A deep shudder tripped down my spine, my fingers fisting in Remy's shirt.
Rhodes nodded at us and escorted Larkin and Katy back out into the night. Glancing at the clock in the kitchen, I saw it was barely past six.
"Are you hungry?" Remy asked, my cheek feeling the vibrations from his rumbling timbre.
I shook my head. "I'm just tired. And really cold. Why am I so cold?"
He wrapped both arms around me, his heat a comforting blanket. "It's the adrenaline rush. You're crashing."
Lifting my head, I slowly blinked up at him. I hated seeing the tension around his mouth and eyes as he studied me. I could feel the way his muscles were locked, braced for whatever came at us next.
"Can I just please go to sleep?" I asked softly, wanting nothing more than to crawl into a soft bed - preferably with Remy - and forgot the world for a few hours.
He gave me a reluctant nod. "Why don't you go on up? I'll make you some hot chocolate. The heat and sugar should help."
I slowly disentangled myself from him, cold air rushing between us like a physical thing I instantly resented. Slowly I climbed the stairs, completely ignoring the spare room I had previously been offered and heading for Remy's.
I started taking off my clothes, almost on autopilot. My mind was numb as I opened a dresser drawer, remembering Remy stashed his t-shirts there. I grabbed the first one off the top of the pile, pulling it over my head quickly. The soft material brushed the middle of my thighs as I robotically moved to my next task.
Opening the door to the en suite bathroom, I quickly used the bathroom before washing my hands. I opened the tube of Remy's toothpaste, brushing my teeth with my finger quickly. Hopefully Larkin or Katy would remember a toothbrush.
I glanced at my reflection in the mirror and frowned.
And hopefully they would remember a hairbrush, too.
I quickly finger combed my hair, scraping it into a simple braid and securing it with the elastic around my wrist. I was nearly finished washing my face when I sensed Remy behind me.
Drying my face on the hand towel beside the sink, I met his eyes in the mirror.
He extended the mug to me as I approached, and I smiled seeing he used mini marshmallows and whipped cream. I brushed by him, parts of me I thought were numb suddenly firing to life.
I focused on the heat of the mug seeping into my fingers and I moved to what I considered my side of the bed and sat down, folding my legs up.
Remy stood on the opposite side of the bed, still watching me. Like he was waiting for me to crack.
"I'm okay," I finally said, taking a sip of the sinfully decadent drink. The steam wafted across my face, as I hummed in appreciation.
According to Larkin, most people used some powder concoction with hot water to make hot chocolate. Remy melted thick bars of chocolate and stirred in heavy cream slowly. The result was something like liquid heaven.
"It's okay if you're not," he told me quietly.
Sighing, I shifted on the bed. "I think I'm ... numb right now. I'm angry and frustrated and ... sad," I finally admitted, ducking my head until my chin touched my chest. I set the mug on the nightstand as my hands started to shake. "I just wanted this to all be over, and it feels like it never will be."
I heard Remy move across the floor and then he was climbing into the bed behind me, arranging me between his legs and wrapping his arms around me much like he had the night I spilled everything a week earlier.
"This will get better, Skye. You're not alone anymore. I've got you. We've all got you." He rested his chin on my shoulder, his arms strong bands around my waist and chest. "We're going to get through this, and Cassian is going to pay for what he's done."
I nodded, believing him but not sure how any of this was going to be okay. How any of this would be right.
“Ainsley tried to warn me,” I mumbled.
I felt his surprise. “Ainsley?”
I jerked my head. “Yeah. She overheard Sierra talking to Trace. She didn’t know much, but said it was about us.”
Remy sighed deeply.
"Trace said Cassian is here to check out the school because Long Mesa might start sending students here," I said suddenly, a sick pit forming in my stomach. "Does that mean he'll be sitting in on classes? Wandering around campus?"
"I don't know," Remy answered honestly. "I'm going to call my dad and see if he knows what's going on. Regardless, Cassian is here as an extension of Norwood, and after what happened on the run, Norwood and Blackwater are being kept separate. While he's here, you won't have to see him, and if you do, I'll be with you."
