“Okay?” Travis rasped in a whisper, barely a breath really, and Jersey responded by taking the last inch and their lips finally pressed together.
Jersey brought his hands up to rest on Travis’s chest, and Travis moved one hand down Jersey’s back, holding him as their lips explored for the first time. Since he was still resting against the pool table, he used the arm behind Jersey’s back to pull him in closer, and when their bodies came together, Jersey moved his arms down to grasp Travis by his hips. The action gave Travis a pretty good feel of the other boy’s arousal as he pressed in tight, fitting himself against Travis so the only thing separating them was their clothing.
Jersey parted his lips and teased the tip of his tongue over Travis’s lower lip and like a flash of heat, a spark ignited in Travis’s chest, sending waves of arousal through him. He’d never felt anything like the sensation that ran through his veins, and he groaned as he opened for Jersey, accepting his desire and wanting nothing more than to be closer to him.
Jersey took control of the kiss, and it went from innocent exploration to downright dirty in seconds. They grasped at each other, angling their heads for better access as hands roamed and felt and devoured what they could reach.
Travis had never been so shocked by his own actions and pure raw lust took over his brain. He moved his hands down Jersey’s back and cupped his butt, pulling him in tighter and moaned a sound in the back of his throat when he felt himself leak as their clothed lengths rubbed together. Jersey made a whimpering sound as Travis did it again, then he hauled Jersey up, lifting his feet off the ground, and spun them so Jersey was sitting on the edge of the table as Travis pressed into him. Jersey’s hands were everywhere and his legs wrapped around Travis, locking behind his butt. Travis had never been so hard in his life and as he plundered Jersey’s mouth, the other boy snuck his hand up between them and started unbuttoning Travis’s shirt.
Jersey removed his mouth and ran kisses and licks and nibbles all along Travis’s jaw and neck. He had several buttons undone, and his hand was rubbing over Travis’s abs through the gap he’d created. Travis held Jersey firmly in his embrace as they rubbed and rocked together. He’d never been so close to anyone and he’d definitely never been ready to come in his pants; every sensation and touch and sound was new and even more arousing.
“You can have me if you want me,” Jersey breathed into Travis’s ear and he followed it up with a lick and a nibble to his lobe.
The words took a few moments to register in Travis’s foggy brain, but they slowly penetrated and when he understood, the veil lifted and his blood chilled.
He stilled.
Jersey must have felt his reaction because he pulled back, searching Travis’s face.
“It’s okay, Trav,” he said, removing his hand from inside Travis’s shirt and cupping his cheek. “I know how close you are, and you can have me if you want.”
Travis felt a moment of disgust at himself for even considering Jersey’s offer, but it was gone as quickly as it came. In its place were shame and embarrassment.
He was such an idiot.
He took a step back, extricating himself from Jersey, who looked back at him in confusion.
Without even a word, he turned and left.
-VI-
It had been two days since the event had gone down at Jersey’s place.
Travis had hardly gotten into his truck before his phone had rung as he’d fled Jersey’s house. He’d known who it would be, so he’d ignored it and the next. When he’d gotten home, he’d had three missed calls and four text messages.
He’d been quiet at dinner, as well, and his parents kept looking at him like they wanted to ask but didn’t. When they’d suggested going out for ice cream at Sweet Dreams, Travis had declined and chosen to go for a walk alone instead.
He’d purposely left his phone at home, not wanting any interruptions or reminders burning a hole through his pocket and he’d wandered around with no real destination in mind, just thinking.
Later that night, when he’d finally looked at his phone, he’d not only had four messages from Jersey but he’d had one each from Josh and Cory.
Josh had wanted to know if it was okay for him to give Jersey Travis’s address, and Cory wanted to know why Jersey was asking in the first place. He ignored them both figuring Josh wouldn’t give out that information without his consent and moved his attention to the texts he’d avoided all evening.
And two days later, those texts still sat unanswered on his phone.
Travis had never felt so many emotions in his life. He was usually a pretty even-tempered guy who tended toward happy most of the time. Sure, he could get angry. Who couldn’t? Especially if his family was involved. More than once he’d had to cool himself off when he’d overheard people whispering about his sister or brother. But the emotions swirling around inside him over the last two days had left him tired and so confused.
Sure, he’d probably overreacted at Jersey’s house, but he’d been stunned by the moment. When Jersey had practically propositioned him right there in the game room, Travis had been floored.
So many things had crossed his mind and continued to cross his mind; he could hardly keep his thoughts still.
Did Jersey really think so little of both of them, to just offer up sex in the middle of his pool table? Travis had already confessed that he’d never touched anyone before, and just because they’d been having a bit of a heavy make-out session, did he really think Travis was just going to take him? Like one of those people who hung around the food sample carts at Costco, stuffing themselves just because the food was free? Could he really see Travis like that? Did he really see himself like that? They’d only met the week prior and only shared a few hours together. They may have hugged and danced and kissed a little, but was he really the type of guy to just offer himself up like that?
Plus, add in the fact that Travis had been so embarrassed he’d even let it get that far in the first place, and that had him feeling even more confused.
