“Thanks, I think. Although I would have to say the feeling is entirely mutual. I’ve caught myself staring off into space thinking about him, more times than I’d care to admit, in the last week as well,” Jersey replied.
Travis pulled back. “Yeah?” he asked, looking down at his guy even though he knew his blush hadn’t faded yet. Jersey nodded looking back at him and Travis smiled. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Jersey’s lips. “I like that,” he whispered. It gave Travis a warm feeling in his chest to know his boyfriend had been thinking about him too.
When they looked back over at his family, everyone was smiling at them. It was a little awkward being the center of attention.
“Should we go inside?” Jersey asked and threw Travis a smile, apparently understanding or possibly feeling the same thing he’d just felt. Travis nodded and with everything gathered, they made their way up the short staircase and into the house.
Jersey gave a very brief tour as they passed through the house to the backyard.
The day before, they’d set everything up in the pool house so there wouldn’t be a lot of foot traffic going in and out of the main house. The pool house had a small kitchen, and of course, a bathroom, so everything they’d need would be easily accessible. They’d even blown up some toys and tested out the sound system that ran through some faux rock speakers around the area. Jersey had suggested they eat lunch on the patio and while they’d talked, they’d listened to some music from Jersey’s phone.
Once they had everything unloaded, Travis’s mother helped direct the flow of traffic to get everyone changed and then his dad helped Olivia with her sunscreen.
“Before I go swimming, can I give Jersey my picture, Dad?” Olivia asked. “I can see the pond and I really want to feed the fish. I don’t want him to forget that Travis said if I drew him a picture I could feed them. And I drew a picture for his grandparents, too, remember?” His sister danced from foot to foot in her excitement.
“I remember, Livi.” His dad looked their way. He and Jersey hadn’t changed yet since they were manning the door and still expecting Josh and Cory and their families. Travis nodded and Jersey did the same. “I think that would be a great idea. That way we can all enjoy your artwork for the day.”
Olivia squealed and scampered off to her bag. Jersey came over to stand beside Travis and laced their fingers together. Travis nudged Jersey’s shoulder and when he looked up at him, he dropped a quick kiss to his lips. Jersey smiled, and a moment later, his sister was back with her drawing.
“I drew this for you, so I could feed your fish. That’s you and me and I didn’t know what your pool looked like, but that’s us swimming.” Olivia pointed everything out to Jersey as he held the picture in his hand. “That’s Travis standing by the edge. At first, I wasn’t going to draw him because I wanted it to be just us, but then I added him later, because he’s your boyfriend and my brother, and did you see the flowers I drew? I didn’t know your favorite color, but my favorite color is pink, so I made all the flowers pink. Do you like it? Can I feed your fish now?”
Everyone laughed as they listened to Olivia ramble on about her picture. It was definitely a child's picture. There was a square pool, colored in with blue crayon, and two stick-figures stood in the water. The surrounding area was colored green with lots of pink flowers, and one lonely stick-figure stood at the edge of the pool.
“Thank you so much for the drawing, Olivia,” Jersey said, smiling down at his sister. “This is really special. I’ll have to find just the right place to hang it up in my room.” Olivia beamed at him. “And, yes, you can most definitely feed the fish. Although, I thought we might wait until everyone got here so they can all go and watch, too. What do you think?”
Olivia thought about it for all of two seconds before she nodded. “Okay. Then everyone can watch me and see that I got to feed the fish before Travis did.” She grinned at Travis and he laughed, giving her a one-armed hug.
Jersey’s phone chimed and Travis took the picture so he could check his text.
“Josh and Cory are here. I’m going to go let them in,” he told Travis. Turning his attention to Olivia, he replied, “Once everyone is here you can feed the fish, okay?” His sister beamed and nodded and his parents moved in to help her get ready for swimming.
