“See you later,” I state as I pull the door open.
I hear her voice rise an octave as I walk out and slam the door behind me, but like every other fucking day, I ignore her. Walking out of our house, I make my way over to my bike and straddle the machine as I start the engine.
My eyes scan the house, a place I fucking hate. Chardonnay’s daddy bought it for us with the understanding that within a year we would be married. I have three more months left before the year is up and I’ve yet to figure out how to scrape the cunt off and keep the club safe.
Pulling my bike up to the Cash Bar, I find my spot toward the side and kick the stand down as I cut the engine before I disengage. Slowly, I make my way inside of the bar and over to my favorite stool.
“You look like hell,” Traci announces as she walks up to me from her side of the bar.
I snort. “Feel like it, babe.”
“It’s not worth you being in misery, Baby. Talk to the brothers, they’ll help you,” she pleads.
Shaking my head, I lift my hand and flick a finger. “Beer me, babe,” I order, ignoring her words.
She sighs but does as I ask, tugging a beer from beneath the bar and setting it down in front of me. Lifting my chin, I bring the bottle to my lips and take a deep pull.
The music of the bar fades around me, my thoughts too fucking loud to let anything else through. I’ve fucked up my life. I wanted a good Old Lady like my brothers have, I wanted someone that I could build a life with, instead I fucked around one too many times and now I’m stuck with Chardonnay.
I feel the presence of someone sit next to me. I don’t look, not wishing to talk to anyone else tonight. Traci and her advice was enough. However, the person next to me doesn’t fucking like that option for whatever reason, because they start to talk.
“That three months is coming up soon. You don’t deal with that cunt then I will for you,” he announces.
Turning my head, my eyes shift to see the man at my side. My president, Snake. The man who gave me a look of pity as he informed me of my new relationship status with Chardonnay. He didn’t do it to be a bastard, he did it to save his club, to save his family. I don’t blame him, one ruined life for dozens protected. I would have done the same without a doubt.
“What’ll you do? Your idea was for me to keep her, it’s your fucking deal with him, not mine.”
Snake lifts his hand and runs his fingers through his hair with a sigh. I wait in silence, enjoying the quiet because I know once he starts to talk it’ll ruin the calm I’m feeling at the moment. I’m thirty-one years old, my life is fucked, there is no amount of talking that will fix this fuck-up.
“Strike another deal with her dad. She can’t be happy with the way shit is right now. Princess like her, no way did she see her life turning out like this.”
I snort, shaking my head. “You don’t know Chardonnay or her daddy then,” I point out.
Lifting the bottle to my lips, I take another long pull from my beer. My eyes close as I inhale deeply and swallow the liquid down. Snake reaches out, wrapping his hand around my shoulder before giving it a squeeze.
“You want out, say the word. Hell, I might just make it happen with or without your say,” he announces.
“Don’t put the lives of many over the life of one.”
Snake snorts. “I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, Baby.”
Without another word, he stands and I watch as he makes his way toward the back of the bar, presumably toward the office where I assume his wife, Ginger, is working late tonight.
Turning back toward the bar, I lift my bottle toward Traci with a silent request for another beer. She obliges, her gaze holding mine for longer than I would prefer. Words are on the tip of her tongue, but thankfully she bites them back.
Tipping my head down, I stare at the scratched-up old bar top. I close my eyes and think about the little girl that I haven’t seen in six years, the girl that I once considered my friend.
I wonder how she is and then I decide that I don’t want her to see me this way, not this version of myself. It’s better she stays wherever she is. Away from me. Away from this life.
LEA
His mouth touches the center of my back, then his lips kiss down until he reaches the top of my ass. I pinch my eyes closed as he grips my cheeks and spreads them apart. Shifting up to my knees, I tilt my hips to give him better access to my body, to my ass that I know he loves so much.
“Lea, fuck babe,” he rasps, his mouth against my back entrance.
