Broken

by Tia Sirrah

  "Novalee, come join me in the kitchen," Helena called out. I hesitated, torn between joining her or going outside to be a buffer between Conner and my dad. "Novalee Lynn Dumont," she calmly said, which made me turn in my tracks and join her in the kitchen.

  Helena sat at the breakfast nook by the window, which overlooked the rose garden. She held a glass of white wine to her lips, slowly sipping, as she eyed me.

  "What do you think they’re talking about?" I fidgeted with my pendant necklace.

  "I’m sure your father is giving him the third degree." I winced. "Don’t worry about Conner. He’ll be fine." She extended her hands across the table and took mine. With our hands clasped, she leaned forward and asked, "Is there something you want to tell me?"

  My head snapped up to meet her warm eyes. "What are you talking..." The words died on my tongue as I looked in her keen hazel eyes.

  She rubbed my hands with hers. The intimate gesture quieted me, as did the sympathetic look on her face. She knew. How did she know? Although never having children of her own, Helena had been pregnant three times prior and had had three miscarriages. Although I wasn’t showing beyond a small bump in my belly which my dress concealed, Helena must have noticed the signs. "I guess the cat’s out the bag, huh?"

  Helena immediately rose from her chair and sat down in the chair beside me. Wrapping her arms tightly around me, she soothed, "Oh, honey. Why didn’t you tell me?" I leaned into her embrace.

  "We just found out. I don’t even know how far along I am. How did you know?"

  "I saw you two outside by the car from my bedroom window. You rubbed your belly after getting out, and then I saw Conner place his hand on your stomach after embracing you. And when you ran to the bathroom, I asked Conner if everything was okay. He lied and said you were fine."

  "How did you know he was lying?" My brows drew together.

  "It’s a gift," she said matter of factly, as she shooed her hand.

  "I wanted to tell you right away, but I knew you’d tell dad. I wasn’t ready for his judgment. He’s already so disappointed in me for dropping out of dental school. I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire."

  She only gave a sad, knowing smile. "You’re having a baby," she elated, her eyes glistening. We shared a light giggle before she resumed. "How is Conner dealing with all of this. Has he told his family yet?"

  I sighed and leaned back in my chair. "He told his parents the other day. His dad seemed okay, I guess."

  "And his mother?"

  I gave Helena a well-informed look. "She’s probably locking up the family fortune as we speak."

  Hmph," was all she said.

  "Conner is great. But it’s all so new. We’re both still a bit stunned."

  "Well, what did you two expect? We all know how babies are made. And with a man that looks like Conner, I’m assuming you’ve had lots of practice."

  "Oh, my goodness, Helena. Please, don’t." I chuckled as I shook my head.

  "I’m going to be a grandma," she singsonged.

  Helena hugged me again and planted wet sloppy mom-kisses all over my face. "Gross." I laughed as I wiped my face. One down, one to go. "How do you think dad’s going to take it? It’s no secret that Conner is not his favorite person."

  "Your father doesn’t think anyone is good enough for his baby girl. You’ve been through so much. He only wants the very best for you." I leaned my head on her shoulder. "He’ll come around," she comforted. Wrapping her arm around me, she said, "He doesn’t have a choice, really. I don’t see Conner going anywhere. I think he’s going to ask you to marry him."

  "You’re jumping the gun. We’re not getting married. We’re so not ready for that."

  "You two are about to become parents. Whatever it is that you need to sort out, fix it now. The clock is ticking, my dear."

  "I know."

  "This relationship has always moved at an accelerated pace. Were you two ready for such an intense romance...Probably not. But the heart wants what it wants. Don’t be surprised if a ring comes soon. Men of his social stature don’t have baby mamas. And we didn’t raise you to be one."

  She gave my shoulder a final squeeze before reaching for her glass of wine. "If you have doubts or concerns, address them now with him."

  "Yes, ma’am," I nodded.

  "And your dad will be fine. You can tell him over dinner." She assuredly patted my hand. "Now let’s get out there and rescue that poor boy." We both stood and hugged again. "Grab the sweet tea. I’ll get the potato salad and the green salad.