That made me feel slightly better.
Remy cocked his head, listening. "Rhodes and the girls are back. I need to fill him in on ... a few things," he said hesitantly.
"Everything," I said firmly. "Tell Rhodes everything. I trust him. And he needs to know exactly what Cassian is."
Remy pressed his lips to my jaw, moving to kiss the corner of my mouth when I turned, pressing my mouth to his. Sighing, I opened to him, taking comfort in the taste and smell of him. The kiss was as charged as every other one we had, but there was a softness in the way his mouth coaxed mine into a slow dance with his. This wasn't just about love or passion, it was about comfort and reassurance.
My hand came up to cradle his jaw as he started to pull away. His dark eyes glittered as he looked at me.
"I love you," I whispered, needing to say the words.
A slow smile curved across his lips. "I love you, too." He kissed me once again and then climbed off the bed. "Want me to send Katy and Larkin up?"
I nodded, reaching for the mug to take a sip, watching as he walked out of the door, leaving it open. I took another drink before setting the cup down and sliding under the covers, still craving warmth.
I was asleep before Katy and Larkin ever made it upstairs.
43
I woke inRemy’s bed, warm but glaringly alone. I knew Remy had come to bed at some point. I had woken up to him sliding into bed beside me, tucking me against his chest. My sleep was shockingly dreamless in his arms.
I reached for the spot where he slept, the bed was still slightly warm, but it was obvious he was up.
Glancing at the clock, I was shocked to see it was past eight o'clock in the morning. Classes started at nine.
I threw back the covers, grateful when I spotted a duffel bag on the armchair in the corner. Rifling through it, I pulled out a set of clothes and toiletries. I rushed through a shower, brushing my teeth and again opting to braid my hair. It was freezing outside, but I didn't have time to dry it.
I was hurrying down the stairs when I saw Remy and Rhodes leaning on the counter in the kitchen drinking from mugs of coffee. They both looked at me wordlessly as I slid into the kitchen on socked feet.
"Why didn't you wake me up?" I demanded, trying to remember where the hell my shoes were. "We're going to be late."
Both of them were dressed in jeans and Henley’s, dark boots already on their feet.
Rhodes gave Remy a strange look before clearing his throat and taking a step back.
"What?" I asked, my attention swinging from one to the other. "What aren't you saying?"
Remy cleared his throat, taking a sip of his coffee. "Skye, I talked to my dad."
"And?" I found my shoes by the door and started to pull them on.
"We think it would be best if you go back to Blackwater," Remy said quietly. "There's a flight leaving in five hours. I'll drive you to the airport."
I blinked slowly, trying to process what he was saying. All I could manage was a strangled, "What?"
He set his cup down, his expression pained. "Babe, it's the best way to protect you. You'll go back to Blackwater for now where you'll be safe."
"For how long?" I demanded, folding my arms under my chest as I tried not to freak out.
He sighed, not meeting my gaze. "I don't know. A few weeks at least."
"A few weeks?" My heart thumped painfully in my chest. "What
if I don't want to?"
His eyes hardened a bit, his jaw going tight. "It's what the Alpha thinks is best for you and the pack right now."
My eyes narrowed. "And what do you think?"
Remy kept his gaze steady on me. "I agree with him."
I couldn't help but feel sucker punched. "You want me to ... leave?"
He growled, raking a hand through his dark hair. "It's not what I want, but it's what needs to happen."
"You said we were in this together," I snapped, stepping back when he moved to reach for me. "You said we were stronger together. How is me being hundreds of miles away from you equal to us being together?"
Something flashed in his eyes a second before his expression went carefully neutral. His Alpha expression. The one he used when he was trying to separate emotion from logic.
"We're still together. This just keeps you safe." Remy ground the words out.
Anger burned in my chest. I clenched my hands into fists. "Cassian shows up, and I'm the one who gets sent away? How the hell is that fair or right?"