I hum as one of his hands slides up my spine and fists in my long gray dyed dreads. He tugs my hair, causing my back to arch and my hips to tip even more than they already were. His tongue circles me and I let out a whimper. I want more, I always want more from him or whoever is with me at the moment.
A knock on the door causes him to freeze. With a grunt he releases me, and I quickly tug the sheet over my naked body as I roll over onto my back in the bed. Sitting up slightly, I rest against the headboard as I listen to several different men’s voices.
Frowning, I wonder who could be at Carter’s at this hour on a Saturday morning. Glancing at the clock, my frown deepens when I see that it’s only seven in the morning. The voices rise from the other room, they’re no longer just loud, they’ve turned into yelling.
“I told you that I would get the meet. It takes time. She’ll get me the hookup,” Carter cries.
“Tick tock, fucker,” a deep voice growls.
“Let me handle this,” Carter shouts.
Deciding that I’m too vulnerable wrapped only in a sheet, I quickly slide off of the bed and search for my clothes. I tug my shorts and tank top on, sans bra and panties, grabbing my cell before I hurry toward the bathroom.
Locking the door behind me, I scroll through my contacts trying to find a name to call. Except, nobody can really help me here in Alberta. I am as I have been for the past six years, alone.
Six years ago, my mom and Skinner sent me all the way up to Alberta, ten hours away from my home to attend boarding school. I haven’t been back to my hometown, not once.
I graduated school and decided to stay here, hoping to ease the ache that continues to grow inside of me, hoping that it will one day disappear as long as I stay away.
Hoping that maybe in the dozens of men’s faces that appear in my bed I won’t see him, I won’t wish it was him, it hasn’t worked yet.
Regina holds nothing but disappointment for me. Disappointment in myself at every turn. I was a brat, rebellious and searching.
I also fell in love with a man who is almost old enough to be my father and if I go back, I’ll throw myself at him. I’ll not only ache, but I’ll look desperate too, and that is something I’m not willing to appear to be—no matter how desperate for his attention I really am.
No matter how many years have passed, no matter how I may have grown, I still think about him every hour of every day. Nothing has faded for me, not a single feeling.
He wouldn’t look at me the same way, even if I went back today. And as my counselor has pointed out a dozen times, he shouldn’t feel or look at me the way that I see him, either.
His name shows on my screen as I look for someone to bail me out of whatever this situation is. My finger hesitates for a moment, then I hear a crash from the living room and I jump. Exiting the screen, I hold my breath and I wait. I have to live this life on my own. I cannot depend on the Devils, not like that. I chose to leave and I chose to stay here when I could have gone back.
The door flies open. I let out the breath I’d been holding when I see Carter, alone, on the other side. He looks disheveled and is now sporting a red welt on his cheek.
“We need to talk,” he announces.
“Carter,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “Never expected this. Knew who you were, who you were affiliated with. I wasn’t supposed to fall for you. It was only supposed to be a job.”
Blinking, I lift my gaze up to his. He looks twitch
y, nervous, upset. I don’t speak, or move. Gripping my phone tightly, I press my hand to the bathroom floor, hoping he hasn’t seen the device.
“I need you to call down to the clubhouse. We need a meet with Snake before shit gets real here.”
“Why?” I demand.
He takes a step forward, crouching down in front of me, then that sweet boyish smile that I’m used to twists and changes before my eyes. He turns almost sinister looking, as if a devil has taken over his entire being. I’ve seen it a million times in the faces of the men that I call my uncles. They’re teddy bears, until they aren’t anymore.
“Be the good girl that I know you are, Lea. Do as I ask and nobody will get hurt. Not your mom, not your siblings, nobody. I need that meet, babe. Now, come to bed and we’ll finish what we started before we were interrupted.”
“I think I want to go home,” I whisper.
Carter shakes his head. “No can do. Come back to bed, I’ll fuck that sweet ass of yours, make us both forget the morning.”
