fine.” He nodded and leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs out in front of him. He had no issue with her having her own money. He also planned to open a separate savings account for the baby, for college expenses or anything else he or she needed.
“I get to make my own decisions. Just because we sign some papers doesn’t mean you get to tell me what to do, or how to live.”
“Of course not.” Jessica was far from being a damsel in distress or a shrinking violet in need of someone to take charge. His ego might like to pretend he was rescuing her, but she was more than capable of handling things without him. He just didn’t want her to need to. “I’m not trying to take over your life, Jessica. I just want to make things easier for you and the baby. Anything else?”
She paused, tapping one finger on the table, before finally answering. “I don’t think so.”
“Then I’d like to propose one amend
ment to your list of conditions.”
“I’m not backing down on the no sex rule,” she warned, her tone firm.
He smiled. “How about no sex unless you ask for it? I wouldn’t want you to be locked into something you might regret later.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to ask for it.”
“I don’t know, I’ve heard that pregnant women often get very...how shall we say...amorous. It’s the hormones.”
She raised an eyebrow. “And you heard this where, exactly? Doesn’t seem like the kind of trivia you’d pick up in the locker room at the gym.”
“Um...” He ducked his head and looked down at the worn but clean boards that made up the porch floor. “It was on a reality show...one of the ones about rich housewives...” He scratched his neck.
Her giggle had him looking up again. She was a goddess when she laughed, and he’d happily embarrass himself more often if it meant seeing her like this.
“I don’t think that counts as a reliable source.”
“Maybe not, but aside from all that, I seem to remember that you enjoyed our night together.” He kept his voice quiet—they were out in the open, after all, and he wanted to keep his words for her ears only. “In fact, I do believe you were begging me for more. Stands to reason you might want to revisit things at some point.”
Her face reddened and it wasn’t from the scorching Florida sun. No, he was certain that she remembered that night just as well as he did, how they had burned for each other until they’d practically combusted. Heat like that didn’t just disappear.
She was the one looking away now, first toward the still-closed door into the house behind them and then out to the lawn where flowers and ferns clustered in the shade of a sheltering oak. When she finally turned back to him she’d schooled her features, only the brightness of her eyes giving away the intensity of her emotions. The ice queen was back.
“I don’t think there is anything to be gained by rehashing the past. But trust me, I’m not going to be begging you for anything.”
“If you say so.” He finished the last swallow of coffee and set down the mug. Now wasn’t the time to push her. Honestly, he was surprised she’d agreed so quickly. He’d expected way more of a fight. “So how do you want to do this? Make a big announcement? Talk to a priest?” He was pretty sure she’d mentioned that, like him, she’d been raised Catholic, although neither was very active in the faith.
She shook her head, some of her hair escaping the confines of her bun. “No priest. This whole thing is bad enough, I can’t handle lying to a priest on top of it.” She gave a half smile. “That probably seems silly.”
“Not silly.”
“Okay then. Let’s just keep things simple and quiet. The less fuss made the better.”
He liked the sound of that. “We could always elope. Go out of town for the weekend and come back married. People do it every day.”
She nodded thoughtfully. “I think that’s the way to go. And once the news gets out about the pregnancy, no one is going to question it. We’ll just say that we were dating back at the academy, and you followed me here to Paradise because you were in love with me. I was swept away by the gesture, and we ran off to get married.”
It wasn’t the truth, but it was believable. And it would get her under his roof and in his life. More importantly, the baby would be in his life. At least for a while. And if he planned to use the next twelve months to try and convince her to make their marriage a more permanent arrangement, well that was his business.
Because the more he was around Jessica, the more he wanted to be with her. He could only hope that she grew to feel the same way, or the next year—living with her but not touching her—was going to be torture.
Chapter Seven
The flu outbreak had ended as quickly as it had begun, which meant the station was fully staffed again, and Jessica and Ryan were able to be paired up with more senior officers. And good thing, because aside from the regulations about romantic partners working together, the chemistry between them demanded she keep her distance. But if just walking by him in the squad room was enough to send sparks flying how was she going to handle being married to him?
Even if their relationship was only on paper they would still be sharing a house. Seeing each other every morning and every evening, sharing meals—sharing a bathroom! Her face heated at the thought of being in such close proximity.
If this had a chance at working she needed to get a grip. There was no other reason her heart should beat extra quick every time she smelled his aftershave. Or for her palms to sweat when she found him staring at her across a busy room. She’d been attracted to him from the beginning, but carrying his child seemed to strengthen the feeling. She’d have to ask some of her mom friends if they’d experienced anything similar when they were pregnant.
