by Sophie Meyer
“Good, I’m happy for them,” said Ashley.
“Be really happy for them, Ashley. Don’t just think of yourself, they deserve love too.”
That stung, unnecessarily. “I don’t just think of myself, Ray,” Ashley was hurt to the core.
“Well, maybe you do? And, maybe you’re being tested to see if you can care about others as much?”
Ashley pulled away and dashed into the kitchen. Her head was spinning and she wanted to make a pot of hot coffee to wake her up.
Ray rushed in after her, “don’t run away from me. Listen. You’re a fantastic person and you cannot give up!”
At that she spun full around and faced him. “Can’t give up? Are you crazy? You think I’m going through this again? You think I’m going to another Speed Dating evening, answering another add on email? No! Never!”
Ray gasped at her vehemence.
“In fact as we’re speaking I’m planning ways to put a stop to everything!”
“You can’t do that!” Ray demanded. “Tamara and Vince are in the wedding party now! They’re walking down the aisle together! They’re practicing what it’s like to be in love!”
“Ray, stop! Shut up! Be quiet! Leave me alone!” Ashley was beside herself.
“I can’t leave you alone! I’m your support buddy and I made a promise! Ashley, this is the critical moment! You’re being tested to see what you’re truly made of! Do you flinch and run at the first disappointment? Or do you stand tall and believe in Love?”
Ashley felt her whole body trembling. “What exactly am I believing in, Ray? Fantasy, wishful thinking?”
“You’re believing that love will win the day, that the Universe will send just what’s intended for you! At the perfect moment! You’re deciding to trust, to let go! To find out what love truly means.”
Ashley took a deep breath. It all sounded wonderful, but there was no substance to it. She could believe all she wanted and she was still alone.
“Release, Ashley, let go of your pain! It’s only getting in your way.”
“Release? What’s this? Something new? Another workshop that’s hitting town?”
“Not exactly, it’s a technique I just found about out. I’m doing it, it really helps. Ever hear of Larry Crane?”
“No, and I don’t want to.”
“Releasing is easy and natural. Just feel the painful feelings completely and let them go. Tell them to leave. They have to listen. Stop controlling what happens! Stop hunting for love. Just make a strong decision you’ll let what’s right happen.”
“I’ll let it happen?” Ashley was outraged. “What has it go to do with me? It will happen anyway, won’t it?
“That’s the whole point of it, welcome whatever comes along. Say thank you, be grateful. Accept what is happening, let go of the pain and move on. Then focus on the best.” Ray seemed enchanted.
The coffee was ready but Ashley couldn’t pour a cup. She fell down into a chair, and put her hands in her head.
“Right now is the time to double your efforts! Release your sad feelings, let them go! Focus on the wedding! Make it even more beautiful! Hold the belief that the groom will be there for you when you walk down the aisle!” Ray’s voice suddenly took on a melodious quality.
“I should just believe the groom’s coming no matter what reality looks like right now?” Ashley asked mournfully.
“Right now is the key word! Reality is only reality for the moment! It can change in a second. Don’t dwell on the pain!”
Something about the way Ray said that made Ashley feel better. He was right about one thing at least, everything could change in a second. It had only taken as long a tap on the shoulder for her whole relationship with Aldon to fall apart.
“When it’s most difficult to go on, the best way is to think of making others happy!” Ray was on a roll, couldn’t stop. “Tamara and Vince are so excited. Maybe all of this happened so they could meet. Maybe it’s not all about you.”
“Okay, okay, I get it,” said Ashley.
“There’s a bigger picture, much bigger. How can you let a guy you just met a week ago take away all your hope?”
“He was a lovely guy,” said Ashley sadly, “I can only imagine what he’s thinking now.”
Ray looked in her eyes. “It doesn’t matter what he’s thinking. Were you really in love with him, anyway?”
“I thought I was,” said Ashley, “I was attracted to him, he was attracted to me, we wanted the same things, I didn’t want to hurt him.”
