VII
THE AMATEUR DETECTIVE
When Billy Fenelby had taken his box of cigars up to his room hecame down again, but he did not go anywhere near Bobberts' bank, ashe should have gone had he intended depositing in it the thirty percent. of the value of the cigars, which was the duty due on cigarsunder the provisions of the Fenelby Domestic Tariff. He walked outto the veranda and got into the hammock and began to read themorning paper.
From time to time he let it hang down over the edge of the hammock,as if it bored him, and he glanced at the door as if he hopedsomeone would come out of the house. The paper was not veryinteresting that morning, and Billy had other things to think of. Hehad volunteered to keep an eye on Kitty, and to find out definitely,if he could, whether she was smuggling shirt-waists and otherthings--or had already smuggled them--into the house, contrary tothe provisions of the tariff. He felt that the more he saw of girlsthe less he liked them, and that the more he saw of Kitty,particularly, the less he fancied her, but if he was going to dothis amateur detective business he wanted to begin it as soon aspossible, and he watched the door closely. He wanted to see whetherKitty would still wear the pink shirt-waist she had worn atbreakfast, or the white one she had worn the evening before, orwhether she would dare to wear another.
The sudden departure of Bridget had upset the domestic affairssomewhat, and Kitty and Mrs. Fenelby were busy in the kitchen, butafter the dishes were washed, and the rooms set to rights, and thebeds made, and Bobberts given his bath, Kitty came out. It had beena long and tedious morning for Billy. There is nothing so helplessas a detective who can't work at his business of detecting, and whenthe job is to detect a pretty girl, and she won't show up, thewaiting is rather tiresome. At one time Billy was almost tempted togo in and ask her to come out, and he would probably have gone inand snooped around a bit, if she had not appeared just then.
Kitty came out with all the brazen effrontery of a hardenedcriminal. That is to say she came out singing, and with her hairperfectly in order, and looking in every way fresh and charming.Billy recognized this immediately as the wile of a malefactor tryingto throw an officer of the law off the scent, but he was not to bediscouraged by it, and he jumped out of the hammock and went up toher. She still wore the pink shirt-waist, and it was very becoming.She looked just as well in it as if she had paid the lawful ten percent. duty on it. It is not the duty that makes that kind of ashirt-waist pretty; it is the way it is made, and the trimming. Thegirl that is in it helps some, too. It is a fact that a shirt-waistlooks entirely different on different girls. You have to considerthe girl and her shirt-waist together, as a whole or unit, if youare going to be able to recognize it when you see it again, andBilly was ready to consider it that way. If he ever saw that pinkconfection with that saucy chin and merry face above it again hemeant to be able to recognize the combination. That is one of theduties of a detective.
"Let's go out under the tree," he said, "and sit down, and--and talkit over. I have something I want to talk about."
"Talk it over," said Kitty, lifting her eyebrows. "Talk what over?"
You couldn't nonplus Billy that way, when he was in pursuit of hisduty.
"Well," he said, "we--that is, I didn't thank you for bringing me upthat collar this morning. I want to thank you for it."
"Yes?" said Kitty. "Well, here I am. Thank me. You did thank meonce, but I don't care. Do it again."
"Thank you," said Billy.
"You're welcome," Kitty said, and then they both laughed.
"What do you think of this Domestic Tariff business?" asked Billy,seeking to lead her into some admission of which he could make useas proof of her smuggling.
"I think it is a simply splendid idea!" Kitty declared. "I am sureno one but Tom could have thought of it, and the very minute I heardof it I went into it body and soul. It was so clever of him toconceive such an idea, and such a simple way to build up aneducation fund for dear, sweet, little Bobberts! And isn't it niceof Tom and Laura to let us be in it and pay our share of the duty.It makes us feel so much more as if we were really part of thefamily."
