by C. Lymari
“It’s always been you,” his grave voice confessed.
His admission spread through my body, straight to my soul, and I moaned, barely holding back that I felt the same.
It was wrong, reckless, but I didn’t think I’d have it any other way.
“Fuck,” he cursed before he pulled out and finished on my stomach.
He then kissed my lips and my forehead. He used his shirt to clean me up. Then after a few minutes, we did it all over again.
And again, until the sun started to come out.
I gave my body to Gavin Dunn, wishing like hell it could have been my heart.
Sneaking out on him was hard.
Hearing that he and Gigi were still together was harder.
As if one betrayal wasn’t enough, he told Nick about my almost drowning. One meltdown was already one too many for my brother, and he had me committed.
Gavin Dunn was my curse, even when he ended up being my salvation.
Present
Ten
There is nothing in the world that hurts worse than a broken heart.
Bones break and mend. Skin scars and fades.
A heart echoes with the pain. And mine still remembered Gavin. He was a part of my life, and I was back where I left things off three years ago. It was like time “healed” me and dumped me in a vortex of unresolved emotions.
Sleep was hard to come by last night. I tossed and turned, not able to find comfort. It wasn’t fate that brought Gavin and me together again; the college where Nick worked was close to where we’d grown up. Nick had finally gotten the coaching position of his dreams because of him—because Gavin made it possible. He couldn’t have known that with Nick, I would come along. Not after all these years.
The morning light peeked through my windows, and I knew I should get up and start my morning before I got sleepier later. If I let it, this numbing feeling would take over me, and all I would want to do was lie around and sleep.
For the first time in years, I wondered what had happened to Dylan and Jordan. To the people who were close to me—or as close as I allowed after my parents’ deaths. I didn’t have much time to wonder when my phone started ringing.
“Seriously? It’s fucking early,” I whined as I answered the phone.
My brother chuckled. “You sound awake. Come on, meet me at my place.”
I groaned, but still got out of bed.
“Give me twenty.”
“Ten,” he answered back.
Twenty minutes later, I was knocking on Nick’s door. He lived in a charming ranch-style home that had more than enough space for me, but this was college, and the last thing anyone needed was to live with their brother. I was just lucky that Audrey had answered my phone call after so many years and she had space for me. Well, I was feeling hopeful about it until last night when she lied to me. At least he had been alone and not with Gigi.
“You took your time.” My brother’s deep tone interrupted my thoughts.
I jumped back, startled that I didn’t hear him opening the door. Nick was wearing black running shorts, with a snug-fitting white t-shirt and white running shoes. Nick liked his sneakers; therefore, I had a nice collection too. He gifted me a pair every Christmas. He also liked to stay active and in shape, so he forced me to be active and in shape as a way to get me out of the house.
“You’re lucky I even came,” I told him as I watched him walk to his car.
When he was in the car, he motioned for me to get inside.
“Umm, where are we going?” I asked because here I thought we would run around his neighborhood.
“We’re going to run laps.”
“I know,” I said slowly but still made my way to the car.
I had barely got in the car when my brother answered.
“We’re running around the field.”
My heart stopped.
“The field? Is there like a jogging field?” I tried to grab the door handle and open it, but Nick was already backing out of the driveway.
“Seat belt,” Nick barked at me.
After my parents died, we were both sticklers for them, but right now, I was shaken. My brother was taking me to the last place I wanted to be at. My rule was simple: nothing football-related because football led to Gavin, and Gavin always led to heartbreak.
“I should go home, try to sleep,” I mumbled.
My brother gave me a side look. I knew I was acting weird, but he could never know why. It was better that way—talking sex to your guardian was weird as fuck.
“You’re up, and your therapist said to keep a hobby, something that takes your mind off things.”
I swear I thought my therapist had a crush on Nick. He was still youngish, but he’d grown up quickly once Mom and Dad died, so he was mature and had his shit together. Unlike me, who was doing a business major just because I was good at math and shit.
“There’s, like, no practice, right?”
“Nah. There was a party last night, so I doubt anyone will be there until later today.”
Oh yeah, I knew all about the party.
“I need to get friends,” I whined, and my brother laughed.
“Do you like living with your friend? What was her name? Audrey?”
I rolled my eyes as my brother parked. He was the worst with names. I looked at the field like it was going to pop out zombies or something.
“She’s nice. Her friends are cool,” I mentioned, not adding that he probably would see more of them than I would.
I walked behind my brother and rubbed my hands against my crimson joggers. Most of my life, I spent not caring what anyone thought of me. As long as I felt comfortable I was fine. But at this moment, I wondered if I looked okay. Shaking my head, I followed my brother to the football stadium.
I’d been to games before, but never here. I wasn’t prepared for how small and insignificant I would feel in the vast stadium. Reality hits you when you least expect it. I hated to admit it, but football practice had been one of the only safe places I could watch Gavin. Watching him play was magical. He never looked more at peace or like he belonged than when he was running across the field and leaping in the air to grab the ball. He had done it. He was on his way to the big leagues.