  I followed her out, optimistic about the evening ahead. What could possibly go wrong?

  Everything.

  ∞∞∞

  HELENA AND I WERE setting the table when Conner and dad started up the terrace stairs. Dad was first, holding a tray of sizzling ribeye steaks. Helena observed me as I scrunched my nose at the smell. Conner followed behind him, carrying a tray of grilled vegetable skewers. I eyed Conner speculatively, trying to gauge how their conversation had gone. Conner gave nothing away, only winked at me as he set the tray on the table. After dad placed the tray of steaks on the table, he leaned down and kissed my cheek. "Hey, Freckles," he drawled in his baritone voice.

  "Hey daddy," I said, smiling up at him. I sat down beside Conner, and dad and Helena sat across from each other at the heads of the rectangular table. The sun was setting in the cloudless sky, but the temperature barely cooled. Outdoor fans rotated above us from the pergola structure. Stringed lights draped overhead. Tony! Toni! Tone! belted out It Never Rains (In Southern California) from the speakers. As we fixed our plates, an awkward silence fell upon the table.

  Helena was the first one to disrupt the quietness.

  "Conner, how’s that new home development project coming along in Sugar Land? We have several friends who decided to buy."

  "Things are going according to plan. We—"

  "We don’t talk about business at the dinner table," dad interrupted with a stolid challenge in his voice.

  "Daddy," I warned.

  "It’s okay," Conner responded with a smile, placating me. Conner and my dad were both the ultimate alpha males. Although Conner frustrated me at times, I understood his idiosyncrasies. Conner had a need to dominate and be in charge without flexing or raising his voice like the typical beta male. Conner cowered to no one. His mannerism and posture never left any doubt from those around him that he was in control, a leader, and not to be messed with. But tonight, Conner gracefully bowed out, letting my dad have the upper hand in his domain. I knew that this went against everything in Conner’s nature. I also knew that he did it for me.

  Helena huffed and narrowed her eyes at my dad, who began to slice into his steak as he continued, "You two have been all over television and the internet. Going to fancy parties, movie premieres, and rubbing elbows with politicians." He narrowed his eyes at Conner. The average man would have averted his eyes from my dad’s death stare, but not Conner. Conner’s face was a stony mask as he listened intently. "We didn’t raise Novalee to be a man’s trophy. To be used and paraded around by some rich white boy who’s looking for a thrill in some dark meat."

  Helena and I gasped. This was a new low. To be objectified by one’s own father. "Norris," Helena chastised. I was about to defend myself, to defend Conner, but Conner gently squeezed my hand, as if to say I got this. Helena’s fork dropped on her plate, but she didn’t dare interrupt the glowering staring match between our two men. Conner’s jaw ticked, and in a steely calm tone, he said, "If that’s what you think of your daughter, then you don’t know her at all."

  Dad’s fist slammed down on the table, causing our dinnerware to rattle. Helena and I flinched in our seats, startled by my dad’s charged temper. Conner didn’t fluster, just ever so slightly cocked his head to the side. "Mr. Dumont, I love your daughter very much," he said, his voice like the calm before the storm. With slow measure, he continued, "I was perfectly clear with you about what my intentions are with Novalee. Frankly, you can believe wh
at you want about me." Conner leaned forward, restrained fury in his eyes, "But what I won’t allow is for you to sit here and disrespect Novalee. You’re upsetting her." He said with a bitter smile, "I don’t take too kindly to someone upsetting her. You owe your daughter and your wife an apology."

  Helena and I looked between them both, not moving, and hardly breathing.

  Dad matched Conner’s calm fury. "Who in the hell do you think you’re talking to? This is my damn house. You may rule the whole goddamn world out there with your fucking undeserved privilege. But not here in my house. Not now, not ever."

  Dad rose from his chair, and Helena grabbed his arm. "Sit down, Norris. This has got to stop." He sat back down.

  Conner remained seated, his hand never leaving mine.

  "We’re done here," I said, rising from my chair. Conner quickly stood and pulled my chair out further for me.

  "No. Wait." Helena frantically looked around at all of us. "Let’s all calm down and talk about this. You two didn’t even touch your dinner. Please," she pleaded with me and then with Conner. She rose from her seat and came around to where we stood and clasped both our hands.

