by Londyn Skye
“I don’t believe you! That’s probably the reason you’s sittin’ up at that piano in church cryin’ like a little sissy today! Your whore’s too sick to suck your cock tonight!” Emily taunted, a devilish smirk on her face.
Levi lowered his eyes and took a deep breath to keep from verbally erupting.
Emily stepped forward and put a finger in her husband’s face. “You let them otha’ nigga’s take care ‘a your bastard and your cock suckin’ whore! It ain’t a damn thang you can do to stop that morally corrupt Jezebel from dyin’ anyway! You ain’t no doctor! You’re too damn stupid to be one!” she slurred. She then turned and stumbled away after adding to the pile of demeaning insults she had hurled at her husband over the years.
Levi typically never bothered to retaliate to his wife’s baseless insults. He felt her foolishness was not worth the expended oxygen. However, internalizing her spirit-killing words had just allowed her to flee the scene with yet another sliver of his sanity.
Chapter Fourteen
December 24, 1860
William’s face remained void of emotion when he opened the door of his sons’ Manhattan apartment and did not see Lily standing alongside James and Austin. He peered over their shoulders and looked down the corridor of the building, hoping for the faintest chance that Lily was hiding around a corner ready to surprise him. After seeing that the hallway was empty, he solemnly looked back at James and Austin without uttering a word. James and Austin said nothing either. They were equally hoping for the slim possibility that Lily had somehow made it to Manhattan on her own. William’s silent actions quickly extinguished that hope. The disappointment seemed to temporarily strip them of the ability to even speak. The only sound next was all three men sighing their frustration in unison.
Considering the fact that William had not seen James and Austin since April, one might have viewed William’s emotionless welcome as being annoyed by their presence. James and Austin knew better, though. Only someone who had come to love Lily as they did could understand how her absence seemed to be causing everyone’s hearts to deteriorate. James had been through this before during the many years he was away at Ohio University. He was, therefore, not at all offended by William’s cold welcome. Such behavior was minor on the scale of bizarre ways that James had acted out his frustrations during the six years he was apart from Lily while at school.
After their collective sigh, James and Austin both followed quietly behind William into the apartment. Emerson was already setting out five glasses on his dining room table when they entered. He then filled them with the only known liquid prescription powerful enough to numb a man’s emotional pain. He then left the bottle of whiskey in the middle of the table, knowing they would all need a second dose … and maybe even a third.
Isabel was already sitting in the dining room when they entered. She was the only one to outwardly express excitement when she saw James and Austin. She immediately sprang from her seat and gave them both a hug. Isabel had been relieved when William received James’s letter weeks earlier. When she found out that James and Lily were a no-show the night of their planned escape, she immediately suspected that her brother had something to do with it. She had yet to forget Elijah’s vehement hatred for James and his outspoken desire to avenge their parents’ barbaric murder.
After pretending to assist the bandits in the search for James and Lily back in April, Elijah had briefly come back to Manhattan. Isabel immediately noticed her brother was behaving more odd than usual while he was home. When she calmly asked why James and Lily had failed to show, Elijah became instantly enraged. “I don’t have to explain a damn thing to you!” he had erupted, screaming the words just inches from her face. Isabel felt his belligerence further justified her suspicions. A few days later, Elijah packed all his belongings and left Manhattan without a word to anyone about where he was headed. Isabel had only heard from him via occasional letters in the months since then.
Isabel now hugged James tight, feeling comforted by the fact that her brother had not left town to fulfill his vengeful desires as she had feared. Still though, there was something about Elijah’s odd behavior that left her wondering if he knew where Lily was. But extreme fear of her brother’s volatile temper, once again, kept her from mentioning her suspicions to everyone as they sat down to discuss their plans to find Lily.
After Wilson finished pouring every man a much-needed drink, he sat down at the dining room table and the discussion commenced.
“Where have you and Austin searched for Lily thus far?” William asked James.