"Doesn't it?" said Billy. "It makes us feel as if we had a right tobe here--when we pay duty and all that. I feel like bringing in alot of stuff just so that I can pay duty on it. I was thinkingabout it this morning, and about that little joke of mine about notbringing in that collar last night, and I felt what I had missed byleaving it out on the porch, so I got up and went down for it. Thatwas how you happened to meet me in the hall--I wanted to get it andbring it in so I could pay the duty, and be in the fun myself. Youdon't think I was going to smuggle it in, do you?"
"Oh, no!" said Kitty, with a long-drawn o. "Nobody would be so meanas to smuggle anything into the house, when the duty all goes todear little Bobberts. It is such fun to pay duty, just as if thehouse was a real nation. It is like being part of the nation, andyou know we women are not that. We can't vote, nor anything, and achance like this is so rare that we enjoy it immensely. You didn'tthink it was queer that I should go down so early in the morning toget your collar and bring it in, did you?"
"Well, of course," said Billy, doubtfully, "it wasn't your collar,you know. It was my collar."
"I know it was," Kitty admitted frankly, "but you know how little wewomen can bring into the house. Hardly anything. We shop and shop,but we hardly ever really buy anything, and all the time I am justcrazy to be paying duty, and to know whether it is ten per cent. orthirty per cent., and all that, as if I was a man, and so, when Ihappened to think of that collar that you had left down here on theporch railing, I saw it was my chance, and I decided to come downand get it and bring it into the house, so I could have the fun ofpaying the duty on it. So I came down and got it. And just as Ireached the landing on my way up I met you, and I was so surprisedthat I just handed the collar to you."
"Of course," said Billy. "That was just the way it was, except that_I_ had just reached the landing on _my_ way up, when you handed methe collar. _You_ couldn't have just reached the landing, because ifyou had we would have been going up the stairs together, side byside, and we were not doing that. _I_ was going up the stairs, andjust as I reached the landing you came from somewhere and handed methe collar."
"Isn't that what I said?" asked Kitty sweetly. "It amounts to thesame thing, anyway, doesn't it? I had the collar, and you got it. Isuppose you paid the duty on it?"
"Me?" said Billy. "Not much! I didn't bring it into the house; youbrought it in. You have to pay the duty."
"I pay the duty on your collar?" laughed Kitty. "Well, I shouldthink I would not! I went down and got it for you, and that wasnothing but an act of kindness that anybody would do for anybodyelse. You can pay your own duties."
"Oh, I sha'n't pay a duty on it!" scoffed Billy. "I didn't want thecollar. I didn't need it, and I refused to bring it into the houseon principle. I don't believe in tariff duties. I'm a free trader. Iwouldn't smuggle, and I wouldn't pay duty, and so I left it outside.You should have left it there. You didn't leave it there, and so itis your duty to pay the duty."
"Never!" declared Kitty.
For a few minutes they were silent, and Billy looked glumly at thestreet. Then he cheered up suddenly. He looked at Kitty and smiled.
"I'll tell you what let's do!" he exclaimed. "Let's go out under thetree and talk it over. We'll go out under the tree and talk it allover. That is the only way we can settle it."
"It is settled now," said Kitty. "I don't think it needs any moresettling."
Billy beamed upon her cheerfully.
"Well," he said, "let's go out under the tree and--and unsettle it."
For a moment Kitty seemed to hesitate, but that was only for Billy'sgood, lest he think she yielded to his whims too readily. Then shewent, and draped herself gracefully upon the sweet, dry grass, andBilly sat himself cross-legged near her.
"Now, what do you think of this Domestic Tariff business, anyway?"he asked.
"I think it is the silliest thing I ever heard of," said Kittyf
rankly. "I never heard of a man with real sense conceiving such athing. As if such a lot of nonsense is needed to save a few dollarsfor an education that isn't to come about for sixteen years or so!And the idea of making his guests pay the duty too! It is the mostunhospitable thing I ever heard of!"