Jasmine and Edgar had changed during their exchange, and as Jersey left, Travis showed them where the pool toys and rafts were being stored. Jasmine helped Olivia select a favorite ring and Edgar chose a raft. He’d said over breakfast that he hadn’t been feeling great but still wanted to come and check out Jersey’s place. Travis suspected he was just going to lay low and work on his tan. His brother's skin was already a mild brown color, but if he got lots of sun during the summer, as he had last summer, it could turn a really dark shade that made him look much more his Latin American heritage.
When his parents re-emerged from changing their clothes, they all stepped outside and saw Jersey headed their way, with Josh and Cory trailing behind, holding hands and chatting with Jersey.
They waved in greeting and when the couple was close enough, hugs were passed around.
Travis’s family all congratulated the pair on their marriage and the amazing, albeit unlikely, fact that they’d even found each other. His parents asked several questions about their Connection and how they were handling their bonding period. Cory and Josh chatted amiably and Travis forced himself to ignore the sadness that threatened to take over his mood. Cory and Josh were great friends and they deserved better than someone who would sulk everytime they were around them.
As the two couples chatted, Travis focused his attention on his sisters and brother, who had taken to the water, and were playing around happily. Olivia was giggling and holding onto her ring. She was old enough, and advanced enough with her swimming, that she didn’t need the ring, but when she was in a pool just for fun, like most kids, she loved inflatables.
Edgar lounged quietly in the deep end and had one foot hanging off the side of his raft, that he used to steer himself around.
“Hey,” Jersey said, coming up to Travis then and placing his hand on his bicep. “Josh’s and Cory’s parents are here. I’m going to go let them in. Be right back, okay?” He leaned up to press a quick kiss to Travis’s lips. Travis watched him walk away, thinking they could finally get changed themselves and imagined Jersey in his swim trunks. Maybe if they ever swam alone, Travis could convince Jersey to wear something smaller and slightly more European. His guy in some swim briefs brought to mind all kinds of things, and Travis found himself quite glad he hadn’t changed yet, because he knew he’d embarrass himself with the way his body began to respond to that idea.
A small splash of water brought his focus back to the pool, and he realized his parents had joined his siblings in the water. Cory and Josh were no longer visible and Travis figured they’d gone into the pool house to change.
As Travis waited for the rest of their guests, he pulled up a chair and smiled at seeing his family goofing off. He wondered about what Ruben was doing then, and that got him thinking about how long it had been since they were all together. Travis missed his older brother and looked forward to any time they were able to spend together.
While he had the thought, he quickly pulled out his phone and shot off a text. Sometimes texting was all they managed for weeks, and even though Ruben still lived relatively close by, some communication was better than none. After another minute, when his brother hadn’t replied, he pocketed his phone and sat back, waiting for his guy to return and their day to get underway.
When Jersey finally emerged from the house, he had Cory’s and Josh’s families, as well as his own mother, all chatting as they made their way over to the poolside. Josh and Cory came out of the pool house as well, and greetings and hugs were passed around.
Travis made the introductions between his family and Susan, and his parents graciously thanked her for allowing them use of the pool. Susan waved them off, saying how she was
glad to finally have a reason for so many people to gather there at all. Travis wrapped his arm around Jersey’s waist and kissed his head at the insinuation that they’d both been lonely longer than they’d cared to be.
With everyone finally settling in and taking seats around the pool, Jersey and Travis headed in to change.
“I was thinking,” Travis baited, trying to get Jersey to ask for more.
“Yeah? What were you thinking about?” His guy didn’t disappoint. They were each getting their swim gear out of their respective bags and Travis turned to Jersey.
“I was thinking about you in a Speedo.”
Jersey’s eyes went wide, but then a slow grin formed on his lips. “You naughty little boy. You want me to go out there in front of all our parents in basically my underwear? What were you going to be wearing, huh?” he waggled his eyebrows at Travis and they both snickered.