“Austin here was brave enough to infiltrate the Ghost Rida’s and gathered some valuable intel about where and to whom they sell black market slaves. We followed a few leads and posed as interested black market buyers down in Mississippi, but we came up empty with any furtha’ leads.”
“We searched damn near every plantation down there known for illegal purchases too,” Austin added. “But everything was a dead end. Seems like Lily just vanished without a trace.”
James was mindlessly spinning his liquor glass in a circle on the table. “At this point, everything’s gonna seem like a dead end since we got started with our search seven months afta’ Lily went missin’. She could be anywhere by now.”
“Griff and the bandits searched for the both of you back in April,” William said. “Before receiving your letter a few months ago, Griff and I just assumed that perhaps you and Lily didn’t want to be found and that you’d changed your minds about going to the Old World.”
“Neva’. That was Lily’s dream and there was no way I was gonna deprive her ‘a that.”
“I actually think I knew that then as well, but I wanted to tell myself that little lie to keep myself from fearing the worst. I nearly hit the floor when I read your letter and realized that things were far worse than I had ever surmised.” William shook his head to ward off a sudden need to cry when he recalled reading about Rose. “And may I say that I’m so sorry for your loss, James.”
James nodded but kept staring at his now empty liquor glass. He could sense the emotions in William’s tone and feared that he, too, would become emotional if he looked over at him.
“There’s one thing I haven’t mentioned,” Austin said, staring at his glass too.
“What’s that?” William asked.
“When the Ghost Rida’s can’t sell a slave, they’re useless to ’em, and they don’t hesitate to … to…” He shook his head, blew out a frustrated breath and looked at William. “What if Lily’s dead?” he blurted.
An instant rage pulled James to his feet. “SHE AIN’T DEAD!” he yelled, hurling his glass into a nearby fireplace.
“How do you know?!” Austin fired back.
“’CAUSE MY GODDAMN HEART’S STILL BEATIN’!” James yanked Austin up from his seat by his collar. “And don’t you eva’ utta’ those words in my presence again!” he growled, shoving Austin back down into his seat.
“I-I’m sorry,” Austin stuttered, staring up at James whose face was beet-red. “Y-y’ur right, I sh-shouldn’t’ve said that. It’s just … I’m just frustrated that we can’t find ’er!”
James’s sudden explosive temper reminded Isabel of her brother; it rattled her into tears. His outburst further solidified her decision to remain silent.
“Look, everyone’s emotions are running high right now, but let’s not turn on one another because of it,” William said, trying to restore the tranquility. “The fact that we all care so deeply for Lily should make us a united front in ensuring her safe return … not bitter enemies.”
James finally pulled his eyes away from Austin, looked over at William and then sat back down.
“That being said, I refuse to even entertain the idea that Lily is dead,” William continued. “I just don’t believe that God would deliver a woman like Lily into this world just to callously snatch her away before she’s done what he’s sent her here to do. Perhaps this nightmare is meant to make us all stronger somehow. Whatever i
t is, there just has to be some good reason that God is dragging us all through this bloody madness. I hold dear to that belief with all of my heart … and so should all of you.”
“I already do,” James replied, suddenly glaring at Austin. “And I always will.”
“Me too,” Isabel whispered.
The twins and Austin nodded in agreement as well.
“Well, we can only learn the meaning of all this when we find Lily,” William continued. “So, let’s vow to be a united front and make a solid plan to bring her home. Let’s renew our search for Lily with hope, confidence, and optimism. Can we do that?” William asked, taking a moment to glance at all the frustrated faces in the room.
“Yes, of course,” James replied first. “You’re right, we don’t need to turn on each otha’. We need all the manpowa’ we can get right now. Austin, forgive me for gettin’ angry. Afta’ everything you’ve done to help me, you certainly didn’t deserve that. So, I apologize.”
Austin nodded. “It’s alright I unda’stand. I’m just as frustrated as you are.”
