by Sophie Meyer
“I had to come,” Ray started, “it’s all getting too close. I wanted to see you and talk to you. I have something very important on my mind.”
“Come on in, I’m happy to see you,” said Ashley.
They sat down on her sofa and tried to relax.
“I think everything is in order,” Ashley breathed, “I have most things checked off on the list.”
“What are you telling your family tomorrow night?” Ray interrupted, unusually flustered.
“I haven’t the slightest idea,” Ashley answered lightly.
“Ashley, I’m getting nervous about everything. I don’t want you to be hurt.”
“How can I be hurt?” answered Ashley, smiling.
Ray took a deep breath suddenly, “Ashley, listen,” his voice got deeper, “if at the very last minute, you’re in the lurch,” he paused.
A sense of anticipation surrounded both of them.
“I know you said you loved me,” Ray went on, haltingly.
“I do love you Ray and I know you love me,” Ashley breathed, as a bunch of birds on her patio, stood on the railing, peering in.
“I do,” he answered in a very soft voice. “And, if you’re in a lurch, if the groom doesn’t actually show up -.”
“What?” said Ashley.
“You have me.”
Ashley didn’t understand right away what he was saying.
“I’ll be there for you,” Ray continued, his voice muffled. “I’ll be there for you at the other end when you walk down the aisle.”
Ashley shivered. “You’ll marry me?”
“I’ll play the part of the groom. It doesn’t have to last forever.”
“Ray, I love you and I know you love me. But not like that. We’re wonderful friends, and that’s plenty.”
“I want you to be happy,” Ray said, “I don’t want you to be humiliated in front of everybody. I feel worried, guilty, as if I got you into all of this and –.”
Ashley loved him all the more then, and she would forever.
“I won’t be shamed, Ray,” she said. “Pretending isn’t the answer, and neither is sacrificing yourself.”
“What is?” he sounded devastated.
“Being honest,” Ashley answered, a great peace surrounding her. We’re not here to put on a show, we’re here to love and enjoy each other. Whoever comes to the wedding or doesn’t, we’re all going to have a wonderful time.”
CHAPTER 28
They rarely had rain in Santa Monica at this time of year, but from the moment Ashley woke up the morning of the rehearsal dinner, torrents of rain fell.
“This is a crazy sign of something, I don’t know what,” Jessica called first thing.
“Don’t worry about it, Jess,” Ashley said, “I’ve always loved the rain.”
Ashley had to pick up the dress today at three, the rehearsal dinner was called for seven, and the wedding was tomorrow afternoon at two. Soon it would be all behind her. What in the world would she do then? This had consumed her time so intensely that she had no idea how she would spend her days after the wedding was over. She even wondered if she could ever date again, start at the beginning, go through all this again.
Peter told her he had lots of extra projects for her when she got back from the honeymoon, and had purposely made her work load light to give her time. He was a dear friend, honored to be invited to the wedding, and had already sent a beautiful gift.
Even before Ashley had time to finish breakfast, Ray called nervously, definitely not himself.
“I have no idea how you’re going to manage everything,” he mumbled. “And I know it’s weird to have me at the fitting and rehearsal dinner, but whether or not anyone likes it, I definitely feel like part of your family now.”
“I like it,” said Ashley, “and you are part of the family. You’ll always be, Ray.”
“Is that why I’m such a wreck, so totally nervous, today?” his words tripped all over each other. “I’m actually terrified to meet your father.”
Ashley laughed. “They’ll all love you.”
“Would they love me if they knew I was behind all this?” he murmured.
“Ray,” Ashley took charge, “it’s all okay! Calm down!”
“If the rain would stop I’d feel better,” Ray confessed. “What if the rain continues all day tomorrow during the wedding?”
“The rain’s clearing the air,” Ashley responded, “making way for something new.”
“Like what?” asked Ray.
“I have no idea,” said Ashley, “but that’s something we’re going to find out very soon.”
*
Ashley was actually thrilled to see her parents and Trish waiting when she walked into the wedding salon. It made her feel loved and supported to have them there at her side through whatever was coming next.
Trish, who looked as though she were going to give birth at any moment, ran over to her immediately.
“Oh my God, I never thought we’d see this day.”
“Now you’re seeing it,” said Ashley happy.
Ashley’s mother and father came over to her and put their arms around her as well.
They all went upstairs then, to wait for Ashley to put on the dress, approve the final fitting and take it with her.
In a few moments the bridesmaids joined them, and then Ray walked in as well.
Ashley’s family had never met Ray and looked startled to see him.
“Mom, dad, Trish, this is Ray,” Ashley said warmly.
Ashley family stood at attention and stared.
“Is your groom supposed to see your dress on the day before the fitting?” her father spluttered, examining Ray.
Ashley was going to say he’s not my groom, but the words wouldn’t come out, not now, anyway.
“Everything’s fine, dad,” she said, as her father kept his eyes totally glued to Ray.
Ray walked over and held out his hand to them all, shook hands and Trish giggled.
“You’re nothing like I imagined,” Trish offered.
“You’ll like me when you know me,” said Ray.