Shit.
I wanted to cry.
Despite everything Gavin was to me, he had been my friend.
“Come on, sis. Let’s get this over with.”
I glared at my brother. He was smiling. He was sadistic that way; he enjoyed the burn that came with working out. And people said I was the freak in the family. Right. What family since it was just him and me now since our grandparents were old. The first line in the Script’s “Breakeven” was playing on repeat on my head as I tried and failed miserably to keep up with my brother’s pace.
My lungs burned with how out of shape I was. Had I ever enjoyed working out? I’d joined dance as a way to spend time with Gigi when the cheer team rejected me. Now looking back at it, I did way more for my so-called best friend than she ever did for me.
“What are you doing here?” His deep tone growled next to me.
Fuck.
I missed a step, tripped, and fell on my face.
It shouldn’t have been a surprise that Gavin was here. I didn’t know why I’d let myself feel a faux sense of security.
My knee hit the floor, and then my body rolled to the side where I lay as a few guys started to laugh. I closed my eyes tightly as if that was going to make this any better.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“I didn’t say anything,” I said defensively. I sat, not meeting Gavin’s stare, but I knew he was looking at me because I could see his feet in front of me.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” he snapped. “What are you doing here?”
“Sunbathing,” I mumbled as I got off my ass.
I heard Gavin snort. I still didn’t look at him. He wasn’t the same guy I’d known before because old Gavin would have offered me a hand to get up.
; “Scarlett,” he said.
I took a deep breath before I turned to look at him. At the party, leaning against a wall, he’d looked good, but here in workout gear and his angles still harsh, he looked godlike. Like Nick, he had on shorts and a sports t-shirt, except on Gavin it looked much better. He only continued to talk when he had my full attention.
“I don’t want you anywhere near me.”
Ouch.
“Damn, you sound so hot right now.” He groaned. “You feel fucking better.”
I shook my head, ridding myself of memories that I rarely let myself get sucked in by. Gavin had every right to hate me. I looked up at him, and it seemed silly to think he looked like a warrior.
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” I spat back.
Gavin’s eyes flashed, but I couldn’t decipher the meaning. Before I could say anything, Nick came back.
“Are you okay, Scar? Saw you kiss the floor.” He grinned at me. “Guess seeing Gav after a long time shocked you, didn’t it?”
My cheeks turned red. I felt the heat on them.
Someone needs to smack some common sense into my brother because he’s clueless.
“I’m going home now,” I mumbled and started to walk away.
“Uh, Scar,” my brother yelled after me.
I turned around, stopped to look at him.
“I drove here.”
But of course he did.
“Then take me back.”
Nick looked at me and Gavin, but didn’t comment. He started to walk past me, and I was going to follow, but fuck that. I turned around to catch Gavin still watching me. I took a step closer to him, and he seemed to stand taller.
“I didn’t come here for you,” I said.
His jaw ticked.
“If there’s one thing I’m sure of, Scarlett…” He let my name hang in the air while he hissed at me.
It was a disaster, and toxic, everything I swore I wouldn’t revert to, but I couldn’t move.
“…You never did anything for me.” He looked at me, from my pulled-up hair to my sneakers, and walked away.
In a way, it felt like old times, except the animosity that was between us had turned into something much more hateful. We were still two halves that would never fit, and this was a reminder that we never would.
Eleven
“Hey, man, are you okay?” Quincy asked me before we started to run drills.
“I’m fine,” I replied.
Quincy was a little taller than I was, African American, green eyes, and the number one recruit. He smirked at me.
“I heard what happened at the party.”
“Jeff has a big mouth,” I said.
“So, the fine as hell female that left—”
“Fuck you,” I spat as I pushed him back.
Quincy still looked relaxed. He was easygoing, and nothing fazed him.
“Man, I can have any bitch I want. Just make sure your head is in the game. I need this, and so do you,” my quarterback said.
He was right; we both needed to have our head in the game for this season. Both of us were going to declare for the draft. Neither of us wanted to do it sooner without getting our basic education out of the way. Quincy said he wanted something to fall back on after he retired, and I knew this job was risky and it all could get taken away in the blink of an eye. I’d worked too hard for this, and nothing would stand in my way. Especially not Scarlett or the demons she brought with her presence.
I got lost in the field, pushing my body to its limit. I couldn’t control what went on around me, but I could control my body and my game. My parents wanted me to be successful. They were proud I’d made it this far, but they still thought that shooting all my dreams in football wasn’t smart. They wanted an education, and I agreed. It was the only reason why I hadn’t declared yet. All the chess pieces had to align and, well, they finally had.
“Dunn, get your head in the game!” Coach yelled.
I inhaled, then exhaled and pretended like Scarlett didn’t look like temptation in the field. After scrimmage ended, I headed for my shit and went home.
The first day of school felt different this time. It should have been because this was my last year of school or the draft coming up. But no. It all led back to her. It always had since I was thirteen. I walked, and people patted my back or called my name. Girls sent me flirty smiles and waves. Here, I was a god; it wasn’t so different from high school. I played ball, and I played it well. It had girls gagging for me, trying to lock me down for popularity or a secure future—all of them but one.
