I squeezed my eyes shut, covering my face with my hands as I screamed.
I screamed and screamed.
I screamed so loud I heard nearby animals scatter and run.
I screamed until my throat went raw, and I could only choke on my tears.
I knew I sounded - and probably looked - completely crazy. And maybe I was. Maybe I had finally snapped.
Cassian didn't even need to touch me to finally break me.
A low whine caught my attention, something cold and wet pressing against the side of my neck.
I jolted and snapped my head up, stunned silent to see Remy in front of me. He had fully shifted, his dark eyes luminous in the scattered moonlight. He touched me again with his nose, and when I didn't flinch away, he curled his massive body around me.
When I couldn't handle the touch of human hands, he knew the only other way to comfort me.
My wolf pulled at my chest, reacting to her mate.
Our mate.
With a shuddering sob, I wound my arms around his neck, burying my face in the thick black fur. His body absorbed my sobs as I kept crying, keeping me warm against the frigid night air.
It seemed to take ages before I finally started to settle. I pulled back to look into his eyes, knowing I probably looked like a hysterical mess. How he wasn't running for the hills, I would never know.
I stroked his head, my fingers tracing the outline of his massive muzzle. "Thank you."
He gently butted his head against my shoulder.
"You can change back now," I whispered, letting him go.
His dark eyes studied me for a moment, then he got up and went behind a tree. I heard his bones snap and pop as he shifted, emerging from behind the tree a moment later, fully dressed. He dropped to his knees in front of me.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled, shaking my head and unable to meet his gaze. "I'm so, so sorry."
"Skye, I don't give a shit if you lose it," he said, still not touching me. "But I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."
A new wave of tears started, these quieter. "You can't. You won't. Not when you know."
"Skye, look at me."
He waited until I met his gaze. I could barely see him through the blurry wash of tears flooding my eyes.
His expression was fierce, determined. "There isn't a thing you could ever say to make me turn my back on you. Ever. It's you and me now."
My vision cleared for a second as the tears I was holding in fell free. "You don't understand."
"Then make me understand." He was practically begging. This amazing guy who would one day be an Alpha of one the biggest packs in the country was begging.
"I killed a member of my last pack."
The confession slipped past my lips on a whisper, and I waited for the fallout. But Remy's gaze never wavered, never dropped from mine. He didn't even blink.
"Did you hear me? I killed a member of my own pack." I spat the words at him like venom from my lips. I braced for the explosion.
Killing a member of your own pack was one of the worst offenses a wolf could commit, no matter the circumstances.
"I love you."
I froze, not sure what I had heard, but Remy wasn't smiling. Or laughing.
"What?" I whispered the word.
He leaned forward, finally reaching out to touch me, taking my face in his hands with infinite gentleness. "I love you, Skye."
My heart tripped in my chest, the muscle spasming as I realized what he said.
"You can't."
We had only known each other for a few weeks. And yeah, the mate bond was definitely a major factor here, but he was ... Remington Holt. And I was a murderer.
Now he smiled, a slow curve of his lips that always made my pulse race. "I can. And I do. I love you."
I sucked in a shaking breath, my hands coming up to curve around his wrists. I wasn't sure if I wanted to pull him close or push him away.
"You love me?" I could barely get the words out through the lump in my throat.
"Completely."
I gasped around a sob, staring into his beautiful eyes. Eyes that didn't judge or condemn me but were begging me to accept what he was saying.
"I love you, too."
No four words had ever been easier for me to say.
His mouth covered mine, heat searing across my skin, flames licking my blood. I was going to die in a fiery explosion of sparks and smoke, dust on the wind. My entire world narrowed into only Remy, into this perfect moment.
I had never known love like this. Acceptance like this.
He pulled away then pressed one more gentle kiss to my lips. "Tell me everything. Tell me nothing. It doesn't change how much I love you."
I shuddered, the cold from the ground starting to seep into my body.
Frowning, Remy pulled us both to our feet.
"Let's go." He took my hand in his, pulling me forward.
I planted my feet in the ground. "I can't. Not yet. I can't go back there right now."
"Okay," he said slowly. "There's a cabin nearby. We let people who pass through or are visiting stay there. It's small, but it's dry and clean. I can start a fire to help you warm up."
I nodded, letting him tug me deeper into the woods.
It only took a few minutes of walking in the darkness to make it to the cabin.. It was a small structure tucked into a corner of the property, probably a mile or so from the main house. It looked beautifully rustic.
Remy opened the door, guiding me inside before turning on a light switch.
Warm light suffused the room, giving everything a warm glow. The floor and walls were all a light colored wood with dark knots peppered into the planks. There was a simple sitting room in the middle by the fireplace Remy was already kneeling in front of.
There was a galley kitchen off to the left, and I could see an open door leading to a bathroom to my right. I headed into the small powder room, turning on the light and shutting the door.
I flinched at my reflection in the mirror. My hair had been in a ponytail earlier, but now it was practically falling out, chunks of hair hanging in my face.
I removed the elastic band and finger-combed my hair for a second to work out most of the tangles before quickly braiding it to the side. I hurried and used the toilet.