Feeling stuck. Completely stranded, and scared. I do what he wants. This time. As soon as I can, I’m going to find out what he wants, why he wants it, and who he works for. Then, I’m going straight to the Notorious Devils with the information.
Nobody uses my family as a means to threaten me. Never again. I lived through that once, I won’t allow it again.
CHAPTER TWO
BABY
Chardonnay is thankfully asleep by the time I make it home again, four days later. After a bender at the clubhouse and several clubwhores to ease my self-pity and pain, I decided to venture back to Daddy’s house.
It’s not my home, never will be. I only consider something mine that I’ve poured my own sweat and blood into. This house isn’t that.
Walking into the bathroom, I strip out of my clothes and start the water. Waiting, I watch as the steam billows out of the stall before I open the door and make my way inside.
Unfortunately, my solitude doesn’t last long. I feel her presence before her touch against my side. Her lips then graze my shoulder. Seemingly lovingly, but it’s only a façade. She’s as calculating and cold as her daddy. Honestly, she’s probably a perfect fit as an Old Lady, she’s damn sure strong enough for the job.
“Missed you,” she whispers as her hand travels down my stomach to my cock.
My fucking dick. The whole reason I’m in this mess. It stands at attention almost immediately when her fingers wrap around it. She strokes me, expertly, just the way she’s learned I respond best to.
“You missed me too,” she says, her voice filled with triumph.
I grunt, shifting my hips as I fuck her hand. “Didn’t miss you, babe. Got sucked and fucked by the best.”
Chardonnay doesn’t even flinch from my words, her fist continues to stroke me as her lips continue to suck on my shoulder.
“Not the best if you came back home to me,” she points out.
She’s right, to a degree, but it’s not really what she thinks. I come back to her until I can figure out a way to get rid of her forever. While she’s here, I may as well take what I want from her. At least until I can figure out how to fuck her daddy and be rid of them both—forever.
Turning around, I wrap my hands around her small waist and turn her so that her chest is pressed against the warmth of the shower wall. Without giving her even a moment to guess at what I’m about to do, I spread her ass apart and sink inside of her in one quick motion.
Her head falls back with a cry and she attempts to make eye contact with me. I don’t allow it. Keeping my hands gripped on her cheeks, I force them wide. Closing my eyes, I fuck her ass, imagining that my life isn’t as shitty as it is.
After we’ve finished our shower, I quickly towel off my body and walk into the bedroom, caring little if she follows me, or not.
“Daddy called me yesterday, wanted an update on the wedding invitations. Apparently, they are supposed to go out this week in order to make the timeline,” she announces as she breezes into the room completely naked.
Ignoring her annoyingly gorgeous body, I quickly pull on a clean pair of jeans, t-shirt, then socks before I tug my boots back on. Reaching for my cut, I slide my arms through the holes and adjust it, all while staying quiet.
“You have to make a decision or I’ll just start planning,” she snaps.
Turning my head, I finally look over at her. She’s standing with her hand perched on her hip and her knee cocked out to the side. I can see her pussy lips on full display and I wonder how I could have been so blind that I could agree to this bullshit, to even agree to one night with the cunt that she is. Beautiful or not, my cock put me in this nightmare and I’m so fucking pissed at myself for it.
My eyes skirt back up, grazing her high large breasts and then the seemingly soft features of her face.
That’s how.
She looked sweet.
Long blonde hair, blue eyes, clean and pure. The way she can make her eyes look innocent in one second and then flip a switch and turn into a siren the next. Then a breath later she turns into a screaming bitch.
Yeah, that’s fucking how.
“Do whatever the fuck you want, you always do anyway.” I shrug.
Her eyes narrow and she takes a step forward. “You know once the ring goes on my finger, no more whores at that clubhouse. Just us. Daddy wants grandchildren.”
It’s my turn to narrow my eyes. My hand reaches out, wrapping around the front of her throat in an instant. I expect her to look scared but instead her eyes turn lazy and she licks her lips, turned on by my move.