  "Thank you for your hospitality, ma’am." Conner smiled softly at her.

  Dad began to slice into his steak. "Let em’ go, Helena," he casually said without even sparing us a glance.

  "I’ll call you tomorrow, Helena. I’m sorry." I hugged Helena, who was on the verge of tears.

  Conner and I walked to the car in silence, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. In the distance, I could hear Helena shouting at my dad.

  "Let’s just go," I said, feeling defeated. Today had been a total bust.

  Conner opened the passenger door for me and embraced me tightly before rounding the car.

  Driving away from their property, Conner looked over at me with compassion in his eyes. "I’m so sorry, angel." He caressed my cheek with his hand and wiped a stray tear.

  "Me too. Let’s get out of here."

  "My place or yours?"

  I stared aimlessly out of the window and replied, "Yours."

  ∞∞∞

  LATER THAT NIGHT, WE soaked in Conner’s jacuzzi bathtub, my back against his chest. His long legs encircled mine. His arms were wrapped around my waist, and he leisurely brushed his fingers along my abdomen.

  The heaviness of the evening surrounded us and nearly suffocated me. I could literally feel waves of anxiety coursing through me. "There’s a reason why my dad is so overprotective." I snuggled back against his chiseled chest, comforted by the fact that I didn’t have to look him in the eye. "He feels guilty about what happened to me when I lived with Keisha." He wrapped his arms tighter around me.

  "I can understand that. He feels like he failed you. He did."

  "I don’t blame him. I blame myself for not speaking up sooner." I continued to face forward. I didn’t want to see the look on his face when I told him my deepest darkest secret. But I knew I had to spill it. I had been a hypocrite. Wanting him to open up to me, yet I had held on to the ugliest stain in my past.

  "You were just a child." I felt his breath on my neck as he said, "It’s not your fault." He placed a feather-light kiss to my shoulder blade.

  "It wasn’t just the beatings." I squeezed my eyes shut and practiced the breathing exercises that my therapist had taught me. "I was also…sexually abused…for months and never uttered a word to my dad."

  Conner’s hands stilled on my stomach before balling them into trembling fists. Breathe in, five, four, three, two one…breathe out. Breathe in, five, four, three, two one…breathe out. After a couple of moments into my silent breathing exercises, Conner hesitantly spoke. "Keisha sexually abused you?"

  I shook my head until the words were dislodged from my throat. "God, no. Keisha is a lot of things, but she’s not a pedophile. More like an accomplice." He unclenched his fists, but the tension in his body remained. I could feel the muscles in his arms flexing as they banded around me. "Her boyfriend, Raymond," I said through gritted teeth, "molested me for months." It was as if Conner stopped breathing. His rage was palpable, surrounding us, bouncing from him to me, and back to him. "It finally ended when she walked in on us and was forced to face it." I gathered my knees up to my chest and folded into myself. Conner leaned forward, the warm water sloshing around us, as he encompassed his arms around me, cocooning me with his body. "I had recently gotten my first period, and he didn’t want me to get pregnant. So, he…he would… make me put my mouth on him…down there." All these years later, I still couldn’t say in actual terms that he made me perform oral sex on him. My skin crawled from disgust, and I buried my face against my knees as memories of me choking on Raymond’s semen flitted through my mind.

  Conner gently leaned me back against him with the nudge of his hands around my shoulders. Fat tears streamed down my cheeks, which he wiped away with the pads of his thumbs. He didn’t attempt to turn me towards him. It was as if he knew that I couldn’t bear for him to see me like this. He only held me tight. "Where is he now?" he asked, his voice low and filled with controlled rage.

  "Dead. After I told my father, Raymond was arrested and sentenced to twelve years in prison. He was murdered in jail a short time after. His family accused my father of having something to do with his death, but I don’t know. Whatever happened was justice, as far as I’m concerned."

  "I hope it was slow. I would have made him suffer for what he did to you." I had no doubt.

  I crossed my arms around Conner’s arms as he held me tight. "So yeah, that’s why my mom hates me. Well, that’s one of the reasons why she hates me. When she found us together, she blamed me as much as she blamed him. It was as if she walked in on him cheating with some random woman, and not molesting her daughter."

