by A. E. Radley
New Beginnings
Carrie gestured to the number on the door. “Home, sweet home!”
The set of keys shook in Kate’s hand. She couldn’t believe she was about to open the door of her own apartment. It had only been a few days before when Carrie had called her and advised that she’d pulled a few strings and had managed to get her accommodation. She’d rushed over to the council offices on her lunch hour to meet with Carrie and work her way through the necessary paperwork.
Now, she held the keys in her trembling hand.
“It’s a lovely hallway,” Carrie joked. “Maybe we should have a look inside now?”
Kate chuckled. “This all feels so surreal. I’ve been waiting for this for so long, and now it’s here, I don’t quite believe it.”
“That’s the problem with dreams coming true. We’re too busy assuming the worst to actually enjoy them.”
Kate took a deep breath, put the key in the lock, and opened the door. She took a hesitant step inside and looked around. Never before had an empty, poorly decorated room ever looked so beautiful to her. The peeling paint and the scuffed doorframe just added to the charm and gave her a project to work on.
She walked into the kitchen and marvelled at a sink, a cooker, and even a microwave to call her own. These were all things she’d taken for granted in her previous homes, but not anymore. Now she would be truly grateful for everything she had.
Further exploration revealed a small living room, a bedroom, and a bathroom. Everything she needed. More than she needed.
She began to realise her cheeks were aching with a wide grin that she couldn’t control.
“Happy?” Carrie asked, smiling in return.
“Ecstatic,” Kate breathed. “But promise me no one is missing out because I have this place. There are so many people who have a greater need than me.”
“Kate, you are a high-risk person,” Carrie said firmly. “A single woman who only has a home in the evening—only if a small shelter continues to find funding to remain open and happens to have room for you. Your social worker should have placed you months ago.”
Kate felt her cheeks heat in a blush. “I might have not pushed as hard as I could have. I was okay on the streets. I mean, it wasn’t fun or anything. But when you see how some other people are living—”
“You’ve been lucky so far. If that shelter closed permanently, and they sometimes do, what would you have done?”
The thought had crossed Kate’s mind in the past. The shelter was a lifeline. A very unstable one.
“I’ve worked with homeless charities,” Carrie explained. “You’re a typical case of someone who ended up homeless and lost their self-esteem. You look around and think that everyone else’s needs come above yours. But that isn’t the case, Kate. You’re important, and you earned this. All I did was rattle some cages and get you what you should have been given a long time ago.”
Kate knew she’d not been pushy with the council during her weekly meetings. She remembered sitting there and accepting everything they’d said about housing shortages and people in greater need. Eventually, it had become the norm. Kate didn’t ever expect to get a home from them.
Carrie was as ruthlessly efficient as Selina but kind and warm with it. Kate had instantly taken a liking to her, which had been hard, as everything in her was telling her that she’d befriended Selina’s mortal enemy. She had to remind herself that Selina had encouraged this business agreement.
Carrie Lane was now her boss and fast becoming a good friend. Selina was fading into her past, whether she liked it or not.
“You’re right,” Kate agreed.
She looked around the room. Her bedroom. She started to think of all the things she needed to do in order to get the place habitable. Luckily, she’d earned two days’ paid holiday during her time at Addington’s and was technically on annual leave. The money in her savings account would just be able to cover the essentials as well as bills and food for the next month until her new, and much higher, pay came through.
“Can I help you with anything else?” Carrie asked. “I don’t have a meeting for another two hours, so if you need anything?”
Kate shook her head. “No, you’ve already done so much. Thank you. I’ll be okay. I think I’ll probably just spend the next hour walking around the apartment in a daze anyway.”
Carrie chuckled. “Very well, I’ll see you in two days. If you need anything in the meantime, you have my number.” She stepped forward and wrapped Kate in a hug.
Kate returned the hug, grateful for the contact and the new boss and friend she had acquired. Carrie was very maternal in her mannerisms; Kate had noticed this in the way she interacted with staff at the charity when she went for her interview. It was going to be a very different environment to working with Ivor, something which she was looking forward to.
“Rightio, I’m off. Let me know if you need anything,” Carrie said. “I’ll see myself out!”
Kate said goodbye, and a few seconds later she heard the front door close.
She slowly walked from room to room, taking everything in. Tiny cracks in the wall, the new carpet in the hallway, the bathroom which had recently been scrubbed spotless, and the window in the sitting room which needed a little TLC.
The apartment had quirks that she already loved.
She sat on the floor and leaned back against the wall. It felt good to sit on soft, warm ground. To not feel the wind whipping her hair against her face. To be protected from the elements.
All the things she had once taken for granted and then lost were now back in her life. She vowed to not be so careless in ignoring them in the future. A roof over her head was a luxury she hadn’t understood before.
She smiled and let out a small chuckle.