“But it never would have worked out if he didn’t have the guts to answer your call. He jumped to conclusions and didn’t give it a chance. How could you have lived with someone like that?”
“That’s true,” Ashley mused, once again her radar had been way off. “So, how do I know who any guy really is? And how is it possible the right one for me will come along and be ready to walk down the aisle in in just four weeks?”
“That’s a question I can’t answer,” said Ray, “but it is possible! I promise! And logic can’t tell you how! There’s only one way for it to happen! Go for it now one hundred percent! Stop trying to control it or figure it out! Have faith! Jump in completely! Really give it a chance!”
Ray spoke with such fervor, Ashley felt inspired.
“I’ll do it,” she suddenly called out! “I’ll go for it, and if he doesn’t come, I’ll just say he panicked and left me at the altar! It’s better than saying this whole thing was a lie!”
“Don’t even think that he won’t show up,” Ray didn’t like it. “Expect it will happen and be alright! Live a life of hope to the last minute.”
“Okay, okay,” Ashley repeated. Things had gone this far, Ray was right, how could she let one bad date, take all of it down? “I’ll do it.”
“You will?” Ray was astonished.
“I’ll let go, I’ll believe, I’ll make it as good as I can for Tamara and Vince!”
“That’s beautiful, just beautiful,” said Ray, “what’s the next step? Where are we going from here?”
“Tamara has made an appointment for me and all the bridesmaids to go hear the bands, pick the songs, and finish up whatever’s left on the list.”
CHAPTER 24
The last thing Ashley needed was a call from her sister Trish, first thing the next morning, before she was on her way to choose a band for the wedding.
Trish sounded breathless, “Dad’s on his way down to your neighborhood as we speak! He’s tracked Gideon down, found out where he’s working.”
Ashley couldn’t believe her ears. Her father had been serious! She had no idea that he would actually go through with his plans. But who in the world had he found? “Where did he find him?” Ashley gasped.
“Gideon lives and works in Venice Beach” Trish went on, “a few miles away from you. That clinched it!”
“That’s not the one,” Ashley tried to interject.
“Gideon Tallon,” Trish exclaimed. “How many people can there be with that name? It’s out, Ashley, there’s no more hiding! Dad’s found the groom. He knows who he is!”
Her father always had a paranoid streak, looking for cover ups.
“Listen to me, dad’s on the way down there as we speak. I suggest you give Gideon a head’s up. Dad’s not in exactly a good mood.” Trish was emphatic.
“He’s got the wrong guy,” Ashley breathed. “Gideon doesn’t live in Venice Beach.”
“Ashley, cut out all the nonsense, act like a grown up! Your cover’s busted. Gideon is found! And I, for one, can’t wait to meet him. I just know that he’s got to be some kind of stud!”
Ashley hung up the phone open mouthed. She had no idea who her father had located or what he was going to do about it. For a second, she thought of going down to Venice Beach herself to meet him, but her father hadn’t said a word to her about it. She had no idea where he would be, as usual, he’d left her completely out of the loop.
*
Venice Beach was only a few miles fr
om Santa Monica, along the shore. It was a bit sketchier, less upscale and much more lively, for sure. The main streets were filled with shops, surfers, tattoo places and tropical printed shirts. This wasn’t exactly a place where Ashley’s father, Rupert Lane would normally spend time. But today he was feeling a strange satisfaction that he’d actually tracked this fellow, Gideon Tallon, down. A peculiar name, too, Rupert thought, probably an alias if you asked him. How long did this creep think he could hide from his bride’s parents? Why hadn’t he been up to San Francisco to meet the family, have dinners with them? Obviously, he was waiting for the last minute, when it would be too late to call everything off. But Rupert was too smart for that. Did this sleazy joker really think that he could pull the wool over everyone’s eyes? To his amazement, Rupert had enjoyed the search for him, and today felt like a hunter closing in on his prey.