“You don’t tell me shit, bitch. I do who and what I want when I want. All you do is spread when I walk through that door. You want to marry me, that’s how you get me. You and your daddy won’t lead me around, not by my dick or my neck.”
“Haven’t you figured it out yet?” she asks, her voice a soft purr.
Tilting my head to the side, I wait for her to continue. “I already lead you around, Baby. You’re right where I want you. So fuck the other women, it doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that I have what I want.”
“Why? Why do you want me so damn bad?” I ask.
Her lips tip into a small coy smile. “Power, Baby. I like what I can’t have and I want power. The Devils are the power, my role as an Old Lady will only give me more and you don’t want me, which means I have to have you.” She laughs.
“You’re fucked up,” I point out.
Her lips turn into a pout before they shift into a smile again. “I know. Daddy doesn’t get it either. He says I can have power through one of his associates. But,” she says, her voice dropping into a seductive whisper. “I have the entire Notorious Devils club by the balls. If that’s not power, I don’t know what is.”
It’s this moment. This exact moment that I decide.
Fuck. This. Bitch.
Leaving the house, I climb on my bike. I don’t know where I’m going, but I need to ride.
LEA
Carter doesn’t say anything the rest of the day, or the next, about his visitor or what he actually wants from me. Surprisingly, he allows me to go back home to my own place and stay alone for the night claiming he has some work to do. I don’t sleep.
Staying up all night, I stare at my phone willing myself to make the call. Stubborn pride keeps me from doing what I know that I need to do. I bite the corner of my lip until it begins to bleed. Releasing my now sensitive flesh, I stand and begin to pace.
If I call, I’m not quite sure what I’m even going to tell them. Carter is involved with someone who wants to meet them? How stupid.
Shaking my head, I decide to get a drink. Tugging the bottle of vodka out of the freezer, I don’t even bother with a glass. Twisting the cap off, I toss it into the garbage can and bring the bottle to my lips before taking a large pull.
Closing my eyes, I let the liquid burn as it slides down my throat. Inhaling a deep breath, I do it again. And again. I continue to drink until I no
longer feel the burn, until I no longer think about the Notorious Devils, any of them. Until Carter is just a blur.
With a snort, I grab my apartment keys and sway out of the room, locking the door behind me.
Trouble.
That’s what I am. What I’ve been. The moment I set my sights on Baby, I knew the kind of woman that I wanted to be, and I’ve become her, worse actually. Some would call me a slut, others would use the term promiscuous.
In reality, I’m a drunk and a party girl. I’m selfish and needy, greedy and stubborn. I’m stupid too, especially since I’m walking down the dark streets of Alberta, alone, in search of the nearest bar—the nearest man.
“Lea,” a voice shouts.
I know that voice. Spinning around, I see Carter standing on the street, his eyes pointed directly at me, a scowl across his face.
“Carter.” I gulp, unsure of his reaction to the fact that I’m drunk walking toward the local bar.
A bar where we met, he picked me up, took me home and fucked me for hours after only a lift of his chin.
“Need some dick?” he asks, his jaw clenching after the words leave his lips.
Tilting my head to the side, I lick my lips, my eyes traveling down the length of his toned body. Carter is a man who dresses nicely, wears dark washed jeans and button-down shirts. His hands are soft and he never smells like leather and motor oil.
He’s nothing like the men I grew up with, and yet, the dangerous look that lingers behind his eyes is more frightening than any of them. A danger that I’ve only just begun to notice, or maybe one that he’s just beginning to show me.
I think I’ve gotten myself into a situation that I won’t be able to get out of, not without help. My stubborn soul isn’t going to ask for that easily, either. Not until I’m desperate.
“Maybe,” I slur, my voice sounding odd even to my own ears.
He reaches forward, wrapping his hand around the front of my throat. “Shit has changed between us, Lea,” he announces.
Mixed with Trouble: A CASH BAR NOVEL Page 2