When Jersey had licked his lip that first time, it had been like adding gasoline to a single match. He’d gone from slow burning and uncertain to lust-drenched in moments. Travis had admonished himself countless times since then for his lack of control and willingness to just dive right in. He’d never reacted that way toward anything or anyone before, and his reaction scared him; it left him questioning himself in ways he never had before.
So he’d gone to work, and helped in the nursery, and even gone to the batting cages once just to burn off some steam while his mind processed what he should do.
He liked Jersey. He liked that he’d finally found someone he responded to. The guy was easy to talk to and get along with, they worked well together, and seemingly had great chemistry. But were they really good for each other if their reactions to one another were that combustible?
They needed to talk, and after Travis got off work, he drove toward Jersey’s house instead of his own.
Parking his truck in the circular drive, it seemed like much longer than only two days since he’d been there last.
He climbed the steps and pressed the doorbell, hearing the chime deep inside the house. He wondered how often people stopped by the place uninvited—probably not very many.
After about a minute of waiting, Travis figured no one was home and headed back to his truck. As he climbed in the driver’s side, he noticed someone moving around beyond the end of the driveway as it curved around the side of the house. He climbed back out of his truck and headed that way, figuring he could at least introduce himself and see when Jersey would be home. Texting him at that point felt like the coward’s way out.
As he approached and looked down the driveway, he did indeed see a very large sort of house that was disconnected from the main house but had large, barn-like doors that ran across the front of the two-story structure. It almost looked like a guest house or possible carriage house from way back when.
The older gentleman Travis had
seen must have noticed him approaching and came toward him with a smile on his face.
“Hello there. Can I help you, young man? You wouldn’t happen to be looking for my grandson would you?” the man rattled off, not giving Travis a chance to answer.
The man was nearly bald and maybe just a bit taller than Jersey, with white hair around his ears and a large white and gray mustache that danced when he spoke. He wore khaki pants and a matching shirt, and if he’d had a hat, he could have led a safari from the way he was dressed. But, he had a warm smile and a friendly outstretched hand as he approached.
“Hello, sir. I’m Travis, and yes, I’m a friend of Jersey’s, er, Michael’s,” Travis said, stumbling over what name his family used to call him.
The man waved off his flub. “Jersey’s fine. That’s what he prefers. His mother is the only one who still calls him Michael. Good to meet you, Travis,” he said as they shook hands. “I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you’re the same Travis that has my grandson moping about the place like a lost puppy these last few days.” He raised his white bushy eyebrows at him and Travis nodded.
“I guess that would be me, sir. We, ah, kind of parted on uncertain terms the last time I was over, and I just came by to see if he was around so we could talk things out.”
“Well, Travis. My name is Herald, and if you can do something about the lost boy who has replaced my feisty grandson, then I’d like to invite you to stay for dinner. The missus has been cooking all of Jersey’s favorites trying to rouse him from his funk, but I have a feeling he’ll eat better tonight if you boys patch things up.”
Travis nodded. “I’d like that, thank you, sir. I appreciate the offer. Is Jersey home?”
Herald nodded. “Last I saw he was sitting with a book by the pond. You know the way?”
“Yes, sir. May I go around back?”
“Of course. It was good to meet you, Travis. If things go well, which I suspect they will, I’ll see you at dinner.”
Travis tried for a smile and headed off around the back of the building.
The land surrounding the house was full of hedges, vines, and bushes that looked well tended and trimmed to perfection. Flagstone paths wound around leading off again, and maybe one day, Travis would get to explore the property a little further to determine where each path lead.
He passed the green room and a small seating area and saw the pond off behind the pool, so he headed that way.
As he neared the end of the pool, he saw Jersey sitting cross-legged on a large flat stone with a book in his lap. He sat at the edge of the pond with his soft brown hair, hanging like a curtain between them. He appeared to be staring off into the water, fiddling with a stick and clearly no longer interested in whatever he’d been reading.
His approach must have caught Jersey’s eye since he turned his head up to look over at his visitor.
There was a split second where Jersey looked like he might smile, but he seemed to temper the reaction immediately, and Travis watched as his eyes filled with tears. He didn’t look away, though, and when Travis sat down next to him, he scrambled up and into his lap, discarding his book carelessly. Travis wrapped his arms around Jersey’s small frame, holding him close.
Neither of them spoke for a long time as Travis rubbed soothing circles slowly across Jersey’s back, while Jersey sat with his forehead pressed against Travis’s neck and his arms curled up to his chest.
Travis’s phone chimed and startled them both as he adjusted to get it out of his pocket.
“My mom wants to know if I’ll be home for dinner,” Travis read off, and Jersey clutched his shirt in both fists, shaking his head. Travis replied and set his phone aside after silencing it. He rewrapped his arm around Jersey and spoke softly, figuring they should get things started.
“Can we talk about Wednesday?”
Jersey shook his head and burrowed closer.
Travis almost smiled, but given their circumstances, it just wasn’t there. “I’ll tell you what. If you talk to me about Wednesday, I’ll keep holding you, but if you don’t talk, then you need to sit alone back on your own rock. Deal?”