"Isn't it?" agreed Billy, promptly. "It makes us feel as if we hadno right to be here. A man can't afford to bring even the things heneeds, when he has to pay that exorbitant duty on everything. And itis so much worse on you. Now I can get along with very little. A mancan, you know. But how is a girl going to do without all the thingsshe is accustomed to? I believe," he said, confidentially loweringhis voice and glancing at the house, "I believe, if I were a girl,I would be tempted to smuggle in the things I really needed."
"Would you?" asked Kitty, sweetly. "But then you men have differentideas of such things, don't you? You don't think a girl would dosuch a thing, do you? Would you advise it? I don't know whether--howwould you go about smuggling, if you wanted to? But I don't believeit would be honest, would it?"
She turned up to him two such innocent eyes that Billy almostblushed. There is no satisfaction in knowing a person is guilty, thesatisfaction is in making the person look guilty, and Kitty lookedlike an innocent child questioning the face of a tempter and seeingguilt there. He longed to ask her outright how she happened to havea pink shirt-waist, but he did not dare to, lest he put her at onceon her guard. He felt a great desire to take her by the shouldersand shake her out of her calm superiority. It was very trying tohim. No girl had a right to act as if she thought herself thesuperior of any man. Just to show her how inferior she was hedropped the subject of the tariff entirely and began a conversationon Ibsen. He did not know much about Ibsen but he knew a little andhe could lead her beyond her depths and make her feel herinferiority that way. Kitty listened to him with an amused smile,and then told him a few things about Ibsen, quoted a fewenlightening pages from Hauptmann, routed him, slaughtered himgently as he fled from position to position, and ended by asking himif he had ever read anything of Ibsen's. It was very trying toBilly. This girl evidently had no respect for the superior brain ofman whatever.
"I think the lawn needs sprinkling," he said, coldly.
"Do you know how it should be done?" she asked, and that was thefinal insult. Nice girls never asked such questions in such a way.Nice girls looked up with wonder in their eyes and said, "Oh! Youmen know how to do everything!" That settled Billy's opinion ofKitty! She was evidently one of these over-educated, forward,scheming, coquetting girls. She had not even said, "Oh! don'tsprinkle the lawn now; stay here and talk with me." He squared hisshoulders and marched over to the sprinkling apparatus, while shesat with her back against the tree and watched him. He turned on thewater and adjusted the nozzle to a good strong flow. He wet thelawn at the rear of the house first, and was pulling the hose afterhim into the front lawn when Mrs. Fenelby suddenly appeared on theporch. She had a box of cigars in her hand, and when he saw themBilly jumped guiltily.
"Billy!" she exclaimed, "Are these your cigars?"
"Why, say!" he said, after one glance at her face on which suspicionwas but too plainly imprinted. "Those are cigars, aren't they?That's a whole box of cigars, isn't it?"
"It is," said Mrs. Fenelby, severely, "and I found it in your room.I don't remember having received any duty on a box of cigars,Billy. I hope you were not trying to smuggle them in. I hope youwere not trying to rob poor, dear little Bobberts, Billy."
Billy held the nozzle limply in one hand and let the stream pourwastefully at his feet.
"That box of cigars--" he began weakly. "That box of cigars, the boxyou found in my room, well, that is a box of cigars. You see, Mrs.Fenelby," he continued, cautiously, "that box of cigars was up therein my room, and--Now, you know I wouldn't try to smuggle anythingin, don't you? Now, I'll tell you all about it." But he didn't. Helooked at the box thoughtfully. He saw now that he had been silly tobuy a whole box. A man should not buy more than a handful at a time.
"Well?" said Mrs. Fenelby, impatiently.
"Isn't that the box you bought when you went over to the stationwith Tom this morning?" asked Kitty, sweetly. "You brought back abox when you returned you know."
Billy turned his head and glared at her. But she only smiled at him.He did not dare to look Mrs. Fenelby in the eye.
"Tom smokes a great deal, doesn't he?" Kitty continued lightly. "Iwondered when you brought that box of cigars back with you if hehadn't asked you to bring them over for him. That was what I thoughtthe moment I saw you with them."