“I don’t mean right now. I was just thinking if we ever swim alone—just us. I would definitely be on board with wearing less clothing if we were doing it together. You’d look all kinds of sexy in a skimpy little suit, with your hair and body all wet.” Travis realized he needed to stop the mental images that played in his mind or he would never be able to get into his board shorts. But, Jersey had other plans and came over to him, already knowing how Travis would respond to those thoughts.
His man never touched him but crowded into his space with a seductive look and his hair falling over his eyes. Jersey fluttered his eyelashes and licked his sinful lips, teasing him. He purred his next words into Travis’s ear. “You wanna see me all wet, baby? You want me dripping for you, wearing only a tiny little scrap of fabric and have me all to yourself so no one gets to see what’s yours?” Travis’s mind stalled out and his heart rate kicked into overdrive. He’d gone from teasing his boyfriend with a slight chub, to hard as a rock, in the span of a few sentences. He stared down at the temptress calling to him and could feel his breath coming in shallow puffs of air as it escaped his lips.
Jersey pressed in closer and rubbed his cheek along Travis’s, still not quite close enough that their bodies touched. He flicked his earlobe with his tongue and whispered one word that set Travis’s blood on fire. “Tonight.”
Travis swallowed at the suggestion in Jersey's voice.
Jersey pulled back, and with a heated look, grabbed his swim trunks, and sashayed to the bathroom door. Before disappearing from view, he looked over his shoulder from behind the curtain of his hair and said one last thing that resonated in Travis’s mind. “Think of me.” And he shut the door, leaving Travis achingly hard and rooted to the spot.
~
After the world’s longest pool party and afternoon, they’d finally finished tidying up and grabbed the last of their things to take into the main house.
The party had gone off without a hitch. Everyone swam and ate the food they’d prepared. Olivia had finally gotten to feed the fish, but since Herald and Barbie were out for the day, Edgar had never gotten to see any cars.
Travis couldn’t have cared less about most of it. Yes, he’d enjoyed his time with his friends and family, but the looks Jersey kept throwing his way had Travis spending most of his time under the cover of the pool water or a towel. He’d had to take a cold shower in the pool house before changing, just to make himself presentable at the start of the party.
He found himself exceedingly glad that everyone had gone home and he could just let his mind wander again.
Jersey dropped the last of the food in the kitchen and Travis followed him with their bags. As they headed upstairs to Jersey’s room, Travis felt a mild case of nerves set in.
He’d been thinking about Jersey’s comments for hours, but once they were alone, would they just get right to it? What had Jersey even meant when he’d said “tonight”? Did he mean Travis would get to see him in some tight briefs or had he meant more? Was he already wanting to step up their relationship to the next level? Was Travis even ready for that? Sure, he’d been turned on beyond belief earlier, but maybe because he’d asked to stay the night, Jersey had thought that was code for wanting sex.
“No, we’re not having sex tonight,” Jersey said.
Travis looked up, startled. Had he been thinking out loud?
“Your forehead was all scrunched and your eyes looked like they were a million miles away. Maybe also the fact that you basically turned into a statue the second you stepped through the door.” He gestured to Travis’s position. “I figured something was on your mind.”
Travis had his arms curled around their bags, and apparently, he’d stopped moving. He’d taken maybe two steps inside the door but his feet were rooted to the ground while Jersey had already kicked off his flip-flops and was sitting on the edge of his bed.
“Sorry,” Travis said and consciously moved over to deposit their things on the bed. He kicked off his own shoes and sat next to Jersey.
Jersey studied him for a moment. “I know I got a little down and dirty with the suggestive behavior earlier.” He sighed and dropped his gaze to his lap, folding his hands between his thighs and hunching his shoulders. “I’m not very good at this, huh? I keep rushing and jumping the gun, treating what we have like I have other things in the past. I know I said I’d try not to do that and I’d try to make what we have different, but old habits, I guess. I’m sorry. I know you were just playing and being sweet, thinking about me like that. Then I went right into the default mode of dialing it up from a four to a nine.” He shook his head and looked away, his hair shading his face from Travis’s view. “I didn’t mean to freak you out by suggesting or making it sound like I meant we would be having sex. I know we’re not ready for that yet.” He turned his head back toward Travis but still kept his gaze down on his lap.
