Still, I reluctantly pull back and set January on her feet before it gets too far out of hand. With her, I can't ever be too careful. She's so responsive. If I'm not careful, she'll be crawling into my lap and trying to get us both naked, regardless of the fact that her brother and mom are right here.
She stumbles a little and I reach out to steady her. Her emerald eyes shine and her cheeks are flushed with color. With her lips all red and swollen from my kisses, she looks like a porcelain doll again, too beautiful to be real.
"Here," Titan says, grabbing her hand and pulling her away from me. He plops her down in a chair and then places a giant box in her lap.
She looks from the box to him, a question in her eyes.
"Figured I owe you for being such a dick to you the last couple of years," he mumbles and then shrugs like it's no big deal. "I'm sorry for hurting you, and I hope you'll forgive me."
Her expression melts, hesitation turning to adoration in the blink of an eye. "Of course I forgive you," she whispers, squeezing his hand. "I love you, Titan. Even when you are a jerk."
"I love you too, baby sister. Now open this shit!" he says and rubs his hands together. He's almost as excited about the gift as she is.
She tears through the pink paper like a little kid at Christmas. It goes flying in all directions.
"Titan!" she squeals, pulling a pair of high-top Chuck Taylor sneakers out of the box. They're UCLA blue and gold, with her name embossed across the side. She hugs them to her chest before diving out of her seat to hug her brother. The box tumbles to the floor, but she doesn't even notice it.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she chants, jumping up and down.
"You're welcome, brat," he says and then drops a kiss to her forehead.
She bounces back to her seat and slips the shoes on her feet to admire them. Once she's satisfied, she picks the box up and pulls out a UCLA hoodie with her name on it, a t-shirt, and a little jewelry box. She opens it to reveal a dog tag with a picture of the two of them embossed on the front. The back is engraved with a message about how his love is her greatest gift and her happiness is his deepest desire.
"I have one too," he says and pulls a chain out from beneath the collar of his shirt to show her.
It's so sweet that January and Jana both cry. A lump forms in my throat too.
"I love it, Titan. It's perfect," January whispers through her tears and lets him put it on her. "Thank you."
He winks at her and then steals her piece of cake.
"I'm not even going to yell at you for that," she mutters, sticking her tongue out at him.
Her mom sets a plate in front of her with an even bigger piece of cake on it.
"Should have stuck to your own plate," January teases him when his face falls at the sight of the massive slice he just lost out on.
The mournful look on his face makes the rest of us crack up laughing. He puts away food like a garbage disposal.
Once we've all gorged ourselves on the outrageously rich dessert and January has opened all of her presents, I ask Jana if I can steal my girl away for a few minutes. She waves us away, announcing that Titan can help her clean up and get all the trash out to the road for pickup.
Titan grumbles about not being a goddamn maid, but starts helping his mom.
I slip January's hand into mine and lead her outside. She shivers and cuddles up at my side as we walk to Ma Rose's house.
"They probably think we're sneaking off to have sex," she whispers and then giggles.
"I have something to show you," I tell her.
"If it's you naked, I'm totally on board." She waggles her brows like a villain.
I chuckle and shake my head at her before leading her up the steps to my door. A black Chrysler creeps down the street as I fish for the key in my pocket. I glance at the car, but don't recognize it. Whoever it is, they aren't from around here. Not driving brand new wheels like that. They're driving so slow I briefly wonder if they're lost.
"It's freezing out here," January complains, drawing my attention back to her. It is cold out. Her breath actually steams in front of her. She shivers, her teeth chattering.
"Come on," I mumble and unlock the door before pulling her inside. I don't spare another thought to the car out front, instead focusing on getting her inside before she freezes to death.
She stops right inside the door and peeks around. The house hasn't changed since I first moved here. The furniture is all heavy wood and leather, with glass-topped tables. Little knick-knacks sit here and there, beloved trinkets Ma Rose picked up over the years. This is still her house. I haven't changed anything about it.
"You're one of those annoyingly clean people, aren't you?" January teases me, running her hand along a bookcase and then holding it up to show there's not even a hint of dust on it.
"No," I say, even though I kind of am. Ma Rose always kept the place spotless. No way am I going to mess it up. I miss her like crazy, but I don't want her coming back from the grave just to kick my ass for fucking up her house.
"You totally are," January says and then wraps her arms around me. "You always keep this place freakishly clean, but that's okay. I think it's sweet that you take such good care of her house. Or your house now, I guess." She scrunches up her nose like she's thinking hard about something. "You know, I think you're the only twenty-one-year-old I know who owns a house."
"I own more than that," I mumble.
She frowns at me like she doesn't understand. Of course she doesn't though. She has no clue I'm about to drop a bomb on her that will drastically change her life.
"I…" Now that the moment's here, I'm suddenly afraid to tell her. I don't want this to change us and I'm terrified it will, even if we don't mean for it to happen. But I've kept this secret for long enough. It almost destroyed me and Titan. I don't want it to jeopardize what I have with January. I want to be able to give her anything she needs. Titan, too. I never again want him to feel like he has to make a deal with the devil to ensure January has what she needs in life. And I want her and Jana to know I'll be able to take care of both of them the way they deserve.