Her mother smiled at that and her father nodded.
“I will love whomever my daughter choses,” her father suddenly proclaimed.
There was a moment of odd silence and Ashley couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“Thank you dad,” she murmured, “thanks.”
“Whether or not you know it, you’re precious to me, Ashley,” her father’s voice came in spurts. “You always have been and you always will.”
Ashley’s eyes filled with sudden tears as she went over and gave him a hug.
He let her hug him for a second and then quickly turned back to Ray.
“And you’re one lucky fellow to have somebody as precious as my daughter,” he grunted.
“I wish it were me,” Ray answered, “but I’m not the one your daughter’s chosen. I’m her best friend.”
“Best friend?” Ashley’s family was startled again and her father looked askance. “How does the groom feel about your being with her for the fittings? How many best friends does she need?”
Jessica stood up and began pacing.
“It’s okay, Jess,” Shane came to her side, “sit down, relax. It’s almost over, the rehearsal dinner is tonight. Ashley’s parents will definitely meet the groom then.”
The woman who handled the dresses came out then with a tray filled with glass of champagne and words of congratulations for them all. Then she ushered Ashley into the fitting room to try on the dress for the last time.
Ashley walked back there with her and waited while the woman took the dress off the hanger and held it open for her.
“Here it is, finally, all ready and waiting for you,” she said.
Ashley slipped into her sleek gown and let it envelope her, as if covering her with a new layer of skin. The gentle, satin folds felt like soft caresses, lifting her out of her usual self, into a statuesque, beautiful woman, with a life of
love to share.
Ashley stared at herself in the mirror. The woman who looked back was lovely, gracious, fully capable of loving and being loved in return. Someone has to come for me, Ashley whispered to herself, it can’t be that I’ll be left at the altar alone in this beautiful gown.
“Go out and show your family and friends,” the woman said softly to Ashley, then. “They’ll be thrilled.”
Ashley glided slowly down the corridor as if floating on a bed of flowers. As she turned the corner, altogether, everyone stood up. They gazed at her as though a princess had arrived, a being of light, wrapped in the robes of flawless beauty.
Ray stood there and stared, “I knew you were beautiful Ashley, but not as beautiful as this,” he whispered.
Her parents started crying and hugging her and the rain outside got heavier and heavier, as gale force winds rose unexpectedly, part of this sudden late spring storm.
*
The rain didn’t let up, but got heavier as the day passed. They all went from the wedding salon to Ashley’s family’s hotel room. The rehearsal dinner was downstairs in the restaurant. As they drove there in a cab the roads were backed up, the traffic snarled.
Ashley’s mother was terrified that people wouldn’t be able to get to the rehearsal dinner.
“Airports are closing,” Ray announced as they got closer.
Ashley couldn’t have been more relieved. Life had provided a wonderful solution to the evening ahead.
“Oh my!” Trish cried out, “The groom’s plane may be grounded!”
“We’ll be fine,” Ashley reassured everyone. “We’ll have dinner with whoever can get through the storm.”
There weren’t too many who got through the storm and made it to the restaurant. Ashley conveniently said that the groom and his family were stuck at the airport and wouldn’t be there in time. Ashley’s father was agitated.
“I don’t understand why he waited to the last minute to be here?” her father began tapping his foot on the floor.
“He wanted to be with his family,” Ashley uttered.
“You’re his family now, Ashley! He belongs at your side.”
Ashley stayed calm, however, determined to enjoy whoever was there.
“I don’t respect a man who doesn’t stay at his wife’s side!” her father repeated.
Ashley placed Ray at her father’s side during the meal and to everyone’s surprise, they chatted happily all night long. Ashley’s mother told her how lovely Ray was.
Shane and Trish chatted about old times and in the middle of dinner, Jessica suddenly appeared.
“I just broke up with Winn,” she whispered to Ashley instantly.
Ashley was shocked.
“It was never right, he was never the one,” Jessica seemed stunned as well. “Winn kept telling me what a great guy Aldon was, how great that he could run when he wanted. If that’s not a sign I don’t know what is,” Jessica said. “Winn would run from me too, if we ever got that far.”
“If they want to run, let them run,” Ashley said suddenly. “You want someone who’s running towards you, not away.”
Jessica felt better. “Watching you these past weeks has taught me a lot,” she said. Then she looked over at the table. “You know Ray loves you a lot and he fits in with your family. Look how he and your father are talking. I wonder about what?”
“I love Ray too,” Ashley said softly, “but he’s not the groom.”
Jessica looked up at her then slyly, as if her sixth sense told her everything, “Who is?” she whispered, “is he even coming?”
“That’s for us to find out, isn’t it?” Ashley said.
CHAPTER 29
The endless rain fell all through the night, but suddenly cleared in the morning. The airports opened, traffic flowed easily. This was the day, it was here, and there was no getting out of it. Ashley awoke and stared at the ceiling for a long time before she was able to get out of bed. On the one hand she was thrilled that the preparations and waiting were coming to an end. On the other hand, waves of terror began to wash over her, as she realized what lay ahead. Ashley now understood what happened when Ray started to fall apart, even asked her if she wanted to marry him. A kind of madness accompanied every wedding, she realized, frayed nerves, intensity growing, as if something drastic was taking place.