Jersey shook his head again and that time he moved up and wrapped his arms around Travis’s neck, holding on to ensure he wasn’t displaced. Their ears were pressed together and Travis could feel Jersey’s soft hair rubbing against his face and neck as he clung to him. That close, Travis couldn’t help but recognize how amazing he smelled.
“You know we need to talk, right? I probably shouldn’t have just walked out on you like that, and I’m sorry for that. I’m also sorry for letting things go so far. I should have had better self-control.”
Jersey shook his head again.
“No? I shouldn’t have had better self-control?”
Headshake. Jersey took one finger and pointed toward himself.
“You should have had better self-control?”
Head nod.
“You want to talk about that? Because I’m not really sure what to make of what happened. I’m both sad and slightly offended about what happened. I mean, I’d basically just confessed to you that I am beyond virginal and have literally never touched another person intimately before and minutes later we’re making out, then you’re propositioning me for sex, right there in the middle of your pool table. Gotta say I did not see that coming when I agreed to meet you for lunch.”
Jersey let go of Travis’s neck and sank down into his chest, curling up like a ball and burying his face in his arms.
Travis sighed. They were obviously not going to get anywhere if Jersey wouldn’t talk to him. “Fine. I can see we’re not ready to talk this out yet. I’m going to go ho—”
“No!” Jersey cried, sitting up straight and putting one hand on either side of Travis’s face. “I’m sorry, okay? Is that what you want? An apology? Well, I’m sure as fuck sorry.” He let go and scrambled up and out of Travis’s lap.
He barely had a moment to realize Jersey was no longer there before the man took off down a side path that led away from the pond and house.
He sat there, stunned again, by the man’s behavior. He’d just freaked when Travis said he was going to leave and then took off himself, leaving Travis sitting by the pond alone. It was hardly the time to enjoy the solitude of the place with its beautiful lily pads and softly burbling water, so he climbed to his feet and dusted off. If Jersey was going to act like a child and run away from discussing their rather adult problems, then maybe he wasn’t the guy Travis thought he was. With one last look toward the path Jersey had taken, Travis turned and headed back to his truck.
His phone rang, interrupting him from his dizzying thoughts, as he rounded the corner by the garage.
“If you wanted to talk to me, you shouldn’t have run off. I’m at your house to talk to you, not play games of who can be the biggest child.” He stopped walking and waited for a reply. “Jersey? If you don’t answer, I’m leaving.”
After a long pause, in which Travis could hear the other boy breathing and sniffling, he finally spoke. God, if Jersey was crying, Travis didn’t know what he would do. The man was a complete paradox.
“I can’t look you in the eye and tell you that I’m basically worthless to anyone unless they’re using me for sex, okay? You want to know why I never brought home any of the other boys I’ve seen? It’s because all I ever was to them, was someone to use. I’ve only ever dated older men who liked to get off on using some skinny twink as their plaything. So I’m sorry if I didn’t want to talk about it and I’m sorry if I offered myself to you out of habit and I’m sorry if you’re so disgusted with me now that you never want to see me again. But you know what I’m most sorry for? I actually really liked you. Like, for the first time, I met someone who was just nice and sweet and smart and happy and so fucking gorgeous that he would never want me unless I could offer him something in return. And then I had those dreams about you and I thought maybe they’re telling me something, huh? Maybe I should call you and see. And then I
go and screw it up, and now, you’re not going to want me anyway, because I’m pathetic and used and I can’t even face you to talk about this because I’m a coward and I don't know how to solve problems that don’t involve using sex as an answer. So now that you know I’m the type of person who seeks approval from older men through sex, you can leave, and you never have to see me again. I’ll always make sure to ask Josh who’s going to be there when we hang out because I know how awkward it will be to see each other after this, and of course, I know it’s all my fault.”
The line went dead.
What… the fuck… was that. Travis stared at his phone. He didn’t move. He didn’t blink. Hell, he probably didn’t even breathe. He just stood there, in complete and utter shock, trying to make sense of what Jersey had just confessed to him.
Of course he’d suspected the man had had sex before. Most eighteen or nineteen year olds had had sex. Travis was definitely in the minority of those who hadn’t, but to the extreme that Jersey was talking about? Travis couldn’t picture it.
His Jersey was quick-witted and thoughtful and sure he was sexy, but he was so obviously lonely and looking for someone to connect with, much like Travis was. And they had connected, even if it wasn’t sexually yet, they did have great chemistry, and companionship. And Travis’s heart and stomach clenched at the thought of dismissing all that they did have over that one thing. Okay, it wasn’t some small thing, but they could at least talk about it, couldn’t they? Decide together if that was something they could work through?
Travis couldn’t explain why, but he just felt like they shouldn’t dismiss what they were discovering in each other. Maybe he was being selfish since Jersey was the first person he’d ever felt more for and didn’t want to give that up yet. He’d only found the guy a few days ago and already they were being tested.
Was that all this was? Did Travis just need to man-up and accept that Jersey had had a past?
What if he expected those things from Travis, though? There was no way he could compare or compete with all that Jersey had already experienced. Hell, he’d only had his first kiss two days ago. But there was more to being boyfriends than just sex, wasn’t there?
Catalyst (Connectivity Book 2) Page 9