“Austin and I can only do so much to find Lily, though. I’m a wanted in the south. My wanted posta’s are plastered everywhere,” James explained. “I’m a fugitive whose crime was lovin’ a slave. I’m sure bounty hunta’s wanna do far more to me than make a few thousand dolla’s before they turn me in. Because of the circumstances, Austin and I were forced to do most of our searchin’ late at night. I’m riskin’ gettin’ rearrested every time I set foot in the south … especially in Virginia. That’s why we cut our search short and came here to regroup and figure out what to do. We were hopin’ you knew where Griff or the otha’ bandits might be. I’m sure they’d be willin’ to help.”
“I most certainly do,” William replied.
“You do?”
“One floor down.” William turned to Emerson. “Go on to Griff’s apartment and tell him that James is finally here.”
Emerson nodded and got up to do as his father wanted.
“I looked for Griff for weeks afta’ I saw James’s wanted posta’s. He’s been here the whole time?” Austin asked.
“Not the whole time. He’s come and gone over the last several months.” He turned to address James. “Griff searched for you and Lily for weeks. Even though we surmised that you two did not want to be found, it just wasn’t sitting right with him that Samuel was missing too.”
“Samuel still hasn’t turned up?” James asked, sounding equally baffled by the mystery.
“No. He, too, seems to have vanished without a trace.”
“Somethin’ definitely doesn’t smell right. He was as loyal a security bandit to Lily as Griff was,” Austin added.
“I know. That’s what kept Griff’s search goin’. He’d search for a few weeks and then come back here to give me updates on his progress every now and then,” William replied. He then turned toward James again. “I just so happened to receive your letter while he was in town. After reading the details, he decided to wait here for you, so that you could all formulate a plan to search for Lily together.”
“Griff always did love Lily like she was his own,” James stated.
“As do I,” William replied. “All of us love her. And, together, we will find her. Even if I have to spend the rest of my life and every bit of my resources to do it … we will find her.”
Griff came over shortly thereafter and formulated a plan to do just that. He broke everyone up into pairs. James and Austin were to search together. The twins were paired and Griff felt it was best that he and William searched as a team. He gave each group weapons, money, and maps of areas that were notorious for stolen slave purchases, assigning James the states that were least likely to have his wanted posters. Isabel was then assigned the duty of handling the correspondence of letters between everyone.
Griff’s love for Lily and his desperation to find her was further proven by the last item he gave everyone to aid in their search. “I went to see that French fella’ that did Lily’s paintin’. I had ’em draw these,” he said, as he passed out 4x6 color pictures of Lily. “Figured y’all could show people this to let ’em know who you’re lookin’ for.”
When James was slid Piers LeRoux’s stunning depiction of Lily, his mind went blank. He no longer heard a word Griff was saying. All his emotions were suddenly fighting to escape all at once, much like the way he suddenly had an unrelenting desire to escape that room. He needed to breathe fresh air. He needed to breathe period, something he suddenly felt like he couldn’t do while staring at the lifelike picture of a missing woman that he loved beyond measure. He struggled to inhale while considering the thousands of square miles that a mere six men had to scour with only the slightest chance of finding her. The enormity of it all had him ready to jump out of his skin … and Emerson’s apartment window for that matter.
As soon as their meeting was over, James immediately grabbed his coat. He resisted the urge to jump out of the window and instead walked downstairs and out onto the snow-lined roads of Manhattan. He wanted to walk out in the cold all alone. He could have taken his horse, but he hoped the walk and the fresh air would alleviate the pent-up emotional pressure in his chest that Austin’s angering statement about Lily had ignited: What if Lily’s dead? James tried to walk until that looping phrase ceased and the unbearable pain of such a thought began to subside. But even after walking all the way to the Manhattan train station, the tightness and ache in his chest remained.