All of this had started by her rejecting Selina’s offer of a free cup of coffee. If she’d accepted that drink, what would have happened? Would Selina have been so determined to force gratitude of some kind from Kate? Would she now be working for Selina’s ex-wife? Probably not. If she’d taken that drink and said nothing more, she would have probably never embarked on the journey that followed.
The smile left her face as she thought about saying goodbye to Selina. It had been a hard goodbye, harder than all the rest at Addington’s. This was probably because she expected more from Selina, but Kate always knew in her heart that she’d only ever receive a professional handshake and the usual speech.
Kate wanted to believe that she was more to Selina than just another member of the post room. They’d talked, shared jokes, and Kate had continued to give Selina advice on how to deal with awkward people. Advice which usually consisted of Kate suggesting that Selina be a little nicer. Advice which Selina took on board and later begrudgingly agreed had helped.
Selina was impossible to read. Kate thought they had some kind of a connection. They were not quite friends, not really work colleagues, but… something. After all, Selina had spent a night looking for her after Abigail had kicked her out. Kate had stayed in her guestroom. And Selina had gotten her the job in the post room, ensuring she was in employment, nearby, under the watchful eye of an adorable grandfather figure.
All things Selina didn’t have to do, but did.
Selina wasn’t what most people would consider kind and generous. She was harsh and pragmatic. And yet, she went out of her way to help Kate.
It had been less than a day, and Kate already found herself missing Selina. Which was odd because there had been plenty of weeks at Addington’s where Kate didn’t see Selina for days on end.
This was different. She was no longer in the same building, just a few floors away.
“This isn’t getting you anywhere,” Kate told herself.
She stood up and stretched. The mystery of Selina would have to wait, possibly to never be solved.
At that moment, Kate needed to go shopping and get her new apartment in order.
The Final Straw
Kate wiped away the previous week
’s figures from the whiteboard. She pulled the cap off the whiteboard pen with her teeth and wrote in the new date. Behind her she could hear the sound of her team taking phone calls. If she focused for long enough, she could pick out individual conversations, accents, vocal patterns, things she’d gotten to know since starting work at Parbrook Age Support three weeks before.
As a senior operator, she’d been given a lot of responsibility and in return had a voice to help shape the direction of the company.
One of the first things she had implemented was the whiteboard.
Every week she updated vital stats with call numbers, answer rates, and a satisfaction score. She wanted the team to know where they were and how they were performing. She remembered that when she first started at her old call centre, it had been helpful to see that her role was part of a bigger picture. To understand that when they worked together, they could achieve great things.
Carrie entered the office, laden down with folders and bags as usual.
“How did it go?” Kate asked.
“Great, we’ve secured the extra funding, so the next step is to start thinking about more staff,” Carrie said. She paused by Kate and looked around the office. “We’ll need more desks.”
“We have the extra phone lines already,” Kate explained. “I got those ordered when David was here last week. And we can rent more headsets, so that shouldn’t be too expensive.”
“You’re an angel,” Carrie said. “Drop me an email with numbers, and we can have a chat in our meeting tomorrow. Right now, I think I’m late.”
Kate looked towards the boardroom where three people from another charity had been waiting a few minutes for Carrie’s arrival. Luckily, most people who knew Carrie knew that she was never, ever on time.
“We got them tea and coffee. They said they didn’t mind waiting,” Kate said.
“Wonderful, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Carrie tapped her arm as she brushed past her and into the boardroom.
“No problem,” Kate called out. She turned her attention back to the piece of paper in her hand and started adding numbers from the sheet to the whiteboard.
As she looked at the date, her mind started to drift. She pictured where she was a month before, and then a month before that, and then another month in the past. Things had changed rapidly for her over the last couple of years.
If anyone had ever told her about the train of events that would lead her to where she was, she’d never have believed them. Would have been terrified to even consider it.
She finally felt settled again. She had a job she adored, and the people she worked with were fast becoming friends. Her small apartment was starting to take shape, and she had big plans to make it into a cosy home.
She jumped at the sound of the door swinging open. It cracked loudly against the wall. Kate recalled the last time a door had cracked so loudly. She pictured Abigail’s furious and tear-stained face. Her heart beat fast and she spun around.
Selina stood in the doorway, eyes darting around the room in fury. “Where is she?” she demanded.
Kate put her paperwork and pen on her desk and approached Selina. Members of the team were looking up, still taking calls but watching what was happening. They were probably wondering if they needed to take action regarding the mad woman who had just stormed into their office.
“She’s in a meeting,” Kate explained.
She hadn’t seen Selina since she’d said goodbye to her in her office. This was hardly how she’d pictured their reunion.
“I want to see her, immediately,” Selina said. She attempted to walk around Kate.
Kate sidestepped and blocked her path. “You can’t. It’s an important meeting. You should call her.” Her anger was rising. Selina couldn’t even be bothered to say hello to her.
Selina waved a sheet of paper in Kate’s face. Kate didn’t have a chance to read the contents, but she didn’t need to. She knew already. Carrie had been honest about how the divorce was progressing, or not progressing as the case was.