"Why, yes, of course," said Billy, with relief. "That was how itwas. I--I didn't like to say it, you know," he assured Mrs. Fenelby,eagerly, "I--I didn't know just how Tom would feel about it. Tomwill pay the duty. When he comes home this evening. He couldn't comehome from the station--and miss his train--and all that sort ofthing--just to pay the duty on a box of cigars, could he? So Ibrought them home. It is perfectly plain and simple! You see if hedoesn't pay the duty as soon as he gets in the house. Tom wouldn'twant to smuggle them in, Mrs. Fenelby. You shouldn't think he woulddo such a thing. I'm--I'm surprised that you should think that ofTom."
Mrs. Fenelby looked at him doubtfully, and then glanced at Kitty'sinnocent face. She shook her head. It did not seem just what Tomwould have done, but she could not deny that it might be so. Shewould know all about it when he came home in the evening. She cast aglance at the lawn, and uttered a cry. Billy was pouring oceans ofwater at full pressure upon her pansy bed, and the poor flowers weredashing madly about and straining at their roots. Some were alreadylying washed out by the roots. Billy looked, and swung the nozzlesharply around, and the scream that Kitty uttered told him that hehad hit another mark. That pink shirt-waist looked disreputable.Water was dripping from all its laces, and from Kitty's hair, andher cheeks glistened with pearly drops. She was drenched.
"Goodness!" she exclaimed, shaking her hanging arms and herdown-bent head, and then glancing at Billy, who stood idioticallyregarding her, she laughed. He was a statue of miserable regret, andthe limply held garden hose was pouring its stream unheeded into hislow shoes. Wet as she was, and uncomfortable, she could not refrainfrom laughing, for Billy could not have looked more guilty if shehad been sugar and had completely melted before his eyes. Even Mrs.Fenelby laughed.
"It doesn't matter a bit!" said Kitty, reassuringly. "Really, Idon't mind it at all. It was nice and cool."
She was very pretty, from Billy's point of view, as she stood with awisp or two of wet hair coquettishly straggling over her face. Mrs.Fenelby would have said she looked mussy, but there is somethingstrangely enticing to a man in a bit of hair wandering astray over apretty face. Before marriage, that is. It quite finished Billy. Heforgave her all just on account of those few wet, wandering locks.
"I'm so sorry!" he said, with enormous contrition. "I'm awfullysorry. I'm--I'm mighty sorry. Really, I'm sorry."
"Now, it doesn't matter a bit," said Kitty lightly. "Not a bit! I'lljust run up and get on something dry--"
"You had better shut off the water," said Mrs. Fenelby, and wentinto the house.
Billy laid the hose carefully at his feet.
"I say," he said, hesitatingly, to Kitty, "wear the one you had onlast night--the white one. I--I think that one's pretty."
"Oh, no!" said Kitty. "I can't wear that one. That one is all mussedup. I can't wear that one again. I have a lovely blue one."
"No!" said Billy, whispering, and glancing suspiciously at thehouse. "Not blue! Please don't! It--it's dangerous."
"Oh, but it is a dream of a waist!" said Kitty. "You wait until yousee it."
"No!" pleaded Billy again. "Not a blue one! If you wore a blueone I couldn't help but notice it was blue. It isn't safe. Don'twear a blue one, or a green one, or a brown one. Just a white one.Not any other color; just white. You see," he said with suddenconfidentiality, "I'm a detective. I'm detecting for Tom. I told himI would, and I've got to keep my word. He has a notion someone issmuggling thing
s into the house without paying the duty, and he gotme to detect at you for him. We're suspicious about your clothes.There's a white waist, and this pink waist, already, and if you goto wearing blue ones and all sorts of colors, I can't help butnotice it. I don't want to get you into trouble with Tom, you know."He hesitated a moment and then said, "You helped me out about thosecigars."
"All right!" said Kitty, cheerfully, "I'll wear a white one, but Ithink you might be color blind if you really want to help me."
The Cheerful Smugglers Page 7