Our Secret Song: A sweet brother's best friend, rockstar romance (For Love and Rock Book 1)

by Emily Childs

  “Yeah, well, look around Bridger,” Parker snaps. “You did. I never should’ve let her go to you.”

  “Let me?” Alexis narrows her eyes. “You didn’t let me do anything, Parker Knight. You don’t get to tell me what to do, nor who to love.”

  My head spins. I want to shove Parker out of this room, get that woman in my arms, and show her everything I haven’t said.

  But the heat fades into something cold when Parker laughs. “Love? Are you kidding me, Lex? You think he loves you like that? I mean, the kind you want and deserve? I know Bridger better than you in this; he falls fast, but it’s shallow. It’s a moment in time that loses appeal and I’m not going to watch him do that to you.”

  “Stop it,” she says. Her voice breaks.

  “No. He doesn’t know how to have a healthy relationship, and neither do we!”

  Tell her you love her. Risk it. She’s worth all of it, the pain, the joy.

  “You don’t know anything, Parker,” she says. Alexis lifts her eyes to mine, searching, pleading for me to crack a bit of the shell. “Safety net, Bridge—do you love me?”

  How do you tell someone you don’t love them—you breathe for them? Lyrics play in my head. I can write it, sing it, but to put into spoken words what Alexis Knight does to me can’t be gathered in a single endearment. She breaks me, heals me. I gave my heart to her long ago and she didn’t know it. Now she’s holding hers in her hands for me. All I need to do is take the risk.

  I lift my eyes, studying her in a new way. When I wake up in ten years, the first thing I want to see in the dawn is her. At night, she is who I want to hold. I want her through laughter. I want her tears to be mine to catch and heal. She is mine. She is my whole heart.

  And I’ve taken too long to respond.

  Alexis recoils from me. “I get it.”

  “No, Al,” I go to her, but Parker steps in front of me.

  “Leave her alone, Bridger. You’ve done enough. I’m her brother and I’ll look out for her.”

  “You’re gone seven months out of the year!”

  “Oh, and you can do better?” Parker scoffs and lowers his voice. “It’s not like you’ve been clear-headed the last few years.”

  I’m stunned silent, and for a moment there is a flash of something like remorse in his eyes. We both recover into our anger quickly. “Way to take it low, man.”

  Parker’s shoulders slump and he runs a hand through his chestnut hair. “Look, let’s call this what it is. A fling of circumstance. But it ends now, or you and me, we’re done.”

  “Ultimatums?” My lip curls in a sneer. “That’s all it takes to kick friendship to the side, huh?”

  “The way I see it, you’re the one who changed the terms when you crossed the line. Let’s go, Alexis.”

  I point my finger at him. “She’s coming home with me.”

  “Good news for both of you, no one has to look out for me. I’m twenty-six, Parker. I don’t need you to save me. And you.” Alexis glares at me. “You don’t get to decide what I do. I’m not going home with either of you.”

  “Alexis, please . . .” I reach for her, but she pulls back.

  A tear drops onto her cheek as she backs into the hallway. “This is what I was afraid of, Bridge. That you’d lose him for me. It’s not worth it.”

  “Don’t talk like that,” I say. “You’re worth it.”

  Alexis takes another step away. “I wanted to be, you have no idea how much I wanted to be. But I need to be away from this. I’m not going to rob either of you of the most important relationship you guys have. I won’t.”

  It hits me in a stinging blow, like the walls of the room crumbled over the top of me. She’s leaving. Both of us. A frenzied panic rises in my chest. We’ve put too much out there to let it go over a stupid argument. She thinks I value Parker’s friendship more than I value her. It’s not that, they both take up different places in my heart.

  “You have a concussion, Alexis,” Parker says, still angry by his tone. “You’re not driving.”

  Alexis closes her eyes. “You don’t get it. You don’t get to tell me what to do.”

  “Don’t go,” I say. “It doesn’t need to be this messy. I—”

  “I’m walking away, Bridge, but not because it’s messy,” she whispers. “I’ve learned that loving you has always been messy. And I was finally okay with it. I wish you were, but I’ll be the one to go before you two make a mistake and throw each other away.”