"I didn't say it was fair-"
I threw up my hands. "Can you stop being so damn neutral?"
"Neutral?" he echoed, eyes narrowed. "What does that mean?"
"It means maybe I expected you to fight for me instead of doing whatever your father wants," I retorted coldly.
His jaw dropped open. "Are you serious right now? All I've been doing is trying to keep you safe. I've been fighting for you since day one, Skye. I want you to go because I know Blackwater is the safest place for you."
"You are the safest place for me!" I finally yelled.
His chest heaved as he took a step away. "Not now I'm not."
"What does that mean?"
"Larkin got hurt on my watch. Katy got hurt on my watch." Pain and regret filled his dark eyes. "I'll be damned if I let you get hurt again, too."
"Skye," Rhodes started gently, holding up his hands, "Trace brought Cassian here to mess with Remy as much as you. He's been trying to provoke him all year. You know that. Hell, you figured it out. Removing you from the equation is the easiest way to stop him right now."
I opened my mouth to speak, but he beat me to it.
"I'm not saying it's fair or right," Rhodes continued sadly, "but it's where we're at."
I knew what he was saying made sense, but I still felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I had come so far, and now I was back to square one.
I glanced down at the floor, gathering my thoughts. "I understand what you're saying, but I'm sick of running away."
"Skye-"
"No, Remy," I interrupted, my head snapping up. "I have been running from Cassian my entire life. I'm done running from him. I'm done hiding and being afraid of everything. You taught me I was strong, that I could handle anything. And now you're telling me I'm ... not strong enough?"
He flinched, my words hitting their intended mark. "You're the strongest person I know."
"Then why are we arguing about this?" I asked, my tone pleading.
He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. "We aren't arguing about this."
I exhaled loudly, relief coursing through me.
"I'm telling you how it is," he said, his tone firm and final. "You're leaving. I'll take you to grab whatever you need from the dorms before I drive you to the airport."
I couldn't have been more stunned than if he'd slapped me. Even Rhodes sucked in a sharp breath.
"Remy," he warned softly, only for Remy to shake his head.
"Go pack, Skye," Remy ordered quietly.
I glared at him. "You want me gone so bad, you can pack my damn bags." I stormed past him to head to the front porch.
Remy reached out for me, his hand barely closing on my bicep before I wrenched away.
"Do not touch me," I hissed, not sure how I could love him so much and want to beat the crap out of him at the same time.
"You can't go out there alone," Remy reminded me coolly, folding his arms over his chest.
"So now I'm a prisoner?" I demanded, laughing bitterly. "Wow. It's like I never left Long Mesa."
Remy recoiled, finally his seemingly unbreakable calm composure cracking. Hurt flashed in his eyes, and I instantly regretted what I said.
Using his confusion as my out, I stormed outside, slamming the door violently behind me. My feet thundered down the steps. I considered going to the dorms or going to class, but I could feel my wolf stirring, her anxiety ramping up my own.
I needed to shift and run.
I turned to go around the house, hearing the door slam a second time.
I whirled at the footsteps hurrying up behind me, but the retort on my lips died when I saw it was Rhodes who decided to chase after me - not Remy.
Rhodes stopped in front of me, holding out my jacket as a peace offering.
I took it slowly, shrugging into it, grateful for the warmth. My rage fire wasn't going to keep me warm for long out here.
"Thanks," I told him, zipping it closed. I gave him a wary look. "I take it you're my babysitter?"
Rhodes grinned, dimples flashing. "Nah. You're my babysitter."
I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped me. "Right. I'll protect you."
He clutched a hand to his chest. "I promised Remy my virtue would be safe with you. Don't make me a liar."
I laughed again, shaking my head. Typical Rhodes breaking the tension.
"Walk with me?" He asked, starting off towards the lake without waiting for an answer.
I fell into step with him. "Is this the part where you tell me Remy's only doing what's best for the pack? It's his job?"
"He is doing what's best for the pack," Rhodes replied.