Here I went again thinking about her. When she’d given herself to me on prom night, I thought things were finally looking up. That night was the first time I’d felt something in my gut when fucking a girl. It was the first time I hadn’t wanted to rush to finish. I knew Scarlett was in pain, but she’d held on to me like I was her fucking lifeline. With every thrust of my hips, she cemented herself deeper into my being. Every whimper from her lips, and I knew it was something I wanted to hear for the rest of my life. I thought I had more time to dip between her thighs and taste her, to give her pleasure beyond measure as she was doing for me. I woke up sated, and hard, happy, and at the same time, remorseful. There she was: so beautiful, yet so fucking sad. I wanted to make it all better, trying not to think about the fact that she’d almost drowned. I was young, and I’d fucked the girl I’d had a hard-on for the longest time. I hadn’t realized she’d needed help.
When I came back to the house after picking up breakfast for us, Dylan was up waiting for me. He was one of my close friends and a better friend to Scar than Gigi ever was.
“You know, I know you like her. Hell, the whole fucking school can see it except for her. But I never thought you would fuck her over like this,” Dylan spat at me.
It made me angry. He was supposed to be on my side.
“I would never do anything to hurt her.”
Dylan gave me a sad smile. “Gigi walked out earlier, and she was fuming.”
There it was—my biggest fuckup still haunting me. My mistake was not going to look for Scarlett right away.
I let her get away, with hopes that she would get better, and I hadn’t seen her again. The sick fucking game we’d been playing since we were kids went on. This time I was hurt. I told Nick what happened. I didn’t know if she’d tried killing herself or was just so drunk she almost drowned, but I wouldn’t be there to protect her anymore.
She gave me her body, and then she turned her back on me. I needed to get my head in the game, so I let her go.
“Yo!”
I jumped when Quincy yelled in my ear. He shook his head. Yeah, I was aware my head was not in the game, and he could suck me off.
“You good, man?” Ollie asked me.
“I’m perfect,” I told him.
Quincy left us for his class while Ollie and I made our way to sociology. We both needed the credit, and this was the easiest class we could find.
“Hey, Gavin,” I heard a female purr, and then a hand snaked through my arm.
I looked down to see Annie and gave her a tense nod. Ollie snickered. He knew I didn’t like girls touching me unless I was fucking them.
“Are you guys heading to socio?”
Ollie chuckled.
Great. I’d had enough of her trying to talk to me after or before practice when the cheer squad was there, but this was going to suck. When we made it to the class, I was trying to figure out how to ditch Annie when Ollie pointed to the front of the class.
“Isn’t that the chick from the party?”
My head snapped up, and all I saw were blonde waves. Wild, curly, in a bun on top of her head. Majestic. Scarlett sat all prim and proper, her notebook laid before her and a pen on top of it while she stared at the front of the class as if it held all the answers to her problems.
I didn’t think; I reacted. You’d think we were like magnets all this time, pulling toward each other, never able to connect, just a frustrating gravity
with a pull strong enough to keep it near but not enough to make you fuse. There were only two seats behind Scarlett, and Ollie said goodbye to Annie, because I forgot about her the moment I laid eyes on the one thing I’d wanted most since I was a kid.
The class started to fill up, and Scarlett had yet to turn around. I was itching for her to do it. I’d told her to stay away because it gutted me to admit I couldn’t. Not when she was here at my school. I was king, and if we kept crossing paths, she would find out just how much I ruled it.
The professor walked in, and he gave Ollie and me a nod. As I said, we were treated like kings. Class started, and not once did she turn around. Did she not feel me staring at her? Was she immune to my gaze? My touch? I could have sworn I’d seen something in the bathroom.
As soon as class ended, I got up, ignoring Ollie’s amused grin. I walked out and crossed her path as she got out of her aisle so she could crash into me. I was an asshole, but as I said, magnets.
“You should watch where you’re going, Davis.” My words came out in a harsh growl.
She looked up at me, and her eyes flashed. I couldn’t decipher her emotions. Women got easier to figure out the older I got, but never Scarlett.
She opened her mouth, but before she could say something, Annie was there holding on to me like a leech.
“Next class, let’s sit together.” She smiled at me, ignoring Scarlett.
“I was busy, Annie,” I said in a flat tone, not taking my eyes from Scar.
She looked at Annie and smiled at me, but it was cold.
“Excuse you, asshole.” She pushed past me.
There she is. My fearless girl.
I didn’t notice the grin that came to my lips until I turned my head, and Annie was glaring at me.
“Who is she?” she asked.
“None of your business. We fucked, babe. I didn’t ask you to be mine,” I told her before I walked out.
Ollie shook his head at me. “That was harsh.”
“She shouldn’t have interrupted me,” I said flatly.
“You’ve always been cold, Gav, but never cruel.” He said it like he was disappointed in me.