James stepped onto the train platform and began staring blankly into a particular empty corner of the station. Despite the fact that trains blew loudly, and people moved briskly around him, he suddenly felt like he was standing there alone with Lily. His mind had completely abandoned reality and drifted away to the unforgettable moment from a year prior that had drawn him to the sentimental section at the Manhattan train station …
“You were right all those months ago, ya’ know,” Lily called out to James before he had gotten too far.
James stopped just feet away from her and turned around.
“I’ve always felt it,” she continued.
James looked at her a bit confused. “Felt what?”
Lily approached him and ran her hand down the front of his overcoat. “How much you’ve always loved me,” she answered. “And I hope you’ve always felt it too.” Her eyes were suddenly fixated on his. “How much I’ve always loved you.”
James froze for a moment and let his eyes drift across the softness in Lily’s face after she had spoken the words. “Always,” he finally assured her, in a faint whisper.
“Good. ’Cause I do,” she admitted, blinking away the tears she could no longer hold back. “I really do love you, James Adams. Through everything all these years … I always have.”
… That moment replayed with such precision in James’s mind that he felt a surge of tears threatening to fall, much like on that night. Lily’s invaluable words were far more to him than just a declaration of her love. He had kissed her that night with a finesse that conveyed how grateful he was that she had finally granted him full access to her heart after he had once broken it. He had then rode away on the train committed to fiercely protecting her life and handling her vulnerable heart more delicately after being given a second chance. But now, as the train horn sounded behind him, it seemed to be blowing the whistle on how he had failed at honoring that vow. The consequences of his failures caused the pain in his chest to intensify and turned up the volume to the torturous words looping in his head: What if Lily’s dead?
Still desperate to nullify that taunting phrase, James walked solemnly back into town, passing by high-rise buildings that he had watched Lily gaze at through eyes of wonderment. When he reached his destination, he halted and looked up. The words he currently saw placarded on the Winter Garden Marquee suddenly blurred and faded into “The Dream Symphony.” In his mind, he could see the joy on Lily’s face as she stood in that exact spot a year ago, proudly reading those very words.
W
hile on his walk down memory lane, James wanted only to relive Lily’s momentous accomplishments and their cherished moments from their time in Manhattan. But a brief flashback of the disaster that had occurred a year ago in the back hallways of Winter Garden made him hesitant to enter. He feared walking inside would trigger the pain of his failures tenfold. Still though, he was unable to resist the unrelenting need to revisit the places where glorious memories were made on the path paved by his incredible woman during her unprecedented journey. Upon stepping inside, he looked around and easily understood how the meticulously designed interior had caused a look of awe on Lily’s face like no other theater before it. He marched up to the balcony seats and rested his hands on the railing. His eyes swept from one side of the massive facility to the other. After absorbing the breathtaking view, he was not stung by the pain of his failures, but by envy. He was envious of those who had once sat in the seats surrounding him and had witnessed Lily’s last performance. It was then that the pain in his chest intensified, an ache so acute he felt a need to sit down. He lowered his head into his hands, suddenly mourning the fact that he had missed those magnificent final hours of the Dream Symphony.
Startled by the sudden sound of workers preparing for this year’s Christmas show, James lifted his heavy head. He stood up again and looked toward the stage. The grand piano sitting centerstage stole his attention. All the workers surrounding it faded away as a memory of him and Lily in Jamestown, New York came into focus…
After the last of the student orchestra and dancers left the theater, Lily sat down at the grand piano and began playing a new melody with James watching on. A few days before, she finally realized she was with child. Since then, she had obsessively thought of a unique way to tell James. Her creative mind had naturally composed a song instead. Lily wanted to tell James with something far more unique than music, though. She wanted to give him something commemorative that he could touch and see to memorialize a first in his life. Until she could think of something more sentimental, she kept the secret of the life growing inside her tightly wrapped in the notes of her angelic melody. So there James stood, watching Lily play, completely unaware that she was divulging through her very fingertips that he was about to become a father. He may not have known what, or rather who, had inspired the song, but it brought him just as much happiness as it seemed to be bringing Lily as she played.