  With that, Alexis leaves.

  My initial thought is to chase after her. Parker is right, she does have a concussion. But we both stand there, silent. Chastised and maybe a little stunned.

  “Why, Bridge? Out of everyone, why her?”

  I drop my gaze to the floor. “There never was anyone else. It’s always been her.”

  He’s quiet. And I think for the first time since he showed up, Parker listens to me.

  Chapter 30

  Bridger

  My house is too quiet. After the hospital Parker and I returned to the waiting room separately. He left through one door, me the other. Ellie had picked up Alexis and both have left me in the dark.

  The most I’ve gotten is from Adam and Tate.

  Tate: Work this out with Parker. It’s almost offseason. You two will ruin Call of Duty nights.

  Me: Easier said than done when he’s being a little girl about it.

  Tate: At least come to his game with us.

  I frown, wanting to spew petulance more than anything. If Parker would’ve been an adult this wouldn’t have happened. I tell Adam and Tate as much because, yes, I go to the game. Even mad at him, I don’t miss games.

  “Eh, I’m going to say this isn’t all Parker’s fault,” Tate mumbles through a bite of his hotdog. He whoops when the Kings get an out. Seats behind home plate are the best places to heckle a friend and see the sweat from the game.

  I scoff and prop my feet on the fence. “No offense, man, but you don’t do relationships.”

  “No,” Tate says, “but I get what Lex is saying.”

  “She’s talking to you?”

  “She’s talking to Becca,” Adam says and tugs his hat lower when two women up a few rows start pointing at us. “Lex wants more from you and you didn’t give it.”

  “I want to.”

  “Want to what?”

  I pinch my mouth. “Forget it.”

  “Ah, see that’s the problem. You won’t say it,” Adam says.

  “I might not know a lot, but I hear women like to make sure their man is as committed as they are,” Tate adds with a shrug. “Just a thought.”

  Adam takes one of the hot dogs we bought and unwraps the foil. “You and Park are treating her like she’s a kid caught in the divorce.”

  “We are not.” Are we? I allow my shoulders to slump as I replay bits and pieces of the argument. “Park hit below the belt. He brought up drugs and partying. As if she didn’t know.”

  “Yeah, it was a sucker punch, but you poked him in his Achilles heel, man.” Adam claps when the team roster is announced and Parker will be third up to bat. “You messed with his sister.”

  Tate tosses his wrapper in the trash, pulls a plastic bag of cookies out of his pocket, and reclines in his chair. “Listen, if you want Alexis, then you need to make sure Parker knows it. He might be seeing red right now, but if you make Lex happy, he’ll accept it. Unless you aren’t sure what you want. In that case, I’d fix you and Parker. You don’t want to lose him, either.”

  I lean over my knees. “I’m in love with Alexis.”

  The words hover there between us for a long pause. Tate and Adam hardly seem surprised, more like they’re relieved.

  “So why don’t you tell her that?” Adam says.

  “I tried, but I couldn’t spit it out fast enough.” I kick the fence and scrub my face. “I could see her song in my head, but I couldn’t say it.”

  “Well, figure out how to say it,” Tate says. “You know why Parker is really ma
d about it, right?”

  “Because he thinks I’m using Alexis as some fling.”

  “No.” Tate and Adam share a look and laugh. Tate gives my shoulder a nudge. “It doesn’t have anything to do with Alexis. Not really.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Nothing,” Tate says, laughing. “Sappy talk is over. Time to be men and watch baseball.”

  I roll my eyes, tug my cap down, and face the field. Jovi Green, the starting pitcher, ends the first half of the inning with two strike outs, then an impressive out at home before the Diamondbacks score.

  The Kings are a solid hitting team, so it’s no surprise when the first two batters get a piece and claim two bases.

  Parker takes his place at the plate. I shake my head, wanting to throw something at him, but understanding him in the same breath.

  Truth be told, I’ll miss his ugly face if he hates me for much longer.