As soon as Rupert landed at the airport, he had a car meet him and take him straight to Dovetail Street, the address he’d found for Gideon. Of course Ashley’s mother had pleaded with him not to go in person, and if he insisted, to take armed security along. Naturally, he’d promptly refused, didn’t need any of that. He was still young enough to rough up any guy who was going to play games with his daughter. Rupert had been a Triathlon athlete in his younger days. This search had brought a taste of that back, of his old determination and strength.
The car pulled up to Dovetail Street, where there were a bunch of shops and greasy gyms. Dressed in fine slacks and an expensive shirt, Rupert looked for the address, found it, pushed open the door of one of the gyms and grandly walked in.
It was hot inside and crowded, without much light. A bunch of guys were lifting weights, groaning and passing time.
“I’d like to see Gideon Tallon,” Rupert announced to the mousy woman with the big chest, sitting at the front desk.
“Right over there,” she pointed to a huge, muscle bound guy with tattoos all over his arms, who was lifting weights. “Gideon runs the gym.”
Rupert took a swift breath. Jesus, he thought, no wonder Ashley couldn’t bring him home. Where in hell did she ever meet him? How dare she think she could ever slip someone like that into their lives?
“Gideon,” Rupert walked over to where the guy was working out.
The guy grunted and just kept focusing on his weights.
“This is Rupert Lane,” Rupert announced.
Gideon barely looked up.
He’s scared, Rupert thought, knows the game is over, or else he’d look me straight in the eye.
“Gideon,” Rupert said more loudly.
“What the hell you want, man?” Gideon put down his weights and uncurled his arms. “Don’t you see I’m busy?”
Rupert was not accustomed to being spoken to that way. “I’ve come down here from San Francisco to see you, as you haven’t had the graciousness to come up and meet us!”
Gideon looked at him as though he were crazy.
“Drop the game! You know who I am,” Rupert insisted, “and I know who you are, as well.”
Gideon shook his head, and bent down to pick up his weights again.
“All kinds of nuts in suits these days,” he mumbled.
“What’s that you said?” Rupert was immensely insulted.
“You on a bad acid trip or what?” Gideon finally looked up at him.
Rupert had known all along that this guy would be trouble.
“There is no way in the world you are marrying my daughter!” Rupert insisted, as Gideon turned back away.
“What’s that you said?” Gideon put the weights back down on the floor and stood up, full height, facing him.
“I said, get out of my daughter’s life!”
Gideon’s muscles trembled, as though he was doing all he could not to lurch out.
“Oh year, well I love your daughter, I’m marrying her, and that’s that!” Gideon shot back at him.
My God, thought Rupert, he’s fighting for her. This mess of a man, how did it ever happen? Rupert took a deep breath. He was prepared for the worst, had backups, hadn’t come down empty handed. But he wanted to settle it like a gentleman. Guys like this could he bought, he was certain of that.
“Gideon,” Rupert promptly said, “I am prepared to give you a wad of cash to get out of Ashley’s life.”
Gideon chewed on his lip and his eyes narrowed. “What the hell is this? A setup?”
“It’s a business arrangement that I suggest you take seriously.”
“My girl’s name isn’t Ashley, “Gideon’s face grew darker, “it’s Bette and she’s sitting right there!” He pointed to the mousy woman at the desk. “Hey, Bette you get over here this second! You hear!”
The woman at the desk jumped up and ran over.
“You know this guy? He says he’s your father!”
“My father’s sick in Ecuador,” Bette shivered, and she wrapped her arms around Gideon.
“That’s what I thought,” Gideon came closer to Rupert, dragging her along with him. It looked as though he were about to yank Rupert by the collar. “You’re crazy, Mister, you lost your marbles, and I’m sorry for you, but I suggest you get out of here right now! Before I call the police on you.”
Despite himself, Rupert backed off. Something was wrong, he’d miscalculated. This guy wouldn’t take money and obviously loved the mousy woman, who clung to him for all she was worth. And she loved him, it was easy to see. No one had ever clung to Rupert like that. Was it possible that he’d made a terrible mistake?