As I washed my hands, I couldn't help staring at the pale girl looking back at me. My eyes were ringed with red, and I looked exhausted. I splashed water onto my face before drying my hands with the hand towel hung by the side of the sink. I turned off the light and opened the door.
Remy was still kneeling by the fireplace, but he pivoted on the balls of his feet to smile back at me. The fire in the stone hearth looked cozy and inviting. Remy had pulled pillows and a blanket off one of the couches, tossing them onto the rug in front of the fireplace.
I started to walk towards him but stopped to turn the main lights off.
The room fell into a soft golden dimness, shadows pushed to the corners as flames danced in the fireplace.
I toed off my shoes and crossed the room to him, waiting for him to rest his back against the base of one couch before I sat down, settling between his open legs and leaning back against his chest.
The ice that had seeped into my bones was slowly thawing, chased away as his heat enveloped me. His arms came around my waist, anchoring me to him. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I snuggled back into his chest.
Both of us stared at the crackling fire for several minutes, not speaking. We simply sat in silence, letting the stress of the evening - hell, of the last week - slip away.
Remy's fingers found mine, his index finger tracing the edges of my fingers.
"I don't know where to start," I admitted quietly, my voice barely audible over the fire roaring before us.
"Start wherever you want." His voice rumbled out of his chest, and I felt the soft vibrations on my back.
"Things in Long Mesa have been seriously messed up for a long time," I started slowly, my mind already pictur
ing the dusty compound and skittish shifters inside it. "My grandfather ruled the pack like a dictator, and when he died, we knew my uncle would be ten times worse."
"Bella's dad," Remy murmured.
I nodded in affirmation. "Mom and I left the night my grandfather died." I glanced down at where I had twisted my fingers in his, focusing on this way his hand dwarfed my own.
"Because of your uncle."
Another nod. "My uncle called us to the Alpha house that evening. He had already picked his new council members and they were discussing ... a change to pack law." A shudder rippled down my spine, and Remy's arm around my waist tightened in response.
It was hard to swallow around the lump in my throat. "I knew I would be declared an omega as soon as I turned eighteen. It wasn't a secret. But my uncle decided ... Well, he and his council decided why wait?"
All the air left Remy in a rush. His body locked down, frozen in place.
"They decided to change the age of majority and make me an omega starting the next day." That old tendril of shame started working its way through my stomach, into my chest, strangling my neck.
"Why?" The single word was a low growl.
I snorted. "He gave some bullshit reason about the younger wolves needing an outlet for their ... baser instincts. I think it was really just one final ‘screw you’ to my mom."
"What. The. Fuck." Fury radiated off of Remy in palpable waves.
I touched his thigh with my hand, gently stroking the denim as I tried to calm him down.
"My mom tried to fight it, but Linden almost killed her for even speaking," I added, wincing when I remembered the way my uncle pinned her mercilessly to the floor. "He let her go and we left."
"And you escaped?"
I sighed loudly, shaking my head. "We went back to the house. I think we were both still in shock. When we went inside the house ... one of the omegas, Maisie, was on the floor. She was being attacked by a wolf. She was crying and bleeding and ... I lost it, Remy. I didn't even know I had shifted, and next thing I know, I had ripped his throat out. I killed him."
He dropped his head into the curve of my neck, his chest heaving behind me. "Good. Fucking good for you."
"I didn't realize I had killed the son of my uncle's new beta and best friend until after it happened," I went on, remembering how stunned I had been to know I had taken down a Loomis. Dane was just as psychotic as the rest of his family.
"Anyway, Mom and Zara got me out of there before ... you know."
He let go of my hand, bringing both arms up around my chest and hugging my hard, his nose was still nuzzled against my neck.
My hands came up, grabbing onto his forearms as I tucked my head against his shoulder.
"They're dead."
His head snapped up.
"Bella told me. Maisie and Shane, the other omega that was with us …They're dead. They were killed for helping me." I choked out the last word on a sob.
"Shit," he swore softly, his arms going impossibly tight around me. And yet, I still wanted to be closer to him. "That is not your fault."
"They were killed because of what I did. Bella was ... Dammit." I swiped a hand furiously over my eyes.
"Bella is fifteen, Rem. She's a kid. And what Cassian did to her..."
"Cassian?" The scorn in Remy's voice was undeniable. "That prick I've seen at Summit meetings?"
"He's next in line to be Alpha after my uncle. He and Bella were engaged. Bella said that Cassian and his friends..." I couldn't finish the sentence. My body had started shaking, remembering all the times Cassian, Preston, and Marc had pinned me against a wall or backed me into a corner.
"That is not your fault," Remy snapped, his voice firm. "What they did had nothing to do with you."
"You don't understand."
It was supposed to be me.
"Skye, babe, come on-"
I pulled myself out of his arms, getting enough distance between us so I could spin and look at him. "No, Remy, this was my fault."
His brown eyes were blazing, flames from the fire reflected in them. He leaned forward, jaw clenched. Clearly, he was going to fight me on this point.
"My whole life I grew up knowing people hated me, but Cassian and his friends were different."
Something in my tone shifted his expression from fury to worry. His hands clenched into fists at his sides.