Of course, they’d all been in relationships, if not marriages, with the fathers of their children. And she couldn’t have asked anyway because she and Ryan weren’t telling anyone about the pregnancy until later today, after they exchanged their temporary vows. As much as she was dreading the whole thing, she would be glad to get it over with. Ryan had made arrangements with a friend of a friend who was a notary to perform the ceremony at his office, on his lunch break.
Now, only four days after his bizarre proposal, she was standing outside a rundown strip mall staring at the window of a payday loan place, waiting for her soon-to-be husband.
She’d spent every minute since saying yes worrying that she was making the wrong decision. Was she wrong not to tell Ryan about her inheritance? But then again why should she tell him? She had no plans to stay married. And it wasn’t like she wanted the money for selfish reasons—it was going to help ensure she had enough to take care of the baby. Right or wrong, she had to do what was best for her child.
She glanced down at her floral maxi skirt and bright red blouse and found herself wishing she had something more appropriate to wear for a wedding. Which was silly, since it wasn’t a real wedding. Still, she’d spent more time than she wanted to admit searching through her closet for an outfit. Unfortunately, even as early as she was in the pregnancy, several of her favorites had been too tight, especially in the bust. It seemed Mother Nature wanted to make absolutely sure she would be prepared to feed the baby, leaving her quite top-heavy at the moment. Her red blouse was her loosest one and the only one that hadn’t showed an inappropriate amount of cleavage. She’d chosen the skirt because it was the only item she had with an elastic waist.
Oh well. At least they wouldn’t be having photos taken so it really didn’t matter. Still she felt frumpy and was tugging on her blouse when Ryan walked up.
He of course, looked perfect.
But then, he always did even when, as today, he opted for casual, in khaki slacks and an untucked button-down shirt. He should have blended in with the workaday crowd that populated the streets of Paradise’s quaint downtown, but Ryan always managed to stand out. It didn’t matter what he wore, he had a presence about him, a sheer masculinity that drew the attention of everyone around. Even now, as he reached for her hand in greeting, she noted several women checking him out.
Ignoring them, she let Ryan draw her toward the glassed front door.
“So, we are really going to do this?” she asked, not sure if she wanted him to reassure her they were or to call the whole thing off.
“We are. Unless you have a better plan?” He sounded chipper, which was ridiculously annoying.
“Unfortunately, no,” she answered, her nerves—or morning sickness, or both—making her stomach roll like a ship tossed at sea.
He stopped, one hand on the door. “Are you all right? If you really don’t want to do this, tell me now. I’m not trying to force you into anything. But I thought we had decided—”
“We did. And trust me, you couldn’t force me into something if you wanted
to.” Like it or not, she’d agreed to this ridiculous plan, and she was going to go through with it. Straightening her shoulders she stepped past him and pulled open the door herself. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”
* * *
Ryan let out a breath, relieved Jessica had actually shown up. He’d laid the odds at fifty-fifty she just wouldn’t show. He still wasn’t sure how he’d managed to convince her. What he was sure of was that he was one lucky bastard. In a few short minutes Jessica Santiago was going to be his wife. Sure, it wasn’t a conventional marriage, not yet. But he had a full year to convince her to make it real. Today was just the first step.
And really, there were worse ways to spend a day off than marrying a woman who was smart, gutsy, drop dead gorgeous and carrying his child. He’d never seen her in a skirt before, and decided the feminine look suited her just as much as her uniform, two sides of her multifaceted personality. It tickled him that she’d worn red—a color just as fiery as her temperament. Once again, memories of their night together filled his mind and stirred his body. He’d had a hard time thinking of anything else the last few days. Her “no sex” declaration had lit a fire in him. Definitely a case of wanting something more after being told you can’t have it.
But then, it had always been that way with Jessica. She’d had an off-limits sign practically painted on her forehead at the academy. It had only heightened his interest in her then, and it had the same effect now. Of course, wanting and having were two different things. Good thing he didn’t mind cold showers.
If Jessica was feeling the same tug of attraction she sure wasn’t showing it. She had her mask back in place, the one that hid whatever was going on inside her, as she scanned the room. Probably looking for Greg, the guy who’d agreed to officiate in exchange for Ryan’s help painting his house next month. Before Ryan could point him out to Jessica, Greg had stepped around the counter and was offering her his hand to shake.
“Hi, you must be Jessica. Congratulations.”