"Cade?" January says, looking at me like I'm freaking her out.
I offer her a reassuring smile. "Stay right here. I've gotta get something and then I'll explain."
"Okay," she agrees with a shrug.
I brush my lips across hers and then hurry down the hall to Ma Rose's room. Even after all this time, it still smells like her. The room is exactly the way she left it. Well, except for the stuff she wanted donated to various homeless shelters. All of her clothes and costume jewelry are gone. But the rest of the room is still hers. Even though she left me the house in her will, changing it doesn't feel right.
I make my way over to her desk where all the paperwork for my trust fund is located. I was worried January would stumble across it if I left it in my room. Sifting through the stack of documents, I finally find what I'm searching for and head back toward the living room, praying like hell she doesn't kick my ass for keeping this from her for so long.
Halfway down the hall, a loud pop like a car backfiring sounds outside. And then four more pops go off, one right after another. Someone screams outside and I realize it's not a car backfiring.
It's gunshots.
Someone's shooting up the block.
"January!" I roar and barrel down the hall toward her. She's still standing where I left her, looking at the door like she doesn't understand what's happening. I grab her around the waist and throw her to the floor before covering her with my body.
The front window explodes a second later, glass showering down on us. Shots continue to ring out all around us. There are so many, it sounds like a war erupted right outside the front door. With every shot, dread claws its way through me, burning like acid.
January screams as another window shatters in a spray of glass.
And then everything falls silent, the chaos ending as abruptly as it started.
I lay on top of h
er for a second, not moving, but no more shots come. An engine roars outside.
"Stay here," I yell in her ear and then jump to my feet. Glass falls off me in a flood, crashing to the floor all around her. None of it hits her, thank God.
"Cade!" she cries when I fling the front door open.
"Stay here," I order her one more time and then run outside. "Please, please, please," I chant over and over as I pound down the front steps. The Chrysler from earlier disappears at the end of the block, taking the turn so hard, the tires squeal.
I turn toward January's house to go check on Titan and Jana.
My entire world crashes to my feet.
Titan and Jana are on the sidewalk, pink wrapping paper and food scraps scattered all around them. They're so still, it's almost like they're sleeping. Except they aren't.
"No!" I scream, but I already know the word isn't going to change anything.
Blood pools around them, turning the cement red.
I stumble toward them on legs that don't want to work. They give out as I get to Titan's side. He's been hit so many times he looks like a pin cushion. Only those aren't pin holes all over his shirt. They're bullet holes.
He's still breathing, but barely.
Jana isn't. I don't think she'll ever breathe again. Not with…not with…
I turn to the side and vomit. I can't help it. She's exactly what January will look like in twenty years…and she's dead. The entire right side of her face is gone. She still has a garbage bag clutched in her hand.
People run toward me, shouting my name, but I can't think straight. I try to help Titan, try to stop the bleeding, but I don't even know where to start. How do you make someone stop bleeding when you only have two hands but they have fifteen or sixteen bullet wounds? I don't know.
I try, but it's no use. He takes a rattling breath and then stops. His chest doesn't move again.
Quan and Boots drop to the ground beside me. They're both yelling, but I can't hear them. All I hear is my girl screaming as she realizes her entire world just ended.
"No!" she screams at the top of her lungs. "No! No! No!"
I push myself to my feet and stumble toward her, trying to get to her before she gets to Titan and her mom. She's running full out, practically flying through the grass toward them, but I can't let her see…I can't let her see.
"Let me go!" she screams when I wrap my arms around her. She fights me, kicking and scratching. Her little fists flail against me. Tears flow down her face in an endless flood. Every single one eviscerates me. She screams at me, pleading with me to let her go, to save her mom and brother, to help them…but I can't.
I can't.
They're beyond help now.
Thirty-two bullets.
That's how many it took to destroy my world. I know because I counted.
Seventeen million.
That's how much money it took to shatter hers. I know because I've still got the bank statement in my hand.
Had I just said something about the money earlier, I could have saved Jana and Titan. Had I refused to keep his secret, I could have stopped this from ever happening. Had I stopped to think about that Chrysler creeping down the street, I could have warned him.
I could have made a thousand different decisions that wouldn't have ended here. With January's entire world bleeding to death on a sidewalk while wrapping paper still flutters through the air like confetti.
Her entire family is gone and it's my goddamn fault.
She falls to the ground, and for the first time in my life, I don't have the strength to pick her up.
Chapter Seventeen
Michael
Present Day
Trying to find the words to explain to January that I'm the reason her mom and brother were murdered is impossible. I don't even know where to start.
She pushes against my chest and crawls from my lap, putting distance between us. Her stricken expression makes my soul bleed. She's so pale, her face stained with tears. I don't think anyone has ever talked about what happened with her. I don't think she's ever let anyone talk to her about it.