  I cup my hands around my mouth when the announcer calls Parker’s stats. The crowd is cheering. He’s a golden boy and I take it upon myself to keep him humble. When it’s a little quieter I let loose. “Boo, Knight! Choke up on the bat, I’ve said this a hundred times! Boo!”

  A few people around us give me dagger eyes, but I’m satisfied. There is a moment, the briefest glance, where Parker turns over his shoulder. He knows where we sit. I can’t see his eyes, but under the shadow of his helmet, I don’t miss the smile.

  I like to think the triple he slammed right after was all thanks to me.

  Only a few stragglers remain in the stand. Mostly field crew is left and those sweeping the steps. Tate and Adam left after the game. Part of me wishes I could get out of here, too, but I can’t keep avoiding this.

  I run my fingers over the brim of my hat, staring at the grass.

  “It says a lot about you as a person for bribing the PR guy with concert tickets to get me out here.”

  I try not to smile, but it comes on its own. “You’re being such a baby I had to stoop low.”

  Parker comes around the seats and takes the one at my side. He lifts his Kings hat and scratches his head. The field is almost fully covered by a top shield against the Vegas sun, an innovative design really, but even with the shade, the heat is stifling. I’m not moving, though. Not until we’ve had our say.

  “You didn’t totally suck out there,” I say.

  Parker chuckles. “Thanks. Probably why they finally gave me that seventh figure.”

  “About time.” I can put down the sword for half a breath and be genuinely happy for him. I knew his contract was up for negotiation and he’s earned it.

  We fall into an uncomfortable silence. Parker shifts in his seat, I prop my feet onto the back of the chair in front of me.

  “Bridger,” he says at last. “Are we going to do this or keep pretending like it’s not going to happen?”

  My jaw pulses. I let out a nervous breath and reach into my pocket. The paper is worn and wrinkled. I’ve read it a thousand times over the years. The words on that paper kept me moving on darker nights. “I want you to read this. No one else has ever seen it. Not even Tate and Adam.”

  He takes it from me, gives it a brief scan, then looks back to me. “A song?”

  “Read it.”

  Parker gives me a pointed look, but obliges. His eyes flick back and forth across the sheet. He reads longer than it should take for the length of song, but I hope it’s sinking in. After a few minutes, he clears his throat and folds the paper. When he goes quiet, I take it as my opening to start explaining.

  “I wrote that the night I overdosed.” Parker lifts his gaze. My chest tightens against what I need to say. “Did you see the title?”

  He fiddles with the paper a few times, then nods. “Alexis.”

  “I mean, it’s still a working title, but . . . she’s not a fling, Park.” I run my hands over my knees and adjust a bit to face him. “I know I don’t deserve her. I’ve made so many mistakes, but the two constants in my life are you and her. I love you like my brother, man. But I fell in love with Alexis. She took my heart before I ever had a record deal, before I even knew she’d taken it. I’ve never asked for it back, Parker. And I hope it doesn’t change you and me, but I can’t keep it from you anymore.”

  Parker studies the ground. After a moment he hands the song back to me and leans over his knees, fists to his mouth. “Protecting Alexis is one of the few things I’ve been able to control in my life. Sometimes I take it too far, I know I do. But I’m not blind, you know.”

  “About what?”

  He shakes his head. “I spent ninety percent of my days with you, man. You think I never noticed the way you guys would fight? The way you’d look at her when she turned away? Or how she’d look at you? I didn’t think much of it, and didn’t think those looks would still be here after all this time.”

  “Why are you so against it? You really don’t think any of us know how to be in a healthy relationship?”

  He winces, shaking his head. “I said a lot of things. Alexis has stuck with security, but I think it’s because she’s afraid of what she feels with you. And you, yeah, Nadia wasn’t healthy, but . . . I know it’s not like that with you and Lex. I think I’m the one who doesn’t belong in a relationship. I didn’t mean to put my own crap on you two.”

  “But you still worry about me with Al.”

  He shrugs, but doesn’t look at me.