Travis reached over and pulled Jersey’s left hand out from between his thighs and laced their fingers together. One corner of Jersey’s mouth hitched up slightly but he still seemed melancholy.
“Hey,” he said softly and his boyfriend lifted his gaze. “I don’t think we’re ready for sex yet either, but that doesn’t mean we can’t tease and play around. I thought our relationship was past all this self-doubt and blame. I don’t want you feeling like you need to second guess everything you say. I want you to be who you are.”
Travis paused before continuing on, not sure how his boyfriend would take this next bit. “I’ll admit the first time we met, you seemed like a different person than you do now. More confident maybe? I can't really put my finger on what the difference is, but you seemed like you were so insightful and proud,” Travis said, shrugging. “I was blown away listening to you talk at the bachelor party. Then we spent the day chatting as we got things ready for the wedding… We seemed really compatible, I thought. But, I dunno. Now? Things feel different, I guess. You always seem to be apologizing for something. I just want to spend time with you and get to know you. The real you. It seems like you put up this front whenever other people are around, but with me, you always seem like you’re tripping over your words or actions. You seem so vulnerable. Like you’re not sure if I’m going to like you if you show me who you really are. I don’t want that, sweetie,” Travis said, rubbing his thumb along Jersey’s, as he held his hand.
Jersey nodded solemnly, looking down at his lap again.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Travis asked just to clarify.
Jersey shrugged but didn’t answer.
Travis nudged his chin up with his free hand but Jersey still wouldn’t meet his gaze.
“Why won’t you talk to me, Michael? I want to see you.” Travis hoped the use of Jersey’s real name would draw his attention and get a reaction.
Jersey’s eyes snapped up. They stared at each other for a beat and as Travis looked over the face he’d grown so fond of, Jersey’s eyes watered and tears threatened to fall. He wrapped his arms his boyfriend and Jersey buried his face in Travis’s shoulder.
Not really understanding what had affected his guy so much, he tried to
offer the best comfort he could by rubbing Jersey’s back and smoothing his hand over the back of Jersey’s head, cradling him close.
Jersey wasn’t openly crying but as the position became strained, he moved himself up and curled into Travis’s lap, hugging him around his waist. Travis secured his arms around Jersey’s smaller frame and just held him. Whatever had been going on in his mind, seemed to be weighing him down, and Travis would be there to help him cope any way he was able.
After several minutes, Jersey pulled his arms back into his own chest and turned a little so he was sitting slightly sideways in Travis’s lap. Neither of them said anything, but Travis got the feeling his boyfriend was deep in thought and mulling things around in his head.
Clearing his throat, Jersey finally managed to loosen his stiff position. “I’ve never liked anyone the way I like you,” he said softly and Travis gave him a reassuring squeeze, hoping he would continue. After another moment, he did. “I’ve never really let myself be close to anyone, aside from Josh, but even he doesn’t know most of what goes on in my life. And I’ve always liked it that way. He’s my best friend, but he doesn’t need to know every detail about who I really am. I guess that’s why I’ve been struggling so much with you,” Jersey murmured, picking at some invisible spot on his shorts. “I’m trying to balance who I think I am, and who I think I’ve been, with who you want me to be, and who I show to the world. I’m always walking a tightrope and trying not to show the wrong person the wrong thing. Half the time I’m not even sure which side of me is real.”
Jersey sighed and moved his ministrations to Travis’s shirt, fiddling with a fold of cotton between his fingers. “I’d like to be me, Travis. But I’m worried that person is a little lost. There are aspects of me that I know are solid, but other things seem so transient and fleeting—I don’t really know if they’re me or just the me I’d like to be. Does that make sense?”
Catalyst (Connectivity Book 2) Page 15