I stopped suddenly. "How is-"
"He's scared, Skye," Rhodes said softly, pressing his lips together.
"Scared?" I scoffed. Remy was … Remy. He was solid and strong and confident. Definitely not scared.
"The idea that something could happen to you scares the shit out of him," Rhodes explained gently, touching my arm. "He's so focused on you that he's worried he can't protect the pack the way he should. He's fucked either way, Skye. He's either going to let you down or the pack. At least this way he knows you’ll be safe."
That sucked some of the anger out of me.
"This mate bond is no joke," Rhodes said with a forced smile. "I've seen Remy with other girls-"
I couldn't help the low growl that rumbled in my chest.
Rhodes smirked. "You're not like any of the others. Even before you two bonded, he looked at you different. Treated you different."
I shifted on my feet, spurring us into walking again. "He knew I came from a shitty pack. He felt sorry for me."
He shook his head. "No, never. He never felt sorry for you. Pissed off for you, yes. But he never pitied you. He respects you." He nudged my shoulder. "So do I, for what it's worth. Remy told me what happened with you and your pack and that walking bag of dicks. The fact that you're still standing is incredible. Most people would have folded. A lot of people have for a lot less."
I snorted, brushing a low branch away. A dusting of snow fell around us and the branch trembled. "I survived. Barely. Most people can do that."
"Did Remy or Larkin tell you about my parents?" Rhodes asked, glancing at me.
I shook my head. "No."
"I don't really remember my mom," he admitted, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat. "She left when I was little. It messed up my dad. He still loves her even though she hasn't spoken to us in a decade. So my dad drinks. A lot."
I looped my arm through his, leaning against him to offer silent support.
"My dad loved her since they were little. I don't know the whole story, but I don't think my mom was ever happy. She settled for my dad. And one day she decided not to settle anymore."
He blew out a long breath. "Sometimes when he's drunk, I can hear him crying in his room, talking to this framed picture he has of her by his bed." Rhodes's cheeks tinged
pink, and I didn't think it was entirely from the cold. "He tells her that they were supposed to be mates forever."
My heart ached for Rhodes and his father. As shitty as my childhood was, at least I had my mom. It sounded like Rhodes lost both his parents when his mom left.
"I think he really believes that if she had stayed, they would have eventually bonded," Rhodes mused.
"What do you think?" I asked slowly.
"I think it scares the shit out of me to love someone so much that I would completely break if they left," he murmured, running a hand through his long hair.
I was still trying to figure out what to say when he rendered me speechless.
"I love her, you know?" he said softly, coming to a slow stop in front of the lake. "Larkin, I mean. I've always loved her. First like a little sister when we were growing up, but the last couple of years ..."
I gaped at him. "Why haven't you told her?"
Rhodes gave me a slow shrug. "Because I don't know if I'll ever be able to completely give her every part of me. Losing my mom wrecked my dad. Who knows what would have happened to me if Remy's parents and Larkin's parents didn't step in when I was younger. I can't imagine losing her and ... God, leaving our kid to fend for himself? I think that would hang over me every day."
"It's not the same thing. You’re not your dad anymore than I’m my uncle, Rhodes."
"I know," he replied. "But right now, that's all I can see, and Larkin deserves someone who won't shut her out. She deserves someone who can love her without any extra baggage."
"We all have baggage, Rhodes," I replied, shaking my head. "I don't think you give Larkin enough credit."
"Maybe not," he agreed. "But if it means she'll have a happy life with someone who loves her, someone who can share everything with her, then I think I'm okay with that."
"You think?" I repeated, not convinced at all.
He smiled ruefully. "Larkin deserves everything. I don't want to be the guy who only gives her pieces of his heart."
I shook my head sadly, frustrated Rhodes couldn't see what was right there. "You'll never know if you don't try. Do you think it was easy letting Remy in? He told you what happened to me. I don't just have baggage - I have an entire cargo plane of shit."
Sanctum (Blackwater Pack Book 1) Page 38