Rupert stumbled out of the gym, looking up and down the street, hoping no one happened to see him here. Should he have his car take him to Santa Monica and stop in on Ashley, talk to her about everything? He couldn’t bring himself to do it. This whole thing had been totally humiliating and he just wanted to get away.
“Take me back to the airport immediately,” he told the driver as he put his head back on the seat, shut his eyes, and decided it was time to let Ashley go. Let her marry whoever she wanted and do it in any way she liked! Just don’t ask him to be there at the wedding. That was way more than he could tolerate.
CHAPTER 25
Even though the discussion with her sister had been upsetting, Ashley felt better right away. Strangely enough, as soon as Ashley made a commitment to go on with the wedding, an old calm came over her. It was all done, settled! She was jumping in with a full heart and all the pressure came off. Let her father go search for anyone he wanted, let Aldon run as far away as he liked, it was their business. She also completely stopped worrying about whether she was crazy or sane, or whether she did or didn’t deserve love. Best of all, she stopped trying to figure out why Aldon never called back. He just hadn’t and that was that! He was another experience along the way, sometimes a good one, sometimes not. So what? Her groom might come, he might not, suddenly it didn’t really matter so much. All Ashley cared about was living full out! Whatever happened, she’d be ready for it. Whether her groom came or not, whether love showed up or didn’t, there was no way she could lose living like that.
Ashley put on a new dress that had been hanging in her closet, as she got ready to go listen to a bunch of bands and decide on the first dance. The dress was chiffon, and bouncy, with hand painted flowers on it, and sprigs of grass. She sprayed on lilac perfume, and felt fresh, delicious, and ready for everything.
To Ashley’s delight when she arrived at Rodeos, all her bridesmaids and Tamara were there, milling around. They were a lovely group, Ashley realized, and she was proud to have each one on board.
“Hi guys,” Ashley ran over to them and gave each one a hug.
“My God,” said Shane, “you look like you feel so much better.”
Ashley’s secrecy must have taken a toll on everyone. “I do,” she said, grinning.
Everyone laughed. “Save your I do’s for the ceremony,” Heather chimed in.
Robyn came over and gave her a long, maternal embrace. “We were worried about you, Ashley, really. We even thought he might not
ever show up. Thank God, he finally has. Jessica tells us he’s gorgeous, but skittish!”
“Skittish could describe him,” Ashley laughed.
“Now we understand why we haven’t seen him around.”
“He’s a frightened puppy,” said Heather.
A band in the background started to play, upbeat, jazzy music. Each band gets a turn to perform. This one was loud.
“I like this band,” said Heather, “they’ll get your guests up dancing! No one will be left sitting on their chairs.
“I want something softer,” Ashley shook her head.
“More slow dances and oldies?” Shane broke in, looking sad and overwrought.
“A mixture of slow and fast dances,” said Ashley. “Is something wrong Shane?”
Shane smiled wanly, “No, not at all, really. I’m just so glad that your guy has finally appeared.”
For now there was no reason to let them think that Aldon wasn’t her groom, it would only cause more agitation. Ashley figured that down the road, if the right guy did show, she could tell them that Aldon was the groom’s friend. That’s why he ran out of the restaurant, he was upset by the idea of getting married himself. It was fascinating the way one story grew out of another, one justification piled on top of the next. It happened so easily, it almost seemed natural, especially when checking out bands, listening to love songs, choosing dresses for the bridesmaids. Who the groom really was, what their life together would hold, all paled into shadows then. The wedding itself became what really mattered, as if they were building a grand temple dedicated to the image of love.
A singer was crooning, If I Loved You, and people grew quiet listening. “If I loved you, words wouldn’t come in this easy way.”
“That’s a beautiful song,” Shane whispered. “I always loved it. What do you think?”
“A little syrupy for my taste,” said Ashley.
Tamara laughed. “Choosing the song is a personal matter between you and your groom. No one else has a say.”
“That feels right,” said Ashley, noticing that Tamara looked particularly vibrant today.