"The older I got, the worse it got. He loved to remind me that he would be one of the first in line when I became an omega. He was there the night my uncle passed the new law. He was so ... excited."
Remy's face went pale and then flushed a vibrant, violent shade of red. I could hear his teeth grinding together. He breathed hard through his nose, blinking slowly as he tried to control his anger.
"They would make comments when they saw me, shove me … your basic bully behavior." I flinched at the memories but reached out to touch Remy's fists. They opened on reflex, curling around my hands.
"I learned how to avoid them. How to survive," I whispered. "For the most part, it worked. They hated me, made my life hell, but there was always a line that never quite got crossed. But it did with Bella. Cassian, Preston and Marc ... all three of them." I squeezed my eyes shut, my heart shattered for Bella. "Cassian told her it was supposed to be me. He told Bella he would see me soon."
The tightening of his hands on mine was the only warning I got before Remy hauled me to him. I scrambled onto his lap, straddling him as he tucked me against his chest.
"No one is ever touching you again," he swore after several long minutes of silence. His whole body was vibrating with rage. Rage for me and what I had endured.
"You're touching me," I offered weakly, needing to break the heaviness of the moment before I started crying again.
With a snort, Remy pulled back to look at me, a hand sliding down the length of my spine. "Fine. Only I get to touch you."
I rested my hands on the hard planes of his chest, loving the feel of hard muscles under my fingertips, feeling the steady beat of his heart. My lips quirked into a small smile. "What about my mom?"
His shoulders relaxed a fraction and a begrudging smile hitched up one corner of his mouth. "Fine. Only me and you mom."
I lifted my brows. "Katy and Larkin are huggers. So is Rhodes, for that matter."
His dark eyes narrowed. "Anyone else?"
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling, thinking. "I mean, we haven't even mentioned Tate or Maren. What about Dante and Ryder? Those two-"
With a growl, Remy flipped us. I landed on my back on the rug with Remy looming over me, bracing his weight on his hands, his hips between my legs.
My arms went up around his neck, my fingers lacing together behind his head.
"Are you done?" He raised an eyebrow.
"With you?" I asked softly, biting my lower lip. "Never."
His eyes heated, darting down to look at my mouth when I seized my lip between my teeth. He lowered his head, pressing his lips to mine gently at first, and then more insistently. I immediately opened my mouth to his, groaning as I tasted him.
His tongue slid into my mouth, stroking slowly against my own as he explored me. One hand came up to caress my face, his forearm resting in the valley between my breasts. My arms tightened around him, tugging him down to pull him closer.
Remy gently eased more of his weight onto my body, my thighs falling open a little more to cradle him and pressing us together in a way that had me gasping into his mouth.
He pulled back on a ragged breath. "Too much?"
I hooked a leg around his and pulled him flush against me, rolling my hips up experimentally. Another strangled gasp clawed out of my throat, my eyes flaring wide as nerve endings came alive.
His hips flexed, pressing the hard ridge in his jeans against my center.
"God," I gasped, my eyes sliding shut against the exquisite torture.
Remy's head dipped again, his mouth trailing lazy, open mouthed kisses along the column of my throat. The hand that had been hol
ding my jaw slid slowly down the side of my body, coming to rest on my hip for a brief second before slipping under the hem of my shirt.
The touch of his warm, calloused fingers on the soft skin of my belly triggered a throbbing tug between my legs that matched the racing thump of my heart. His fingers slowly moved up my ribcage, tickling the flesh there.
With a small giggle, I tried to twist away.
His lips curved into a heart-stopping grin as his hand kept moving north. "I'll keep that spot in mind for another time."
My shirt bunched up under my breasts and Remy hesitated for a moment, his eyes flicking to mine. "Can I-"
I pushed myself up pulling my plain black t-shirt over my head with his help. Laying back, I bit back a hesitant smile as his expression went almost feral for a second. I glanced down, trying to see what he saw, but all I could notice was I had opted to wear my plainest white cotton bra today. It wasn't even the one that had a little satin bow in the middle for decoration.
Way to be sexy, Skye.
He didn't speak for the longest time, and I almost lifted my arms to cover myself from his intense scrutiny.
"You're incredible," he whispered reverently, using a single finger to trace the outline of my bra.
I flushed under his praise, and then groaned as his dark head dipped down, his mouth closing over a nipple through the cotton of my bra. With a hoarse cry, my hands came up around his head, fisting in his hair as he switched attention to the other breast.
The throb between my thighs became an insistent pulsing that couldn’t be ignored. I lifted my hips again, rubbing against him recklessly as I tried to ease the ache with some sort of friction. His hips met mine in a punishing thrust as he ground against me so hard stars danced behind my eyes.
"Shit," I swore, gasping as my head fell back against the rug. My hands slid to his shoulders, clinging to his shirt as he rocked into me again, a hand lifting to tease the nipple he wasn't currently sucking on. His fingers teased it into a tight peak, pinching lightly on the sensitive skin as his teeth gently closed down on its twin. At the same time, he pressed himself harder against my center, and that feeling I was chasing exploded like fireworks.
Sanctum (Blackwater Pack Book 1) Page 34