  “Parker, I know I’ve screwed up before, but I haven’t touched anything in almost three years. And you know I’d never step out on her. I’ve never done that. If anyone really knows me, it’s you.”

  “I shouldn’t have brought any of that up. It was cruel on my part and I’m sorry.” He rubs the bridge of his nose. “And it’s not that I don’t think you’re good enough for her. It’s simpler—maybe more selfish—than that. I didn’t want to lose our friendship if something went wrong between you two. And before you say it, I’m not only worried about Alexis getting hurt. Honestly, I'm more worried for you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Alexis has never opened her heart to anyone in that way and you bare yours to those you love. Even if you don’t say it.” He points to the song in my hand, smiling. “You’ll write it, show it by what you do. Believe it or not, I didn’t want you falling for her when I wasn’t sure my sister would give it back.”

  Parker is worried about my heart breaking? It’s a notion I’ve never considered. I smile and pocket the song, then punch his leg. “I’ve learned recently, sometimes, for the right person, heartbreak is worth the risk.”

  “Poetic.”

  “I write songs for a living, get used to it.” I meet his eye. “No matter what happens, you’re stuck with me, man. You’re my family. But it would be nice to know you might be okay with me being with Alexis.”

  “It’ll change things.”

  “It will,” I admit. “But maybe for the better.”

  He smiles and stares at the last of the field crew packing up. “Maybe. I’m still going to be protective of her.”

  “Good. Me, too.”

  “And you’ve got a problem. My sister isn’t talking to you. She’s mad at us, remember?”

  It’s a swift cut to the gut. For a week she hasn’t said a word and it’s showing in the heavy weight on my chest each morning.

  “I remember.”

  Parker stands, shouldering his bag, but he’s grinning. “I’ve got an idea if you want to hear it.”

  I lift a brow. “You’re going to help me win over your sister.”

  “No. Win over your girl. That’s what you want, right?”

  I smile and clap a hand on his back. “Yeah. That’s what I want. But just to be sure, I haven’t slipped into a different reality or anything, right?”

  A bit of the cracks heal when Parker laughs with me. As we head through the tunnels underneath the stands to his car in the parking lot, it’s almost as if nothing has changed between us.

  “Hey, Bridge.”

  “
Yeah?”

  A grin twists on his mouth. “If you hurt my sister, I’m going to have to kill you.”

  “Noted.” I shove his shoulder as we make our way to the car. A few Kings fans hang around outside. They catch sight of Parker and rush him. For once it’s nice to pull back and let him deal with signing T-shirts and body parts.

  “Hey, you’re Bridger Cole,” one of the guys says and breaks from the group.

  I shove my hands in my pockets, uneasy. I never know how public encounters are going to go anymore. “I am. How’s it going, man?”

  The guy holds out his hand. With a touch of caution, I shake his. He’s still smiling as he says, “Fight to the end.”

  I freeze. “What did you say?”

  “I’m sober six months now,” he says, proudly. “But it’s a struggle every day. Ever since I read that, I keep saying those words. Fight to the end. Until it’s not a struggle. Until the fight’s over and I win. Like you did. I just want to say thank you.”

  I blink through my stun. “Where did you hear that saying?” It’s something I said with Alexis. Our motto during the hard days in rehab. Fight to the end, until the battle is won.

  “Those emails.” His eyes shadow. “Did you not know about them?”

  “I almost forgot. I, uh, heard someone was going to leak them,” I fumble out. “I guess I wasn’t expecting a thank you.”

  He grins and steps back. “That’s shady, what your ex-girl did. Then to learn more about how it all went down in those emails, I expect you’ll get more apologies than anything. I didn’t know they were leaked, that sucks, too, but you ought to know they’re helping me. Knowing you went through it and survived, I feel like I can.”

  I clear the knot from my throat, wish him luck on his recovery, and tell him to come to the last First Responder show next week. Lately, it’s rare to have people come up who are happy to see me and Pops is going to kick me off the label if I keep handing out backstage passes. But to see this guy’s face light up when he tells his girlfriend, I’d hand out a hundred more.

  Alexis always told me something good would come out of the struggle. Maybe she was right.