Ashley was proud of the way she’d held up these past days. Most of the time the calm that had come over her hadn’t let go. It was only now as she thought about arriving at the venue, dressing for the wedding, facing her guests and standing at the altar, that her world began to rock under her feet. All last night as she slept and awoke, a film of Ashley’s love life passed before her eyes.
Ashley thought of her very first boyfriend in sixth grade, Dave, and their crowd of friends, hanging out. Neither she nor Dave paid much attention to one another, but it was fun to say she had a boyfriend then. Next was Al, her high school prom date, The two of them loved to dance together and decided to be a couple for the prom. Ashley had looked beautiful at the prom and it was fun to dance, but she never saw Al again after that. He left for college and it was perfectly fine.
Naturally, Scott, her first love, also came to mind. He’d mattered, had been wonderful, had changed her life in her life in all kinds of ways. They’d been so happy, Ashley didn’t know why they hadn’t stayed in touch. It was a pattern of hers, she realized. Ashley’d heard that Scott had a serious girlfriend, and couldn’t help wonder if he was going through wedding plans and preparations, too. A tremendous longing to see him again, struck her forcefully. She wanted to see him just one more time, at least to say good bye.
Ashley’s mother and sister had wanted her to sleep at the hotel last night with them. To their disappointment, Ashley had declined. She wanted to be back in the safety of her own bed and apartment, be alone and get ready. Now she was glad she’d had this time alone, to remember the past. She had no idea why she felt so strongly that she was on the precipice of a whole new era. She actually felt as if she were about to get married, though she had idea to who.
Don’t worry about that, she kept reminding herself. No matter what happened she’d jumped in one hundred per cent, banished doubts and let the great river of life take her exactly where she belonged! That was something she’d always be proud of. Now the day was here, the dress was ready, the venue prepared and people would be gathering to watch her walk down the aisle. What choice did she have about the rest of it? None.
Another wave of fear engulfed Ashley then as she popped out of bed, went to the shower, turned it on full blast. As the warm water flowed over her, she put her face up into it. It felt soothing and good. Her hair and makeup would be done at the venue. A makeup artist and beautician were waiting there for her, to make her as lovely as possible for her incredible wedding day. Ashley just had to take the next step, get out of the shower, dry off and then get to the venue, fast!
*
Everything was different the moment Ashley actually arrived at the venue and walked into the bridal suite where the bride and bridesmaids were preparing for the big day. The nervousness and excitement were so intense you could feel it in every bone of your body. It took Ashley’s breath away.
Everyone was fluttering back and forth, looking for shoes, bags, waiting for their makeup to be done, hugging each other, crying. No one could get over what a fantastic job Tamara had done getting the wedding put together in such a short time. The place was beautiful, the flowers magnificent, orchards and pink roses flooding the tables, surrounding the canopy. Outside the band was getting ready, photographers were waiting, and all the tables set with exquisite lace tablecloths. And, butterflies hung everywhere. They fluttered from golden strings hanging overheard and were placed on each table, surrounded by flowers.
Ashley wanted to thank Tamara, but, at the moment, she was nowhere to be found.
“It’s so beautiful, so magical,” they were all saying to each other. “And thank God the rain let up.”
�
�Rain before a wedding is a good sign,” Heather whispered to Shane. “It means fertility for the couple.”
Robyn, who was busy piling her hair up on top of her head, turned around and joined in.
“I heard rain means money pouring into the couple’s life,” she countered.
“There are so many things people say about what wedding signs mean,” Heather went on, adjusting her dress, “but there’s one sign everyone agrees on for sure.”
“What?” Robyn and Shane waited to find out.
“It’s not a good sign if the groom’s not on time!”
They all looked at each other. “He’s not here yet?” Shane whispered.
“Nope,” Heather said, shaking her head, “I just went outside to check.”
“He’ll be here soon,” Shane assured everyone. “Of course he will, how can he not?”
Ashley’s mother, particularly excited, rushed over to Ashley as soon as she arrived.
“Are you absolutely sure the groom’s mother and sister are having their makeup done at their hotel?” Ashley’s mother asked immediately. “Why won’t they join us and do it here?”
“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Ashley reassured her, “I guess they want to meet you all later on.”
“Irregular,” her mother kept saying, shaking her head. “I really hope they’re not cold fish.”
The photographers were also outside waiting impatiently for the groom and his family to arrive. Ashley had told them not to worry about pre-wedding photos, just take photos during the ceremony.
“Highly irregular,” one of the photographers quipped.
Trish, looking as though she were about to give birth at any second, popped over then and hugged Ashley.
“We’re going to be able to tell the baby that she was also a guest at the wedding,” Trish cooed. “She’s kicking like crazy, excited.”
Suddenly the reality of her unborn niece being at the wedding hit Ashley like a gust of harsh wind. This was crazy, awful, what was she doing? Even lying to her sister’s child? She couldn’t go on. She couldn’t let this happen.