  "I’m so fucking sorry that happened to you," he said barely above a whisper.

  I turned back to look at him. The anguish on his face, the pain in his eyes, cracked me wide open. A wave of emotions poured out of me that I had been able to keep at bay for years now. The water in the tub sloshed around us, as I turned completely to face him and wrapped my legs and arms around him. I pressed my forehead against his.

  "I love you so fucking much," he said as he ran his fingers through my hair and palmed my face. It felt as if he took my pain as his own, our jagged breaths in sync. We held each other tight as if we were each other’s anchors. "I got you, angel," he whispered before placing a gentle kiss on my lips. My tears streaked his face as our mouths met and our tongues stroked.

  We didn’t make love that night. Instead, we embraced under the covers until sleep overtook us both. By morning when we awoke, we caressed each other until we were breathless and intoxicated with desire. When I was slick with lust, and he was hard as steel, I straddled him and lowered myself onto him, oh so slowly.

  Chapter 15

  SINCE THE FAILED DINNER with my dad, I hadn’t returned to my apartment. I kept myself busy, working days, and napping in the early evenings until Conner arrived home from work. Helena called me daily to check on me. She told my dad about the pregnancy, but he had yet to reach out to me, or I to him.

  In an effort to cheer me up, Conner reached out to Fatima and suggested a girls’ night out. Fatima gladly accepted his offer and his credit card. She even invited Amy. After a couple of hours of shopping, we headed back to Conner’s place, where we were greeted by a staff of nine. They were all dressed in white, standing beside the pool with their arms crossed behind their backs. While we were pampered, Javier prepared an array of finger foods and drinks. Conner came home a couple of hours later to find us decked out in our bikinis, sipping on ice-cold beverages. He greeted us curtly before heading to his home office upstairs.

  "What’s up with him?" Amy asked, referring to Conner’s barely-there acknowledgment.

  I shrugged my shoulder. I knew that Amy wasn’t a fan of Conner’s and vice versa. The difference between the two was that Amy made her feelings crystal clear. Conner kept his opinions to himself, i
n respect for me. But I wasn’t blind. His feelings towards her were somewhere between indifference and irritation.

  "It’s not like Conner has ever been the warm and fuzzy type," Fatima commented with the casual flip of her hand. "So, what gives, Novalee? Are you doing a body cleanse or something?" Fatima took a sip of her sparkling wine, as we lay side by side on our lounge chairs.

  I shrugged, a sly smile on my lips. Sipping on my water, I focused straight ahead, looking out at the rows of mature trees beyond the pool.

  "Yeah, what gives, Novalee? You never turned down a cocktail," Amy commented from the other side of me. "You may want to add some abdominal exercises to your workout, though. Your stomach is protruding a bit. It’s not too bad, but it’s a far cry from the flat stomach you normally have."

  Met by my silence, both ladies sat upright and stared at me. "What?" I said, looking from side to side at both of them.

  "Something you wanna tell us?" Fatima said, lowering her sunglasses to the tip of her nose.

  Amy followed suit.

  "I didn’t want to say anything yet until after my appointment. But…I’m pregnant," I grinned. "Surprise, woohoo," I added, emotionless, due to their stunned reaction.

  "What?" Fatima finally shrieked, as she jumped up and almost tackled me in a hug. "Are you serious?"

  "As a heart attack." I winced from her tight hug. "Ouch. Enough, already," I teased.

  I looked over at Amy, who remained frozen, seemingly shocked into silence. She recovered quickly, once Fatima and I both looked at her expectantly. "Wow. That’s…news." She downed the rest of her wine before smiling tightly. "Wow," she said a bit more enthusiastically the second time around.

  I skeptically watched her, my smile and glee fading with her faltering expression. Fatima, who was beside herself with merriment, was already spouting off baby names and guessing the gender.

  ∞∞∞

  WE DECIDED TO GO for a swim to cool off from the heat. Afterward, we sat on the edge of the pool, our legs immersed underwater, nibbling on chocolate-covered strawberries.