“I have been summoned to court,” Selina rasped.
“I’m aware. You couldn’t ignore Carrie forever. She was obviously going to have to do something,” Kate said. She’d lowered her voice and hoped Selina would do the same.
“I’ve been far too busy to deal with this ridiculous matter! And now this?”
Kate sighed. “I think you’ve been ignoring it. As you have been since before I met you.”
“How dare you,” Selina hissed. “This is nothing to do with you.”
“No, how dare you!” Kate stepped into her personal space. “You could have found time, but you’re so damned obsessed with getting to the thirteenth floor that you push everything else to the side. I have news for you, Selina. You’re not too busy. You’re just pig-headed.”
“You don’t know me,” Selina argued. “As if you have a clue what I’m going through.”
“No, I don’t. I wish I did, but you’re so focused on one goal that you don’t see when people around you want to have a simple conversation with you. You just want that promotion so you can hang out with the other board members and screw everyone else. Never mind the little people, right? But in the meantime, you’re burning every bridge you’ve ever created, and now you’re alone and miserable.”
“This is absolute rubbish,” Selina scoffed.
Kate noted that she hadn’t replied in her usual manner. There was no acerbic comeback, no witty comment. Selina seemed off-kilter, and Kate knew why. She was right.
“I have plenty of people in my life. Plenty!” Selina argued.
“No, you don’t. Your sister doesn’t know what to do with you. She tries, but you make it such hard work that it won’t be long before she gives up. Your ex has to file a court motion just to get you to grant her freedom. Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot. You have a cat. But that’s it.”
Selina’s eyes flashed with anger and… sadness?
Kate almost felt guilty.
Almost. She was too angry for the real thing.
Her back-and-forth relationship with Selina was such a mystery that she didn’t know where she stood. There had been times when she’d really believed that she had something with the older woman, some kind of friendship, but then Selina had quickly put that thought to rest with her behaviour. Selina, who never even checked in to see how she was. Selina, who wanted nothing but gratitude for her own good deeds when they first met. Selina, whom she just couldn’t fathom. Selina, who pushed all her buttons and more.
“So, you’re an expert on me now? I take it Carrie had poisoned your mind against me.” Selina folded her arms defensively across her chest.
Kate laughed bitterly. “Actually, no. Carrie hasn’t said anything nasty about you at all. The only time she talks about you, she’s actually quite complimentary. I’m saying this because I know you. Because I’m the person who had to tell you to pretend to give a damn about people in order for them to not treat you like dirt. The basic principle of any relationship: be a nice person. Or at least pretend to be one.”
There was no guessing the look in Selina’s eyes. Hurt. This time Kate did feel guilty; she’d gone too far.
“I can see there’s nothing else to be said here,” Selina said. She straightened and stared at Kate for a moment before she spun around and left as quickly as she’d arrived.
Kate took a second to catch her breath. She’d been so furious that her heart had been thudding against her ribcage and her breath had been coming in short pants.
She had no idea where the eruption of anger had come from. She wanted to run after Selina and apologise but she knew the damage had been done.
“Dammit, Kate,” she muttered to herself.
Probation Over
It was the end of the day on her thirtieth day of employment at Parbrook Age Support. Kate thought it had been going well, but that didn’t stop her from being nervous. She was due to have a meeting with Carrie to discuss whether she had passed her probationary
period, and she was full of dread.
Her knee had been bouncing uncontrollably for the last two hours, and she’d skipped lunch altogether as her stomach roiled.
She cast her mind back to every little thing that had gone wrong since she started. Somehow, she couldn’t think of a single improvement she’d made, even though she knew there were many. Her mind was a complete blank; all she could think of were negatives.
What was supposed to be a casual glance at an online jobs board had turned into creating an account and favouriting a few positions she thought she might be able to do.
Just in case.
“Kate?”
She looked up. Carrie was leaning around her office door. She looked apologetic.
It was then that Kate realised it was six o’clock, half an hour after the office had technically closed. She was the only person still in the call centre.
“Sorry, the call went on and on,” Carrie apologised. “Are you ready?”
Kate nodded and dragged herself out of her seat. She hadn’t remembered saying goodbye to anyone; she hoped she’d done it on autopilot. Most of the day was a blur. As the time of her meeting had grown closer and closer, her nerves had taken over.
“Sit down.” Carrie gestured to the spare chair in the cramped office.
Carrie’s office was the only private area, outside of the kitchen and the boardroom, in the company. It was a small space, with just enough room for a couple of filing cabinets, a desk, and two chairs. As usual, it was full of clutter and paperwork. Carrie was efficient, but she wasn’t tidy.
“So, how do you think this last month has gone?” she asked.
Kate wanted to laugh. She had no idea. Yesterday she would have said that everything was looking great. Today, her self-confidence had taken a long-term vacation and had turned off its phone.
“Good?” Kate half-asked.
Carrie chuckled. “Are you asking me or telling me?”