"Explain," she demands, her voice shaking. "I want to know what you mean."
I push a hand through my hair and stand up to pace. As much as I hate that she's already distancing herself from me, I don't think I can sit still and tell her this shit. It's been eating away at my soul for ten goddamn years. I need to move, to think….
How have I never thought about what I'd say if this day ever came? All those nights I spent alone, staring up at the ceiling, wishing like hell she was in my arms…I never let myself think about what I'd say. I never let myself think we'd ever see each other again. If I had let myself imagine it, I wouldn't have been able to stay away.
"Cade, please tell me," she pleads. "Why do you think you're the reason…?"
And that eats away at my soul too. The fact that she still can't say out loud that her family was murdered in cold blood. They were gunned down in the street and died on a fucking sidewalk. That's how January turned eighteen…watching her family being carted away in body bags while the police asked her questions she didn't know how to answer. And she still can't say the words. Still can't face what happened.
"Titan sacrificed himself to save me," I rasp.
"I don't understand."
"The day Tony attacked you, I went after Kaleo," I confess. "I found him at home with a couple of his boys and I beat the hell out of him. I shouldn't have gone after him, I knew that going after him would start a war, but he sent that motherfucker after you and I was pissed." I turn to face her to find her watching me, her nose scrunched up in confusion as she struggles to put the pieces together. "Titan knew what would happen too. He told me not to worry about it. That he would deal with the situation. He went to Kaleo, told him that he would join up so long as he left me alone."
"A couple weeks later, your mom found out you weren't going to get enough financial aid to attend UCLA. She worked her ass off just to provide for you guys and they held that against her. Said she made too much," I say, my words halting and hesitant. I don't want her thinking this was her fault because it wasn't, but I'm worried she won't see it that way. "This was before your scholarship came through."
She nods at me to keep going.
"Titan found out and went back to Kaleo." I swallow hard. "He started dealing."
January frowns, still not understanding. When the cops started asking questions that night, I told them Titan had gotten into some trouble with Kaleo and started dealing on Crip territory to get himself out of it. That they'd found out and retaliated. She didn't know the full story. No one did. I've kept that truth to myself all this time.
"He was dealing for him for almost two years, baby girl."
"You knew?"
I nod.
"How long, Cade?"
"The day you found out you got into UCLA, I followed him to Kaleo's and then to the school. I watched him dealing to a football player. After you and your mom went to bed that night, I confronted him. He told me that he chose Kaleo. He never told me he was trying to help pay for your education. I swear to God, I would have emptied that fucking trust fund for him if I knew why he was dealing."
"You knew," she says, mumbling the words like she's trying to fit them into place in her mind.
"He didn't want you to know. I should have told you the truth when I found out, but I didn't want the truth to ruin your relationship with him. I wanted to protect you from that. But I should have told you." I swallow hard.
"Tell me," she demands as if she knows there's more.
"The day of…that day," I amend when she flinches, physically making herself smaller like that'll protect her from remembering what happened the day her brother and mother were murdered. "He told me that Kaleo got greedy and demanded he start dealing on Crip territory. He refused at first, but Kaleo threatened to come after me if he didn't fall in line. Titan thought I'd be out of here with you for good in a few months, so he agreed to do it. H
e was trying to protect me…to keep Kaleo from coming after me."
I'm losing her. She's slipping away, right in front of my eyes. I want to drop to my knees and beg for her forgiveness, but I can't. Because I haven't even finished telling her my sins.
"When he told me what was going on," I whisper, determined to get it all out there now, "I told him I'd pay, that he was done with Kaleo and all the bullshit. That I didn't give a fuck if Kaleo came after me. I thought he had a little more time, so I told him we'd go first thing the next morning and take care of the situation. I wanted to tell you about the money first. We went back inside and had dinner." I shove my hand into my hair and pull, trying to ground myself in reality…trying to punish myself, I guess. "I saw the car that night. We were on our way to Ma Rose's so I could tell you, and that Chrysler was creeping down the block. I thought…I thought…I don't know what I thought. I wasn't fucking thinking."
That's the thing that still haunts me. When I wake up in a cold sweat, my throat burning from the way I screamed in my sleep…that's what I think about. That fucking car. Had I just thought for one goddamn second, I could have saved Titan and Jana. I could have told them to stay in the house or to hide or to do something. Instead, I brushed it off, too caught up in my own bullshit. I let them walk outside, oblivious to the fact that three gang members were circling the block, waiting for an opportunity to take Titan out.
I would have opened my veins and bled for him, but I didn't. I've had a decade to think about how I could have done things different. How I could have told him and January about the money. How I could have gone straight to January instead of going after Kaleo when Tony attacked her. How I could have told her or Jana or fucking anyone when I found out about Titan dealing. How I could have gone right then and there to pay those motherfuckers off when Titan told me what was going on. There were a million different choices I could have made to change what happened. A thousand different ways I could have saved Titan.
Fight for You: A Second Chance Romance (A Warrior for Her Book 1) Page 22